A/N: Part three. Hello. Hope you enjoy. More creepiness. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
"Well, yeah," Spruce replied to Jake anticlimactically.
"Huh," Adam also anticlimactically replied.
"So, lay on down, Adam," Spruce whispered softly.
Jake and Spruce stared at each other for a lengthy period of time.
Spruce was thinking about how much he wanted to sex Jake up, while Adam was thinking about how he could escape from the room.
"What are you thinking about, Jake?" Spruce asked in a husky voice.
"I'm thinking about how I can escape from this room," he replied.
"Oh…that's…disheartening. Look, is it because I'm a squirrel? They're just details, Jake, DETAILS," Spruce pleaded.
"Oh, God this is getting so weird!" moaned Lame Cat. "I'm just going to stay here in the background and be creepy for a while. Okay, guys?"
"Thanks, Lamey, that'll help."
Spruce and Jake continued to stare at each other with opposing emotions, when suddenly Castiel made his SECOND cameo. See that? I'm keeping track for you readers who aren't paying attention. The room was filled with white light.
"OH MY GOD, I VAGUELY REMEMBER YOU, SEXY ANGEL MAN!" Spruce cried.
Castiel tilted his head sexily.
Then, before they could say anything, Jake was a squirrel and Spruce started to cheer with joy.
"Wow, you're just as sexy as Adam," Spruce said aloud.
Castiel was bemused. Jake was slightly jealous. Spruce had cold sweats.
Jake looked at Spruce in slight shock and unexpected jealousy, but he couldn't help but agree, "Dude, you seriously are just as sexy as Adam…I mean Jake…I mean me…"
"Yes, I am," Castiel agreed.
Spruce giggled. "Weeeelll then, maybe you should stick around and we could-"
Spruce jumped out of his blankets. "Where did the sexy angel go?" he sobbed.
Before Cas had left, he had secretly turned Adam back to human. This was an experiment to be revisited later.
Spruce was sobbing on his bed, wishing the sexy angel would come back to him. Lame Cat, tired of being crazy in the background, shouted, "You're a SLUT, Super Squirrel! A SLUT, SLUT, SLUT, SLUT, SLUT!" he screeched.
Jake was confused.
Adam, freshly transformed into a human, found himself craving nuts and looked at Spruce, wondering if he might have some.
A very confused, nut-craving, newly-human Jake looked to Spruce and asked, "Don't take this the wrong way, but do you have any nuts on you?"
Spruce had nuts, just probably not the kind-
Spruce didn't have any.
Spruce's doctor interrupted this nutty line of thought, running into Spruce's hospital room to investigate the increasingly high-pitched and demented shrieks of Lame Cat. "I heard lame and…slightly demented shrieking…is there…anything wrong?" Dr. Sexy, M.D. asked.
"That's just Lame Cat being lame," Spruce exclaimed. "Why do you sound like William Shatner?"
"I…was hit in the…head…by a cat…with no legs…as it bounced…off of my…daughter's…trampoline," Dr. Sexy, M.D. replied.
At this revelation, Lame Cat stopped screeching. "Ohhh, sorry about that, dude. That was me. But your daughter is fxcking crazy, just so you know."
Lame Cat resumed his demented screaming.
"Dammit! That's it!" Adam sexily sexed. He strode forward, picked up a pillow, and held it over Lame Cat's face.
Spruce stared at Jake as the tendons in his arms flexed deliciously while he suffocated Lame Cat. "Goddammit, Jake, you're so fxcking hot."
Jake was too busy killing Lame Cat to hear. He lifted the pillow and looked cautiously beneath it.
Lame Cat let out a little giggle. "For a second there, I thought you were trying to kill me!"
"OH MY GOD, LAMEY! Just die already!" Spruce yelled, tiny squirrel arms flailing.
"I can't," Lame Cat told him tellingly. "I'm integral to the plot of this story."
Spruce stared at Lamey with a disbelieving expression. "I can't believe you," he said disbelievingly.
Jake sat in a chair by the bed, shocked at what he had done. But he quickly snapped out of it, asking, "Why are we still in the hospital? Weren't we supposed to be doing something before you ran us off the road?"
Spruce rolled his eyes at Lamey. "Yeah, you're right, Jake-"
"As he always is," interrupted Dr. Sexy, sexually eyeing Adam with his eyes.
"-we're supposed to be going after that crazy whosie whatsit lady!" Spruce finished.
Adam, momentarily caught off guard by the lascivious stares, tossed his way by everyone in the room, except Lamey, who wasn't staring because his eyes were gone, but was still being creepy faced in Jake's general direction, almost missed what Spruce said.
"Whaaa…Oh yeah. We should do that. And we should leave…now," he said, slowly backing out of the room.
"Wait! Jake! Would you mind…erm…could you…carry me to the Squirmobile?" Spruce asked shyly, this time definitely batting his eyelashes.
Adam eyed Spruce warily. "How about I get you a wheelchair and push you?" he suggested suggestively.
"That would take too long!" Spruce insisted. "I insist that you carry me, pretty plea-" he added with another bat of his eyelashes, "uh, I mean, please carry me, dude."
Adam stared at Spruce defiantly for a moment, before giving in with a masculine growl. A masculine growl that caused Spruce many intensely embarrassing physiological reactions.
Spruce looked up at Adam. "Do it without the attitude, or I'll turn you back into a squirrel!"
"Yeah, right! Only that sexy angel can do that!" Adam retorted.
"I'll carry you to the Squirmobile, Super Squirrel," Lame Cat said seductively, biting his lower lip in a grotesque fashion.
