III
Big, Smelly Soldier-Bitch

It had been a few days since the Normandy had departed Illium. Shepard hadn't gone back to see Liara since they last spoke, instead using the time on the planet to recruit the assassin, a drell named Thane Krios, and the asari justicar, Samara, who were both now safely ensconced on Shepard's ship, willing and able to join the fight against the Collectors. The struggle to get to both of them had annoyed Shepard. She wished everyone had the foresight of Kasumi, to just make contact with her without too much of a fuss and then board the ship. No fighting mercenaries all the way up a skyscraper, no administering a cure to a plagued section of a space station that had been built outwardly of a meteor, no having to shoot a way through a prison ship in the middle of a full scale riot, none of it. In comparison, Kasumi's recruitment was a friendly chat and not much else.

Shepard didn't know what to think of Kasumi when she had first met her. She reasoned that this was what Kasumi intended - there was obviously more to being a master thief than merely tip-toeing around and whispering. Still, Shepard had found herself somewhat entranced by what she could see of Kasumi. The thief's eyes had been impossible to see under the darkness of her hood, so Shepard had trained her vision on Kasumi's lips, and she found herself enjoying watching them. Beautiful, soft, full lips, with an intriguing purple tattoo square on the lower, with another just below where lip met chin. Even now, after Shepard had seen every part of Kasumi, her lips were still Shepard's favourite feature of the thief.

Garrus took immense pleasure in calibrating the Normandy's mass accelerator cannons. It was so much more involved than maintaining a Mako, and therefore much more satisfying, even when he could only manage to trim off a fraction of a millisecond of the time between the cannon's shots. He used it mainly as a distraction, though, and he knew it. Garrus, when left alone to his thoughts, was racked with guilt. Though it had been somewhat assuaged after hearing of Shepard's resurrection, or whatever it was, he still felt guilty for not being there when Shepard needed him, especially when she was there for him right as he needed her the most. And then there was his team on Omega.

Why did he go back to C-Sec after the Battle of the Citadel? Of course he knew, C-Sec needed him, but so did Shepard. When word came in that Shepard was presumed dead, and frustrated with all the bureaucracy that bogged him down, he left C-Sec and headed to Omega, mostly because he wanted to make a difference, partly because Shepard's apparent death left him otherwise at a loss. The Council had practically abandoned Shepard to her death, and Garrus was sick of the sight of the Citadel and anything to do with it. Omega was perfect for him. Criminal scum everywhere, and not a single round he fired had to be followed up by tons of paperwork that accounted for the wherefores and whatnots.

He was proud of the work he and his team did on Omega. Proud of all the innocents saved, proud of all the mercenary bands he pissed off, proud of his moniker from the populace. If it weren't for fucking Sidonis… all dead, all good people, all deserved better. They were gone and these should have been his final moments; at his lowest, exhausted both mentally and physically, and resigned to the fact that he was going to die. He was talking to his father, almost saying goodbye, his father willing him not to give up. But then he saw them in his scope: those two human symbols – a letter and a number. Three short years ago, they would have meant nothing to him, but now they buoyed him immensely. They were gone as quickly as he had seen them, the flash of red hair that went along with them was unmistakeable.

"You finish up what you have to do there, and then you come on home to Palaven. We have a lot to sort out," he heard his father barely say through his communications device.

"Yeah, we do. Thanks, Dad. For everything." He paused as hope inside him sprung anew. "I have to go now. Don't worry about me… I'll make it home when I can. The odds just got a lot better."

Garrus smiled to himself as his mind flashed back to what had happened only a few short weeks ago. He knew that there was no Vakarian without Shepard, and he would tell her that one day. Well, he'd tell her his version of that one day. He heard the tell-tale hiss of the door behind him opening, and without looking around, greeted the woman he owed so very much to.

"Shepard, how's it going?"

"Helloooo, Garrus!"

The commander beamed a smile at Garrus as she greeted him. For the last few days, Garrus and others noticed, Shepard had been extremely happy, ever since shore leave on Illium. Garrus hadn't seen Shepard in such a way since after the Battle of the Citadel. They had been kept on the station, and once they had been patched up and medically cleared, and then debriefed by Alliance command and C-Sec and the Council, they were finally allowed respite. Shepard and Liara then disappeared for a day or two, and when they reappeared… well, Shepard looked then much like she does now - elated and content.

