It had already been a week since Captain Kirk had died in the warp core. A week since Spock had beaten Khan within an inch of his miserable superhuman life, and since Bones discovered he could possibly save his closest friend. It may have required the genetically altered blood of the human augment, and thus required Spock to curb his drive for murderous vengeance, but they'd have done nearly anything to get Jim back. McCoy had managed to synthesize a serum from Khan's blood, prior to being placed back into cryogenic stasis with the remainder of his augment crew. The serum had wreaked havoc on Kirk's system, but it had indeed revived him, though he was seemingly comatose.
The second Spock had been beamed back to the Enterprise with Uhura and a thankfully unconscious Khan, he had run with the augment's limp form over his shoulder directly to the med-bay and threw him roughly onto the nearest bio-bed. The half-Vulcan felt that he could not bring himself to leave Kirk's side, but did not wish to hinder McCoy or any of the nurses during the procedure. Thus he settled on standing near the left corner of the room, where he could still observe while standing painfully stiffly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other subtly. He could feel a slight burning in his mind, something telling him to cling to Kirk and allow no one near him, allow no one to bring him harm ever again. Spock took in a ragged breath silently, shutting his eyes as he tried to clear his mind and calm himself.
It seemed like the longest week of any of their lives. As they arrived at the second week of Jim's comatose recovery, the entire crew of the USS Enterprise was on edge. Bones had been drinking much more frequently, with Scotty often joining him. The only time he was fully sober was when he was tending to Jim. No matter how worried and stressed as he was, he had a professional and personal pride when it came to patient care. Especially when that patient was his best friend. Uhura was mostly silent and high strung at this point, still shocked by not only the death and hopeful revival of her Captain but mainly the events that occurred between her and Spock. She had witnessed that day, more intensity from him than she ever had before. He had cried in sorrow and rage, and completely lost control of his emotions, because of Captain Kirk. And on the third day of Kirk's stagnant unconscious state, when she had visited him and Spock, her Vulcan companion had ended their romantic involvement. He had told her that he was emotionally compromised and no longer a valid match for her. She had stormed out after he had monotonously requested that they stay "friends". While after some time to cool off, she did agree to preserve their friendship, she was still somewhat irked by the previous events. Chekov and Sulu formed a habit of overworking themselves during their shifts and spending their nights mostly sitting in silence together, not really knowing how to fill it. Despite the differences in how all of them dealt with their current situation, they were all doing the same thing. They were all simply... Waiting. Waiting for their fearless Captain with his confident laughter and smug grin to return safely to his rightful spot on the bridge.
Spock, on the other hand, was not succeeding in distracting himself. From the moment the serum had settled in Kirk's blood, and the procedure was over, he had rarely left Jim's side. He tended to his necessary bodily functions but would return within a few short minutes. It was as if he were senselessly expecting his Captain's heart to suddenly cease beating if he were away too long. Spock had spent the majority of the previous week either sitting in an uncomfortable but functional chair beside Jim's bio-bed, pacing somewhat agitatedly from either side of the room, or attempting and usually failing to meditate. He had not yet slept since the debacle with Khan, so concentration had become increasingly difficult.
McCoy entered the med-bay quietly, as it was somewhere around 0100 and he had hoped Spock would have finally decided to get some rest. But to his disappointment and frustration, the half-Vulcan turned to greet him, with a tiny nod. The addition of continually darkening blue-green beneath his eyes was a dead giveaway to how exhausted the Commander really was. "Green-blooded hobgoblin..." the doctor mumbled under his breath before continuing, "Get some sleep, dammit!" he raised his voice slightly, agitation seeping out. But as a medical professional he knew, despite how Vulcans required less sleep than humans, they still needed somewhat of a rest cycle to remain fully functional.
"I am perfectly fine doctor." Spock replied calmly but weakly. He knew it was not sensible to prolong his lack of rest as he was becoming slowly less functional, but could not bring himself leave his friend physically or mentally.
"The hell you are Spock! I know Vulcans don't need as much sleep as we humans do, but that doesn't mean you can go weeks at a time without it! Get some sleep, he'll be fine." Bones spat out, annoyed with his own worry, his southern accent slipping a bit as he lost steam near the end of the sentence gripping his nose bridge and letting out a tired sigh.
