Chapter 2

E POV

I was the first to leave the bubble that Bella and I had created when the bell for lunch sounded. I swung my bag over my shoulder, sent her a smile and turned to leave.

"Edward." Her voice was quiet but powerful. I turned to look at her.

"I hope we can be friends." She said timidly, almost afraid I would shoot her down, say no.

I felt comfortable with Bella now, like how I felt with Alice or Rosalie, well, how I felt with Rosalie when she wasn't being a complete dipshit.

I felt the same with Alice and Rosalie apart from the desire I had for Bella.

Bella and I were on our way to being friends. Something we hadn't ever really been before despite the fact I'd known her for about eight years. Bella was kind, friendly, caring and completely different to most of the airheads at this school who wanted to get into my pants. Emmett said she'd been trying to be my friend for years and I've ignored her, muttered a few words at her when she asked me a question. I was rude. I was a dick.

My stomach filled with guilt.

I decided with a determined resolve that I would be Bella's friend. Fuck flashing lights.

Bella wanted me to be her friend. I would be that for her. I would swallow my feelings for her and be her friend. It wasn't like I could do anything about my feelings anyway. I had nothing to offer her, I could never love her, I could never love anyone. I wouldn't love anyone.

Love was a fucked up lie, an excuse to use when you hurt someone.

People always get hurt. I wasn't going to be the one to get hurt and I sure as hell wasn't going to be the one doing the hurting.

People around here hadn't realised it yet but I knew better.

That's why I fuck around, I don't get attached, I don't even tell my aunt I love her because it's a lie. I don't lie. I might be a lot of things; a screw up, a fuck up, a substance abuser, but I am not a liar.

"Can we?" Her voice, all soft and worried, brought me out of my thoughts.

"Sure. Friends." I sent her another smile and left the cafeteria.

I could be her friend. I would be her friend.

I strolled into the noisy Biology room; Mr Banner couldn't control his students for shit, and went to the front desk to see where I was placed on the seating plan. Back-left. I grinned. The seat next to me was empty, no fucking Mike Newton to put up with or Jessica and Lauren trying to cop a feel under the desk, I would go to them when I wanted something.

The second bell went but the volume of the class discussing who got with whom over the summer, who broke up – I heard Bella's name chucked around a few times – and who had been seen at a family planning clinic. I didn't even realise Forks, population four, had a family planning clinic. I guess I didn't know because I never needed it, I was smarter than most even when I was pissed and high. Use a rubber kiddies.

Banner stood up and cleared his throat once, twice, three times before he snapped. "Silence." He yelled.

I laughed into my hand.

The class went silent with shock when the classroom door flung open and slammed against the wall. I winced at the volume change.

Mr Banner's head snapped to the doorway for the culprit.

Bella Swan shuffled in, cheeks red and voice quiet in apology.

Quiet words were exchanged between the pair before he finally gestured to the only seat free in the class. The one next to mine.

I watched as she approached. Her toned, silky legs bringing her forward. I both cursed and thanked Rosalie and Alice for putting her in a skirt. I wanted her more than ever but I couldn't have her. She couldn't just be a fuck like most of the girls in this school because she was beautiful and too damn nice for me to be able to blow her off like I knew I would have to do when she got too close.

She approached the chair and looked at me warily like I would growl at her if she sat down. I sent her a small smile and moved my bag off the chair. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that she's cautious when it comes to me, I'm cold with her one minute, lukewarm the next and then icy the minute after. I would be better now. She'd get lukewarm all the time. Lukewarm was friendly. I would be her friend.

I laughed to myself as I realised how often I'd thought that over the last hour. It was becoming my mantra. I should just get it tattooed across my chest and be done with it.

Bella's head snapped to me as I chuckled quietly. She looked at me questioningly but I just shook my head slightly with the smile lingering on my face.

I had to be careful around her. My eyes were always desperate to look at her and I knew if I was not careful she would notice my longing for her. How much I wished to touch her, to kiss her. That was all I could offer her though, physical fulfilment. I don't have the ability to offer anything emotional.

B POV

There had been a timetabling mistake; I had been put down for Biology 1 even though I had been doing AP courses for a while now. So, after five minutes of confusion in the office, I was sent off to Lab 4 for Biology with Mr Banner.

The bell sounded again as I was walking to the lab, I growled silently. I'd probably end up in a crap seat now, the class would be working and I'd turn up late and look like a complete idiot.