Shepard paced slowly around the main battery with her arms behind her back and a slight spring in her step. She was taking the room in, looking at the cannons, but not really looking, Garrus noticed. She seemed distracted, but in a good way, with a smile permanently carved into her face. If Garrus didn't know the commander, he'd have found it irritating. As it was, seeing Shepard like this cheered Garrus, though he was still curious as to why she was so upbeat.

"You seem cheerful, Shepard."

Shepard merely hummed in reply, smiling contentedly still. Garrus chuckled and shook his head.

"Come on, out with it, Shepard. What's the secret to your happiness? Let others in on the action."

Shepard's eyes widened at Garrus, as if a little put out by what he'd said.

"Shepard, I'm still getting used to the wide array of facial expressions you humans have, you're going to have to talk to me. You know, use your words," Garrus said as he crossed his arms and leant on the panel that usually had his undivided attention.

"Just be glad I'm not an elcor," Shepard said, making Garrus' mandibles twitch in amusement.

"It would have been funny to see an elcor flipping off a krogan," Garrus replied, recounting a previous mission in which the commander had done just that. Shepard huffed with mirth.

"Angrily: go fuck yourself, Uvenk," Shepard said, imitating elcor speech. Garrus laughed.

"I don't think a krogan has ever been put down so harshly by someone so small before," Garrus teased.

"Hey, I'm not small," Shepard replied, slightly offended.

"You're pretty small to me. To krogans, you're tiny," Garrus reasoned.

"Everything is tiny to krogans. Besides, I'm the tallest human on the ship," Shepard said, standing up straight and proudly.

"Miranda is taller than you."

"Miranda was genetically engineered to be that tall, she doesn't count."

"Oh, and I suppose it took you effort to grow, did it?" Garrus playfully accused.

"I'm sure my indomitable willpower had something to do with it," Shepard said, thumping her chest with a fist. Garrus laughed. Despite the fact that she was a fair few inches shorter than Garrus, she had the ability to scare him shitless. Wrex had once likened her to a small whirlwind of fire on account of her flame-red hair.

"You still owe me an explanation for why you're so cheerful," Garrus said, trying to eke the answer out of Shepard.

"I don't owe you a damn thing, Vakarian," Shepard said, poking the turian's chest plate, the smile on her face still inexorable.

"True. Doesn't mean I shouldn't get one. I'm assuming you saw Liara on Illium."

Shepard's smile faltered a little at the mention of Liara. "Oh, yeah. I did."

"I would have liked to have seen her, but I can understand you wanting to be alone with her," Garrus said. If he had eyebrows he would have wiggled them at Shepard, but the tone of his voice was enough to imply that he was teasing the commander.

"She's an information broker, now," Shepard said, her smile gone.

"Really? What's so important about the information she's brokering that she hasn't joined us? I expected her to jump at the chance to be with you, with us again, on the Normandy."

"It's… complicated, Garrus," Shepard said, now frowning. If Garrus didn't know any better, he'd swear Shepard was trying to avoid the subject.

"Shepard, what is it you're not telling me? One minute you're as happy as I've ever seen you, then I bring up Liara, which I assumed was why you were happy, and suddenly it seems like the weight of the galaxy is on your shoulders."

Shepard sighed. "Things didn't go well with Liara. She's… changed. Or I think she's changed. It was all a fucking mess." Now Shepard seemed downright crestfallen, Garrus noticed.

"I'm sorry about that, Shepard. Forgive me for prying, but none of this makes sense. How come you were so happy when you came in?"

Shepard pursed her lips, like she wanted to say something but was physically stopping herself from doing so. As she did so, her smile reappeared on her face.

"Spill it, Shepard. I haven't got all day, and I know you're hiding something."

"Okay, but this is top secret, classified information. I'm telling you this on a purely need-to-tell-someone basis and because I trust you. If you divulge this intel to anyone, I will kick your shiny, metal ass from the cargo bay to the bridge. Clear?" Shepard said, pointing threateningly at Garrus.

"Yes, ma'am," Garrus said.

After a moment, during which Shepard stoically studied the turian, a mischievous smile appeared on her face. "I'm seeing someone," she almost sang.

That was the last thing Garrus expected, though he didn't even know what the first thing he expected was. "'Seeing someone?'" That was a strange human idiom, Garrus thought, but the meaning wasn't lost on him. "On the Normandy? Who?"

"Kasumi."

After a moment's pause, Garrus' mandibles twitched in amusement while Shepard watched him expectantly. "You never stop surprising me, Shepard," he said, with a hint of laughter. "You and Kasumi? That's a little out of the blue. When did this happen?"

