Poet
3.

'Where'd you find that?'

Ellie scrunches her nose at the taste. Cigarettes, they're called. Only once before has she tried them, a couple of years ago while she was patrolling the perimeter. She bought this cigarette yesterday. One of Tommy's men had managed to nab a few somewhere, and was selling them at a reasonable price. He wanted snack food. More out of curiosity, Ellie obliged.

Sitting atop of a fence, she inhales the nicotine again. Despite the peculiar taste, the sensation is quite nice. Ellie coughs suddenly, and offers Joel the cigarette. 'You wanna try?'

'No, thanks.' He comes towards her, and places his hands on his hips. 'We'd better get a move on. I want us back before sunset.'

Ellie squints up at the sky. She imagines they have approximately three hours until then.

The battery was easy to find. Of course Joel wasn't keen on Ellie going alone, and so they set off together at a speedy pace. By the afternoon, and after killing God knows how many clickers, they discovered what they were after. In fact, they not only found one battery, but two.

'Starving,' Ellie mutters.

'Me too.' He pats her leg. 'Let's get going.'

Ellie places the cigarette between her lips, and jumps down from the fence. Shoving a hand into her pocket, she watches Joel's back; how, regardless of his age, he can move just as well as she can. Sometimes the age does show, though, especially when they climb.

After another drag, Ellie decides to let out what's been bugging her this whole time.

'You swore to me.'

Joel turns his head to look at her. 'What?'

'About the Fire Flies. Remember?'

Immediately he stops. Joel exhales slowly; he sounds irritated, but it could be exhaustion.

When he faces her properly, there's a sense of dread in his eyes. Ellie notes how his posture has tensed, and almost instinctively she takes a step back.

Ellie chucks the cigarette to the ground, and snuffs it out with her heel. 'Taste like shit.'

'What's goin' on, kid?'

She regrets speaking up so soon. She could have at least waited until they were at Tommy's. Running a hand through her hair, Ellie tries to soften her voice: 'I just need to understand something, Joel. About what happened that day.'

'I told you,' Joel replies. 'They gave up lookin' for a cure. There were many like you. Many they had tried to create a vaccine from. It all failed, so they stopped lookin'. And that's the goddamn truth.'

Ellie believes him. Over Riley's word, she has to believe him.

But why would Riley lie?

She nods. 'Okay.' Wishes she hadn't thrown away her cigarette so soon.

'Is this about that girl?'

'No,' Ellie replies, a bit too defensively. 'I was just asking.'

'Seems a funny thing to ask out of the blue.'

'Is it?'

Joel stops. He hardens his gaze. 'She said something.' A pause. 'You wanna talk about this?' Ellie says nothing. Joel sighs. 'Listen, when you're ready to talk––' he swivels around on his heel, '––you know where I am.'

For a while, Ellie leaves it at that. She fears an argument may arise, and, if that were to happen, she'd rather it happened where they're safe.

Her stomach growls. Mouth feels dry.

There's a horrible stench of burnt flesh close by.

'Why'd you kill Marlene?' Joel slows his pace, but doesn't cease walking. 'You coulda left her. Blackmailed her or something––made sure she didn't come after me.' And that's when Ellie starts to piece it all together. She's willing to buy the fact that the Fire Flies gave up on a cure. But why shoot Marlene? And why would Marlene seek somebody who is of no use to her anymore? 'The Fire Flies were pretty desperate for a cure. Maybe that's why you shot her.'

'Hey,' Joel growls. 'She would've killed you.'

'Why?'

Shaking his head, Joel lowers his voice. 'She had to. As far she was concerned, she didn't have any other choice.'

'That doesn't make any sense.'

'Yeah, I know that!' Joel glares back at her, clenched fist, regret burning in his irises. Ellie freezes, and watches him. There's a moment, and then Joel lets out a long breath. He softens his tone. 'I'm sorry. Can we––can we get home? Please.'

Obviously he's hiding something. Ellie isn't about to drag it out of him though.

A shrug. 'Whatever you say, goes.'

