Author's Note: So, you guys benefit from another day off and a sudden burst of inspiration. I suppose another update (so soon after the last one) is the best way to say 'Thank you' for all the alerts and some really thoughtful reviews. So, so glad you're enjoying this.
Sing Me Home
Chapter Three: Let's Step Out
What are you hiding? No one ever asks that.
Sarah Vowell
Finn catches up with Rachel one afternoon while she's headed towards the van, dad in tow, ready for another appointment with Dr. Reed (her Lima doctor). Her dad gives him a look that's somewhere between appreciative and confused and makes a beeline to the driver's side door.
"Bunny, you can take a couple minutes to catch up with your friend. We're going to be fifteen minutes early as it is."
Rachel glares at him and then fixes Finn with the fake smile that's become her trademark. There are only two people in the world who know when she's not really smiling and Finn isn't one of them. He smiles back, an automatic response, and brings his hand up behind his head in a rather bashful pose. Knowing Finn, he probably is embarrassed to be caught jogging (stalking her) past her house. He's been turned away twice before but, then again, the boy never was very good at taking a hint.
"You're looking…good." She's wearing an oversized t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants with the right leg cut off just above her knee to make it easier to get it past her cast. Her hair is shorter (no longer tumbling down her back) and it's just long enough to pull into a proper French braid. Rachel's well aware that she's still ten pounds over her target weight and she hasn't felt this shitty since sophomore year and Kurt's nightmare of a makeover.
"You don't have to lie to me, Finn. I know I look like shit." Rachel smiles (for real) when he cringes at her choice of words and there's a moment when she feels like laughing. "I get my cast off today, so I can stop mutilating sweatpants. Then Dr. Michaels is flying out in a couple of weeks to remove all the hardware in my leg."
She's saying more than she normal would (except with Jesse) and it's probably because Finn's always served as a verbal laxative – whenever he's around, she can't help but say more than she means to.
"I know; I've been assigned as your physical therapist once your doctors clear you."
The brief surge of anger she felt while pondering how he knew is replaced by complete and utter surprise. Last she'd heard he was an assistant coach under Beiste and taking evening classes at OSU-Lima (the football scholarship and attempt at a degree in Leisure Studies never really did pan out to a career in the pros). Apparently getting fired from the tire shop for being a hazard to life and limb made him actually go and study something.
"Mostly I work with the football team, but I got the sh…I asked if I could work with you. You know, because we're friends and everything." Rachel figures he was going to say short straw and wonders how many of her former classmates are working at Lima Memorial Rehabilitation Center. They probably remember her from the days when she was just a loud voice and a grating personality. She doesn't blame them for not wanting to work one-on-one with her.
She learned, the hard way, after a couple months on Broadway that acting like a diva doesn't get anyone very far in life.
"This was nice and everything, but, I really don't want to be late. I want to take a shower tonight and not worry about getting my cast wet."
Rachel doesn't even wait for a response (although she's pretty sure Finn's blushing at the thought of her in the shower), just wheels forward until she's on the ramp and being lifted up into the van. It's always been this way with Finn, balanced somewhere between annoyance and attraction, and she reminds herself that (last time she checked) he was dating some twenty one year old with a two year old from a previous relationship. It's one thing to fuck over Quinn Fabray but screwing over a stranger with a kid is in a whole other league. Her life might be over, but, she's not that much of a bitch.
The only other person who tries to visit after she arrives in Lima is Mr. Shuester. Although she has her dads turn him away with a very polite, 'Rachel's not seeing visitors,' she still has this image of inviting him into the living room and sitting across the coffee table from him with her Tony between them. No matter how many times he told her she was meant for great things, Rachel doesn't think he really believed in her. She was his star, yes, but she was also a pain in his (less than knowledgeable) ass and a challenge he didn't need when trying to relive his golden high school days or whatever the hell he was trying to do.
Even after all those years she's still a teeny, tiny bit bitter.
He doesn't come back after that first time, which makes her think that he'd only come out of some misplaced sense of obligation. It doesn't really surprise her that no one else comes to visit her. Even if most of them ended up back in state (after escaping Ohio for college) that doesn't mean that they're going to suddenly race to Rachel's side because she was in a debilitating accident. Real life is rarely as satisfying as a movie script.
If Facebook is to be believed, Brittany and Kurt were the only ones (besides Rachel) that got out and stayed out. Brittany's in Florida, apparently working as a cruise line dancer while waiting on bigger and better things. Kurt's in New York, working for Michael Kors (which seems like an awkward fit considering his flamboyant style) and dating some guy who could be Blaine's twin brother.