Mr Banner's yell echoed down the corridor.

Great. G, R, E, A, T. Great.

I'd walk in now and he'd be in a bad mood and he'd probably yell at me and everyone would laugh.

My walk turned into a light jog. I was not going to run and end up with a broken ankle before I'd even entered the classroom. I pushed against the door hard, these Biology doors had a habit of sticking but apparently over the summer the caretaker had done something about that.

I cringed as the door slammed against the wall and no force of nature could stop the blood that rushed to my cheeks as everyone's gaze shot to me. I swallowed and continued forward to Mr Banner with a quiet "sorry" and explained the situation. He did not look very amused as he brushed me off with a gesture that said to go sit at the back of the room.

The seat next to Edward.

I felt reluctant to go sit next to him. Yeah, we'd come to some kind of compromise in the cafeteria and we'd decided to try to be friends, but that did not mean he'd want me sitting next to him. Too much, too soon?

You had to be careful around Edward, if you got too close, too clingy, too friendly, he'd shut off. I'd seen him do it before. He'd done it to various girls at our school who he'd been real friendly with. He'd even done it to Alice. He didn't talk to her for two months.

It was just him.

His childhood, his experiences, whatever they were, made him like that.

Esme explained that to Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and I just before Edward came to live with the Cullen's.

Her eyes had been red, her face puffy. She'd been crying. She'd been crying every time I'd seen her for two weeks.

She'd told us we'd have to be careful around Edward. He wasn't like everyone else. My nine year old self had thought she'd meant he'd had eight arms but that theory was shot to hell when I'd seen him in the garden of the Cullen house about a month after he arrived. His bronze hair shimmered in the light and the sadness on his face was clear in his pained expression. He was beautiful even then.

I supposed I gave Edward an involuntarily anxious look as I approached him sitting at the back of the Biology lab because he sent me a little crooked smile that made me melt a little inside and he moved his bag off the seat next to him.

I sat down and faced Mr Banner when I heard a little chuckle next to me. I turned to look at Edward but he just shook his head and continued to smile. He wouldn't tell me. A little part of me hoped that when we were closer, when we were really friends, he would tell me.

The lesson went slowly and no one dared to talk considering the outburst Mr Banner had had at the beginning of the lesson. The one I could hear all the way down the hall.

I spent the lesson looking around the classroom, doodling on a piece of paper and glancing at Edward. He hadn't noticed my short but frequent glances; he was too busy listening to his iPod that he'd snaked the earphones of up through his t-shirt.

I followed the line the wire of the earphones created from the bud in his ear down towards where it became hidden under his t-shirt. His chain was barely visible around his neck and its outline was visible. It was longer than the average chain.

I remember the first time I'd really noticed the chain. Jasper had noticed him wearing it and had continually asked what it was, what was attached to it. He had been wearing it every day since we met him. It wasn't a thick chain, it was a silver, delicate chain that somehow didn't look feminine on him but Jasper - fed up of no answers from Edward - had mocked him for wearing a 'necklace'. Edward became furious and got in Jaspers face, cursed him out, asked 'who the fuck was he to stick his nose in other people's business?' I really thought Edward was going to hit him but he didn't, he just continued yelling but Jasper didn't back down, not once. They'd been friends ever since.

The chain glittered in the light and I wished I could see what was attached to it.

I looked down to his body and decided that he definitely was well built. I knew I was staring, that I should have been caught by him already but I wanted, no needed to look at his face again. He was just so beautiful.

I inwardly cursed myself. I had to swallow my feelings for Edward, I was ridiculously lucky that he wanted to be my friend. He'd never want to be anything else. I wasn't even sure if he could. He didn't like attachments. So after a few seconds of internal head-table collisions I forced myself to turn to the front of the class and listen to Mr. Banner.

The lesson came to an end a few minutes later and Edward left with an "I'll see you later." I smiled all the way to my next class. It was progress.

Alice was bouncing up and down on her chair as soon as I came in and Emmett was laughing at her.

"Thank god you're here! I was worried we wouldn't get to see each other at all at school." She exclaimed excitedly.

"I'm so sorry you have to eat alone Bella, if I could I'd change to your lunch hour I would." She said honestly.

"It's okay Alice, I don't sit alone." I smiled, thinking of Edward.

"Oh my god, you sit with Mike, don't you?" She said his name with distain.

