Hale & Healthy Fitness Center, Manhatten, 5:45PM

Olivia entered the gym with anticipation. Now to work off some stress while I work up an appetite, which I haven't had much of--She frowned at that last part, slowing her pace. Then she hastened to the women's locker room.

Inside, she found an empty locker and began changing. Another negative feeling of déjà vu hit her, so Olivia focused her thoughts on the workout ahead. Thus, she was unaware of the furtive glances and double takes that her bruises were causing.

Some time later she returned, disappointed that soreness prevented her from performing her usual intense regimen. What was I thinking anyway? She opened her locker and found a card that someone obviously had slipped through one of the vents. Probably another business card from another hair stylist, tax accountant, or whoever. Sighing, she looked at the card--and stared agape.

One side identified a law firm that specialized in family issues, and the other side gave the number for a battered woman's shelter.

Suddenly, she was outdoors, hurrying away from the gym. She didn't remember what she had done with the card, and she only had a fleeting memory of getting dressed. But she was aware of her humiliation, her anger--and her tears.

This is crazy--I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't work out, I can't do my job--WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!

Rarely had Olivia thought those words. Years of living with her mother's busy work schedule and alcoholism had given her self-reliance by necessity. Now suddenly, she was facing the worse emotional crisis of her life, and she had no clue as to what steps to--

"…call Rebecca Hendrix…"

She stopped short as she remembered her own words. Then she took a minute to compose herself before continuing towards home. Her problems lingered in her mind, but they seemed less oppressive.

Office of Dr. Rebecca Hendrix, 10:15AM

"…and after I spoke with Captain Cragen, I called you," Olivia concluded, halting her pacing for the moment. She looked towards Dr. Hendrix, who was still seated behind her desk. Realizing suddenly that she had rose from the seat in front of her former classmate1, the officer quickly sat down. Well, here it comes. She laced her fingers together and rubbed her thumbs together.

"Olivia, how do you feel about taking two weeks off?" Dr. Hendrix inquired.

The detective found herself laughing. "Am I that much of a basket case to you?!"

The psychiatrist maintained her professional solemnity. "You've experienced severe confinement, intrusive scrutiny, physical injury, emotional abuse, and that's before the attempted rape, which gave you more physical and mental trauma."

Olivia slammed her fist on her chair's arm. "I know that!" she screamed. Then she struggled to calm herself. "I'm sorry, I was…I don't like being reminded…It's…it's not easy…" He voice broke at that point, and she bowed her head to weep softly. Quiet though she was, she didn't try to hold anything back. She silently accepted the box of tissues that Dr. Hendrix offered her and continued to cry for a while.

Eventually, she cleared her nose and wiped her face a final time. Looking at the patient psychiatrist with swollen red eyes, she completed her thought. "It's not easy for me to be a victim."

"Why not, Olivia?"

"I…I can't be seen as being weak," she explained. "It's important that I be seen as being a strong, competent person to the public, and especially to my brother officers. By that I do mean the men."

Dr. Hendrix nodded sympathetically, remembering her own days at the academy.

"I remember once, in the late 90's, the wife of a police officer was raped by her own husband," Olivia continued, "and his male colleagues supported his side of the story!2 And some of the things that I've heard male officers say about some of female victims, you wonder why they work with us female cops!" She sighed, staring vaguely into space. "What will they say about me?" Her voice was almost a whisper.

"They will be outraged!" Dr. Hendrix firmly but professionally stated. Getting Olivia's attention, she continued. "Why? Because you're not an 'accusing wife,' you're not a civilian woman; you're a cop, just like them! Is that a double standard? Yes, it is! Is it right? No! Does it work to your advantage? Yes!" She paused, waiting to see what effect the words had.

Olivia, an enlightened expression on her face, nodded quietly. "Everyone will want a piece of Harris," she concluded.

"If another officer had been in the same position as you were," the other woman said, "would you feel any differently?"

"No!" Olivia, remembering the assault of Sergeant Smythe3, was adamant.

"Try to remember that," Dr. Hendrix adjured. "And as far as weakness is concerned--Olivia, it takes strength to confront your attacker face-to-face, as you did when you interrogated Harris. Also, you continued to work on the case, using your experience to help Ashley remember a crucial detail that will quite likely remove any reasonable doubt from the case. Does that sound like weakness to you?"

Olivia's apartment, 11:45AM

Swallowing the last of the muffin, Olivia washed it down with herb tea. Well, that tasted good. I guess I'm starting to 'feel better all ready.' Not completely better, or even halfway better, but still--

Her cell phone beckoned her. And I think I know who--yes, it's Elliot. I could just not answer, --but I must set him straight on this.

"Hey, Elliot." Her tone was more casual than she felt.

"Hi, Liv," he said, his voice somewhat low. "How are you?"

"Just had a bite to eat," she responded. "How are you?"

"I'm all right, though I would like to know why my partner is taking time off," he answered lightly.

"Well, what did Captain Cragen tell you?"

"All he said was that you'd be back after two weeks. I'm…hoping you can tell me why." Elliot's suspicion was evident.

Olivia sighed silently before responding. "Elliot, sometimes we need to walk away. Remember back a few years ago when we started working that case involving that cult leader?"4

She heard a hard sigh. "Yeah."

"As I recall, Fin voluntarily took time off because he felt he had to. Well, that's how I feel now."

There was silence for long seconds. Then Elliot said resignedly: "OK, Liv, if that's what you want to do. Take care of yourself, OK? We'll see in two weeks."

"You take care yourself, partner," Olivia said, relieved that the conversation was ending. "I know that Eli's been running you ragged lately."

She could detect his smile as he said: "It's great kind of tired. 'Bye.'"

"'Bye, El."

1 Olivia Benson and Rebecca Hendrix had been students at the police academy together until the latter decided to become a criminal psychiatrist.

2 This occurred in Season Two; it was the second episode aired.

3 This attack occurred in Season Two.

4 In Season Six the detectives came upon a horrific scene of deceased cult children, whose leader had fled.