Of those that made it back to Ohio, not all of them came back to Lima. Mercedes is in Dayton working with underprivileged kids in some sort of musical youth outreach program (it just screams Lifetime Original Movie). Artie's in Cincinnati, working as a graphic designer and jamming out with his garage band on the weekends. Tina and Mike are in Columbus, surprisingly still together after all these years. Tina's getting her doctorate at OSU (in what Rachel couldn't say) and Mike teaches dance at an honest-to-God dance academy. The people who are left (with the exception of Finn) were never really her friends to begin with.
Quinn's a first grade teacher at Heritage Elementary. It makes sense, kind of, because Quinn's ethereally pretty and has a darling voice and when she's not actively trying to crush your hopes and dreams is really a sweetheart. Finn's (apparently) a (her) physical therapist and, last time she checked Facebook, Sam was the offensive coach at McKinley (which probably has less to do with any actual qualifications and more to do with being starting quarterback his junior and senior years). Then there's Noah and Santana. Rachel's pretty sure they're both still in Lima but that's about the extent of her knowledge. After high school, Santana followed after Brittany like a lost puppy dog and Noah just up and disappeared. They're (probably) not dead but that doesn't rule out jail time for solicitation.
It's strange, but, out of everyone, she's the most disappointed that they don't come pounding on her door. They don't and she doesn't ask about them (because they were never friends and barely teammates at times) and she passes her time in the cast without a single visitor. Rachel's relieved because it means she doesn't have to ignore pity filled glances and barely hidden smirks and paste a too big smile on her face while they all talk about their glory days in glee when they wanted to set her on fire.
It takes a while before Dr. Michaels (who flies out to perform her surgery) and Dr. Reed (who's a little miffed about being pushed out in favor of an L.A. hotshot) clear her to start physical therapy. The cast comes off and the metal in her leg comes out and it's shocking just how bad her leg still looks. It's not just the pale, pale skin or the overgrowth of hair or the two shiny pink scars that run the length of her tibia. Really, what finally manages to break that last piece of Rachel's heart is how weak and wasted her right leg looks. It looks twig-like and brittle, like one good snap and they might as well scrap it and fit her with a prosthetic.
She sends a picture to Jesse and, for the first time, it takes him days to reply.
Physical therapy with Finn is unlike anything else Rachel's ever done with him. He's not clumsy and knows exactly what he's doing. He makes her charts (which she redoes at home) and talks about the importance of keeping up with her exercises and warns her about overdoing it. Finn's enthusiastic about the whole process (much more than she is) and suddenly it's L.A. over again. Instead of her dad passing information from her doctor to her, it's Finn acting as liaison. Like in L.A., Rachel really doesn't care. It just means she gets to spend less time with Dr. Reed and can deflect most of her dads' questions to Finn when they start getting too overbearing.
That doesn't mean that things go smoothly.
Rachel has always been a perfectionist and she gets easily frustrated with her lack of progress. Finn makes her takes things so freaking slow; he makes her do cardio and work out her upper body with light weights when all she wants to do is work her right leg until it plumps up and looks normal again. Even though she knows she never going to dance (she's heard the lectures from Dr. Michaels and Dr. Reed too many times to count) doesn't mean she doesn't want her leg strong again. One day Rachel slips up while they're (finally) working on her legs and tells Finn that one of the (non-Broadway) reasons she always danced was because it was so much more fun than going to the gym.
She knows she's fucked up before he does, but, he quickly catches on when she starts crying in the middle of the main rehab room. Rachel's always been an ugly crier, even on stage, and Finn's always been pretty helpless when it comes to her tears. Making things even worse is that it's the first time she's cried since she stashed her anti-depressant prescription and she feels like a failure. Rachel tries to ignore the tears tracking down her cheeks in favor of strength training but it isn't long before she's doubled over, the normally loud room quiet except for the sound of her sobbing.
Once she's calmed down, Finn suggests she see a real therapist and Rachel tells him to go to hell.
After her breakdown in at the rehab center, it takes a while before they regain some semblance of normal. Rachel stops talking almost entirely, except to answer questions about her leg and how she's physically feeling. Finn starts filling in the silence, mostly by talking about his girlfriend and her son. Melody is pretty much Quinn 2.0 only she's not quite as pretty and she didn't get knocked up until after high school. She's a nurse at Lima Memorial, trying to work her way into the nursery because she loves babies, and her son is adorable when he's not demonstrating just why they call it the 'Terrible Twos.' They met during OSHA training at the hospital and Finn's saving up to buy her a ring from a family owned jewelry store in Columbus.