Spruce took one look at Lamey's creepy gestures before saying, "Fine, I'll walk."
Spruce was sure to walk behind Jake, as the view of his ass was great from there.
If there was one word to describe Jake's ass, it would be magnificent. It was perfectly round. His blue jeans were so tight that Spruce could tell he was going commando, and that resulted in even more embarrassing feelings.
To summarize, Spruce thought Jake's ass was callipygous. His embarrassing feelings were furthered.
At last, they made it out of the hospital.
Suddenly, Lame Cat started spazzing out. "She's here!" he cried out.
Spruce wondered how Lame Cat was able to see Old Lady Jordan from across the parking lot, seeing as how Lamey had no eyes and all.
"I can smell her, guys! Let's get out of here!" Lame Cat shrieked.
"To the Squirmobile!" Adam yelled.
Adam started to pick up Lame Cat, but Spruce just yelled, "There isn't time! Leave the cat!"
Adam straightened and shrugged his shoulders, walking briskly to the Squirmobile.
Lamey decided to roll his way to the car, before somehow throwing himself into the backseat. Spruce was chagrined.
As soon as Adam climbed into the car and shut the door, Jordan appeared in front of the Squirmobile.
"RAM THAT CRAZY BITCH!" Adam and Lame Cat screamed at the same time.
And ram her Spruce did. Except she was too close to really inflict any major damage, and she sort of just rolled to the side. Spruce floored the Squirmobile and raced away from the hospital.
"Wait, weren't we supposed to fight her?" Jadam asked.
"Fight her?" Spruce asked with shifty eyes.
"Umm...yeah, isn't that why you came to get me?" Jake who was also Adam who was also Jadam said with his voice.
Spruce stared at Jake, Adam, and Jadam lustily.
"Yes, I suppose it is," he answered cryptically.
"Well, let's go do it," Jake said, climbing out of the car, running over to Jordan, and delivering a well placed kick to her shins.
"OWWW! Why'd you kick me?" an old lady squawked in distress. Adam realized that he had kicked the wrong suspicious-looking old person.
Spruce popped out the window of the squirmobile. "That's not her, you sexy piece of man-meat!"
He pointed to the other suspicious old lady sneaking up behind Adam with a crowbar. "That's her!"
Jake yelped in fear and turned quickly. Jordan was sneaking up behind him on her tiptoes, cradling a crowbar gently in her wrinkled, creepy, old-lady hands. Realizing she was spotted, she grabbed the crowbar, held it above her head, and ran at Adam, screeching like a banshee.
Adam quickly grabbed the can of mace he kept on his keys and sprayed Jordan in the face.
Jordan's eyes, earlier scratched out by Spruce's little squirrel paws, were unaffected by this stream of vengeful liquid. However, not knowing where she was going, she veered off to the side.
Jadamake Millibel shrugged his shoulders and went back to the car.
"What happened?" shrieked Lame Cat when Adamake returned to the car, for he was blind and was unable to see.
Spruce had this sudden genius idea to play the "Why do you keep hitting yourself?" game with Lamey but then remembered that Lamey did not in fact possess any limbs with which to play the game. He sulked in the driver's seat upon this realization and waited for Jakam to buckle up. Safety first. Always.
"So what are we going to do now?" asked Jadamakebel. "And is Alfrdog still with us, or did he go somewhere?"
"Alfrdog is at the Squirrel cave, which is where we're headed now," Spruce replied. "Would you like to go to the Squirrel cave, Jadamakebel?"
"Oh, yes, I'd love to enter the Squirrel cave, Spruce!" Jake replied.
Spruce batted his eyelashes wildly at Adam, making Jake revise his previous statement.
"I mean, I'd like to go with you and Lamey and open the door to the cave and step inside...let's just go."
"Come on!" Jake continued. "Let's just get the hell out of here before that creepy whoosie whatsit blind lady finds her way to the Squirmobile!"
"What's wrong with being blind?" yelled Lame Cat loudly. Spruce stopped what he was doing and turned completely around in his seat.
"Lamey? SHUT. THE. FXCK. UP!"
Adam sighed happily at this outburst. Perhaps he could fall in love with a squirrel after all.
Spruce heard Adam's happy sigh and glanced towards him hopefully.
What Jake saw, however, was a glance filled with desperate yearning and obsession. Maybe he wouldn't be able to...
Knowing he was freaking Adam out, Spruce looked away and stopped being a creeper. Adam was relieved.
Lame Cat sniffled quietly on the floor of the back seat. He had rolled into the car but nobody had bothered to buckle him in. "I can see what's happening," he thought to himself. "And they don't have a clue. They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line...our trio's down to two." Silent tears streamed down his face.
Spruce looked in the rearview mirror and saw Lamey's tears. He snickered quietly to himself.
Spruce pulled up to the safe house, otherwise known as Squirrel Cave. As they piled out of the car, they heard suspicious dance music coming from inside. What was Alfrdog doing?
As they got closer to the Squirrel Cave, the music got louder. By the time they got to the door, Adam could identify the song, and was singing along with the song. "All I know is that to me, you look like you're lots of fun. Open up them loving arms, I want some, want some."
Spruce perked up at the last line Adam sang.
As soon as the Squirmobile stopped, Jake jumped out of the car and shut the door. Spruce followed suit, leaving Lame Cat on the floor of the back seat to fend for himself.
"I can do this!" Lame Cat said to himself. "They're right to not give me special attention. I have a handicap and I need to learn to live with it." He sighed deeply. "They're such good friends."
Meanwhile, inside the Squirrel Cave, Alfrdog was telling Spruce and Adam, "I have a message for you from Old Lady Jordan."