Fenris knocked on Hawke's door. "Who is it?" he hears from the other side.
"It is Fenris. Please, may I come in?" When he doesn't hear any response he repeats, "Please, may I come in?"
"Yes," he hears the soft reply, and opens the door. There sits his beautiful Hawke, propped up in her bed, eyes downcast.
"Hawke, please look at me." Fenris asks.
"I can't, Fenris, I just can't. Please, for your own good, please go away and leave me alone. I don't want to see you and I don't want you here."
"Hawke…" Fenris begins.
"How can you even want to look at me after what happened? How can I even look you in the eye without shame?" She looks up then, eyes blazing, "You failed me! You let them take me! YOU did this to me! I don't want to see you anymore, Fenris. You're useless. I don't want to be around you now or ever again. Just go!"
Fenris can only stare in shock at the flare of her emotions. Guilt and remorse flood through him anew. She is right after all; he knows he failed her. "As you wish, Hawke. I will trouble you no further." He turns stiffly and leaves, closing the door behind him.
Fenris sees Aveline and Anders talking in the foyer as he comes down the stairs. One look at his face and Anders has a pretty good idea as to what transpired. "Elf, remember: this won't last. Hawke will want you with her again. Just give it time. It was too soon to see her."
"It has been four days since I have seen her. I did what you asked and stayed away, but I could stand it no longer and had to talk with her. But she is right – I do need to leave her. I failed her." Fenris then walks out the door.
"Maker what a mess," said Aveline as soon as the door closed. "I don't think I can take this much longer. They need each other, not to be apart."
"It will work out, Aveline, have no fear. He needs to heal as much as she does. He will be back tonight, somewhere…watching. He will watch over her, even from afar, until he is sure she is alright. His guilt will not allow him to do less. But tonight, when you come back, you need to let her talk about what just happened."
"I hope you're right, Anders. I hope you're right. I need to go home to Donnic, and then will be back in a bit to relieve you." Aveline said as she walks out the door.
"Hey, you," Aveline said, as she walked into Hawke's chamber later that evening. "You're looking better. Anders is a skilled Healer."
"Donnic sends his regards," she continues. "Although he doesn't know what happened, he knows I need to be here right now. Did Anders already give you your medicine for the evening?" she asks as she sits by Hawke's side.
Hawke smiles, "Thank you, Aveline, you're a good friend. I really don't know what I would do without you. Anders, yes; he made sure I drank the last of it just before you arrived. And he cleared me to get back to my normal routine starting tomorrow. I'm looking forward to getting some fresh air."
"That sounds great…I'm sure Fenris would enjoy a nice stroll with you –"
"He's gone," Hawk interrupts. "He won't be coming back. I made sure of that," she declares, her fists clenched at her side.
"What do you mean, he won't be coming back?" Aveline pressed.
"I did what I had to do, to protect him. He's been through so much for so long, and finally free of Danarius' grip. He deserves better than having to remember what happened to me every time he looks at me, with repulsion, I'm sure. Although it took everything I had not to take him into my arms and take all the hurtful things back that I said to him, I had to let him go. Maker knows I love him, but he's better off without me, and will truly be able to make a fresh start," she said with steely resolve mixed with sadness.
"You have no way of knowing this, of course, but the main reason you are here with us now is because of Fenris," Aveline starts. "There was no way Anders was strong enough to heal you, so he used the lyrium from Fenris to give him the needed strength."
Hawke bows her head. "Oh, Aveline! So, I caused him great physical pain as well. Now I know he is better off without me," Hawke said as tears start rolling down her face.
Aveline leans in and holds her friend, letting her cry it out. While consoling Hawke, she catches a fleeting glimpse of a shadow near the open window…a shadow with silver hair in the moonlight. She thinks to herself, How in the world did Anders know Fenris would be back so soon, and at her window, no less?
Pretty soon Hawke's tears dry up and she becomes very drowsy. After a few moments, Aveline gently lays her down on her pillows, blows out all but one candle, and slips out the door. She was rather proud of herself for not letting Fenris know she knew he was listening in. She hoped he heard what he needed to hear.
Fenris waited until he was sure Hawke was asleep, and no one else would be entering, before slipping from the window into her room. He was so confused. Hawke was right in her condemnation of him, he knew she was. Yet, she still loved him? How could she? He did not protect her when she needed him the most. He let her down.
Hawke started whimpering in her sleep, thrashing from side to side. She was going to wake herself, and everyone else, up and see him there. He needed to do something to soothe her, and fast. He quickly, but quietly, stripped his armor and slipped into her bed, taking her in his arms. Almost immediately he felt the tension go out of her. Even though he was sure she was asleep, he heard her whisper, "I love you, Fenris." She sighed and then fell deeply into sleep. Sleep, true sleep, soon claimed him as well.
The door cracked open a short time later, just enough for Anders to pop his head in. At the scene before him a satisfied, but sad, smile spread across his face. What he had told the elf in the beginning was true: Hawke's happiness was important to him even if she had chosen another. And now both were on the way to healing their hurts.
As the daylight started filtering into her room, Hawke slowly opened her eyes and sighed sadly. She finally had a peaceful sleep last night, and it ended with a most pleasant dream. A dream in which Fenris was actually with her, and not far away, as she was sure he was by now. She suddenly froze as she realized that someone else was in bed with her, arms wrapped protectively around her. Arms adorned with the most beautiful lyrium markings.
"Good morning," Fenris' voice whispered in her ear.
She stiffened. She had no choice. She had to face him, face his loathing, face his disappointment. She turned over so she could get this out of the way.
"You are so beautiful, Hawke."
She just stares dumbfounded as she sees the love in his eyes. No condemnation. No disgust. Just love. She lowers her eyes – she can't face him. "But, how…how…can you…say…say that? How can…you…you even s-s-stand to look at me," she finally stutters out, tears starting to roll down her face.
Fenris takes his thumb and gently wipes away the tears. "How can I not?" he responds. "You are the strongest, most beautiful woman I have ever known. What happened would have killed any other woman, but not you. You ask how can I stand to look at you, while I would be asking you the same of me. I was the one who failed and did not protect you. We both are blaming ourselves for something that was not of our doing. I am finally understanding that now. Our love is what will help us heal our hurts. We both endured something that no one ever should. We both survived. We are both here. That night I had said to you If there is a future to be had, I will walk into it gladly at your side and I meant it."
Slowly, tentatively, Hawke reaches out, cupping Fenris' face gently in her hands. "I love you, my wolf," she says and slowly kisses him. Soon their bodies are doing the talking, and the rest of the healing begins.