When he runs out of Melody stories (it takes a long, long time) Finn starts talking about their former teammates. She finds out that Santana is working as an assistant at the optometrist's office and that Noah (ironically) is a member of the Lima Police Department. Apparently all of them, except for Quinn and Mercedes, get together every now and then to get drunk and reminisce. Even Artie and the Changs make time to visit every once in a while. Finn tries a million different ways to invite her, without actually inviting her, and Rachel always has a good excuse to feed to him.
It's classic FinnandRachel, dogged determination and fanatical avoidance, and should be funny but it's not. If she wasn't still in the damn wheelchair, it would probably be enough to make Rachel skip every other appointment.
As much as he pisses her off sometimes, she's not so stupid that she'd jeopardize her health.
Her dads get fed up with her self-imposed exile right as fall is starting to turn into winter. Rachel's finally able to ditch her wheelchair for a walker and even though it makes her feel like an old lady, she relishes in the little bit of freedom it brings. She starts going for walks around the neighborhood but it's apparently not enough to appease her dads.
They start taking her everywhere with them. Whether it's the grocery store, bank, post office, dry cleaners, or Lima's only Chinese restaurant, they're not happy unless they're dragging her along behind them. Mostly she just keeps her head down, refusing to make eye contact with anyone, and shuffles along while they have conversations over the top of her head. It's when that stops making them happy that they start dropping her off and forcing her to run the errands by herself.
That's how she ends up in line at the Chinese takeout place, waiting for the order that was supposed to be ready twenty minutes ago.
"Berry."
There's a split second where Rachel has to decide whether to be polite or to pretend she's temporarily gone deaf, blind, and mute. She knows that voice and she's convinced that nothing good can come out of acknowledging that voice. Then she hears her daddy in her head and the Jewish guilt starts weighing down before she can even start to pull off a Tony worthy performance.
"Look, bitch, I know it's you. Even when you ditch the schoolgirl granny clothes, you're still Rachel fucking Berry."
She looks up to see Santana Lopez with her hands on her hips, shooting a poisonous glare in her direction.
"Santana, it's very nice to see you again." The fake smile is back before she can help herself. Rachel feels like she's back in the choir room, defending her musical selections to the growing objections of the critical Latina. "You're looking well."
"Can the crap, Berry, I can always tell when you're pulling the fake shit." It's true and incredibly unfair. Friends are supposed to be the people who can look through your walls, not the people who spent a whole lot of time and energy making it necessary for those walls to be put up in the first place. "You look awful. You should, I dunno, stop walking around like you have a stick up your ass."
The lady at the counter calls Santana's order but she makes no move forward. She's as beautiful as always, the only real change that Rachel can see is that her once shoulder length hair has been chopped off into a sleek bob. She doubts that's there's enough hair to pull back into a ponytail and wonders if that's the point. After a minute, the lady gives up and calls Rachel up to the counter. She takes a tentative step forward, only to find her arm in Santana's vice grip.
"Wheels and the Other Asian are in town and Finn's having everyone over at his apartment. You're coming."
"My dads…"
"Just drop off the fucking food and then get in my car. I know you don't have a real degree, but, this isn't quantum physics."
It takes some time to make it over to her dads but she manages to handle the walker and the bag of food just fine. They look a little bewildered when she tells them she's going to get a ride with Santana to Finn's but that's about it. All they know about Santana is that she was a Cheerio and in glee club, so, they don't think anything odd about her kidnapping Rachel for the evening. They just tell her to have a good time and promise to save some of the tofu soup for her.
Santana doesn't say anything about Rachel's gait or the walker or how slow it takes her to get to the car. The passenger seat is already pushed back as far as it can go (giving Rachel ample leg room) and if Finn were just a little smarter, Rachel would suspect it's all a big setup. He's not, so, she doesn't have to contemplate dropping a light weight on his foot the next time she sees him. The drive to the apartment complex isn't very long (you can get to just about anywhere in Lima in fifteen minutes or less) but it seems like it drags on for an eternity. They don't talk and Rachel just stares straight ahead, flinching every time there's even slightly suspicious traffic movement.
To her credit, Santana doesn't say anything about that either.
