I'd like to thank the ONE PERSON that reviewed this story, AlexandraCullen1901, for doing so. You rock my flippy floppies off, and I hope you keep reading and reviewing, even though this fic is filled with angst. Maybe I'll write some fluff, just for you! Thank you so much.

Stephenie Meyer owns everything, including my heart on ice in a cooler.

"Esme, calm down! Please," I heard Bella beg.

My screams pierced through the room, and I was aware of my body still thrashing around on the floor. I wasn't sure how long I'd been like this, and I didn't care. Time didn't matter anymore. Nothing did.

"Please. Please," Bella continued as she started to smooth my hair down. It was a calming motion, her hand stroking the top of my head. I felt like a child again, like when my mother used to calm me down after a nightmare. I slowly stopped my fit, soothed by my daughter-in-law's motions.

After I felt fully certain I wouldn't go completely mad again, I sat up to face Bella. Her beautiful face showed signs of fear. The lines of her face were traced with worry, and I felt horrible about being the source of that. I pulled my knees to my chest like a pained teenager and looked at my feet. I didn't have anything to say.

"Are you alright? For right now, I mean," Bella asked.

"Yeah," I managed to whisper.

"Esme," she started, "I know I have no idea what you're going through, but you remind me of me when Edward left."

"It's not the same," I mumbled.

"No, it's not. But I behaved the same way you did. Moping around the house, completely depressed. The only thing is that I wouldn't let myself think about him. I truly believed he didn't want me anymore, and just the mere thought of him would make me fall to the ground in awful physical pain."

I looked up at her. She was trying so hard to get through to me, but it just wouldn't work. Only Jasper understood, and he was never here.

"Esme, if you ever want to talk, you know I'm always here. I can sort of relate to your pain."

I had never been angry with Bella since she came into our lives, but at the moment I was becoming a little upset. She was trying to relate to me, but she never could. And it bothered me that she thought she could ever feel the same. What the hell did she know?

"Esme?"

"You have no idea, Bella."

"I know, but -"

I lost it.

"If you knew, then you would stop pulling this 'I know what you're going through' crap. Because you don't. You can't. I don't care if you went into complete zombie mode when Edward left. He still existed. You could still go on because even though you thought he didn't love you, you could live just knowing that he was out there, somewhere. He still lived, and therefore you did, too. But Carlisle doesn't exist, and what am I supposed to do? I don't know how to be without him!"

I knew I should have felt bad for snapping at Bella like that, but I couldn't stop myself. I was just so angry. I was mad at the world, I was mad at myself, I was mad at the trees, I was mad at the sky, I was mad at the coffee pot in the kitchen. Everything mocked me.

"I'm sorry, Esme. I just want to help."

"Well don't," I snapped with a little too much malice.

"I don't know what to do. None of us want to see you like this. Please let us help you. Please."

"And how do you expect to help? How? You can't bring Carlisle back, you know. And that's the only thing that could fix me."

"You could start by talking to us. You keep us in the dark and all we want is too help you get out of this terrible rut."

I snorted.

"Rut? My husband was murdered, Bella. Killed in front of my own eyes. The person I lived for, that completed my existence, is gone. You still have yours, plus more. You have a birth child, something that Rosalie and I have only ever dreamed of. You have it all, Bella. Me? Nothing."

"You have us."

"Jesus, Bella, I lost my mate. I don't want to live anymore. All I want is for death. It's what's supposed to happen, and now I'm stuck like this."

"Don't talk like that. We all love you. I don't know what I'd do without you. Please don't think like that."

"Death would be so perfect. Peaceful. This pain would stop."

"That's it. I can't take it. I'm calling Jasper."

BPOV

I stood there, watching the strongest woman I've ever known slowly crumble to pieces, talking of death and suicide and giving up. I couldn't believe it. She needed to stop.

I got my cell phone out and quickly dialed Jasper's number, hoping he would answer wherever he was.

"Don't bother him. He probably won't answer, anyway," said Esme.

"I need to. He can help you."She just shook her head and continued to stare into space, into some unknown world that no one would ever understand.

Except Jasper.

It went to voicemail, which angered me. Why wasn't he ever available? I dialed again, really pissed. He picked up after three rings, clearly annoyed.

"What do you want?" he snapped in his Southern drawl.

"Jasper, you need to come home. Esme is getting worse. She's talking about dying, and having nothing to live for, and I'm really scared. I'm scared she's going to do something rash. I'm afraid…Jasper, I'm afraid she's gonna go to the Volturi."

"I feel her pain. I know what it's like."

I couldn't believe what the hell was coming out of his mouth!

"Jasper, how dare you! Your mother is in serious pain, and that's all you can say? That you can relate? God damnit you drive me crazy."