He hesitates, his eyes travelling to the ground––then a short scoff. At himself. At her. At the whole situation. And she knows that whenever Joel loses his temper, it's usually over a matter which he cannot control. Or is losing control over.

It's her. Gradually, as she's reached her adult years, Joel has lost control.

Perhaps that's what being a parent is about.

This reluctance to let go.

I'm not going anywhere, she wishes to say. Just to reassure him. Just so. In case he did lie. In case the very reason he cannot admit to the truth is because he's so terrified she'll desert him. As his own child did. That kind of trauma never goes away.

And he's not willing for her to be next.

Not while he breathes.

The remainder of their journey continues in silence. She listens to his heavy footsteps, the occasional grunt as they climb, before following the river to camp. The water splashes against the rocks, wetting their trousers. Sometimes, the current is so fierce, Ellie is grateful she allowed Joel to teach her how to swim. She's almost drowned multiple times.

It is a skill she learnt too late, but learnt all the same.

Joel shrugs off his backpack, and passes Ellie the two batteries. Once given permission to enter the gates, Ellie turns to Joel, hoping he might agree to meet her later. If they could talk. Or just forgive. Forget about the bullshit she brought up.

Yet as she does, Joel walks in the opposite direction, posture reclined.

The sight makes her heart sore.

Ellie's search for Maria doesn't take long. She hands over the batteries, and the blonde studies them briefly, before allowing a smile. 'Good work. I knew I could depend on you.' Surprised by the compliment, Ellie struggles to find words. 'Come on. I want to give you something.'

Peering over her shoulder, Ellie watches Joel turn the corner and disappear out of sight. Guilty, she follows Maria indoors, and over towards the office she shares with Tommy. Maps and detailed plans have been strewn across the desk. The floor is cluttered with weapons, knives; descriptions on the different kinds of infected.

Survival litters the room.

Maria places the batteries onto her desk, and grabs her handheld transceiver. She speaks to one of her men on the other end, instructing him to come and collect the batteries once his break has finished. Hopefully the car will start running then.

'Have you driven before, Ellie?'

'Sure. Been a while, though.'

'You can be the first to try the girl out, then. How about that?' Ellie smiles briefly. She watches Maria slide open her desk drawer, and retrieve two bottles of alcohol. 'Have you tried this before?' She chucks the bottle towards her. Ellie catches. Inspects the bottle. A beer she's never heard of, although, in all fairness, she's never tried beer in her life. 'I take that as a no.'

Silently, Ellie tries to take the top off. It requires a good tug, but the hiss as it opens sounds satisfying. She takes her first sip. Scrunches her nose and coughs. Maria laughs quietly, and sits atop of her desk. She pats the empty place beside her.

Ellie sits next to Maria, and tries the beer again. 'Eurgh!'

'You'll get used to it. You'll appreciate what it does, too.'

'What does it do?'

'You're the first twenty year old who's asked me that.'

'Oh.' Ellie wipes her lips with her sleeve. 'Sorry.'

'Don't be. It's endearing.' Maria allows Ellie a minute or so to enjoy her drink. Or enjoy it as best as she can. It doesn't take Ellie too long to realise what Maria is referring to. She starts to feel strangely at ease, more confident. It's nice. 'I was wondering if we could chat,' Maria says, before taking a swig. 'Just, you know, girl-to-girl.'

'Uh, okay.'

'About your friend. The Fire Fly.'

The laid-back sensation the drink gave her quickly passes. Ellie bravely has another mouthful. 'What d'you wanna know?'

'I'd like her to stay.' Ellie widens her eyes. That's the last thing she was expecting. 'I don't buy the stuff the Fire Flies promised, but she's resilient. I like that in a person. But, you must see that I can't have her roaming the perimeter if I can't trust her.'

You can.

Ellie sniffs, and looks down at the bottle in her hands. 'You trusted me, right?'

'To a degree. I admit, over the years I have come to rely on you much more. You're one of our most capable.'

'Is that why you keep sending me out on suicide missions?'

