Really slow build up...
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"You're here early again." you take the empty spot next to her.
"My mom drops me off before she heads to work." she informs. "If I want to get to school on time by walking I have to wake up around the same time and if I take the bus I'd have to worry about crowd control so I figure this beats walking and public transportation." she must live pretty far from school.
"Where do you live?"
"By Walker Elementary school." she says and the place is familiar. The place is familiar because Marissa lives near that school. She's close to the border of the district. That makes sense because they went to elementary school together. Lilly lives all the way on the other side of town.
"Do you drive?" the small talk continues and she nods her head.
"Yeah but I don't have a car." her brows furrow while she thinks. "Why are you here so early?" she asks suddenly. The blonde's seen the Mustang around. Come to think of it you've been seeing each other a lot more than the previous school years.
"I woke up early." this is said with a shrug. The truth is you don't want to be at that house.
"You look like you've barely slept though." she notes very observantly. The bags under those gray depths and the fatigued look on your face are very telling. "Are you okay?" Lilly asks gently.
"I'll be fine." the assuring reply is given. You always are. You have to be.
Not wanting to be reminded of the past, her stare isn't met. There's that and the possibility she'll be able to see through the lie. Usually you're an astounding actress but vulnerability has a way of dampening one's skills. Maybe the sleep deprivation is also playing a role here. Or perhaps the breaking point is finally being reached.
The vibrating phone is fished out of your pocket. The message is read and it's not a surprise that Jake's texting again and his behavior causes unavoidable aggravation.
"What's wrong?" briefly you wonder whether this should be discussed with Lilly.
"You know Holly?" she shakes her head but her interest is piqued. She doesn't know her and she barely knows you. Then again an outsider's perspective is needed. She's impartial.
Impartiality is needed in order for someone's opinions to be undoubted. Biases often get in the way of people's opinions. Telling common friends what's going on will cause a divide. They'll pick sides and that will only lead to the escalation of the issue. They'll make matters worse. Besides, it isn't fair for them to be judging who the shittier friend is when they all have their imperfections.
They've all been asking why you and Holly aren't on speaking terms. The truth that she hasn't been very talkative is told but details as to why aren't shared.
"Go on." she urges curiously.
"Well you may have seen me and her with each other since she goes here." months ago you two were pretty inseparable. Holly was always at an arm's length. Lilly shakes her head again.
"She's your ex?" the blonde interrupts and gray depths roll. Not because of the interruption but because of her misguided assumption.
"Contrary to what others believe we were just friends." it's bothersome how everyone thought there was something more than friendship going on. It's aggravating that people automatically jump to the conclusion that you're romantically involved with an attractive girl just because she's appealing and you're constanstly in each other's presence.
"I'm sorry." she realizes something offensive has been said.
"No it's fine." the assurance is given after realizing how easily flustered Lilly gets. "I just don't like it when people think me hanging with a girl means that I like her." sympathy is written all over her features.
Those beautiful bright blue eyes are haunting. She probably thinks you're ticked but it doesn't matter because the emotion those depths evoke are far from positive. The guilt resurfaces when contact is made with those bright blues. Why couldn't she have green eyes instead of blue? God certainly has a sense of humor.
It's strange that the source of guilt is strangely also the source of comfort. Is this your comeuppance? It seems the past was just unwilling to be forgotten and left behind.
"I don't. It was just from what you were saying it seemed like you were going to say that." she explains rather tensely.
"Don't worry." a reassuring smile is offered. "I'm not pissed." the blonde looks disbelievingly. "It's just a lot of people take it the wrong way when they see me with a pretty girl." the explanation puts her at ease. "Hell I won't be surprised if people start talking about us hanging out right now." this truth may make her rethink these morning meetings.
"That's alright." she assures. "I don't mind." it's amazing how believable she is.
"Of course you won't." the things which spew from that mouth can't be helped. "I'm kind of a catch." the shameless declaration is made and she's smiling. The comment earns a playful slap on your arm. It's an attempt to reprimand that gargantuan ego. "It's the truth." she tilts her head to the side.
