See A/N at the end of the chapter to answer reviewer's question.
Having Each Other's Back – Scene 3
Emerging from the building with a plastic grocery bag containing the last few personal items from his office, Harm paused as he spotted Mac in the parking lot. He frowned as he saw her apparently walking aimlessly among the vehicles.
Realizing that her corvette wasn't in its reserved "Chief of Staff" spot next to the admiral's, he wondered briefly how she'd gotten to work – they'd met at the elevator and had silently entered the JAG quarterdeck into Tiner's farewell celebration.
As Harm watched, Mac shook her head back and forth and he could sense her exasperation as she put her briefcase and the portfolio she'd had in AJ's office down, fumbling in the side pocket of the briefcase for her cell phone.
Part of him wanted to call out to her, part of him wanted her to just be gone, so that his bitter anger could continue to simmer. The trouble was, his attempt to maintain that anger, anger that had festered and overflowed practically since he'd rescued Mac, only to watch her fawning over Webb within minutes, clashed with every word Mac had spoken in the admiral's office.
Unbidden and somewhat unwanted but refusing to go away, her words continued to reverberate in jerks and bursts in his mind.
'saved my life ….break Webb's nose …..assumed you were trying to find us ….hoped you weren't anywhere where Sadik could get you too….put a knife in my fake stomach…shot the missionaries in the back of their heads ….waiting to be raped and tortured…'
"Mac wait!" Watching her stab at the cell phone panel, Harm felt like he was watching himself from a distance as he rapidly crossed the parking lot. "Where's your car? I'll give you a ride."
"It's at Bud and Harriet's. I didn't know how long I'd be gone so I asked them to take it. I'll call a cab." Mac's voice was a dull montone as her eyes continued to search the parking lot for a car she knew wasn't there.
"No, I'll take you," Harm insisted. "I don't think Marines who resign can get unemployment. C'mom, save your money and let me give you a ride."
Looking anywhere but at him, Mac muttered "you don't have to."
"Mac." Harm's whisper carried on the slight breeze of the humid June day and for a moment she wasn't sure he'd spoken. "Can we have a 'do-over?'"
"WHAT!!!" Of whatever she'd thought – if she'd thought at all – he might say and do ….
"Only a few bits." Harm's words jumbled together rapidly. "I've gotta have something to substitute for the nightmares. Mac, things were such a mess down there….this isn't what I want and I don't believe it's what you want…"
Harm held his breath for a moment and then stepped forward decisively, dropping the bag of miscellaneous bits of eight years of his life. "C'mere …" he murmured, "c'mere…" wrapping his arms around Mac as she stood staring at him. He rubbed her back gently as she stood still and tense for a long moment, then he felt her body shudder as she leaned into him.
"Oh God, Harm, I was never so scared in my life. Not of dying, but that it wouldn't be quick…and that I'd never told you…." Her voice was so faint Harm wasn't sure if he was really hearing her or if he was imagining the words he could barely make out.
"I was so scared too" Harm mumbled. "Scared I wouldn't get there in time."
He couldn't see her face but he felt the wetness on his shirt. "I was so mean to you …I'm sorry Harm, I didn't mean any of it."
"I'm sorry too Mac. God, I never hugged you. I never even asked if you were okay – I just asked if you could walk …."
"You were right to focus on the mission…" Mac choked, "I just wanted ….just for a moment …."
"And once again I wasn't there for you…I couldn't give you what you wanted, what you needed." Harm's voice went flat, remembering another time in another far away country. "So once again…"
"No" Mac gasped …."we're not gonna do this again…"
"Did you mean it about breaking Webb's nose?" His need to know was suddenly fierce.
"Yes. He nearly got Gunny killed, and you and me."
"Well…he did get tortured – I assume he tried to protect you." Harm could hardly believe he was even saying it – saying anything remotely favorable about Webb's actions.
Mac's voice was sharp. "Harm don't go there. Yes, he did resist and as far as I know he didn't give up any intel but Sadik chose to torture him first instead of me. Maybe he thought a 'mere woman' wouldn't know anything of value, maybe he thought I'd start talking as soon as I heard 'my husband' scream …of course, he thought I was pregnant at that point. I would've thought a terrorist would torture the woman first – figure she'd spill her guts at the first shock, or her 'dear husband' would, at her first scream."
"Whatever." Mac was tired of talking about it. "I'm not gonna let anyone make me feel guilty that Webb was tortured instead of me."
"Then why'd you kiss him?" Harm would never have believed he could have asked.
Mac shuddered. "I dunno …maybe to shut him up…maybe because I thought he was gonna die" Her voice trailed off … "I saw Dalton all over again…O God, Harm, it was Dalton dying there…Harm, I didn't mean any of it, the things I said…."
"I was such a jerk too, yanking your chain instead of doing what I really wanted to do." Harm's larger body shook too, realizing anew just how close they had both come to dying in the hell that was the Chaco Boreal.
"If you didn't mean it and I didn't mean it" Harm paused, searching for the right words, or at least for some words that would convey what he wanted "and since we're both out of a job, you wanna work on a resume together?"
"A resume?" Mac was puzzled. "You mean help each other write our resumes?"
"Nope." Harm brushed her hair off her face, his thumbs rubbing at the tear tracks on her cheeks and lingering lightly on the scratches. "One resume Mac. We find a job we can share."
"Just a job?" It was Mac's turn to rub the dampness on his face, but her fingers moved of their own volition to caress his ears and the sides of his face.
"No ….a life…..there's nothing to stop us now Mac, nothing but ourselves if we let it... Carpe Diem Mac." Harm's voice shook with wanting.
"Speak English Harm. What are you proposing? And that's not a Freudian slip." Mac held her breath, waiting …..wanting ….
"I'm proposing….let's get married."
Covers went flying as the two officers whirled around, their bodies held so tightly together anyone watching have to look hard to discern they were two.
From his third floor window, Rear Admiral AJ Chegwidden's eyes glazed as he watched while he tried to decide whether to retire now or wait a few months, though what for, he didn't know. 'About damn time' he muttered.
Epilogue to follow.
Author's note: A reviewer asked what Mac meant when she said at the end of chapter 1 that she hadn't taken any leave "this FY."
FY Fiscal year, which is 1 October to the next 30 September. Servicemembers earn 2.5 days leave per month, or 30 days per FY. Since the action takes place in early June, Mac has earned 20 days leave that she hasn't taken. It is assumed that like most senior servicemembers, she has an additional 60 days accumulated over the years (with rare exceptions not applicable to this story that is the maximum permitted to be carried over from year to year). This is how most servicemembers getting ready to retire can take several months terminal leave before their official retirement date. You also have the option of "selling back" your unused leave when you're released from active duty or retire.