'Ellie,' Maria sighs. 'Take all that as you will, but keep in mind you haven't been the easiest of people to get along with.'

The younger woman raises a brow at that. In all fairness, Maria has a point.

Ellie smirks, and finishes off the bottle in one gulp. 'Impressive,' Maria murmurs. 'Take it easy––I don't want you collapsing on me.'

'So.' Ellie clears her throat. 'I guess there's a question somewhere.'

'I'm going to give you some time off out in the field. You've done plenty. I still want you doing your bit within the gates, but spend time with this girl. Get to know her. She won't be the same person she was when you knew her.'

'I know,' Ellie whispers. 'And if she's clean?'

'Then she can stay.'

'If she's full of shit?'

Maria pauses. 'We won't come to that unless we have to.' Ellie drops her gaze. 'I want you to know who she was sending our supplies to. She either has a family somewhere, or she's following orders. I doubt the former.'

Ellie can't imagine a family. Can't imagine Riley promising herself to somebody else.

With children involved.

The image tightens her stomach. A pang of jealousy nips her heart, and she fights it off. Slipping off the desk, Ellie approaches the door. 'It's done,' she says.

When evening arrives, Ellie is completely sober, but the conversation with Maria sticks in her mind. She's not necessarily the type to interrogate. Joel is good at that, not her. Ellie can be manipulative. But to Riley? In a way, she'd much rather be fighting off a whole group of clickers than handling this.

The moon looks pretty. She's always thought that, even though she's never appreciated it properly until now.

The moon looks lonely, too. Up in the darkness all by itself. And when the stars vanish behind the clouds, the moon is an abandoned thing. Lost and helpless, strung into the air by whatever cruel God roams the skies. Ellie has entertained the idea of a God. Any God. A merciful one. A cruel one. And she's entertained the idea of the Devil.

Of Hell.

She's certain of Hell. Certain it exists.

Hell has been home her entire life.

From afar, she watches somebody patrol the perimeter, a rifle strapped over her shoulder. She walks slowly. Bored. That's what this has come to. They have protected themselves so well, the threat of infection or death no longer lurks.

Until one steps outside the gates.

Ellie has seen too many tiny graves for it to trouble her.

Too many corpses. Too many wonderful people, ridden to madness.

Wonderful people she could have saved.

She shocks herself. A tear rolls down her cheeks, and she's shocked. Shocked her emotions have been displayed so easily; entirely uncontrollable. She wipes her face with her palms. There isn't any other option. Maria is right: she has to ask Riley what's going on. How she ended up here. Who exactly wanted the supplies she failed to steal.

And if Joel really lied to her.

Reluctantly, Ellie pulls away from the bannister, and descends the staircase. Her shotgun has grown heavy over the hours, pressed to her back, but she refuses to remove it. People deceive their condition. One moment they might be fine, and the next they're biting at whatever skin they can reach. Ellie has learnt not to trust anybody when it comes to infection. Anybody except Joel.

Because he would be brutally honest, and tell her. He would show her the mark, and demand she shoot him dead.

The holding cell is far more forbidding at night. Ellie shudders in the cold. The guard looks at her quizzically, and she confirms Maria has asked her to visit their hostage regularly. Get any information out of her. It takes a little for the guard to be convinced, and he opens the door. When Ellie steps through into the damp room, the door slams shut behind her.

Regaining her posture, she looks over to where Riley sits; the same place as last time. Ellie inhales, and has no intention to leave until she's satisfied with whatever answer Riley might offer.

'You've been gone awhile,' Riley says. She doesn't move, watching Ellie closely while she grabs a chair from the side of the room. She drags it noiselessly towards her friend, and sits down. There's a brief silence, and Riley patiently waits for Ellie to find her words.

'I'm gonna get you out of here.'

Riley blinks, and rises slightly.

'But I got a condition to make,' Ellie continues, 'If you tell me everythin' you know, I can let you out.'

'Seems reasonable.'

'No lies then?'

Riley shakes her head. 'No. No lies this time.'