It took a minute, but the stubborn Vulcan finally conceded. "You... Are correct Doctor McCoy. I will attempt to do so." The doctor rolled his eyes and nodded in agreement as he went about his business inspecting Jim's vitals and brain activity. He finished what he was doing quickly and efficiently, grumbling slightly as he did. Within 5 minutes he was on his way back to his quarters to down some bourbon and pass out in bed.
Spock let out a very quiet huff once McCoy had left the med-bay, relaxing slightly in his chair, posture still quite stiff. He closed his eyes for a moment before he reached over, and in a movement that could have been construed as quite uncharacteristic for the half-Vulcan, placed his hand gently on Jim's. He felt a sudden shock of electricity jolt up from his fingertips to his shoulder and a flash of golden light passed through his mind like a wave of contentment and tranquility. "Ashayam..." Spock spoke the word below even a whisper as his vision began to darken and he couldn't help as sleep overtook him.
On the eighth day, Spock had woken up at 0800, after finally getting approximately 7 hours of oddly deep and peaceful sleep. It was likely the longest he had ever slept at one given time and had been the first time since he was very young that he had dreamt. Vulcans do not dream, and Vulcans also have exquisite control over their emotions. Both qualities of the species that Spock had adhered to and exhibited for many years, since his early childhood on Vulcan. It was only then, at a young age when he was still learning the cold, calculated ways of Vulcan culture, despite his half-human parentage, that he had experienced both emotional outbursts and dreams. He could remember having had dreamt once or twice when he was still attending the Vulcan Learning Centre, but could not recall the dreams themselves. And the only real emotional outburst he'd had as a child was when some of his peers, on their 35th attempt to elicit an emotional response, had turned the subject of their mocking from him directly, to the "Disgrace of his human mother and traitorous Vulcan father." After a stern talking to from his seemingly cold and disappointed father, there were assuredly no further outbursts.
That was, of course, until he met James Tiberius Kirk. Things had been drastically changing around him since the human had entered his life. Though Jim thoroughly aggravated him at first, as he was absolutely the most illogical being he'd ever encountered. With his arrogance, reckless behaviour and complete disregard for the rules and even his own safety. But once they'd become something more like friends, Jim mainly just perplexed Spock. He had unwittingly allowed himself to be compromised by Kirk after the destruction of his home planet, and the death of his mother. And now, he had fully lost control over his actions and feelings, again because of Kirk. He had cried openly, despite any onlookers. He had felt and displayed a savage rage and desperation he had never experienced before. And if it weren't for Uhura loudly informing him of the chance to save Jim, he would have very gladly ended Khan Noonien Singh with his bare hands, without even a touch of remorse.
And to add to the strange occurrences in the previous year, he had slept so peacefully and deeply that he'd dreamt. In his dream, which he could not fully recall upon awakening, he found himself in an endlessly dark expanse. Spock looked around in the obscured darkness, then walked forward as he noticed an impossibly beautiful yet familiar golden light somewhat out of reach. The nearer he got, the more strange it seemed. Within that light were threads, like an intricate network, all connected to one unyielding link that he could not yet determine its beginning or end. He reached out for the link and as he grew closer and nearly grasped it he felt a rush of thoughts and emotions seemingly not his own, overwhelming him with a feeling of being perfectly complete. He was then suddenly awoken by the swoosh of the med-bay door sliding open.
McCoy walked into the room housing his recovering friend, feeling perpetually tired despite getting some rest. Short stubble had begun to grow on his face, unsurprisingly his absolute last concern at this point was his appearance. He scratched his impending beard, and his scowl turned to slight surprise at the sight in front of him. Spock had been resting his head on the edge of Jim's bio-bed, with one hand lightly resting on Jim's. McCoy smirked for a second before attempting to replace it with his usual frown, to hide his amusement. Spock's head snapped up quickly, regaining his posture and composure instantly. One thing he couldn't fix in a single second was his jet black hair that was sticking up in every which way, on only the left side of his head. "Morning Spock, good to see you actually took my advice for once in your life!" Bones snickered quietly under his breath, wishing Jim would wake up and see it. His expression returned to being serious at that thought, and he decided to busy himself with his work.
Spock quickly gathered his bearings and stood up, replying curtly to Bones "Good morning doctor. I slept, as it was only logical to cease postponing my rest cycle." He began to walk towards the door, to go relieve his bodily needs and quickly feed himself.
