This chapter is a bit heavier than the previous two, less humor, I'm afraid.
Still it needed to be written!
I hope you enjoy reading.
Summer Camp All Over Again
Chapter Three: Cold-hearted Sweat
[Alive till I'm dead – Professor Green]
"How can she be so hot – yet be so cold to me?"
"Say what?" it was Fang who interrupted the deep silence that fell on the party after Snow's confession. "Are we lost? As in, ya don't know which way we should go to get back to the house?" She sounded confused and agitated and wasn't afraid to show it by glaring intensely at him.
"Ah, well…" Snow's voice was slow and he looked abashed at the people gaping at him. "…yeah, that's what it's kinda like, yeah."
"But, it can't be that difficult," Vanille said, "I mean – we didn't take any turns on our way here, right? If we just follow the track…"
"What track," Lightning interrupted her roughly, her voice as bitter as she felt. "There was no track, we just bashed through, following that idiot over there!"
Snow started to defend himself when Serah suddenly silenced him by putting a shaking hand on his arm, face paler than Lightning had ever seen. "Snow, please, calm down… I… I think I need to sit down for a while…" And as she spoke the words, suddenly she collapsed against her husband, who only just managed to catch her in time, dropping his bike to the mud. He then looked at the others, a troubled look in his eyes.
Sighing, Fang got off her bike. "Let's find ourselves a place to rest. We'll decide what we're doin' after that." She looked at Snow while talking, and he nodded at her to show his gratitude. Then he carefully put Serah on his back and followed Fang who had taken his bike with her and took the lead. Vanille hopped after them and Lightning, grumbling as she did so, had no other choice but to follow them or be abandoned.
It took a long time for Serah to regain consciousness. Lightning had left the group on the clearing they'd reached – although it was not the clearing Snow had mentioned before, if they had to believe him – and sat alone on a fallen tree, looking out over the valley beneath her. They'd gotten quite high and the view on all the green was amazing. She was enjoying the silence and was using the shade provided by large trees nearby to cool down a little, when she suddenly heard shouting voices coming from the clearing, but closing in quickly.
"…you promised we'd..."
"I didn't promise you anythin', Vanille! I… I can't believe you just…!"
"Just what? I didn't do anything! You were the one who promised me…"
"I never said such a thing! What exactly are you implyin'?"
She heard footsteps, suddenly coming to a halt. Without really wanting to eavesdrop on their conversation, Lightning stretched her neck a little and saw Fang and Vanille, standing right in front of each other, both looking pissed and angry. Then Vanille burst out in tears.
"I… I thought…" she sobbed, uttering barely audible words, "…I thought you loved me…"
Lightning saw Fang shrink at those words and suddenly realized she was hearing more than she would like to know. She wasn't supposed to overhear this conversation. Better even, she needed to go away to give those two their privacy. As she sneaked away from the scene though, she heard Fang say: "Vanille… I do…"
Without knowing why, her gut twisted. She bit away the unwelcome feeling and walked on to the clearing, not wanting to pay attention to the strange awareness she'd felt. Still it bothered her. She knew Fang and Vanille were together ever since the two had first been reunited, at the large airship when they all met each other again. She'd known ever since that day and even though she didn't like the idea – Vanille seemed way too young for Fang, it bothered her sense of righteousness – she accepted it like the rest and never mentioned it to either of them.
Still, hearing them speak out their love for each other was a totally different thing. Shuddering with some awkward sensations in her stomach, she quickened her pace and shook her head as if to shake out the undesirable thoughts. It hit her that she might find the idea of two women together distasteful, unnatural even – but after thinking that over she decided against it.
As long as they loved each other, there was nothing to be troubled about. But then why did she feel so… so strange?
"You've seen Fang and Vanille?" Serah had woken up and sat on Snow's lap in the centre of the clearing, surrounded by ankle-high grass and flowers in all kinds of colors. Both her and Snow had troubled expressions. "They ran off, arguing…"
Lightning nodded, stopping at the edge of the clearing. "They are five minutes away from here. I saw them talking."
"Oh, okay." Serah smiled at her. "Do you think they will be okay? Everyone's so edgy today… Must be because of the heat, right?" And the way she just sat there, so serene and calm, made Lightning decide that she'd been stubborn enough for the day, and even made her feel guilty about her stoic pose. And having seen Fang and Vanille arguing made her feel alone – she didn't want to submit to the idea that she might be afraid of being on her own for the rest of her life, but she knew she was feeling bad about not having someone to shout at like that for herself.
At the same time, she knew she would never be in a stable relationship. She was too closed, too much of a loner to really shape a bond with someone other than herself. It hurt her that she longed for closeness with someone, yet rejected the idea at the same time.
"Why don't you sit down here, sis?" Snow suggested, tapping the grass next to him. "The sun's lovely, and it might just give you a slight tan." He winked at her.
