So...haven't updated in a while and I apologize. Hopefully this 9 page, 4061 word chapter will make up for it.

Disclaimer: Still don't own Bleach.

When I look into your eyes

I see sunshine

The clouds are blown away

I hope you're here to stay

'Cause you've got me needing more of you

Guess I'm falling for you

Guess I'm Falling For You, Michael Buble

"Hitsugaya-kun!"

There it was. That familiar voice that would make any other man go out of his mind with desire but only served to make Hitsugaya's skin crawl with the anticipation of what was to come. It took all his years of self-control to keep him from bolting like a mad man. Perhaps a part of him didn't want to. He didn't bother to look back, opting to ignoring the voice while he continued through the Shinigami school grounds towards the main building. Of course he didn't get far; she was very persistent and didn't seem to take any notice of his irritation toward her. Gentle hands were placed on his shoulders halting his movement and he couldn't help the annoyed twitch in his brow as a warm body was pressed against his back.

"Hey kid, I know you heard me!"

"It's Hitsugaya-san!" He snapped in reply, finally giving in and turning around to face her.

She looked no different than the other times she had come to the school. Same shoulder length hair, same mole, same large…eyes. He attempted to force away the blush that refused to die as he diverted his eyes to the ground, away from the first thing in his line of sight when facing the shinigami.

"So what do you want now?" he mumbled.

"To see my favorite, cute shinigami student, of course!"

He glanced to the side to watch students point and laugh at his expense. It was the same thing over and over again, she'd come with her loud ways and appearance attracting all kinds of attention to him that he didn't want. He had already earned his peers' scorn due to his genius label; he just wanted to lay low for now. He directed his gaze back to smiling woman and resisted the urge to return the contagious smile. There was no need to encourage her. His brows knitted into a frown as she began to ramble on about her day. While some of the information was interesting as it allowed him a glance into shinigami life in the Seireitei, he couldn't help but balk at everything else she spoke of. She said embarrassing things so easily. After allowing her to speak for a few moments, he decided he had heard enough and raised a hand to stop her. She paused, eyes glittering in curiosity at his silent request. Usually he tolerated her chatter for much longer.

"Will you please stop," he began quietly "please stop coming here. I don't know or care why, but stop."

It was the first time he had ever seen a serious frown on her face and for some odd reason he found he didn't like it. He could detect the disappointment in her eyes causing him to feel incredibly guilty. A smile that didn't quite reach her eyes curled onto her lips and she took a step back from the white-haired boy.

"Ah, I see. Okay, I won't bother you anymore Hitsugaya-kun!"

She said all of this with a very cheerful voice but he still had that nagging sick feeling in his gut as she turned on her heel and walked away. Somehow he felt as though he had insulted her. She had, after all, only been checking up on him since it was she who persuaded him to go to Shinigami School. Briefly he wondered why he tended to push away those who attempted to be close to him. However, the thought was quickly dismissed, as that was who he was, and he turned around to proceed into the school.

Days later and there had been no sign of the shinigami. She apparently had taken his words to heart. It was when he would begin to discreetly look around for signs of her that he realized that he had been looking forward to her company. The irony was enough to make him chuckle. Months passed by without incident for Hitsugaya, who, much to the dismay of his classmates, continued to excel in all his classes. There was still no Shinigami and he gave up looking a few weeks later.

The day she returned into his life was not a pleasant one.

The sun was high, white clouds contrasting blue were scattered through the skies. It was a warm, beautiful afternoon and seemed as though nothing could go wrong that day. The students in the Shinigami School were almost restless to escape. Hitsugaya seemed to pay less attention to nature's beauty the older he grew. While others glanced out the windows of the classroom with longing, silently hoping the lesson would be over soon so that they may go and enjoy it, he was studying intensely and scribbling down notes as they went upon the board.

"Centuries of experience are normally needed to achieve bankai and ten years of additional training to master it. Even within the four noble houses of Soul Society, only one person in several generations will be born with the spiritual power necessary to achieve bankai. Because the act of bankai usually takes hundreds of years of combat experience to achieve, it is rare amongst shinigami and almost exclusively limited to the thirteen shinigami captains in the Gotei 13…"

The instructor, a tall, older man wearing a typical shihakushō with dark hair and contrasting light eyes, trailed off as the sound of gentle knocking interrupted his speech. The instructor's brows drew down into an annoyed frown before he took long steps towards the door. Sliding it open, he began to speak in a quiet tone to an unseen figure. Curiosity radiated off the students and even Hitsugaya couldn't help but raise a brow.