Finn's apartment is on the bottom floor and Rachel breathes a small sigh of relief. Even carrying two huge bags of takeout, Santana still makes it over to his door before she does. Finn opens the door, looking a little like an excited puppy when he spots Santana, and breaks out into a huge, face splitting grin when he catches sight of Rachel.
"Guys, guess what, we're entertaining a Tony award winning actress tonight."
While Rachel cringes (and pretends like it doesn't really bother her), Santana barks orders at Finn to grab the twenty four pack that's in the trunk. Artie and Mike look genuinely happy to see her, Mike going as far as to scoop her up into a bear hug. Sam waves from his spot in the corner, nursing what looks like his third beer, and Mike softly explains that he's Quinn's bitch of the month. In a little louder voice, he announces that Tina wanted to come but she has to teach an undergrad lab three days a week. While they're headed to the kitchen to load up on takeout and beer, Artie fist bumps her in passing and says it's good to see her.
They don't do much, just sit around the apartment, watch mindless TV, and drink beer. There are a couple of conversations going on around her but Rachel's too busy looking around at Finn's apartment. It's bigger than anything she's ever had in New York (she always lived well below her means) and she knows that if it were plopped down in NYC that it would probably be worth someone's soul (or a virgin sacrifice at least).
Everyone catches her staring at the same time, plate of Chinese going cold in her lap, and it's Santana that shoves a piece of glazed carrot in her face. "You should fucking eat, Berry. I bet you went down a fucking cup size while you were in Hollywood. You lose anymore tit and you're going to look like a twelve year old boy."
"I'll have you know, Santana, that I'm ten pounds over my target weight. Bradley would throw a fit if he saw me like this."
"I've got a DVR and I watched St. Doucher's show; you looked skeletal and the camera's supposed to add ten pounds. I'm surprised you have any muscle left for dumbass to build up. I don't give a fuck about this Bradley jerk, eat."
Rachel takes the carrot, wanting to diffuse the tension, and forces herself to eat the cooling food on her plate. Santana keeps occasionally shoving food in her face until her plate is empty and doesn't stop glaring at Rachel until nothing is left on her plate except for a stray piece of orange chicken. After Santana's initial outburst, everyone pretty much leaves them alone. Mike, Artie, and Finn pass around two Wii controllers between the three of them and occasionally remember their manners and ask the two girls if they want to play Mario Kart. Sam just sits in the corner, alternating between drinking his beer and texting furiously, and Rachel wonders what it is about Quinn that she can pretty much treat people however she wants and get a free pass.
She's on her third beer, and feeling pretty good about life, when Noah comes barging through the door with a skinny redhead (with gigantic boobs) attached to his face. At first it's all fist bumps and ragging on Sam for being such a pussy whipped bitch (who's not getting any pussy). Then Noah almost trips over her folded up walker and opens his mouth, most likely to spew more filth, before doing a double take.
"Berry? What the fuck are you doing here?"
"Well, apparently, I'm being subjected to the Spanish Inquisition." She leans over and asks Finn to get her another beer, as proud as she is, she doesn't want to get hurt doing it herself and catches the way Noah's nose flares when Finn tosses his controller to Mike and stands up.
"Are you sure that's a good idea? I'm not a doctor," someone, maybe the redhead, mutters 'No Shit,' "but I didn't think you were supposed to mix pain killers with alcohol."
"Well, it's a good thing I flushed mine down the toilet months ago, isn't it?" Rachel doesn't mean to get angry, being confrontational is the worst way to handle Noah when he's being a dick, but she can't help it. The bimbo (or bimbo-like growth) attached to his body looks barely old enough to drink and keeps staring at Rachel like she's vaguely familiar (and it's not a particularly pleasant familiarity). Finn finally returns with her beer and she takes a swig when the redhead decides to open her mouth.
"I know you! You used to go to McKinley! Did you really get hit by a car or was that really all PR? I won't tell anyone, I promise." She leans forward, her nose almost touching Rachel's, and Rachel nearly topples back trying to reclaim some of her personal space. It's Santana's hand on her upper back that keeps her from losing her balance completely.
"Seriously, Puck? This is why we don't let non-gleeks come hang out. They're all really fucking stupid. Just go home, Andie, you're not welcome."
"We're not Cheerios anymore, Santana, you can't tell me what to do." The look that Santana flashes the younger girl is probably enough to kill a small mammal (like cat size) and the girl looks up at Noah and pouts. "Besides, I am a gleek. I joined senior year, when Sam was captain."
