What I've Done
Disclaimer: Not mine. Damn it.
A/N: Please listen to What I've Done by Linkin Park. I think it fits Ranger's mood well this chapter. Thank so much to everyone that has reviewed this story. I have fallen behing on responding to each of the reviews but please know that each and everyone of them mean the world to me. This is the third reward for the Feb. challenge on B_S. Great Job Ladies. Thanks to Angie and Jen for looking over this chapter for me.
Chapter 3 -
Ranger's POV
I hated what I was about to do. The idea of calling him, asking him for help, made me feel physically ill. But, the possibility that he could help me find her outweighed all my misgivings. Her disappearance made me put my pride on the shelf. I dialed his number and he answered on the first ring. "Morelli."
"It's Manoso. I'm at Steph's." I had to pause, my brain fighting the words I needed to say. "She's gone."
"What do you mean she's gone? How do you know?"
What do I tell him? She loved us and she left so we can be happy without her? She left because I'm an ass that can't admit my love without qualifying it? "She left us each a note."
"I'll be there in ten."
I shut the phone and looked around the room, as memories of her, of us, flooded my mind. I stood in the doorway of her bedroom and looked at the chair where I'd sat so many nights, and at the bed … the bed where I held her, where I loved her. My heart sank when my eyes came to rest on my SEALS' hat residing on her pillow.
I placed it on my head, where it would stay until I could return it to her. I picked up her pillow and inhaled deeply, allowing her scent to seep inside me; needing these connections to her, like a man in physical pain yearned for relief.
Necessity forced me to set the pillow aside before I lost what little sense of balance I had left. I could tell that she was traveling light. Most of her belongings still inhabited their rightful place.
I made my way to her dresser, pulling open each drawer to scan for missing items. I prayed that the missing objects would hold a piece of the puzzle to tell me where she'd gone. My heart skipped as I pulled open my drawer, as I liked to call it. The space I knew she kept my t-shirts and a pair of my boxers.
A smile spread across my face when I saw that my clothes were missing. The knowledge that she took these little pieces of me with her made my heart swell. I would focus on the knowledge that she loved me, and use that information to sustain me while I searched for her. She belonged with me, and I vowed to find her.
Making sure my blank face was in place, I walked out of her bedroom seconds before Joe arrived. He came in and gave me a brief nod before picking up his letter. I watched him closely and could see anger building as he read the words on the page. He looked up when he finished the letter, his jaw clinched tight.
"That's it, I'm done. I want her found, but I can't do this to myself anymore. I'll call Carl and Big Dog; ask them to help you with anything you need." He looked down once again at his letter, his anger obviously getting the better of him. "I didn't … She never … It's you, isn't it?" he paused, seeming to try to reign in his emotions.
I had no answer for him. I had no idea what she'd said to him. Did he know it was my fault she left? Did he know that she loved me?I kept my blank face firmly in place, refusing to acknowledge his question.
"You already knew about all of this, didn't you?" He threw his letter at me before walking out and slamming the door. He'd walked away. In that moment, he made the decision to give up on all his hopes and dreams with Stephanie. I looked down at his letter and began to read.
*******
Dear Joe,
I'm sorry to leave this way. It seems like the only way for me to leave without causing everyone more pain. I've screwed everything up. I realized that I'm not being fair to you and that you deserve better. Joe, you deserve the 'Burg lifestyle that you so desperately want. As long as I'm here, you'll never find that.
When I came to the realization that I can't change into what you want me to be, I figured out some things about myself. The words that I'm going to say are going to hurt you. Please know that causing you pain has never been my intent. I love you. I'm just not in love with you. I figured out that I'm in love with someone else. Unfortunately, leave it me to fall in love with someone that can't, or doesn't, love me back.
Joe, I tell you constantly that I don't want to remarry and that I have no desire to settle down. Yet you push that lifestyle on me. Pushing me to do stuff has never worked out well for anyone and, for you especially, it backfired. You pushed me to settle down, and instead of pulling me into your embrace, you pushed me into the arms of another.
You keep telling me to choose and, well, I did. I chose the option that I hope will be the best for all parties involved. This option will allow you both time to move on with your lives without me here to screw anything up.
Please don't look for me. Please don't be mad at me. I need for you both to be happy and that won't happen as long as I'm here. All my trackers and my cell are in my car in the parking lot outside.
Goodbye,
Stephanie
*******
I looked up from the letter and pulled my gun. "Shit, Tank! Make some damn noise." Fucker, I knew he did that shit on purpose.
He smirked. "Need to be more…"
"Shut the hell up. If you know what's good for you, you won't finish that sentence."
"So what's got Morelli in such a friendly mood? I passed him in the hallway, and he looked like he was contemplating murder."
I handed him both letters and waited.
"God damn it, Carlos. I told you to fix this shit months ago. Now, look what you've gone and done. She thinks that she's ruined everyone's life. If that wasn't bad enough, she's run away and you have no idea where she's at."
"Tell me something I don't know," I yelled in frustration. "She tried to tell me the other night. I knew that something was wrong. She was drunk, so I figured that she didn't know what she saying."
"What the fuck? You know just as well as I do that if she was drunk, she was more likely to be telling you the truth. What happened?"
"She kept trying to get me to sleep with her. She was crying, saying that I didn't understand. She said she loved me."
Tank took a step towards me and punched me in the face.
"What was that for?" I asked while rubbing my jaw.
Tank ran his hand over his bald head. "I swear to God when we find her, if you don't get your shit together, I'm going to kick your ass and run away with her myself. Between you and the cop playing tug of war with her emotions, it's no wonder she finally cracked."
"Are you going to help me find her, or are you going to continue to bitch at me, telling me what a screw up I am?"
He gave me a look of disbelief. "Of course I'm going to help you find her, but hell no, I'm not going to stop bitching. It's the least you deserve." He pulled out his cell, "Santos, when you and Brown finish with Bomber's car, I want you both to canvas the area. Get everyone else to meet us in Conference Room A. We'll be there in ten minutes."
He closed his phone and looked at me. "Let's go find your girl."
TBC …
A/N: So what do you think???? Do you think he realizes what he's done??? What he's lost??? Can he fix it????