"Just let her mourn. There's nothing you can do for her."

"Jasper Whitlock Hale, you better bite your tongue." I paused. "Where are you?"

"What does it matter?"

"I want to show you something."

"Esme is never going to agree to going out of the house, so don't waste your time."

"I'm not bringing Esme."

"Then what?"

"Just tell me where you are." I was getting impatient.

"Mount McKinley."

"What the hell are you doing there?"

"I like to be alone, god damnit."

"Have you visited Tanya's family?"

"No. Like I said, I want to be alone."

"Nice try. I'm still coming up there. Expect me."

"Fine." And he hung up.

I put the phone in my pocket and went to the cottage to get Edward.

"Love?" I heard from the bedroom.

I entered the room and saw my Adonis sitting on the edge of the bed, his face etched with worry. No matter what emotion was splashed across his face, he could always look ten times lovelier than any angel.

I sat down next to him and laced my fingers with his.

"I'm going to see Jasper."

"He told you where he is? How the hell did you manage that?"I half-grinned. "Persuasion skills. Anyway, I was wondering if you could…watch Esme while I'm gone? I know, it's terrible, her needing to be watched, but I'm afraid for her, Edward. I really am."

"I know, love, so am I."

I stared into his butterscotch eyes, locking his gaze with mine.

"I'm bringing Renesmee. I think she's the only one who can really get through to Jasper, so he knows how bad Esme is."

"If you think it's best."

"I do."

"And you're always right." He smiled and kissed my cheek lightly.

Renesmee tottered into the room and smiled. God, that girl could make me happy any day of the week, no matter what was going on.

"Renesmee, would you like to come with me to visit Jasper? It's a long way, but I need you to show him how sad Esme is. Can you do that?"

Her smile grew wider and she nodded her head wildly. She was so adorable. She still didn't like to speak much, which didn't bother me, but we would still have to work on that.

"Okay, then. Come on."

I said goodbye to Edward with a long, passionate kiss, and Renesmee rolled her eyes. I laughed at her reaction as we went outside to depart.

I held Renesmee close to my chest while making sure I knew where I was going. When I figured out the right direction, we sped off, and I was running as fast as I could. The wind was going hundreds of miles an hour. I would never tire of the feeling, of being so powerful and so agile, so much more than I had been as a human. The wind whipped at our faces and Renesmee laughed at the feeling.

We arrived at Mount McKinley and ran up it with ease, glad that the overzealous tourists had decided to stay home for the day. I don't think seeing me run up the mountain at superhuman speed would go over quite well.

I could smell Jasper, so it didn't take long to find him. He was sitting at a plateau, just sitting. Looking out into the sky. What went on in that man's head, I would never know.

He looked at me, and greeted me with a distant 'hello.'

"I see you brought Nessie."

I seethed at the nickname. He knew I hated it.

"She wants to show you something."

Renesmee walked over to Jasper, and placed her hand on his arm. I knew what she was doing, and I watched as Jasper's face went through so many emotions so quickly. It was shock, pain, hurt, sadness, guilt, love. I knew my plan had worked as soon as he stood up.

"I can't believe this…it's really that bad," he said, the shocked expression still on his face.

"You're not a ball of sunshine yourself," I joked.

"Still…she's my mother. I can't let her go through this herself. Let's go."

Esme POV

I was lying on the bed again. My eyes were wide open, counting the bumps on the ceiling, the way I spent most of my nights. I could hear Edward outside my door. Keeping watch. It was ridiculous. As if I could ever escape with all the watchdogs around. Ridiculous.

I couldn't believe Bella had gone to get Jasper. What did she expect, an intervention? At any rate, I didn't think he would come. He was hurting too much to bother with any of my problems.

My dead heartstrings tugged a bit as I remembered a conversation with Carlisle a few years ago.

"Esme," he said to me.

"Yes, my love?"

"I love you."

I chuckled at his statement. We had said it so many times before but I never tired of hearing it. He was so cute right now, just randomly saying those words. It was one of the reasons I adored him.

"I know," I replied.

"'I know'? Is that all you have to say?" He joked.

"Oh, yeah. I love you too," I played back.

Suddenly his gaze became very intense and serious.

"Forever," he breathed. And I believed him.

I became conscious of my current state, which was in the fetal position, going through the motions of crying. Someone was at my side, and for a fleeting instant I thought Carlisle had returned, that these past few months had been just a dream. But it was too good to be true. I turned to see who it was, and I couldn't believe my eyes.

"Jasper?""Esme, we need to talk."

Jasper and Esme's heart to heart will be next chapter. I'm really excited about having them pouring their souls out to each other. It will be quite an experience to write.

As always, review please!