"Only a couple of days ago, during shore leave," Shepard answered. "We just clicked. It was kinda crazy, really, and it happened so fast." She frowned while smiling still, and stood in thought for a moment. "And it's strange, because before Liara I never really needed anyone. I just kinda got on with my shit and nothing else really mattered. I've opened up," she added, with a knowing smirk.

"So, you've broken up with Liara, I take it." Shepard's smile disappeared again. Garrus scorned himself. Don't be so blunt about it, you idiot. Just let her be happy when she can be. If anyone deserves that, it's her.

"She's the one who did the breaking up, if either of us did. Like I said, it was a fucking mess." She shook her head. "Anyway, I didn't come here to talk about my damn love-life, Vakarian. I need you to do something for me."

"Yeah, sorry, Shepard. For what it's worth I'm happy for you." Shepard smiled warmly at that. "So what is it you wanted?"

"Well, this isn't a dressing down, but I don't like you spending all your time in here. As important as the Normandy's guns are, it might be a good idea to get to know the newbies, to know the people you'll be leading."

"Leading?" Garrus almost looked shocked.

"Yeah. Miranda might be the XO, but I see you as my second-in-command. Out of everyone on the Normandy at the moment, I know you the best and I trust you the most, so I want you to get to know the squad. You know, camaraderie." Garrus nodded. "Start with Kasumi, though. Mainly because I'm interested to know what you think about her," Shepard said, smiling.

"Will do, Commander. I'll make sure she's good enough for you and threaten to kick her ass should she ever hurt you."

Shepard chuckled. "Still got my back, I see, Garrus?"

"Always."

It was important to stay in shape aboard a starship, to remain as close to your physical peak as possible, but it was fairly awkward to do so. There wasn't a lot of room to do much, so every now and then the cargo bay was cleared and some gym equipment brought out. A couple of weight-lifting benches and running machines were all that were available, as there simply wasn't enough room for much else despite the fact that they were collapsible, nor was there much time to use them. The cargo bay housed the Kodiak and the Hammerhead, both of which required near constant maintenance, so to use the equipment while that was ongoing was simply inviting mishaps. It was therefore up to the individual to exercise themselves.

The port observation deck had just enough room in which to exercise, the only problem was that it wasn't particularly private. Shepard had explicitly forbidden Kasumi from hacking and locking the door, as doing so bypassed EDI's systems. If the Normandy got into trouble and the room was sealed off, due to the structural weak-point of the view port, EDI wouldn't be able to do anything if Kasumi had locked herself inside, and she might not be able to get out if the room was breached, however unlikely that may have been. The safety of Shepard's crew was paramount, and Kasumi had caught an earful from Shepard when she found out that Kasumi locked the door to exercise in privacy. Kasumi explained that she liked to practice her yoga and t'ai chi ch'uan in her underwear to allow for full movement and to keep her body cool. When Shepard heard this, she quickly stopped lecturing the thief on the importance of not hacking the Normandy's systems and insisted that Kasumi use the captain's cabin to exercise, preferably when Shepard was present. This made Kasumi playfully call her a pervert, but Shepard replied that she was her pervert.

So now the only time Kasumi spent in the port observation deck was the odd night sleeping in it or reading when she was off-duty – being part of Shepard's specialist unit meant she only worked missions, so she was off-duty a lot of the time. People would come in every now and then, mostly crew she barely knew, and they'd use the bar or the game-pod, but mostly they'd let Kasumi be, only offering her the odd drink or the friendly greeting. Burt, the security guard from the CIC with the wandering eyes, would sometimes sit in awkward silence at the bar, then leave without saying a word. Grunt had made Kasumi laugh once when he appeared in the doorway, took one look in the room and then merely turned around and walked away without saying anything. She'd seen practically everyone in here at one point or another, but she'd never seen Garrus in here. The only real interaction she'd had with him was on an assignment, and that was fleeting. But here he was.

"Do they not have any dextro drinks on this ship?" Garrus said to Kasumi from behind the bar, he was crouched looking through its drinks cabinet.

"It's a Cerberus vessel, so probably not," Kasumi said, as she looked over the top of her book.

"Damn it," Garrus sighed as he stood up. "I miss Tali. Do you know Tali? I don't suppose you do."

"She was on the original Normandy, wasn't she? The quarian girl?"

"That's right. We used to share nutrient pastes and amino drinks. She had a good taste for intoxicating beverages. Shepard said we're going to try and recruit her soon. I hope she joins. I feel a little lonely at meal times," Garrus said as he chuckled.

