Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah. Naruto and it's characters certainly don't belong to me. This fanfiction is a work of (hella crazy!) fiction, and I am making no profit from this, aside from my amusement. Warning: This story contains slash, as in, (perhaps eventually) hot mansmex. If that's not for you, please bugger off.

"Naruto's late. Again." Sasuke growled. Oh course, the blond bastard had promised to take team seven out tonight, but Sakura had cancelled at the last minute. The dark-eyed Uchiha hissed in irritation. Heavens forbid Naruto back out of the awkward situation. And to make matters worse, that is to say, more damning for the spunky blond, Sasuke was running behind schedule. Since he wasn't a precious pink-haired medic-nin, there was apparently no reason to hurry. Slice his throat with a poisoned kunai!

"Dobe." He muttered affectionately. Just two months ago they had both completed the Jounin exams, four years after their female companion. Not through any technical fault. They had fought against each other during the first round of eliminations and knocked each other out. They had been unable to complete the exam that time and were forced to wait four agonizing years to try again. In that time they had been forced to train together, and Naruto had eventually learned which apartment the raven haired boy lived in.

Sasuke had jealously guarded that secret since his Genin days, fearing first his brother, then raving fangirls and finally the attention of Naruto's pranks. Now he mostly feared the latter, as the rest were dead or married. As such he wasn't as surprised as he should be to find a note stuck to his small fridge when he entered his small kitchen.

He was seething once he read it.

"Sassy-cakes-

Don't worry about being late. The time I told you is a half-hour early. Remember your formal digs, dattebayo. The restaurant Sakura picked sure is fancy!

-Your favorite enemy"

There was no name, but for such an outrageous note there could only be one writer. The heat of Sasuke's Fireball left a scorch mark on the poor fridge (one of many). However Sasuke felt this was necessary. He faced enough stress from fellow Jounin. Only once had one of them had the audacity to say Sasuke tolerated Naruto's crass nicknames. After having broken a few objects in the hall to prove otherwise, as well as a nose or two, Naruto had proceeded to ignore the latent threat. In any event, Sasuke preferred to think of it as compressing all his death-glares until when he finally gave Naruto a piece of his mind, there wouldn't be enough pieces of the insufferable blond to bury.

A moment later the contents of Naruto's note set in. "... fuck." Sasuke dashed back into his bedroom and striped out of his ANBU uniform in record time. Normally this would fit the bill for formal occasions, but generally when Naruto recognized formal wear was required, he meant it. Even a village mostly populated by ninja, there were places it was considered bad taste to wear clothes you'd covered in the blood of innocents, no matter how well you washed it.

Instead Sasuke reached into his trunk and pulled out a hakama. He hadn't worn it since Shikamaru's marriage, but it would suffice. It was midnight blue, nearly the same hue as his hair, and it had the Uchiha clan symbol embroidered on the back, so it was only faintly visible in the right light. He shrugged it on.

could still remember his sexual innuendo phase, much as he tried not too. While he as fumbling for the correspond sandals, his eyes drifted over the kanji he's acquired on one of his various solo missions. Naruto. Thankfully the dobe had never quite mastered hiragana, sparing the dark-haired man from having to explain that one. This time Sasuke's lips curled into a sneer. The kyubbi holder had always been insufferable. Sasuke

He had never been able to decide which was worse, when the blond bubble knew what he was saying, or when he didn't. He could still recall the day, sometime after Naruto's 17th birthday, when Kiba had foolishly made a questionable joke in team seven's presence. Sakura's reaction intrigued Naruto, and he'd followed Kiba for days, learning all his bad jokes without a white of comprehension.

For weeks afterwards he would retort to anything with 'your mom said that last night' or something equally horrible. Jiraiya, probably alerted via his fervent pupil Kakashi, had taken Naruto aside one day for many hours. The boy had returned with in silence with a stricken expression. Uchiha had assumed that was the end of that, until the next day he asked to borrow Kakashi's copy of Ichi Ichi Paradisu, which he flew through. And the sequels. And all the alternative versions. The jokes had been replaced with something far, far worse. An overwhelming sense of understanding smirks.

Sasuke shuddered. These had been the worst yet, since even five years later he hadn't quite given up the winks. And lately the knowing looked he'd directed Sasuke's way had been far too, well, knowledgeable.

A knock with a random rhythm sounded through the apartment.

"Hn. Finally." Sasuke muttered, pleased that he had an excuse not to think about Naruto any more. He spent far too much time doing just that. Just that moment, he found his sandals. "Dobe." He rolled his eyes, walking at a leisurely pace to the apartment door. Let the blond bastard wait, he'd kept Sasuke waiting far longer on occasion.

When he finally opened his door, he immediately narrowed his red eyes to a glare.

"You're not dressed formally." He intoned, voice icy. Naruto didn't respond for a moment, and Sasuke made to shut his door. Almost unconciously Naruto reached out a hand to stop him. After a minute he cleared his throat and looked Sasuke in the eye.

"Sorry. You look... ravishing, Sass-uff!" This time he did slam the door, barely giving his fellow ninja time to remove his hand from the door-jam. His cheek was... warm.

"Dobe." He said to the door.

"Oh come on. I didn't mean it. The sassy part anyway. You're more of a brooder." Came Naruto's voice through the door. Sasuke waited. "And you know I don't have any formal wear." he added.

Sasuke knew for a fact Naruto had a slim sky-blue hakama that he'd bought for an undercover mission in the Tea Country. But this was hardly common knowledge. In fact, that he knew this hakama proved he'd snooped much more than was strictly healthy. Or legal, for that matter. As such he recognized he'd lost this arguement by dropping his formal sandals, slipping his feet into them and still not opening the door. Naruto waited through this is the utmost patience a hyperactive nin was capable of.

When Sasuke did open the door again, his companion had the good grace to look ashamed.

"I did try to look nice, you know." He whined. Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

He supposed this was true. Naruto had traded in his garish orange armored vest for a more sedate color. He couldn't quite give up his black scarf, which ruffled at the worse possible time. Belatedly the Uchiha realized it had been a gift from him. A cursory glance showed Naruto had also removed the more obvious pieces of his arsenal, and throughly cleared his uniform. Still, there was no need to admit this.

"Let's go." He growled. Naruto's face brightened considerably, and he nodded.

They waked mostly in silence until they neared what Sasuke recognized as on of the nicer restaraunts in town. He was a little surprised to recognize so many of the old Genin nine dressed formally in the crowd. However he became highly suspicious when he recognized Sakura and Ino holding hands no so far away. They were looking sickeningly romantic.

"Why did you say Sakura couldn't come?" He asked guardedly, suddenly aware he hadn't brought more than a small set of kunai, shuriken and wire. Naruto shrugged.

"She suggested it actually. It seemed like common sense at the time." He explained.

"Why?" Sasuke asked, slightly nervous.

"Shouldn't our first date be alone?" Naruto responded foundly.

Sasuke, who had feared his friend was being impersonated by an enemy nin, didn't quite register the implications of Naruto's admission immediately. This was probably for the best, as it gave him time to run like hell.

A/N- See, look. Naruto's my hero. He's obviously not an idiot... half the time.