"No. I'm not desperate and so much for you rescuing me Emmett!" I sniped, turning on the boy to my right. "He's been on my ass twice today!"

He just sat there and laughed.

"It's not funny; he's making me go to the party on Friday."

"Oh god Bella, really? What a cruel boy, trying to get you a social life." Emmett grinned.

I turned in my seat and faced Alice.

"Stop changing the subject Bella! Who do you sit with at lunch?" Alice asked, frustrated.

"Edward." I shrugged.

The shock on her face was visible.

Emmett's giant hands grabbed at my arms and twisted me back towards in my seat.

"Edward came and sat with you today?"

I nodded. "He told Mike to get lost too."

Our French teacher chose that moment to walk in but I didn't miss the proud grin plastered across Emmett's face.

Alice and Rosalie had been continuously asking me about my break-up with Jake but I could never bring myself to tell them why'd he'd broken up with me. I was embarrassed. He'd fallen in love with someone else. He'd been in love with someone for four months of him and I didn't even know. Even thought he swore to me they'd only kissed I felt stupid, hurt, even a little undesirable but the attention I'd been receiving from boys since the break-up made me feel better and even though most of the guys were creeps, it was nice to reaffirm that I was desirable to some people.

Jacob said he found me attractive, that he wanted me but he and Nessie had just happened and then he fell in love me her. He didn't want to break-up with me because he loved me like a sister and didn't want to hurt me but he couldn't be without Nessie. I knew if Alice and Rosalie knew they'd be fuming, that Jacob had no right to cheat on me but if I was honest with myself I understood what he meant.

I loved him like a brother and even though I knew it might feel a little weird seeing him with someone else; it wouldn't hurt because we weren't like that. We weren't physical or passionate; we were friends who just fell into a label. We just became girlfriend and boyfriend; there was no desire between us.

I did not want him a hundredth of the amount I wanted Edward.

The time until the party decreased as did the material on the skirts Alice and Rosalie had put me in and by Thursday the entire senior class was excited about Mike's party. I wasn't looking forward to it. At all.

I know that Alice and Rosalie will spend all their time with Jasper and Emmett, Edward will spend the entire time hooking up with Jessica or Lauren, both queen of the whores and I'll spend the entire evening defending myself from Mike's advances because despite their promise to protect me from the horny boys of Forks High, Emmett and Jasper had failed to protect me from the king of unused sperm; Mike Newton.

Lunches with Edward had been getting progressively more comfortable, friendlier and today was no different, he'd told me about how Emmett had finally cleaned his room and then fallen down the stairs because he couldn't see over his pile of dirty clothes.

I laughed for minutes and Edward chuckled right along with me.

I'd be rubbing this one in Em's face for at least a month.

We'd talked about our biology assignment and he'd told me we could work on it tonight when I came over to pick my clothes for tomorrow night with Alice.

He'd even recommended a list of books I should read.

We were getting good at this friends thing. It was becoming increasingly easier to talk to him and not get tongue-tied, I knew it would be easier to watch him talk to other girls in the corridor and not feel jealous because they were getting a part of him that I wasn't. It was getting easier because I was becoming a part of his life and that's all I ever wanted. Yeah, I would have liked to have been something more than a friend but this is all I could be if I wanted to mean anything to him because those girls he slept with and hooked up with, they couldn't mean anything to him, they were disposable to him.

But there was always the hope that Edward and I could be something more than friends and this hope was growing with every look he sent me, every time his gaze lingered on my bare legs, every time he brushed against me and despite my attempts at swallowing this hope, it always found its way to the surface, stronger and more powerful every day.

Today, we'd walked together to Biology and Jessica had tried to stop him and she indiscreetly invited him to a supply closet. I didn't even bother to stop walking, I knew he'd say yes. He always said yes.

"Not now Jessica."

He rushed forward a bit and placed his hand on my right shoulder.

"Wait up." He said in my ear.

I could hear Jessica dramatically huff behind me and I begged every cell in my body not to fool themselves into thinking that he said no because he wanted to spend more time with me.

In Biology we spent the hour listening to how we should write up our enzyme experiment. It was tedious and unnecessary; we'd written dozens of these things in the last three years.

French went fast as Alice tirelessly threw little pieces of paper on my desk with possible combinations of outfits for tomorrow. I stopped opening them after the third one.