"I look forward to meeting her," Kasumi replied, cheerfully.

"Do you want a drink, Kasumi? I'll fix you one up and join you, if you don't mind. I can't drink anything myself, though. The best I can do is hand you one and watch you drink it."

Kasumi laughed. "I'm fine, but you're welcome to join me anyway," she said, as she bookmarked her page and placed it on the couch next to her.

Instead of sitting next to Kasumi, Garrus stood in front of the wall-sized view port and took it all in. They were currently in-between star systems in the Omega Nebula, so the view was typical of deep space, wondrous and beautiful and unique, but still not as breathtaking as passing a gas giant, or arriving at the Citadel. Garrus made a mental note to come back here to watch as the Normandy did just that.

"Shepard has told me to get to know the crew, so that's why I'm here. Just a friendly sort of thing. She's big on camaraderie and trust, and having first hand experience of it, I know it works. I've got some fond memories of mine and Shepard's chats on the original Normandy, getting to know each other. It's crazy how much you can have in common with someone from another species, now that I think about it."

"Yeah, Shepard's cool. She's nothing like what I was expecting."

"What were you expecting?" Garrus himself never expected anything of Shepard. His recruitment onto the Normandy happened just as she became humanity's first Spectre. She was a complete unknown to him. He had heard of her and that she was a war hero to the Alliance in some form, but before he knew it he was travelling to Therum with her, on-board her ship. He was too excited about getting to work with a Spectre to feel the need to form expectations. Now, Shepard was known to almost everyone, so it would be interesting to hear what preconceptions people might have had for Shepard.

"I suppose I expected a disciplinarian," Kasumi answered. "A stone cold, hard-ass bitch. She can be a fairly strict, and a hard-ass, but she's definitely not stone cold, nor is she a bitch. I mean, I saw interviews of her where she was so formal and deliberate, and incredibly diplomatic," and beautiful, she thought to herself.

Garrus' mandibles twitched. "She may have seemed like that, but she told me she was only a hair's breadth away from punching that al-Jilani woman."

Kasumi laughed. "Yeah, I saw that one. I don't doubt that Shep wanted to hit her. She was a cunt. Oops!" Kasumi put her hand to her mouth. She had never used such language before. It was Garrus' turn to laugh.

"You've been spending too much time with Shepard."

"I– wait, what do you mean?"

"Nothing." Garrus hadn't meant to reveal his knowledge of Kasumi and Shepard's togetherness in such a way. "Sorry, I… I know about you and the commander. She told me herself," he quickly added as a flash of shock showed itself on what little of Kasumi's face he could see.

"Oh. She didn't mention she was going to tell you."

"I don't think she really planned it, to be honest. I may have… persuaded her to tell me."

Kasumi laughed. "It's okay, I just I thought I'd slipped up. I'm not used to making mistakes."

"I understand. She made me promise to keep it a secret, though. On pain of… well, a lot of pain," Garrus said.

"I think I'll still have to have a word with her about this, though," Kasumi said, smiling.

"That'd be your prerogative, but I think she needed to tell someone about it. It's nice to see her so happy."

"It'll be fun, though. I'll pretend I'm mad at her."

"I didn't realise you were so evil. What has Shepard gotten herself into?"

Shepard had had a day of it on the CIC, and so excused herself for some downtime in her room. Kasumi's insistence that she let herself get some rest, other than merely sleeping, was bearing fruit. Shepard decided she was going to start work on assembling the model of the Destiny Ascension that Kasumi had bought, or perhaps stolen, for her, and made her way to her room with her thoughts only on that. That was until she entered her room. She paused in the doorway for a second, then smiled. She calmly made her way down the steps, then turned and grabbed at the air in-between her and the partitioning wall at waist-height, but instead of nothingness slipping through her grasp, she had gotten a hold of something and was pressing it tightly to herself. Whatever it was emitted a joyful squeal.

Kasumi appeared in Shepard's arms after disengaging her stealth module, giggling loudly with her hands on Shepard's shoulders, their waists pressed together.

"How'd you know?" Kasumi asked, almost breathless.

"Thermal optics," Shepard said as she let Kasumi go, touching her own cheek to point at her eye.

"Whoa," Kasumi cooed, leaning in to get a closer look at her lover's eyes. "Hey, that's cheating!" She pulled back to give Shepard a jocularly indignant look which made Shepard laugh, but then quickly returned to her previous gaze. "What else can they do?"

