Chapter 3: The requirements for genius has changed
I had heard somewhere the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
It was exactly what I was doing by staying in my cradle day in and day out, occasionally shaking it up by escaping it to empty my bookshelves or mess with anything else inside my prison. The rest of the apartment was strictly off-limits, since the door had been locked by the time my mirror-checking adventure was discovered. A pity, really, since I did not get to explore anything more than a hallway and something looking like a living room.
It was somewhat unclear if this was my future apartment or Chika's residence I had been placed in.
That small detail did not really matter, so my focus snapped back to the problem at hand. I was currently very limited in this dream, which had until now stayed as true to reality as it could be, considering I was supposed to be in a universe filled with magical ninjas. An often used method to break dreams and wake up is realizing your own situation, but this did not seem to apply, since I was still here. Another way was the near-death experience. If I could get as close to death as possible in the dream and not wake up, it would confirm my head had been injured and unable to sustain any more brain activities than those needed to dream.
The point of the whole thing was I had to injure myself or possibly scare myself badly enough to get adrenaline kick to wake me up.
Or something like that.
I needed to do something else than lie down and stare at the ceiling, and the windows to my room was convenient unlocked. The idiot who had not thought a door-opening toddler capable of the simple act of repeating the success with the only other way in and out of the room deserved an applaud.
It was easy to make a ramp and climb onto the windowsill, and I paused only briefly to glance at the treetops only a few meters away. Perfect concealment for any ninja. Some poor guy was probably sitting in one of them, bored out of his mind. Then I moved my gaze to the ground, which was distance vise only a single floor of a building away. Taking my body's current condition into the equation and the small drop would be more than enough to break several limps.
It would do.
I snickered to the best at my ability with a last look at the treetops before moving my body closer to the edge and letting go.
The following fall was rather short.
I was caught in midair by less than gentle hands and returned to my former spot in the window by the time I could blink. My face was turned in the right position to see the white Anbu mask with red markings.
How… unbelievable. No sudden powers of flight, brain? No you had to use a conveniently placed Anbu.
The man in standard black and grey Anbu gear vanished back into the treetops, closing the window after him as almost an afterthought. Not locking them, closing them. I gave the trees my best deadpan glare before kicking the window back open.
The npc's really had limited brain capacity.
The windowsill held nothing I could push outside or throw after him, so I opted for dangling my feet out. Two pair of tanned feet with five small toes on each since footwear was overrated for toddlers who were still supposed to be handicapped and lie contently in their cradles.
No reaction from my audience in the trees, but I guess I have his or theirs attention. Having more than one Anbu at the time seemed like overkill, but I did not doubt the term appealed to my brain. I considered the ground again and groaned slightly. I was definitely still affected by hopefully temporary insanity, since I was even still thinking about this. But then again, what was the worst that could happen?
With a sigh I let myself fall again.
The Anbu was just as quick, catching me in air before changing his tactic. He landed silently on the ground with me in his arms, starring down at his burden through dark holes in his mask. I felt like waving giddily but retained the impulse and went for a big smile instead, steadily declining from cheerful to creepy.
The guy kept staring.
My focus drifted from trying to decode what was going on behind his mask, to guessing the animal he was supposed to be resemble with that specific headgear. With the downturned frown, round ears and button shaped nose it most of all looked like the head of a teddy bear. Not the first coming to mind when you tried to picture a trained killer.
The mask sparked no memories. I had not even been given Kakashi for my effort in hurting myself.
He had not moved a muscle in half a minute. Was he contemplating the possible repercussions of killing me or had he figured out already that I would keep jumping just to annoy him. I reached out for his mask and touched it without meeting resistance. The temptation of pulling it off was almost too much, and my fingers twitched slightly.
I had the faint outline of a plan, seeing dozens of ways this could go wrong or waste my efforts, but it was better than doing nothing. "Want doggy." Take that copy-nin. "You're not doggy-san." I had not had any interaction with the silver haired ninja and for this to actually work, he had to have been near me at a point where it was possible for me to have seen him… Yeah, I could see no way, this could go wrong.
Was Anby allowed to sigh?
"She wants you, not me." His head turned in the direction of the tree tops. "Get down here, and let me get back."
My mouth fell open, leaving my facial expression looking somewhat gobsmacked. What were the odds… 7 in luck can apparently do a great deal in anything except winning in lotto. I was somewhat embarrassed at how easy it had been to do. It felt like cheating somehow. After so long where nothing had happened, being in reach of another known character other than the Hokage made me want to cackle maniacally.
Judging from the silence, either Kakashi was not in the mood to deal with the spawns of his teacher or the Anbu agent was only humoring me… a toddler who would have been pleased with any form of excuse for his lack of presence.
Kakashi the copycat ninja was really in those trees.
How could I need the security of two Anbu watchers? Were assassination attempts really that big a concern?