The instructor's face was grim as he took a step back into the room allowing whoever he was talking to, to enter. His stomach did a flip-flop at the familiar face. He didn't know whether to be frustrated that she hadn't listened to him, or glad for it. Something seemed off though. Her face, which had normally been adorned with a large grin, was unusually somber and her eyes that scanned over the room seemed much darker. Their eyes met and she signaled him in a come hither motion. Ignoring the obvious looks he was receiving from his peers, he stood from his seating place and gathered all of his things.

"Hey kid."

The woman greeted him weakly as he came before her. His stomach began to churn uncomfortably as he sensed there was something wrong. He didn't voice any questions running through his mind while there were still eyes on him. Quietly he followed the blonde shinigami out of the classroom and down the hall towards the exit doors of the school. Finally feeling secure knowing there was no one around to overhear their conversation, he broke the silence between them.

"What's going on?"

She didn't reply for a long moment, he could almost hear the wheels turning in her head as she thought. Her face was still twisted into a frown and when she looked back at him, it was full of sorrow and pity. It only served to make him even more worried to the point he couldn't stand it.

"Hey-"

"It's your grandmother…she's not doing so well."

He didn't know what he was expecting, but it wasn't that. His mind was in an instant jumble and his coordination was thrown off causing him to stumble over his feet. A warm hand gripped his shoulder preventing him from moving about clumsily and while he normally would have been embarrassed that such a thing happened at the moment his mind was on one thing.

"Let me go, I have to go to her!"

He roughly shrugged off her hand and broke into a run towards the doors, bursting them open. There was something wild in his eyes as he looked over the land. He knew exactly how to get to the home where his grandmother resided. The problem was that even if he ran the whole way it would still take hours for him to get there. Who knows what would happen in those hours. He had no choice, however, and he would run to her with no hesitation.

He made a movement to go once more but was halted by a hand gripping his upper arm tightly. Glacier colored eyes glared up at the source that was preventing him from going to his grandmother. A look of determination replaced the look of sorrow and pity she had previously held, despite the situation he mentally noted he preferred that look better.

"Don't move, I'm going to shunpo us to the house. We should arrive there far quicker."

He had heard shunpo but never experienced it firsthand. It was like a whirlwind. It made his stomach queasy and he had to crouch over after they had stopped in order to quell the feeling. Even so, they had arrived in a timely manner. Swallowing, he rushed towards the doors that lead into that single room that his grandmother had always been sitting in. The blonde shinigami trailed behind him in a much slower pace, after a while he forgot she was there. He almost couldn't control his strength as he pulled the doors open.

There she was. She lay on a futon in the middle of the floor, covers pulled up to her chin with a small wet towel on her forehead. Grandmother was still small and fragile as she had been when he left; the only difference was that warm glow that seemed to cover her had dimmed. He approached her with caution, as though his presence would make things worse. It was nonsense of course but he felt that way regardless. Finally he stood over her form. Her eyes were closed and breathing was shallow. Hitsugaya dropped to his knees beside her. There was a burning sensation behind his eyes but he refused to acknowledge it.

"Grandmother," he croaked out.

He glanced over the room before realizing something else was wrong.

"Where's Hinamori?"

"She's been called, she should arrive shortly," the blonde shinigami responded.

His grandmother shifted before her eyes cracked open sluggishly. A slow smile made its way to her lips and they parted as words escaped them.

"Toshirou, my boy."

"Grandmother, please don't talk. You have to save your energy."

"Hitsugaya, my time is short. Please, take care of Hinamori. She is not strong like you, she needs someone to support her and needs someone to support. I fear it might lead to her downfall one day but with you watching her I can rest peacefully knowing she will be alright. I have always and will always think of you as my grandson. You and Hinamori are what made my life here so beautiful. I don't regret a single thing…"

"Grandmother…"

Hitsugaya didn't know what to do. What could he do? Everything had a life span and his grandmother had lived very long by soul society standards. It was just so hard to let her go. She was the rock that kept him from going insane with loneliness. The burning sensation grew to an almost unbearable level. His grandmother released a strained chuckle as she looked upon his distraught face.

"You're a wonderful boy, Toshirou. I know you will achieve great things."

Her eyes slowly drifted closed, a peaceful smile on her aged features. Hitsugaya knew she would never awaken again. It felt like the minutes passed by agonizingly slow for Hitsugaya. No tears ran down his face nor was a sad look on his features. Nothing seemed to portray any pain he might of felt. He was blank and to an observer it appeared as though he was going through withdrawal. Really he was merely contemplating. What was he going to do now without the loving guidance and support of his grandmother? Hinamori had her own life and he could not rely on her to be there for him when he needed help despite their closeness. Now he had no one, he felt lost.

"Shinigami…what happens to souls here when they die?"

The woman almost looked startled to be addressed but recovered gracefully. She took a hesitant step into the room and then another, bolder one until she was standing beside the boy.

