Ya I know, I suck at life.

Just read the chapter.

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She wasn't used to it yet. The crying, in the middle of the night. It still took her a moment to realize what it was, and that she was going to have to wake up to make it stop.

She groaned and moaned and moved to get up.

"It's okay. I'll get her."

"No," Addison yawned, mumbling something incoherent.

Derek slipped out of bed. He had no idea what she had said.

The next thing Addison was aware of was Derek crawling back into bed. She rolled over onto her side and forced her eye's open as he lay the baby down along side her. Jameson was still crying, not realizing that eating would make the belly rumblings stop. Addison rubbed her back, exhaling with relief when James hunger won out over crying. She pulled the baby closer, resting her hand against the baby's back to hold her close to her breast, and closed her eyes.

Derek watched Addison drift back to sleep. She wasn't one who took well to being woken up multiple times during the night. Not that he did, he liked sleep as much as she did, but he woke up easier. He smiled as Jameson opened her eyes and stared up at Addison. Derek trailed his fingers over the baby's head.

"Ow!" Addison exclaimed, her eye's flying open. She moaned, "Impatience." she admonished sleepily, "You get that from you father,"

"What?"

Addison carefully held the baby against her chest and rolled over onto her other side. She yawned, "She bit me."

Derek sat up a bit and moved closer, watching the baby eat over Addison's shoulder. Addison had already fallen back to sleep.

Jameson watched him.

Derek locked eyes with her, and reached across Addison to touch the baby's cheek. Jameson shook her fist, but didn't break eye contact and didn't stop eating. Derek smiled softly at her and nudged Addison's t-shirt out of the way so he could see more of her face. James continued to watch him, making contented gurgling sounds and kicking her legs.

Addison turned her face towards Derek's, "Stop getting her all worked up, she won't got back to sleep," she smiled.

"Sorry," he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers and kissing her cheek.

"Mmm hmm," Addison yawned, attempting to go back to sleep, but graciously moving her arm so Derek could see the baby better.

Derek continued to run his thumb gently over Jameson's face until she fell asleep, tummy full. He watched her sleep a few moments, running his hand over her hair and down her arm, finally resting his hand against Addison's ribs. He didn't need to sleep.

beep! beep! beep!

Derek sighed. If he didn't have a family to provide for, he'd have called in and quit.

XXXX

The door slammed.

"Ow!" Derek exclaimed, pressing a finger to his cheek to stop the slow trickle of blood. He rinsed off his razor and kept going.

"I was in such a rush this morning," Addison exclaimed storming over to the sink area of the locker room, "I forgot to brush my teeth."

Derek didn't respond, concentrating intently on shaving.

Addison ran her tooth brush under the running water and began aggressively bushing her teeth, "I need you to take James for a few hours this morning, I have a C-Section at 9 ."

Derek nodded.

"So could you come get her at 8:30 and I'll come get her sometime before 11 to feed her. Oh, and I might need you to be there when she wakes up from her nap at around 3 because the nurses will keep an eye on her if she is sleeping but if she is awake and fussy, it's a whole other story. And I don't trust the interns with her, because lets face it, I onlylet them around the other babies because I have too. But you only need to be there if Mrs. Wilner membrane ruptures, which I hope don't, so we are probably ok." She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, "Could you be shaving any faster? No wonder your face is all cut up."

Derek just rinsed and kept going.

"God, your going to bleed out," Addison grabbed the razor from his hand, "Tilt your head up," she instructed carefully ridding his face of stubble with no further injuries.

"Thank you," he smiled and tilted his face towards hers, "Morning."

"Morning," she replied. She leaned in to kiss him, only to turn her head at the last minute. To yawn, "I'm sorry. I am so tired."

beep! beep! beep!

Derek just nodded and checked his pager, "Try to fit a nap in later," he instructed gently.

"I will," she walked towards the door Derek only a few steps behind her, "I'll see you at 8:30."

Derek turned to walk in the opposite direction, "No wait. Addy I can't. I'm meeting with oncology at 8."

"Derek," Addison sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry Addison."

"I was counting on you to watch her."

"I would, but I have a meeting about a patient."

Addison sighed, "It's okay. It's not your fault."

"No I want to help," Derek sighed and ran a hand threw his hair, "I'll be there as soon as I can. If not at 8:30 then by 9 at the absolute latest."

They locked eyes for a moment and Addison gave a small nod, "Thank you."

XXXX

"Dr. Shepherd, you have a phone call."

"I'm busy," Derek murmured, focusing on holding Jameson's bottle at the exact right angle.

"It's Dt. Shepherd."

"Tell her I'm busy."

"She wants her baby back."

"And I'll bring her up in a few minutes."

"She wants to know if you fed her."

Derek took pause, "Tell her no comment."

The nurse did not appreciate this game, "She wants to know if you take some perverse pleasure in causing her pain."

"Definitely no comment."

The nurse put the phone back to her ear and relayed the message, "Do you really want me to say that in front of your daughter?" She paused, "Dr. Shepherd wanted me to tell you... well basically if you don't return her daughter right now, she will hurt you so badly that all the doctors in the state won't be able to help you."

"Well in that case," Derek sighed, "We better go pumpkin, Sounds like Mommy's mad."

XXXX

"Do you hate me?" Addison demanded as Derek walked into the on-call room.

Derek sighed and sat down on the cot. Addison had taken over this particular on-call room a few weeks ago. She'd even had a mini-fridge put in the corner.

"Where is the baby?"

"She is next door with Pam. She's asleep."

Addison sighed shakily, "Did you feed her?"

"She was hungry." Derek replied defensively.

"God! Derek! I told you that I was going to be back to feed her. You couldn't wait 20 minutes?"

"She's my daughter Addison if she is hungry I'm going to feed her."

"You knew I was on my way. She would have been fine for a few minutes. You could have waiting, but you didn't want to!" Addison raged. She narrowed her eye's, "Are you wearing a t-shirt?"

"What?"

"Give it to me," she demanded.

"What?"

"Give me the damn t-shirt Derek!" she exclaimed, already undoing the buttons of her blouse.

"What is wrong with you today?" Derek stood and pulled his scrub shirt over his head and moved on to his gray t-shirt, "You've been cranky all morning

"What's wrong with me?" Addison balled up her shirt and threw it at him, ripping his t-shirt from his hand, "What's wrong with me is that I asked you to do one little thing and you failed miserably at it, and I am the one that suffers," She pulled the t-shirt over her torso, "I hate this Derek. I hate it. I am exhausted. I haven't had a restful nights sleep in five weeks," Addison struggled under the cover of the T-shirt and finally pulled her bra out the armhole and threw it aggressively over the back of a chair, "and I really don't mind, really, but I am also trying to work, which I shouldn't have to be doing yet. But I am. And I am trying not to work to hard, but every time I walk down the hall someone asks me something, or needs me for something, or has a complication that only I can handle. And all I want to do right now is feed my daughter."

Derek took a step towards her, "What's reallywrong Add?" he questioned gently.

"Nothing," Addison sighed, crossing her arms tightly across her chest, "I'm just frustrated. And tired. And sore. I'm sorry I yelled at you."

Derek shook his head, "No your not."

Addison turned away, "I'm just going to rest for awhile," she lay down on the cot, "I'll see you later."

Derek stared at her a moment as she closed her eyes and proceeded to ignore him. Finally he sat down on the bed beside her. He rested his hand on her other side so he was leaning over her, and waited.

"Go away."

"Why do you have a problem with me supplying our daughter with her basic needs?"

"I don't."

Derek waited.

"I'm trying to sleep Derek."

And waited.

Addison sighed and rested an arm behind her head, "I have a clogged milk duct," she confessed, her voice shaky, "Because I keep getting busy and I hate using the pump. So I keep waiting until I can nurse, and then you feed her before I get the chance." she refused to meet his eye, "So it's all your fault."

Derek was silent a moment, "I don't really know what that means."

"It means my boob hurts and you just made it worse."

"Sorry."

She swallowed hard against the tears, "It hurts."

"Don't pout. I hate when you pout."

"You know what? Shut up," Addison touched the side of her breast, "I can feel it. It hurts. So shut up. And get out."

Derek reached out and replaced her fingers, he cringed when he felt the protruding duct, "It really hurts?"

"Yes," she replied her voice tearful.

"Am I making it worse?" He questioned, still rubbing the sore spot.

She shook her head, "No, it helps." she sighed and closed her eyes, "Don't stop," Within minutes her breathing deepened and she drifted off to sleep.

Derek slipped his hand under her T-shirt and continued to gently rub. If he was going through this he'd be grumpy too. It felt painful.

The door swung open, "Dr. Shepherd?"

Addison slowly turned her face, and gently pushed Derek's hand out from underneath her shirt, "Yeah?"

"I just need a quick consult," Bailey look down at her sympathetically, not at all surprised to see Addison seemingly being groped by her ex-husband, "Clogged milk duct?"

"Yeah," Addison couldn't bring herself to get up, "Miranda," she sighed, "I'm sorry, but is it something someone else could look at? I'm technicallystill on maternity leave."

Bailey nodded, "Try a warm compress."

Derek stood up as the door closed behind Bailey, "I'll go get you one," he offered.

beep! beep! beep!

He looked down at his pager.

Addison sighed, "I'm going back to sleep," she covered her eyes with her forearm, "Don't let me catch you near that baby with a bottle."

XXXX

"Addison," Richard entered Addison's on-call room, "I had a call from Mercy... What's that sound?"

Addison looked up from the chart she was reviewing, "Breast pump."

"Breast pump?" Richard's brow furrowed. He blushed and turned slightly away, clearing his throat, "So your... right now."

Addison narrowed her eyes with amusement, "Yes."

"Oh," he cleared his throat again. And again.

"Okay we're here," Derek sauntered through the door.

"I told you not to go near her."

"You told me not to go near her with a bottle."

Addison glanced at Richard, "You might want to turn around."

Richard's eyes widened, and he turned quickly to stare uncomfortably at the wall.

"Just hold her for a minute while I turn this thing off."

"Do you want me too..."

"No, just hold her." Addison's voice was edgy, "It's bad enough that every time I leave her with someone you steal her. I can never find her when I need her."

"Sorry."

"But your not, this is the third time today."

"I am working like crazy. It's the only time I can spend time with her."

Richard continued to wait anxiously. They were talking in low voices, but it was a small room. The only thing keeping him there was that he still needed to talk to Addison.

Addison inhaled sharply.

"Does it hurt?"

There was a long pause.

"Are you kidding?"

"Okay, I am sorry."

"Just go away."

beep! beep! beep!

"I am only going because I was paged."

"I don't care why you are going. Just go!"

There was another long paused. Richard turned his head and watched Derek leave the room.

"Okay, Richard. What can I do for you."

Richard turned and stared dumbly at Addison. She had a blanket slung over her shoulder, and all he could see of the baby was a foot, but he was all to aware of what was going on. And it made him uncomfortable.

Very uncomfortable.

"Richard?"

He couldn't remember why he need to talk to her.

He cleared his throat, "I'll come find you later. When you're not... busy."

"Can't remember?"

"No."

He could not get out of there fast enough.

XXXX

Addison flipped the dial on the washing machine and closed the door on the laundry room. That was one load down. She entered the kitchen and contemplated what to do next. Jameson needed a bath, she needed to unload the dishwasher, she needed to reload the dish washer, she had to feed Truman, and Astrid, she needed to fold the laundry then put in another load, put sheets on the bed, vacuum, and at some point eat and maybe if Derek ever came home, shower.

Her stomach growled.

Eating it was.

She pulled open the refrigerator and sighed. She grabbed her phone and hit speed dial.

"'lo?"

"Hey," Addison paused, she wasn't sure if she was mad at him or not, "Could you pick up milk on your way home?" She opened a cupboard, "And we are out of bread, and eggs," she paused, "And orange juice, butter, cereal, all vegetables, most fruits... " she sighed, and sat down at the kitchen table,"Could you please just grab some take out and the milk and bread to get us through tonight and tomorrow morning and I'll find some time to go grocery shopping at some point tomorrow."

Derek was silent a moment, "I don't think I'm going to make it home tonight."

"Derek!"

"I can't help it. You know what this time of year is like."

"I know," Addison snapped, "December, head injuries."

"Listen I'm sorry," Derek snapped back, "Do you think I want to be here?"

"Frankly? Yes. Because you are at the hospital way more then you are with me."

"I am not having this fight again."

"Derek..."

Derek sighed, "I have to scrub in in 10 minutes."

Addison was silent.

"I'll see you in the morning."

"Fine. Good night."

"Night."

Addison flipped her phone shut and sighed heavily. The baby was crying.

Baby first, eating later.

XXXX

Debbie's Blog

Things are changing at Seattle Grace. Since Addison started coming back to work she and Derek have really become good friends. I don't know how they are doing it, my sister and her first husband still can't be in the same room with each other. Not that the Shepherd's divorce was anything like that train wreck, you still see them together from time to time, but until she got pregnant they seemed to just barely be tolerating each other. I guess there is nothing like having another mans child to say 'Hey, I guess we are through for good this time.'.

And Derek is even helping her out with the baby. It's really quite comical watching him try to change diapers and feed her, even watching him try to just hold her is sometimes worth stopping to watch. If she is going to keep leaving her daughter in his care she might want to give him some pointers. I'd love to be around for that, they may be friends, but they still fight like it's the day after prom. I guess you really can't teach an old dog new tricks.

Still things are changing.

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Well, they certainly weren't filled with the joys of spring in that chapter.

At all.

So people said, 'Hey, Ken, I bet you can't write an entire chapter about Addison's boobs,' to which I said, "Ya, I bet I can". And I did. And you just read it.

They have some problems they need to be addressing. Like why they hate each other.