"Would you mind if people thought we are dating?" she asks and the question is nothing short of surprising.
"No." she seems to be a little skeptical. "You're cute." flattery would be the emotion evoked if rumors spring because Lilly's got a solid reputation, besides her company proves to be refreshing and amusing.
Other people can be boring but so far Lilly isn't and the way she's easily flustered will keep things interesting. Things flow easily. Conversing with one another is natural since there's no need to fish for a tedious topic. You wonder if she feels the same. People have always mentioned they're rather fond of talking to you because of your candid and open-minded nature. Apparently being in the presence of someone who speaks their mind is rather invigorating.
They like hearing what you have to say because they know restraint has never been a strong point. The irony is that the feeling definitely isn't mutual.
Sure discussions about how class is boring or a girl from that one music video is hot are shared but other than that the conversations lack a certain substance. It's hard to communicate emotions to others because of your tendency to bottle things inside. Aside from the comments made no one really knows what's going on because you're very fond of your privacy. It's rather strange to find comfort in talking about anything with Lilly.
"So what happened with Holly?" she's steering the conversation back on track. Lilly's really paying attention. She's probable intent on finding out how defective you are.
"Well I guess you could say she was one of my other close friends. Before me and Ollie got really tight it used to always be me and Hol. Ollie and I barely met last year." the explanation begins. "She started going out with this guy and I guess she's like in love with him or some shit. Anyway every time she had problems with him which was more frequent than she wanted to admit she called me up." you reveal. "I remember one time she called," instances are recalled all too easily being that there were quite a few of them. "She asked me where I was and I told her I was hanging out with some friends. I didn't hang up on her because she started crying about how stupid she was being. The guy she was seeing told her he really wasn't looking for a relationship and she was feeling like shit because she was starting to want one. She cried on the phone for like two hours and I listened to her the entire time. I locked myself in my friend's bathroom so I could give her my full attention." the sacrifice is emphasized.
"And then?"
"I just told her off one day because she was bitching about him again and about how she was sick of asking for advice." you're usually more patient but the problem was reoccurring and easily solvable if Holly would just listen. "I reminded her that she never listened to anyone. She never followed anyone's advice because she did whatever she wanted. That was the last conversation we had." the blonde nods urging for continuance. "I wasn't trying to be a bitch. I was just telling the truth." you state. "She's always has dilemma with guys because she always picks guys who treat her like shit." for a girl as attractive as her she really has the worst taste in men. "We aren't little kids anymore and I know she's smarter than that so I can't figure out why she keeps putting her hand on the stove when she knows the fire's on." she smiles, finding the turn of phrase amusing.
"Some girls are just attracted to bad boys." she states. Most friends do like guys who treat them like shit. It's surprising that people could possess such low self esteem. They should learn their lesson. You did.
"I just wanted her to grow up."
The lesson wasn't given because you didn't want to help. A true friend could never tire of helping her solve her problems. But being given the same problem to solve got a bit tedious. The solution was simple and if she had taken your advice she wouldn't be in the same mess she's always in.
"Was she the one texting you?"Lilly asks and receives a shake of the head.
"My friend Jake who's had a pup tent for her since he saw her is the one texting me. He was all surprised that Holly and I haven't been communicating and he's trying to act as our bridge." in Lilly's opinion he's trying to mend the situation. "Yeah I'd be grateful if he wasn't acting like this whole thing is my fault and he hadn't been hiding the fact that they'd been talking behind my back." you vehemently list his shortcomings. "He's making me feel like I'm the one at fault."
"How?" inquires the blonde.
"Well he keeps asking me if I'm okay with taking her out on her birthday. He started going on about how he doesn't want to force me to do something I don't want to." it sounds so incredibly ridiculous. "He knows me. I don't take shit from anyone."
"Well maybe he's thinking if you wanted to talk to Hol than you should have called her." she supplies but she's wrong.