"Like I want one," Lightning said, but still she did as he asked and sat down in the grass next to her sister and brother in law. She'd hate to admit it out loud, but Snow had been right: the sun was soothingly warm on her strained muscles and after a couple of minutes she felt relaxed for the first time that vacation.
"Say…" Serah didn't look at Lightning as she started her question, just kept her eyes closed as she enjoyed the sunlight, nearly purring. "What exactly did Fang and Vanille argue about?" And, when Lightning didn't answer immediately, she added: "Don't mean to be nosy, I'm just wondering. They barely ever argue. It must be something heavy."
Lightning thought about her answer for some time. "It is about them, together. That's what they are arguing about."
"Ah…" Serah took a deep breath. "I thought so."
"Them?" Snow didn't seem to grasp it. "How can they talk about them? I don't get it."
Serah giggled and poked her husband in his side, pecking him quickly on the cheek directly after that. "Nothing to worry about, Snow. It's girltalk."
He huffed. "Girltalk, girltalk… Like there's such a thing… I bet you'll tell me to spill the beans if I ever have some 'mantalk' with Sazh or something!" But even though he tried to look displeased, he kept grinning at her and kissed her back on her lips. "Well then, I'll let you two have your 'girltalk', if you wanna call it that, and I'll see if I can get anything to eat in the meantime. It's getting late and I'd hate for you to be hungry." He got up, lifting Serah from his lap as he did so, and winked at his wife briefly. "I'll be back in a second. Don't you miss me!"
"Will be fine," Serah answered, still smiling, face flushed from the kiss she'd just received in front of her sister's eyes. And Snow left the clearing, leaving behind an awkward silence that neither of the sisters broke as they both knew it would not help.
"Perhaps," Serah broke the quiet eventually, "Perhaps you should join Snow. Two find more to eat than one can."
"I should be watching over you, Serah," answered Lightning immediately. "You can't ask me to leave you – you just passed out moments ago."
"True," Serah admitted. "But… I can see you're troubled with something. Don't tell me you aren't, Light, I know you are… And I also know you don't want to talk about it." She smiled at her. "So I figured you might like some time alone to think about it, instead of being confronted with me all the time… Perhaps it'd make you feel like you had to tell me what's on your mind. Even though, you should know, you don't have to."
Lightning sighed and leaned back in the grass, watching over the sky that was turning fancy shades of pink on the horizon. "I know, Serah. I know." She watched her younger sister looking at the same view. "I would want to tell you. I just…"
"…don't know how." Serah nodded. "No problem, Light. I'm well aware of that." And the look she gave her after that made Lightning feel all warm on the inside, making tears well up in her eyes that she quickly blinked away before they could roll down her cheeks.
Then the clearing was entered by no one else than Vanille.
Both the Farron sisters looked up as she ran towards them and fell on her knees in front of them, crying and sobbing, looking like one miserable mess of a human being. As she looked up to them Lightning was startled by her swollen eyes and irritated face of the constant flow of tears.
"Oh, Vanille," Serah said, leaning forward to embrace the other, patting her on her back as the girl couldn't get herself to stop crying. "Poor thing… There there…" And over Vanille's head, Serah gave Lightning a look that could only be interpreted one way:
Find Fang.
The day was turning into twilight and shadows crept longer and longer through the tree stems, making the urge to find Fang before evening dawned on them even bigger. Lightning dashed through the woods as she used to do in the old days, with agility and elegance, and she was absolutely in her element. But she couldn't find Fang, no matter how hard she looked.
She'd passed the spot where she had seen Vanille and Fang arguing before, but aside from some footprints that lead nowhere there had been no trace of the last. And with no hint as to where she might have ran off to, Lightning felt like looking for a needle in a haystack.
"Fang!" For the first time during the search she called out her name, and hoped Fang would show herself or at least hear that she was sought. "Fang! You here somewhere?"
Then the forest came to an end suddenly in the shape of a steep cliff that Lightning barely noticed in time: the toes of her boots hung over the edge and she had trouble regaining her balance, for a moment fearing she might fall off. She took a step back and then peeked over the edge, making a guess about the height. Probably about a mile, perhaps even more.
Shivering, she considered the thought Fang might have dropped down, but threw it away quickly after that. Even though she might be emotional, Fang wasn't stupid enough to fall down a cliff this size. She would have seen it in time.
Turning on her heels, she scanned the hill in front of her and thought about where to look next. She had scanned the right part of the woods that seemed to end with this cliff, leaving only the left part to search through, including the probability that Fang might have taken off looking for the cottage. Clenching her fists, she dashed off again.
She heard the water before her feet touched it, splashing as she stopped in the shallow creek. It smelled fresh here and the sound of the water was nice to the ear, calming to the mind. She sniffed the air like a dog and tasted something that reminded her off the eggs she'd eaten that morning: a vague, exotic flavor Fang always seemed to emit.
