Hey there guys! I am so sorry for not updating in the longest time! With finals and all, I didn't have time to even think of coherent sentences! Anyway, it's semester break now and I can update almost every day. Almost.

I hope you find this chapter fulfilling. :D And I just want to thank all of the reviewers of this story! Without you I have no fuel to write!

Anyway, thank you to the people who wished me well on finals week! Your 'goodluck' did good! :D

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly, or any of the characters in this story. They are created by Dan Schneider, who is an awesome dude. I also do not own any other copyrighted titles mentioned in this story. They belong to their respective brilliant-minded owners.

Chapter 3

No Way

What the chiz is going on here? Sam thought, frustrated as Gibby in a shirt. She was back in Freddie's –well, her –room, and she was pacing the floor like mad.

Her first thought was 'Has everybody lost it?' but then again they couldn't have overnight... unless some freakish zombie wave hit Seattle that night and then warped everybody's brain. Sam shrugged and considered the idea, but she knew she was being ridiculous so she goes back to pacing.

This doesn't make sense. Why would Freddie prank her like this? And then she remembered. She pulled a hilarious prank on him last week.

She bought a set of shock pens from a novelty store, each one looking like one of Freddie's pens. Then she made random people 'borrow' his pens in class then switch the one he gave with the one she bought. When he tries to use his pen he gets shocked and falls off his chair. At first it was funny, but it got even more hilarious over the days to come. He would always get paranoid about using his pens, so he pays Gibby to test the ball pens out first before the first bell rings. Of course, the switch doesn't happen until later so there's no way of telling. The look on his face every time he gets shocked was priceless!

But obviously it wasn't that funny to Freddie, or else he wouldn't even consider getting Sam back for it. This prank was brilliant, Sam had to admit, much to her irritation. Waking up and finding out you're Crazy's kid has got to give anyone a stroke. But where the hell did he get that much evil brain power and not to mention courage to pull another one on her? Doesn't he remember what happened last time he wanted to get even?

Sam stopped pacing the room. For some reason, her ranting thoughts stopped there. It was going back to the time she pulled her payback. It felt good at the start, then it all went downhill. But maybe it wasn't that bad... She got her first kiss out of the way, right?

She shook herself back to reality. Yeah, she got her first kiss out of the way, but she spent it with Fredward! It has got to be a bad thing...

...right?

Sam shouted out in frustration. What was going on with her? She sighed exasperatedly. "I need bacon!" she announced as she grabbed the doorknob and opened the door.

Mrs. Benson was vacuuming the carpet, for what looked like the 3rd time that day. Sam shouted to be heard over the noise.

"Hey, Mrs. B!"

Marissa turned to her and took her earplugs out. "Samantha, dear, are you feeling better?"

Sam shuddered at her use of her full name. "Quit it, alright! I'm on to you and that nub!" She walked towards the kitchen, avoiding Mrs. Benson's quizzical stare.

"Well, I guess someone's got their anti-bacterial panties in a bunch!" she huffed. She set the hand-held vacuum cleaner down and walked towards the kitchen.

Sam almost dropped the plate in her hands. "What the-?" she hastily put the platter down and made a run for the bathroom, but went back again and took a strip of bacon in her mouth before going all the way.

"That cannot be sanitary, young lady! Rinse your mouth with mouthwash while you're there! You didn't use a fork or wash your hands!"

A shriek came from the bathroom, followed by a slam. A very angry, very agitated Sam marched back into the kitchen and slammed her fist on the counter.

"Okay that was crossing the line!" she shouted. How in the world did they get her into a pair of anti-bacterial... she shuddered mentally.

"Excuse me?" Marissa shouted back, a bit bewildered. "I've had enough of your behaviour today, Samantha! I am your mother and you will not talk to me this way!"

Sam looked like she was about to puke, but kept a stern face on. "Can you cut it out? I know what you're pulling, and it ain't funny!"

Marissa was taken aback, and after a few moments of pondering, she thought she understood. She sighed and put a hand on Sam's shoulder, which the blond shrugged away forcefully.

"Honey, if you're having mood swings because it's that time of the month–"

Now Sam was sure she wanted to puke. She held her hands up to stop whatever disturbing thing was going out of Mrs. Benson's mouth. "Woah! Hold up there! That's going way too far!"

Mrs. Benson pursed her lips, confused now more than ever. Sam glared at her head on, then bumped her clenched fist into the countertop again.

"Okay, what did he pay you?" Sam said, dangerously low, a serious and scary look on her face. "What could that nub possibly give you to go along with his prank?"

"What are you talking about Saman–"

Sam cut her off. "What did he do? Did he sign an agreement to take tick baths 5 times a day for the rest of his life?"

"Who are you talking ab–"

"Did he finally agree to move in stay with you even after he was married?"

"Married? Honey, are you sure you're alri-"

"I got it!" Sam said brightly, "He said he's going to become a priest."

"No!" Marissa exclaimed, very much frustrated. She doesn't know what on earth her daughter was talking about and she showed it.

Sam threw her hands up in frustration. "Then what? What could that nub have possibly given you to agree on backing up a prank for him?"

Mrs. Benson's eyebrows furrowed. "Who are you talking about, Sammykins?"

Her fists clenched as she gritted her teeth. She was so angry she wanted to punch something. Bad. "Never mind!" she shouted as she stormed back into the room. She slammed the door and headed for the bed. She found refuge in the ultra comfy bed, one thing she liked about this nightmare.

This was going absolutely nowhere. How could have Freddie known that this would drive her absolutely nuts? If ever she gets her hands on him she swears she'll...

"That's it!" she exclaimed, shooting up from the bed with a grin on her face, feeling as if she found the solution. I've got to talk to Freddie!

.:SEDDIE:.

Freddie felt something poking his cheek. He swatted at it as he tried to open his eyes. What happened? When his vision cleared, he saw a red-painted toe nail hovering just beside his face.

"You awake, pansy?"

It was Mrs. Puckett's voice that reached his ear. He finally remembered. "What happened?" he asked as he rubbed his sore head. He found he was lying on the floor.

"You fainted right after you zoned out," she said, offering him an explanation. "You wanna tell me why that is, girly-pants?"

"Huwha-?" Freddie was completely out of it. This cannot be happening.

"Are you dehydrated, starving, what?" Pam kept asking, a look of concern masked by a look of irritation. "I fed you last night, didn't I?"

Freddie looked at her blankly.

"Or maybe that was last week," she said, more to herself. "Anyway, get up, the floor is filthy. You know how Frothy goes –"

He shook out of it. "Goes what?"

Pam kept her mouth shut as she turned. After a moment, Freddie finally got it and jumped up on his feet, dusting his shirt and pants vehemently with a look of disgust on his face while shouting "Eww!" and "Gross!"

He looked up from his shirt to see Pam reading through a swimwear catalog, and he shuddered. "Is it okay if I take a bath, here, Mrs. Puckett?" Maybe it's just him, or maybe Frothy did 'go' on the floor he fainted on.

Pam looked at him weirdly. She let out "Sure thing, kid," slowly before returning to her catalog.

Freddie started for the bathroom. He passed by the open bedroom door, and shook his head in confusion, then continued down the hall. He reached the bathroom and went to the sink. Hoping that a splash of cold water would clear his thoughts, he turned the faucet only for a drop of water to drip out. "What the?"

Mrs. Puckett heard him, so she shouted an explanation. "Water's cut, kid! I didn't pay the bills yet!"

Freddie was frustrated. He marched back into the living room and snapped, "Why?" He didn't know why he asked it, though, seeing as this isn't his house. But so many things were just going on in his head and he can't understand any of it.

Pam looked offended. "Well, then, twirp, if you're so keen on taking showers, why don't you get a job? It's about time you started helping out with the house. You're old enough, dipwad!"

Freddie did not like being talked to like that, especially when it was not Sam. Sam's insults, he could take. That's just the way she talks to him. But having her mother talk to him like that was over his head. He walked towards his –well, Sam's – bedroom and slammed the door shut.

He looked for a clean shirt to put on, he couldn't take the smell anymore, and rummaged through the cluttered closet. He found a red and black plaid polo with a white shirt underneath. He hastily put it on, and, not knowing what to do, sat on the bed.

He took a deep breath then exhaled it exasperatedly. What in the world was going on here? He couldn't think clearly, much to his dismay. And to add to the misery, his back was killing him. He didn't know how he got into that bedroom in the first place. He guessed maybe Sam pulled another prank on him, and when Sam schemes, absolutely nothing is sacred. But putting him in her bedroom and changing stuff so it'll look like he lives there? And how the chiz did she get her mother in on it?

He thought wildly.

Maybe Pam doesn't need much pushing... maybe this is what they do for their bonding or something. He shuddered. But what about everything else? He knows sam can do anything she puts her mind to, especially when it came to Freddie.

Well, hurting Freddie.

He sighed, looking up at the clock. It read 11am, just about time for English class. He had that class with Sam.

I got it! he exclaimed in his head. Without thinking, he grabbed a jacket and headed out the door. I need to talk to Sam!

Well, that's it! :D And I'm sorry if it's short, but I'm typing the next chapter already, so don't worry!

Now here's a deal:

If you get the reviews up to 40, I'll post the next chapter. If not, you have to wait a week before I do. ;) I guess the evil chapter-hostage-taker in me hasn't died down well enough.

Toodaloo guys! Thank you for reading! I hope you review!

Seddie love to you all! :D

~kalyn19