My mind was a bit too occupied to think of holding on to the Anbu agent before he had placed me inside my room again. I climbed furious back on to the windowsill and pushed at the window to open, pounding on the damn thing when it refused to obey me. I used my honed skill of glaring and tried to find eyes outside to make contact with as I positioned my tiny fist directly in front of the glass.
I was not going back to mind-numbing boredom, when there was something new to explore and prod.
Glass vibrated from the pressure of the hit, remaining annoyingly whole. I punched it again, seeing no other effect, before searching for the tiny bit of chakra related warmth I found some time ago. Focusing on my hand and trying to force energy into it I began to batter the window. The resulting web of cracks spreading from the impact place renewed my determination, and I began to grin despite the pain each hit filled me with, shooting from the knuckles up my arm.
I almost lost my balance when the window opened again, and would have fallen if not for a steadying hand on my chest. I raised my gaze and found myself grinning at a mask with a really bad resemblance to a dog.
Mission accomplished.
"Her actions are indeed peculiar for one at such a young age." The Hokage puffed on his pipe with a thoughtful expression. "Her abilities more so."
I was currently latching on to the grey armor of Kakashi's Anbu gear, a cold but worthwhile action since he could not escape without fighting my claws clutching at the edges of the thing. His mask was still on but he had adapted a position which gave me some kind of support after hours of struggling to cling on.
The rigidness in his stance had not lessened. "So she's a child prodigy…" Try 'older than they look', copy-nin. "Did the disbanding of Root…?"
"No." A slight pause. "Protecting Naruto from it was merely a side effect."
"Hm." He shifted the arm which he was holding me, not even lowering the mask to indicate he was looking at me. "So… How long has she been able to use chakra?"
I lifted my face from the cold surface of the armor to grin at him. "It's warm. Heat under the skin" Both men took of moment to stare at me and I nestled back into my uncomfortable position. It was hard to figure out what I was going to do now, where I had his attention. There was not much I could say without giving impossible knowledge away, not to mention I was getting bored of having to act like a child in front of yet another adult... teenager, person.
My mind had been lenient with punishment for stupid actions so far but blabbering on about the future and stuff like that would have consequences. Then again, anything was beginning to look like a better alternative to now.
"Naruto was hospitalized some months ago with partly burned chakra pathways." The old man frowned slightly. "She hasn't shown any other signs of chakra control until now." I could feel his eyes burning into my neck when I turned away. "Naruto, have anybody taught you about chakra?"
Chance to incriminate Danzō, reveal Root was still going strongly even when officially disbanded? It had to be if Sai had been in it, not that I remembered much else. On the other hand, what would I gain from telling about it?
"Nope." I was cheerfully using one hand to pull on Kakashi grey locks of hair, working my way stealthily toward the Anbu mask. "Can I get one of these?" Without any further ado I grasped at the edges of the mask and yanked it off. A joyful squeal followed my accomplishment and I promptly put the mask on, failing to find the eyeholes so I stared blindly into darkness.
The realization that I would have to deal with blindness in order to wear it made it lose some of its appeal, and I quickly took it off. Note to self: Never get into Anbu.
A larger hand clasped around the other end of the mask and I growled silently at the offending limp on my new piece of property. I was a child, or looked like one anyway. He could let me play with his poor substitute for a hockey murder mask until it was time to leave.
"Not until you're older, Naruto." The Hokage said with a small smile. "And you have to be a ninja first."
I stiffened somewhat, allowing Kakashi to take his mask back. The words made me think of Naruto's dream and what he probably would have answered to those words. It made me grind my teeth for a moment before wincing in pain since I was teething.
The whole talk had been nothing but awkward. I was not a toddler, not Naruto and far too old to force someone to stay like Kakashi through such underhanded means as clutching on to clothes and using doe eyes. He had better things to do, like staring at memorial stones and feel sorry for himself. I had better things to do, like recounting all twelve cracks in the ceiling yet again and pondering the chances of returning to reality before my mental health completely destabilized.
"Then I'll become one." I could feel a case of eye twitchiness going on in the left side of my head. "When can I?" Give me some hope, old man, or boredom will kill me soon.
He had the gall to chuckle at me. "Not for some years." Then he patted my head.
I could feel the corners of my lips twitch, like they did not know which way to turn. Most likely down, since crying was becoming increasingly tempting.
"Doggy-san," I turned toward Kakashi with a widening grin. "Will you come visit me often?" Share my misery, you bastard.
The copy-nin remained silent, before following the Hokage's lead to pat my head. One of these days, he was going down. Even if I had to resort to childish pranks, nothing would stop me from getting revenge. I could almost picture his eye smile…
The silence continued, and I was reminded those smiles were years away.
Now I felt pity for something my mind had created.
Author's note: And she can finally interact (somewhat) with the world.