Moving cautiously now, as she didn't want to startle Fang, she walked down the creek until she arrived at a lake like the one near the cottage – though this one was a lot smaller and had a deeper, ultramarine shade of blue. She spotted the woman she'd been looking for sitting on a rock in the lake, her back facing Lightning and her feet just touching the water.
Lightning stopped in her tracks. "Fang."
The person didn't stir. Lightning took another step. "…Fang, we are worried about you. Why… why did you run off all the way to this place?"
Fang moved, threw her head in her neck, gazing up at the darkening sky. "Because." She putted it simply. "Just 'cause." And without saying more, she pulled up her feet and hugged her knees, hiding her head between her legs and her chest. Lightning was at a loss for what to do. Why had Serah sent her here? What could she possibly say to Fang? She, of all people, who claimed to have no feelings whatsoever, had been sent to help someone with her relationship problems… How ironic.
Deciding she could not stand there and do nothing, she walked up to the edge of the water and then, hesitating for just a brief moment, entered the lake, feeling the cold water freeze her skin. Gasping for breath, she halted and caught Fang's attention who had heard her entering the water.
"Idiot," Fang grumbled, seeing the other trying to regain herself, and slipped casually into the water as if it had a nice, bath-like temperature. She waded towards Lightning, shaking her head. She looked as if she'd cried, but had done so quite some time ago. Her eyes were dark but not rimmed with tears as Vanille's had been, and although she had a stern look about her lips, she looked quite stable. "You shouldn't enter the water like that."
With clattering teeth, Lightning said: "Th-there was no o-o-other way to get you t-to come w-w-with me." And she swallowed after the clumsy sentence, shaking all over. Fang walked up to her and, putting a very warm hand on her shoulder, lead her out the water.
"Ya'll catch a cold like that. Take those clothes off." Fang put it like an order, but Lightning hesitated underneath her dark gaze.
Now how did this happen? Wasn't she supposed to help Fang, and not vice versa? Next to that – and this was the most embarrassing – she felt really reluctant to take her clothes of in front of Fang. She knew it was totally stupid. She knew she shouldn't even think about it, but she was afraid of Fang's eyes on her bare skin. Afraid she might… like what she saw.
"What 'r ya waitin' for, Farron?" Fang wrung the water out of her sari that looked dry already. "I don't expect ya can crank up your own body temperature?"
"C-can you?" It was a lame question but she felt like she needed to stretch the time she had.
Fang huffed. "Can I? Course I can! All Oerba villagers can, some better than others, but we all can." She glanced at Lightning and then asked: "Why did you come to get me?"
"As I said," Lightning said, regaining a little control over her voice, "we were worried. You were gone like that. It is getting dark." She shrugged, and added, although somewhat reluctantly: "And Vanille was quite emotional."
Fang's face got screwed up in a grimace. "Vanille," she said slowly, then turned around to the lake. "…Yeah, could've expected that."
Clenching her jaws on each other for a moment to stop the clattering of her teeth, Lightning continued: "What happened?"
"Don't know if it's any of your business, Farron," Fang snapped back at her. "And you need to take off those clothes or ya'll become sick."
"Don't I at least deserve to hear what I came to look for you for?" Lightning took off her boots, the leather soaked and ice-cold, as if she was going to take off the rest of her outfit as well.
"Do ya?" Fang turned around and looked at her. "I'm not so sure. Because, well, lemme guess, you don't wanna take off your clothes 'cause y're afraid I might peek. How close am I?" She spat on the floor. "Now I get it. I get it all. How did I let it get this far? And you honestly expect me to tell you about what I talked about with Vanille? Honestly? Don't make me laugh!"
Every insult she'd thrown at Lightning had hit the spot and left nothing more of her than a small heap of human limbs. She felt as if she had no air to speak, could barely breathe, could only stare at Fang, standing in front of her, looking grim.
And then Fang clapped a hand in front of her mouth and sunk to her knees, tears cascading down her face suddenly, her face expressing the same surprise Lightning experienced at her sudden breakdown. "Oh God… Oh God, poor Vanille…" Another hand in front of her face. And then there was only a sobbing, small creature at the spot where Fang had just been. "I did everything wrong… I… I should have…" Then, as sudden as her cries had started, she looked up at Lightning's face.
"She said she loved me. She said it, just like that, that she loved me. And the only thing I could think was that I didn't want her to. Now… Now I get why everyone's always given me and Vanille those… those glances. Those looks. Those filthy glares." She had trouble speaking, her voice lowered to a barely audible level. Lightning could only gape at the other. "They thought… like Vanille… They thought we were together… God…"
Lightning blinked as Fang fell against her, too stunned to move, clumsily putting an arm around the sobbing other. "I misunderstood, Farron," Fang whispered. "I said I loved her. I did." She swallowed. "…But I loved her as a sister."
On a side note: All the troubles Lightning has with the entire lesbian thing is entirely an inside-story aspect, not my personal opinion.
Reviews are, as always, much appreciated, and will (most of the time!) make me write faster (: