Broken

Without you I was broken
But I'd rather be broke down with you by my side
Without you I was broken
But I'd rather be broke down with you by my side

I didn't know what I was looking for
So I didn't know what I'd find
I didn't know what I was missing
With everything in the past
Fading faster and faster until it was gone
Found out I was losing so much more than I knew all along

Without you I was broken
But I'd rather be broke down with you by my side

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"How the hell did I get into this..." Callie groaned in frustration.

"You know, I suspected something happened last night, but I've never thought it was with her." Addison glanced at the black panties in Derek's hand, then at Callie.

"No! Addison, this is not what it looked like..." Derek stepped toward the door to Addison, throwing the panties in the trash, but Addison moved away to avoid him. "It's not what you think..."

"Really, Derek? Because it looked like you're well on your way up the hospital ladder. First an intern, now a resident. Is an attending next on your list of 'women to screw to get back at Addison'?"

"Okay, I don't belong in this mess and I don't plan on being in it much longer. Either you stop being a coward and tell her the truth, or I do." Callie spoke up, glaring at Derek.

Addison turned to him. "Derek?"

"It... It wasn't her... I'm so sorry, Addie...I did something I shouldn't have, something very wrong..." He saw Addison stood there struggling to keep herself together as she waited for what he would say next.

"Last night, I didn't see a patient. I... I followed Meredith into this room, she was angry and telling me to stop looking at her and following her... And I don't know what came into me…I kissed her and we..." Derek took a deep breath. "We had sex." And he never saw anyone looked so hurt in his life.

"Dr. Torres walked in afterward. She was looking for Meredith about Izzie. Addison, I'm so sorry..."

Addison looked at Callie. "Dr. Torres, I apologize. I am very sorry I assumed you we involved in this. I'm really sorry for what I've said."

Callie nodded. "Yeah, okay."

"Move away from the door, Derek." He did. Addison walked out without one look at him and Derek didn't go after her.

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Dr. Bailey stood in front her four remaining suck ups, one hand on her hip, shooting death glares to the fidgeting interns.

"Listen up! What happened last night provides this hospital with a lifetime supply of gossips, everyone is already talking and wondering about what is none of their business. But all four of you will keep your mouths shut! I don't care who's getting into whose pants, you will keep your personal feelings and life out of work, and that means not a single complain about who you're assigned to. After the trouble you got yourself into, you better be on your best behaviors. Understood!"

Four "yes" were heard immediately.

"Karev, you're still with Montgomery-Shepherd. You are not to trade cases with anyone nor are you to be all pissy about it; you will respect your boss, that goes for the rest of you as well. Yang, you're with Shepherd. Grey, you're with Torres. O'Malley, you're with me. Now, go learn to save lives. And while you're at it, try doing more sucking up and less stupid things!"

The three interns scurried to their assignments while George tailed Bailey to the ER.

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Meredith found Callie in a room, studying a slew of X-ray slides on the screen. "Hey, I uh...I'm with you today." No answer from Callie.

"I know you said you don't wanna hear anything. So I won't say anything to you. I mean, except about work...of course I'll talk to you about work. We're at work, I'm doing my job...with you today..." Meredith rambled, not a word from Callie still.

Silent treatment, great. Meredith looked at the X-rays. "Broken patella, torn ligaments... What happened? Do you want me to get an OR ready? And a consent form? Anything?" This is me sucking up...

Callie finally glanced at her. "Freak accident. Wife walked in on him with another woman, he tried to chase her, she threw things at him. He tripped on some furnitures, fell down the stairs, landed on a weird angle."

"Right." She sighed. "Look, last night wasn't supposed to happen. You get to judge me and you get to be pissed off at me, fine. But, please, can we just get on work like normal?"

"Normal, huh! Normal for you because his wife didn't assume you were the one screwing with her husband last night." Meredith can feel the aggravation in Callie's voice but she was confused.

"Wait, what!"

"I was in the exam room finishing up, when Derek came in. I saw your panties under the exam table and Addison walked in and saw me threw it at him. She thought it as me and Derek cleared things up."

"Addison knew... Oh God, she knew..." She didn't expect Addison to know this soon.

"Yeah, she knew and it really hurt her. If you want things to stay normal, try thinking first before you do anything that wasn't supposed to happen. Try thinking about other people's feelings." Callie turned to leave the room, but she looked back at her.

"By the way, I didn't make up the patient's story. I'm going to tell Mr. Laman what I'm gonna do to fix his knee. Get an OR ready in an hour, and get a consent form from him, curtain two in the ER."

Meredith felt panic surging in. She made a mental note to avoid Addison at all cost, she wasn't ready to face Addison.

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Several hours, one RDS premie, and one Diaphragmatic Hernia later, Addison walked down the quiet hall to find an empty room. After walking out of the exam room, she found herself on the floor of the nearest on call room she can find. But before she could calculate her next move, her pager beeped, demanding her presence in the NICU. So she pushed all thoughts of her personal life aside and went back to her job. Not now, not here.