"Souls are reincarnated onto earth with no memory of the past…"she explained

"I see…"

They fell into silence. Hitsugaya was feeling immeasurable guilt that he had not been there sooner. A gentle hand was placed on his back causing his shoulder to rise slightly in tension. Soon it began rubbing his back in small circles and against his will his body began to gradually relax. Part of him didn't want to be comforted, he wanted to feel this loss completely, another part of him, however, was grateful.

"You know…its okay to cry over someone you love. It's okay to let the pain out…"

The words were murmured warmly in his ear and he didn't know how she managed to kneel beside him so closely without his noticing. Her suggestion rang absurd to him in his mind. He couldn't remember ever shedding a tear for anything or anyone. Nothing had ever been worth his tears…but looking down on his still grandmother, he realized he found someone worth crying for. Then the flood came. His eyes began to fill with water giving them a glassy appearance before spilling over and down his cheeks. He cried silently. The only odd thing about it was the tears falling to the floor were frozen like blue gems.

"Hitsugaya-kun, grandmother!"

Hinamori's voice was followed by her presence as she thrust through the doors of the room. She was panting heavily, obviously out of breath with her eyes reflecting fear. One look at her still grandmother and a crying Hitsugaya was all the indication she needed to know that the worst had happened. Her own eyes began to tear up and she began to cry in a less controlled manner than Hitsugaya shaking her head in denial. She didn't even notice the other shinigami gracefully going to her feet and moving away from Hitsugaya to exit the room quietly.

Hitsugaya made a quick note of this but it was pushed to the back of his mind as Hinamori took the front. He responded to Hinamori by rising to his feet and quickly making his way to the crying girl. Awkwardly, he patted her on the back in an attempt to console her. Hinamori turned towards him and enveloped him into a hug with a loud wail. Hitsugaya allowed her to do so, returning the embrace and clutching to Hinamori as though she was his last line. They took comfort in each other and mourned the loss of a mutual loved one.

The sun peeked through the curtains of a window, its rays streamed down onto the floor. The light fell upon a sleeping figure that began to stir when the light stroked his face. Vivid green eyes peered through pale lids in wakening. Hitsugaya blinked once, twice, before his eyes completely fluttered open. He groaned in protest against waking up even as he pushed himself into a sitting position. His hair was flattened down and messy, much like his earlier childhood years. The covers had slipped down his form onto his lap revealing his naked chest. A strong hand reached up and he ran his fingers through his hair; he scratched his scalp slightly along the way. That had been an odd dream. It was something he hadn't, didn't like, to think about in a long time.

It had been one-hundred years since the death of his grandmother. A lot had changed. He had lost her warm guidance that day, but mysterious forces ensured that he wouldn't be alone, they had sent Matsumoto. Now that he thought about it, Matsumoto had been there for him for a long time. She had cared for him even before he had become a captain, even before he knew her name. As much as he grudgingly admitted it to himself, Matsumoto had become his best friend, even when Hinamori was alive.

The previous night came flooding back into his mind warming his cheeks gradually. The kiss had been so small and insignificant, so why was it still affecting him so much? He couldn't feel this way, he loved Hinamori, and you could only have feelings about one person at a time, right? Hitsugaya released another groan, this time from frustration. His genius could help him with anything but the matters on hand. Resigned to put it in the back of his mind and forget about it, he rose from his futon and proceeded to prepare himself for the day.

He arrived at the office at precisely 8 o' clock in the morning. His stomach growled in protest at missing breakfast but he hadn't the time to give in to its want. The 10th division taicho opened the door of his office to a surprising sight that was enough to make his eyes widen and jaw slack a bit. There was Matsumoto sitting on the couch with a cup and a stack of papers. She was reading something intently while quietly sipping, taking no notice to her newly arrived taicho. Matsumoto was actually on time to work, doing paperwork, and not drunk. It was enough to make Hitsugaya believe in miracles. His eyes were then drawn to a cup of warm tea, judging by the steam, and a plate filled with rice crackers on his desk. The edge of Hitsugaya's lips tipped upward.

Matsumoto looked over the piece of paper she was reading and became aware of Hitsugaya's presence. A warm smile made its way to her lips and she set her cup on the coffee table.

"Morning, taicho!"

"Good morning, Matsumoto," he greeted in return entering the room and closing the door behind him.

"Thank you for last night. I had such a good time!" she gushed, "but you should have joined me after walking me home, I was so lonely. Next time, maybe?"

Hitsugaya's face went instantly red from his neck to the tip of his ears at the suggestive tone of her voice and words.

"Get back to work!"