Rachel chokes on her beer because a former Cheerio just willing aligned herself with the glee club. Sam looks up from his phone, ignoring the chime of an incoming text, long enough to give the girl a once over and roll his eyes.
"You were on the team long enough for Shue to look past your boobs and realize you couldn't sing for shit. You didn't even make it to Sectionals; you were just trying to get with me, the starting quarterback."
Andie doesn't even look phased. She just flips her hair over her shoulder (Rachel's pretty sure it's a dye job) and looks directly at Rachel. "Well, everyone knows that's the way to do things. How else did RuPaul get Hudson?" She waits a beat and then blatantly runs her hand over the front of Noah's jeans. He's just standing there, talking about Indianapolis Colts' last game with Mike, and the only indication he gives that he even noticed anything is that he grabs her wrist and shoves her back. Apparently, this is not a deterrent to bitchy behavior.
"So, how many people did you have to sleep with to get on Broadway?"
Rachel's not sure if it's the ugly nickname or the beer or Noah's blatant nonchalance about the whole situation, but she finds herself scrambling to get up off the couch. Her butt isn't so much lifted a couple of inches up when Santana pushes her down and back into the couch with a surprising amount of force.
"Puckerman, get your bitch under control before I pull an Old Yeller and shoot her ass."
He has the decency to look embarrassed for a second before pulling his attention away from Mike and raising an eyebrow in Santana's direction. "You still carrying concealed, Lopez? Last time I checked, you didn't have a permit for that shit."
It's like she's stepped into the twilight zone. Mike and Artie are completely zoning them out, putting all their focus into the video game. Finn, having relinquished his controller in order to play moderator, is just sitting and staring and looking confused (typical Finn). Rachel figures this has less to do with her (and the bitch) and more to do with whatever baggage Noah and Santana have managed to pile on since high school graduation. Still, she kind of misses the days when, even though they weren't friends, Noah defended her honor.
"I don't need a permit, fucker, I'm from Lima Heights." Noah rolls his eyes and Santana flips him off in response. "You need to get reacquainted with your right hand, Puck, so tell the bitch she isn't welcome and send her on her way."
"Just go home, Andie." Noah looks tired and the redhead looks shocked and Rachel just wants another beer. "I don't know when you were last tested and I really don't want to share Azimio's syphilis."
Sam laughs out loud when Andie bursts into tears and runs out the door. Rachel, being a decent human being, asks how she's going to get home and Finn tells her she lives on the other side of the complex. Being Lima, Rachel really isn't surprised. It would be only slightly more surprising if Noah had picked her up on his way to Finn's apartment. And only just slightly.
It takes a while for everyone to get settled after all the excitement. Noah ends up on the couch beside Rachel, not really touching her but close enough in her personal space so that she feels uncomfortable. Santana ends up in his lap, confirming Rachel's earlier suspicions, but spends most of her time absorbed with her iPhone. Sam finally turns his phone off, apparently drunk enough to ignore Quinn, and starts playing Mario Kart with the other guys. Rachel just pretends to be invisible, drinking the water Santana passes her occasionally, and it works pretty well. No one tries to talk to her about Broadway, Hollywood, her accident, or the Tonys. Or about the stupid bitch who apparently went to high school with them.
In fact, she's feeling pretty good until Noah (legitimately sneaks up on her) stops her from getting into Santana's car.
"You need to start coming to temple before I start looking like a good Jew."
She manages to pull together her most placating smile, when she really just wants to kick him in the shin, and nod sweetly. "Of course, Noah. After all, I have so much to be thankful for. I would hate to seem ungrateful."
"I don't have time for this shit, Berry, just get your ass to temple, okay? Ma would like to see you."
He shoves off then, stopping to plant a big smacking kiss on Santana's lips before walking back to Finn's apartment. Rachel doesn't say anything the whole drive back to her dads' house and whenever Santana opens her mouth, she just turns the radio up louder and pretends to hum along. Whatever sick and twisted game they happen to be playing, she wants absolutely no part of it.
Even so, she still shows up to temple Friday night. The guilt of a Jewish mother is a magical thing.
Or, at least, that's what she tells herself.
Author's Note: Once again, Santana hijacks my brain. The bit in Finn's apartment wasn't supposed to happen for a couple more chapters but then Santana showed up and any plans I had went to hell. Honestly, it's nice to have everyone (especially Noah and Santana) back on screen. Hopefully you enjoyed that little interlude – here's to moving forward.