Expecting mothers and babies came first were her first priority while at work, and that left her little time to think about what this morning meant for her. Did he felt like this when he found me with Mark? Hurt, anger, betrayal, all crashing in with a million questions of how's and why's, and what she would say or do next. Her head was telling her to go back to the trailer tonight, pack her belongings and leave; but her heart wasn't sure she could do that, even after all of this.

Why am I thinking so hard about this? It's been decided, I can't compete. Addison figured Derek would ask her for a divorce anyway and that meant her leaving, Derek already made the decision for the both of them. Derek didn't want her anymore, he wanted Meredith and Addison was sure of it. She looked down at the tiles as she quickened her steps to get someplace private before her tears could fall.

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Several hours and one Intracerebral Hemorrhage later, Derek walked down the quiet hall to find an empty room. Derek didn't go after Addison that morning. He didn't know what else to say. I want a divorce? I want you to stay? He still wasn't sure of what he wanted, who he wanted. He just can't get the look on Addison's face out of his mind, he knew how it felt to be betrayed and he regretted that he had caused Addison the same grief, and perhaps more. But before he could decide on what to tell Addison, his pager beeped, demanding his presence in the ER. Focus, Derek, focus…

He didn't know if he was still in love with Addison. He knew he loved her always, he remembered being in love with her, and it felt better, deeper, than anything he ever felt. He didn't know if he was in love with Meredith. He knew he loved her in a way, he remembered how she allowed him to feel for someone again after the affair, and it felt good.

Why am I thinking so hard about this? Of course she wouldn't stay. Derek figured that Addison would pack her belongings and leave; she already made the decision for the both of them. She wouldn't want him anymore, not after what he had done, and Derek was sure of it. He flinched at the thought of Addison and him divorcing, he looked down at the tiles as he quickened his steps to find someplace private before his emotions could get the best of him in public.

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Several hours and a few broken bones later, Meredith pushed through the door to the stairs and slumped her body to one of the steps. She hasn't seen Derek all day, he was with patients and in a surgery all day, and she successfully avoided Addison, she was in the NICU and in a surgery all day. Callie's words rang in hear ears. Addison knew, Derek told the truth, try thinking of other people's feelings. It must hurt like hell for Addison, she realized that now, but she can't help wondering if Addison knowing means Derek will ask for the divorce sooner than a couple of days.

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The Shepherds were about to turn the corner when they ran into each other, neither were expecting to see the other. They stood there for a moment, looking at each other, neither want to say a word, yet neither turn around the other way.

"Addison... I'm sorry..." Derek finally started, but not long before Addison interrupted.

"Just stop the pretending and get to your point, Derek." Addison just wanted to hear what she expected to hear.

"I'm not pretending, Addison, I'm really sorry. I..." Derek looked around and saw a couple of staffs at the other end of the hall way. He grabbed Addison through the door that led to the staircases; they were not going to make a scene for the second time.

Addison let go of her hand. "Just tell me, Derek, I need to hear you say it. Tell me that you want a divorce, and I'll pack my things and leave. And you're free from your obligation."

He couldn't say it. "What if I don't tell ask you for a divorce...what if..."

Derek didn't know where it was coming from, but he needed to ask. "What if...I don't ask you to leave? If I don't ask you for a divorce, will you leave me?" He wanted to know.

"I... I had a lot of patients...I, I haven't thought..." She hated herself for not knowing the answer.

"Then stay..."

"For what, Derek? To watch you going after her and screwing her, to hurt me more? What else do you want?" She couldn't hold her tears anymore.

"I don't know, Addie, I don't know... There is a lot of things I still don't know for sure..." He grabbed her hand, she didn't let go. "But I'd rather figure it out with you...and not with anyone else. That's all I know for now."

He knew he didn't deserve it, but asked anyway. "So please stay... Stay until you know, too."

Addison wiped her tears with her other hand, still perplexed at what she was hearing. Derek wanted her to stay, for whatever reason she didn't know—he didn't know either for that matter, but he wanted her to stay, nonetheless; and he seemed sincere for once. After a moment, she gave him a small nod, and felt him squeezed her hand.

Derek let go of a breath he didn't know he was holding when he saw her nod. "Thank you." He whispered. He gave her a small smile before she returned to the hallway.

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Meredith can't believe everything she just heard. He has done it again. He's chosen her over me.

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Alright the moral of this chapter is: don't leave your undies laying around in random places. Thank you for all of the reviews, this is my first continuing story, so I really appreciate the reviews I've gotten so far. I'm sorry that it's taken a while for the updates because I had summer class. HAD, yes I'm done with it, so I hope it wouldn't take me long to get a chapter up now. Hope you enjoy this one.