"Not too much. Night vision, four times zoom, but that takes some getting used to. I've got millimetre wave scanning so I can see what's underneath your clothes," Shepard said, as she looked down to Kasumi's chest. She laughed as Kasumi made to cover herself up. "That was a joke. It's not that good, and I've seen it all before anyway," she added with a sly grin. She went to cup one of Kasumi's breasts, but the thief swatted her hand away.

"Nuh-uh. I've got a bone to pick with you, Calista," Kasumi had addressed Shepard by her first name for the first time. It caught Shepard by surprise. Only her mother called her Calista, Liara had used her first name once or twice, but she'd been referred to and addressed by her surname by practically everyone else her entire life. Shepard had never really liked the name all that much, and hearing Kasumi say it was unnerving, because it meant she was in trouble, but also nice, as if it affirmed their closeness.

"Okay… what have I done?"

"You told Garrus about us," Kasumi replied, almost pouting.

"I didn't think you were that bothered about keeping us a secret."

"I don't like people knowing my private life," Kasumi said, frowning at Shepard. Her frown then slowly turned to a smile. "Crap. I was gonna pretend I was mad at you, but I can't do it. I'm too happy when I'm with you."

Shepard laughed and pulled Kasumi into hug. "Aww. That was the cheesiest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"Yeah, I couldn't help myself," Kasumi said while chuckling.

"So, what did you and Garrus talk about?" Shepard asked while enjoying their embrace.

"You, of course. It's the only thing we have in common, really."

"Do I want to know what was said?" Shepard asked.

"He wanted to know what I expected of you before I met you." Shepard pulled back from the hug and looked at Kasumi with a grin.

"Oh, did he? And what did you say?"

"I said I thought you were going to be a big, smelly soldier-bitch."

"So you were right, then? I am a big, smelly soldier-bitch."

"Shepard, that offends me. I have better taste in lovers than that."

"I don't. My taste in lovers is terrible."

Kasumi pushed herself out of Shepard's partial hug and put her hands on her hips, staring at Shepard with an offended but amused look on her face.

"Right, then. I'm taking that ship model back. Where is it?" She turned around to look at the room and noticed it still in the box on the desk next to the wall, where it sat next to Shepard's old and battered N7 helmet.

"Aw, come on. I was looking forward to making that." Shepard made to get in-between Kasumi and the desk, and stopped Kasumi from getting closer to it. "Please, don't take my ship away!" Shepard said, with exaggerated desperation. "I'll do anything, please. Not the ship! Anything but the ship," she pretended to sob.

Kasumi stood in thought, eyes half-closed and her thumb and forefinger rubbing her chin. "Anything?"

Shepard nodded with a pretend look of utter sadness on her face. Kasumi leant forward and whispered something in Shepard's ear. Shepard pulled back in shock.

"Kasumi Goto!" Shepard said, shocked, but through a smile.

Kasumi lay in bed while Shepard was busying herself opening the box to the Destiny Ascension ship model and arranging the pieces, paint and decals into an orderly fashion on the bed. Kasumi watched with a smile on her face. Seeing Shepard hungrily go through all the parts and take them in made her seem quite childlike. Her hair was messy and she was wearing nothing but the overly-large N7 t-shirt she slept in, and sometimes her tongue poked out the corner of her mouth. It was ridiculously endearing to the thief.

Kasumi thought that someone who had spent nearly all her life on ships would get sick of the sight of them, but Shepard seemed fascinated when watching the ships coming into dock on the Citadel. She didn't seem all that bothered about how a ship operated, or any of the technical aspects of them, but rather their aesthetics. Shepard was now looking at the box of the model, her head tilted with a quizzical look on her face.

"What's the matter?" Kasumi asked.

"I hadn't seen it until now, but there's a certain… vaginal… quality to this ship. But it's also got a big spire on it, like a penis."

Kasumi laughed, but frowned, puzzled by Shepard's statement. "Okay?"

"No, I mean, people always said that human ships and buildings were very phallic, like great big dicks sticking up into the air, and flying through it. But then you see asari buildings and ships, and they can have cock-like looks, too. It just goes to show you that it wasn't ever a dick-waving contest, just that people have dirty minds."

Kasumi laughed, all thoughts of Shepard being childlike gone thanks to her slightly rude ruminations. "That's quite an astute observation, actually."

"Yeah. It's just that if you're gonna build a tower, it's efficient if it looks like a wang, somewhat. And also, that willies are quite aerodynamic," Shepard added, grinning cheekily at Kasumi, who burst out laughing.

Kasumi had never known anyone to make her laugh as much as Shepard did.