Alice pulled me towards her car, yelling at Emmett to stop "making face with Rosalie and get In the damn car or he was walking" and muttering constantly about the party. Anyone would think it was prom by the way she was going on about it.

Edward's car was already on the driveway when Alice pulled in. I asked Em why they didn't all drive together.

"Boundaries." He shrugged like that explained it. He caught my confused expression and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "Edward."

I nodded in understanding. Edward liked his space.

Alice put me into the shortest skirt she could find and the tightest top. Then, she pushed me out the bedroom door and into the living room where Edward and Emmett were playing on the PS3. Emmett turned around at all the fuss I was making, I looked like a whore but Alice was relentless and asked Em what he thought. He went bonkers and started yelling about "horny boys not getting to see my semi-sister's lady lumps."

This outburst caused Edward to turn around and a smile found its way to his face. His eyes lingered on my legs and my chest. His face flushed when he realised I saw his gaze.

The hope grew even more. He wanted me. I knew he did.

Alice eventually decided on a pretty, feminine, blue dress that hit mid thigh and rested by straps over my shoulders. I felt comfortable and attractive in it.

I changed back into the clothing I wore to school, my skirt and a summery top before going to find Edward to start our Biology assignment.

I wandered down to the living room only to be told by Em that Edward was in his room on the third floor waiting for me.

I walked up the stairs and knocked on the only door on the top corridor, Edward appeared at the door with wet hair and in a tight t-shirt and pyjama bottoms, he'd clearly had a shower. I swallowed the want, the desire and entered the room. I looked around the room, it was tidy, big and tidy.

He had a large CD collection on one wall and an even bigger book collection on the other wall.

He gestured for me to sit on his large bed that had Biology books spread across it so I pulled out my resources and sat crossed legged, careful not to do anymore flashing of underwear this week, on the right side of his bed.

He joined me quietly and we began working.

His eyes danced across my face when I read from textbooks, watching my lips, my eyes, the blush that appeared on my cheeks with the attention. His fingers tensed and relaxed as they rested near my legs, every so often it looked like he would reach forward from his position opposite me and touch me, just as my skin begged him to do, but he would just reach for a book only to put it down a few seconds later.

I knew he wanted me. Even if it was just how he wanted Jessica or Lauren or any other of the girls he used, he wanted me. That filled me with pride and only intensified my longing.

We became bored quickly and began throwing "this or that" questions back and forth.

I knew how to do this lab, it was easy, it required no concentration and Edward surprised me with his knowledge; he was smart, really smart, that shouldn't have surprised me as he was clearly well read but considering the amount of time he spent out at weekends and in the evenings I thought he wouldn't have time to study.

"Saturday or Sunday?" He asked.

"Saturday."

"Why?"

"Sunday is ruined by the thought of Monday."

"Und-"

"It's my turn." I interrupted. "Big Mac or McChicken Nuggets?"

"McChicken Nuggets."

"How manly of you, Mr Happy Meal." I laughed.

"Ha ha ha. Orange juice or Apple juice?"

"Apple." I licked my lips. "Yummy."

His eyes dropped to my lips. I couldn't help the smile on my face.

"Left or right?" I asked.

"I never have to decide but left, I guess. Yeah, always left." He seemed to laugh to himself. I didn't get it.

"Nemo's gills or Dumbo's ears?"

"Eat or have?" I asked stupidly.

"Have." He laughed. "Why on earth would I ask you to eat elephant ears?" He continued to laugh as wrote on our assignment. He was writing quickly, very quickly, like he had somewhere to be or something else to do but he continued to humour me and play our game.

"They might be a delicacy somewhere." I blushed.

I felt his eyes on my face which caused the blood to rush to my face even more.

"I believe you owe me an answer Miss Swan." He chuckled quietly at my redness.

"Dumbo's ears."

"Why?"

"I like the idea of being able to fly away, to always feel like there's the certainty of escape, that if you get far enough away from the bad stuff, everything will be okay." I answered honestly, looking up.

He looked thoughtful, removing the pen from the page and spoke quietly.

"There's never the certainty of escape, there's only the certainty of feeling trapped."

His conviction tinged with edge of bitter sadness, the frankness in his eyes as they met mine sent shivers down my spine.

"You can get as far away from pain and hurt and all that shit as you want but it will still be there, it will trickle into your soul, into your heart. It doesn't go away, ever."

We certainly weren't talking about Dumbo anymore.