He made his way briskly to his desk, brows drawn into a frown. Matsumoto twisted on the couch to look at him over the couch with a pout on her face. When he made no move to acknowledge her pout she sighed dramatically and turned back to the work spread out across the coffee table. Hitsugaya rolled his eyes and reached for the cup of tea. He paused, looking at the small meal Matsumoto had left for him and smiled again.

The hours passed by uneventful and quiet with the exception of Matsumoto's soft humming. Hitsugaya was finally pulled away from his paper work as Matsumoto dropped a large stack of finished papers on his desk that landed with a loud thud. She looked positively pleased with her accomplishment, if a bit tired. He couldn't remember the last time she had gone through and completed all of her paper work. He found he was fond of the expression on her face; it was enough to make him crack a bit of smile. Something he had been doing a lot lately with Matsumoto around. Matsumoto slid on to his desk into a sitting position, much to his relief she didn't knock anything over.

"So my personal opinion about the new unseated officers…"

She began to explain her view points on the new recruits she had met with. Their abilities, states, capabilities, personalities, and what they could contribute to the division. Hitsugaya was thoroughly impressed with her report. Not only had she (done) the work, but she had done it extremely well. He would have been proud if it wasn't her job in the first place, but still it was a grand achievement for Matsumoto. He continued to listen and watch Matsumoto, occasionally nodding to assure her that she still held his attention.

His mind began to wander though, he took notice of her face which projected joy in every muscle, her eyes that brightened every time something particular caught her interest, and her lips. Her lips were full and beautifully shaped; he would go as far as to call them perfect. Pink with a light sheen he concluded was lip balm, they looked terribly inviting. Hitsugaya stood; the rational part of his brain began to ring warning alarms loudly in an attempt to alert him of his actions. The rational part of his brain was drowned out, however, by the animalistic buzz in his ears urging him to release his control for once, and he listened.

Matsumoto looked at him curiously as he stood and moved in front of her. Her brows drew down into a light frown of concern upon looking at her captain's face. It held an unfathomable expression but it caused her to visibly shiver, unconsciously responding to it. That seemed to be all the encouragement Hitsugaya needed.

"Taicho, what's wrong-"

The words died on the lips of Hitsugaya. Hands clenched the edge of the desk bracing him as he leaned into Matsumoto, lips pressed firmly against her own comfortably. Mentally he was thankful for the slight height increase he gained recently. Matsumoto was apparently surprised and failed to react immediately. Nonetheless she made a speedy recovery and responded to Hitsugaya's kiss with equal fervor, bringing her arms up to rest on his shoulders and fingers dipping into the sea of white that was his hair.

It felt so good, he felt as though he would pass out from the pleasure. Was he allowed to feel this good? His hands moved away from edge of the desk up to Matsumoto's waist, wrapping his arms around her waist pulling her even closer to his body. The heat between them almost felt like it burned but he wanted more. Reluctantly, he pulled away to catch his breath. Matsumoto's eyes were half-lidded in desire and gazing into his own intensely. They both panted lightly but within seconds their lips were connected once more, clutching to each other like they would disappear if they let go.

"Toshirou…" Matsumoto moaned against his mouth.

Toshirou…

Something painful lurched in Hitsugaya's heart as the face of Hinamori Momo flashed across his closed lids. His eyes rapidly opened and the pain increased seeing Matsumoto's face in a state of pure bliss. His next actions almost killed him. Pulling his lips away from her, he released his hold around Matsumoto's waist and brought his hands up to her arms. He reached up and grasped Matsumoto's wrist tugging them until they slid out of his hair. Taking a step away from her leaving the warmth between them, he dropped her wrist and advert his gaze.

"Matsumoto, we can't do this."

"Why not? Is it because I'm your fukutaicho? Shunsui and Nanao-chan are together and no one cares. Or is it-"

"It's because you're not her!" he interrupted with a bark, feeling horrible the moment the words left his mouth.

He finally peeked back at Matsumoto, expecting to see her destroyed by his revelation. On the contrary she looked absolutely furious. Her cheeks were burning red and blue eyes darkened projecting her fury. Despite his fighting instincts, he failed to see Matsumoto's hand ball into a fist and raise up to hit him until it actually struck. His eyes were widened in disbelief; Matsumoto had never hit him before outside of sparring and never in anger.

"Fine," Matsumoto spat venomously, sliding off the desk, her feet barely touched the ground before she shunpo'd out of the office leaving Hitsugaya alone.

Hitsugaya fell back into his chair with a mental scream of aggravation. He felt colder than Hyourinmaru could ever make him. Gently he touched the tender side of his face and hissed. That was surely going to leave a bruise; her fist must have been laced with reiatsu for a more damaging impact. He had to think of a suitable excuse to explain it, but he deserved it. What had he done?

"Stupid…"