"You could just say thank you! Damn pointy-eared bastard..." McCoy shouted and scoffed at the hurried Vulcan. He returned to examining Jim, checking vitals and brain activity from the previous night. For the majority of which, the readings were the same as it had been the whole week. Nominal sensory activity and non-REM sleep. But, between 0700 and 0800 Jim had finally fallen into proper REM sleep, and readings had spiked. Jim had been dreaming, for the first time in his current comatose state. "Well ain't that a helluva thing... Wonder what you were dreaming about..." Bones said quietly to Kirk, sighing as he knew he was wildly aware that he wasn't heard. He finished his morning duties in the med-bay quickly. Before he left, he walked over to the blondes sleeping form and brushed a stray hair off his forehead and spoke under his breath "Come on kid, get your ass up and back to annoying me and Spock. He's making me uncomfortable with his moping." Bones smiled, just a little, as he turned and left the room.
Within 10 minutes of departing, Spock had returned with his hair returned to its usual neatly styled state, with a change of clothes and his meditation mat. He had been attempting to meditate throughout the week, but all attempts were quite fruitless as he never managed to clear his mind completely. He hypothesized that a familiar environment would be more conducive for proper meditation. He looked at Jim for a few short seconds before placing the earth-toned mat on the floor and sitting down with his legs crossed. The half-Vulcan closed his eyes slowly and began to focus on his breathing which slowed to a deliberate pace, as his spine and shoulders relaxed ever so slightly. Once he reached an acceptable meditative state, he was able to enter his mental landscape. He began to try to process and organize all that had transpired recently in his mind. He tried to recall and rationally unfold the proceedings of late, starting with Khan's attack on Starfleet HQ. But he could not control his thoughts properly, as the memory of Christopher Pikes death simply launched his mind back to the moment of Jim's death. Feelings of anguish, grief, and anger surged through him immediately.
He finally conceded with a grimace in his mind, that he should work through this specific event. Spock began analyzing his thoughts to determine what caused his recent outpouring of emotion. Given the past and present context, it was most surely linked to Jim, perhaps even caused by him. But if so, what could explain the connection of such? He had become close to Lieutenant Uhura, yet he had not had anywhere near the same responses when things pertained to her. He tried to comprehend his thoughts from those moments outside the warp reactor, and as he chased and fought Khan. He had felt intense and excruciating anguish watching Jim fade away and then felt uninhibited fury that was directed at Khan for taking away his Captain, his friend. As he had sprinted after the superhuman he couldn't help the preposterous thoughts of 'How dare he? How dare he take away my captain, my Jim?' And as Spock learned that Jim could be saved, he felt an all-consuming need to save him.
It was then that Spock realized it. He needed Jim Kirk. He had once felt generally annoyed and vexed by the fool-hardy blonde, but with time it had slowly turned into respect and curiosity. He accepted Kirk's presence in his life, as he quickly caught on that he seemed to be stuck with him, whether it was due to circumstance, or later friendship. But only now did he come to grasp just how much he not only needed Jim but how much he longed for him. He also noted, with a slight frown gracing his usually controlled expression, the frighteningly quick progression of his feelings towards his Captain. Spock felt respect and admiration for Jim Kirk, but it had then advanced into protectiveness, quickly turning to possessive even... The half-Vulcan was quite obviously aware of the lack of logic in feeling possessively towards another living being. His eyebrows creased slightly further as he tried to then return to memories of his lessons on Vulcan history and culture as a child. 'Perhaps the explanation lies here, in past teachings.' Spock anticipated as he recalled with perfect clarity his father's voice, then he fell back into the memory, listening intently to his father's every word. He had not had reason to remember of many of these things for a long time, and about halfway through the lesson, he heard it. The word that Spock had nearly forgotten, the word that put everything into place and made sense of his actions and thoughts. T'h'yla.
A/N - Aight bois, well this whole story is just spiraling out of my control. At first I had intended for it to be a one or two shot, three chapters at the most. But here we are at chapter three and I'm barely getting started. I have so much planned for this and I just hope I can keep up with my motivation to actually finish this story. ALSO TRANSLATION FOR VULCAN WORDS = the first one "Ashayam" basically means love (a term of endearment) and the second one "T'h'yla" shall be explained in the next chapter BONUS POINTS to anyone that already knows ;)
As per usual, please leave reviews and feedback, they give me not only the will to write, but the will to live and are in general thoroughly appreciated. :')