It made my stomach ache and my throat burn as I realised the full extent of Edward Cullen.

I knew he was damaged but I think I was only just realising the extent of the damage.

He felt trapped but I didn't know if he felt trapped in Forks, trapped as the person who he was perceived to be or trapped in the mental state of a nine year old boy who seemed to have been through more than anyone could ever imagine. Or maybe, just maybe, it was all of those things.

He was bitter and angry and no one knew why. Well no one except Esme and Carlisle, but it had been eight years and he still seemed as broken as the day I first saw him so they obviously couldn't help him, I knew they must have done everything they could to help him, it was in their nature, but they just couldn't fix him.

Looking at him, meeting his eyes across the bed we were laying on, my head was filled with a thought. It was probably a ridiculous notion but it gave me the excuse to do what every part of me wanted to do.

Maybe I could fix him.

I watched as my hand reached towards his neck and grasped it softly, I could feel the chain beneath my palm. My hand made contact with the soft hair at the bottom of his neck and his eyes seemed to open slightly in surprise before closing with a soft exhale. He wanted me, I hoped he did before but he I knew he wanted me know, he didn't resist; he didn't even consider not letting me kiss him. I didn't hesitate as I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his. It was soft and light and everything a first kiss should be as his lips gently caressed mine. His hand reached up to my neck and rubbed my pulse point. My heart was racing, I could feel it in my head and I should have been embarrassed that he could feel it beneath his hand but all I could think was I'm kissing Edward, finally.

I pulled back slightly to judge his face and I found that his eyes were open now; I didn't break our gaze as I leaned in again. I stopped when I heard a whisper.

"Don't."

I stared at him hard for a good few seconds and counted back from ten in my head.

You couldn't push Edward, he'd just push away.

My hand slid from his neck and I sat silently with my hands in my lap.

"I think you should go now." He said quietly as he got off the bed and ran his hands through his hair.

He didn't look at me, just stared out his window silently as I gathered my stuff as quickly as I could.

As I stood from his bed and grabbed my jacket from his chair I heard him turn around.

"I'm sorry Bella."

I turned to look at him.

"Don't apologise. I should be the one apologising."

He watched me, face devoid of emotion.

Even though my brain was screaming at me not to push him, not to say the wrong thing, my heart took over and said something I shouldn't have.

"I should apologise but I'm not going to because I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry I kissed you and if you're honest you're not sorry either. You wanted that kiss. I know you did."

He stood quietly, staring at me, his face cold.

I wanted him to say something, anything.

"You need to go now Bella."

Anything but that.

I couldn't help but slam the door on the way out.

When I reached Emmett and his PS3 on the living room I was angry and dejected. And a little confused.

I was sure Edward wanted me, but his coldness made me think twice.

So I sat next to Em, grabbed a controller and began killing zombies like nobody's business.

Twenty minutes later I was calmer but confused as ever about Edward so I gave Em a hug and told him I'd see him tomorrow. I jumped off the couch and went to the front door; I opened it to find Jessica Stanley on the other side. I looked at her questioningly.

"Is Edward in his room?" She asked as her voice grated against my ears.

My heart splintered a little in my chest.

I pushed past Queen of the Whores 1 and rushed to my car. I ripped the door open and stuck the key in the ignition.

I tried to start the car several times, listening to the engine turn over.

"Please. Please. Please." I begged, praying for the car to start.

I tried once more and sighed in relief as the engine started. I could not go back into that house.

I glanced up to Edward's room and saw him standing at the window. His face was blank and my heart splintered even more. Edward didn't want me. I'd read him wrong. He wanted a hook up. That was it.

Jessica was well qualified at fulfilling that want.

My eyes locked with his once more and I tried not to cry as Jessica sauntered up to the window and began to kiss his neck.

I shoved the car into reverse and sped the hell out of there.

I thought it was getting easier being around him, liking him, even though I'd never be able to be with him.

I thought I could be his friend, only his friend.

I thought I could be without his touch.

I thought I could be okay with that.

But after today, after feeling his lips against mine I knew I was wrong.

I was so, entirely, completely fucking wrong.

*hides from rotten tomatoes*

So Edward wants Bella physically but because he wants to be her friend, because he respects her; he won't act on it because he knows he can't offer her anything emotional because his experience in Chicago won't allow him to.

You'll find out what happened in Chicago in a little while, not in the next few chapters but soon.

The party is up next.

Reviews make me happy!