"No. They know I'm not one to call." she looks confused. "I hate it when people call me when they're bored. It's like they call me and they expect me to entertain them." the disdain is rather obvious. "I'm not some performing monkey ready at their disposal." she laughs at the terminology. "I've always been a firm believer in treating others the way I want to be treated."
"You don't call or text people?" Lilly asks.
"I do if I'm like planning to hang out or something." the explanation is given. "I don't want to bug people. I never contact people at random. Only when I'm planning a get together." annoying someone is something you never wish to be accused of doing. "If you want to talk to me then you have to reach out to me." the system is explained and the explanation garners an intrigued look from Lilly. No doubt she thinks the method strange.
"But then what if the person feels like you haven't been calling because you don't want to talk to them?" this question was anticipated.
"I explain my system to all my friends." it's the simple truth. You've never been one to initiate contact and they should understand these methods by now.
"That's some system." the disapproval in her tone is clear but she doesn't want to engage in a debate. No further comments are made regarding this matter. She wishes to continue to hear about your troubles with Jake and Holly. Her curiosity is obvious and certainly unexpected. "Anyway, you were saying?" she pulls the conversation back on track.
"Well every time I see him I ask if he's been talking to Hol and he gives me this bull about how he can't talk to her when I'm not around because she's one of those friends by association type of shit." her nods head in understanding.
"You're feeling betrayed." she's more perceptive than she seems.
"Not only that. I don't think I can trust him because now I'm wondering what exactly he's been talking to her about. I mean I've been his friend since the 7th grade and if he can lie to my face about not talking to her than what else can he lie to me about? More importantly I wonder if he's been in contact with her all this time then why didn't he reach out to me sooner?" as expected the rhetorical question receives no response. "I wouldn't be surprised if he's been feeding her bullshit so that she won't reach out to me. It's the perfect opportunity to be her knight and shining armor." expecting the worst out of people is a trade specialty. "Sorry."
"For what?" she inquires.
"For dumping all that on you." you've opened up to Lilly and it's rather unsettling. "I'm usually not like this." you aren't one to complain and act emotional. "I don't really like talking to people about my problems but I figure you don't know me well enough to care and spread shit." perhaps the fact that she's a stranger makes it easy to talk. She doesn't care enough to spread rumors. Then again, she isn't the first stranger you've ever encountered during times of emotional crisis so really there's no answer as to why Lilly's been allowed to know more about you than even Oliver does. "I know I seem like I'm never fazed because I always have a smile on my face but believe me when I say I have a very distrustful nature."
"Sometimes the most troubled are the ones you least expect." she smiles brightly. The comforting gesture is returned. It's amazing how compassionate Lilly is. "You're a really good friend." she compliments.
"I know." are the words that fly out of your mouth. "I want nothing more than a friend like myself." her disbelieving look is quite adorable. At first she thinks it's a joke. Upon realizing it's just another truth shamelessly exclaimed shock consumes her face. She's unaccustomed to that trademark bluntness. She isn't used to these antics. "Sorry but I'm not the humble type." Lilly's figuring that out. "I'll admit I'm a little conceited but only on areas I have a right to be proud about." she stares incredulously. "I know my good qualities." that's a bit of an understatement. "But I also know my faults." the belief is clear in those bright blues.
"That doesn't sound narcissistic at all." she teases. All she can do besides that is take your word.
"Before you learn to love others you must first learn to love yourself." she laughs. Not because she finds the proverb silly but because the meaning behind the words hold such truth. So true that she can't help but condone your conceited behavior. "Tell me something about you now." the spotlight should be shining on someone else.
"What do you want to know?" Lilly asks.
"I don't know." everything. "Just anything." anything to shed the light onto another.
Her brows furrow as she concentrates on finding a topic that will capture your interest. She looks utterly oblivious for a few seconds. She's searching the back of her mind for a topic and from the look of triumph on her face it's clear that she's found it.
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Don't expect grand gestures any time soon. I kind of want to make their relationship blossom realistically...