Chapter 3

Previously

#"Goodnight … my darling wife!"#

#"Goodnight … my dear husband!"#

Thus the two guests fell asleep in each other's arms completely oblivious to the upcoming fireworks next morning.

"Akane, do you know where Xianghua is? She was supposed to be sleeping in my room last night."

"No Kasumi-nee-chan. I haven't seen her."

"Could you check around the house? Breakfast will be ready in another 30 minutes, which should give her enough time to bathe. I don't know about Ranma but he could take a shower after her."

"OK nee-chan.". 'THUMP' 'THUMP' 'THUMP'. The sound of heavy footsteps on hardwood floor permeated the hallway as Akane went to look for their female guest. It was 7 o clock. At this time, the family normally got ready to go to school, which started at 9. Although the walk was only 15 minutes; with the amount of excitement present in Nerima ward, it became necessary to always make a safety cushion.

"Xianghua?". Strange! She's not in Nabiki's room.

"Xianghua?". Even stranger! She's not in my room either. Wait, maybe she is in the bathroom already.

"Xianghua? … Damn where is she? Maybe Ranma will know."

'THUMP' 'THUMP' 'THUMP'. "Hey Ranma do you know where … ugh.". Slowly, she closed the door, blushing having disturbed such an intimate moment. Akane leaned back on the door, her thoughts a whirl as she thought over the previous scene. SQUEEEEEEEEAL. That is so adorable. The hugging, the Xianghua curled into a ball and Ranma's head sheltering hers. Ranma's head, … Ranma … our possible fiancé Ranma … hugging another girl intimately … MUST KILL RANMA!

'BANG'

"RAN …" 'BOOOOOM'

A loud but compact explosion just went off in the room, missing Akane's head by millimetres. The sheer closeness was enough to singe her blue hair from the power. Akane was frozen in terror at the sight of how close she was to dying. It was truly disconcerting to be reminded of one's mortality, especially when they're so young. A part of her was interested in the logistics of such a technique. It was clearly powerful and Ranma 'is' a master of the Saotome Ryu. Maybe he could teach her. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of frightened yelling and people scrambling up stairs.

Immediately; the remaining Tendos rushed into the room, to check up on their houseguests, only to walk into the almost alien sight of Akane being berated by Ranma. "WHAT THE HELL DIDYA DO THAT FOR? YOU CRAZY? WHAT PART OF WARRIOR CULTURE DIDN'T YA UNDERSTAND YESTERDAY WHEN I TOLD YA?"

"I … I … I'm so-so-rry?" Akane whimpered. Akane was not particularly used to being berated. Ever since her mother died, she tried to act like the perfect little girl so as to give less grief to their family. Even before then, she was always the little princess of the family so rather than a scolding, she would normally be told gently not to repeat a mistake. Honestly this sort of reaction scared her. Just then she realised why she was shouting.

"WAIT A MINUTE. WHY IS XIANGHUA IN YOUR ROOM, AND WHAT WERE YOU DOING SLEEPING WITH HER? YOU'RE NOT EVEN HERE FOR A DAY AND YOU START CHEATING ON US?". Now let it be said that if you are a girl, DO NOT antagonise a guy when they just woke up; definitely not if they are the prince of a group of part animal warriors from a Chinese culture of martial artists. They only get angrier, especially since MORNINGS ARE EVIL! (God bless Akane! We knew ye well. Well back to the story)

"How could I be cheating on anyone, especially since my wife was sleeping with me."

This seemed to catch everyone's attention, as shown by the synchronised shouting of "YOU'RE WIFE?". Now this brought Ranma in for the loop. Surely they knew that Xianghua was his wife. He did say it like 8 times or so. Or did he?

#Consecutive Flashbacks#

"LET ME GO XIANGHUA!" he shouted as he struggled to break free from her bear hug. Unfortunately her grip was strong. "LET ME GET THAT FOOL. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT LAZY FOOL TRIED TO SET ME UP, ESPECIALLY SINCE WE'RE …" .

…...

"This is Xianghua, aged 16, and she is princess of the Musk Dynasty. She is also my …"

#End Consecutive Flashbacks#

"Oh I guess we've been interrupted every time we tried to explain. Probably the stupid panda's fault! Speaking of which, where is he?"

Somewhere in Montreal

A young man with an abnormally large backpack is walking down Green Avenue. His sunken pallor and sweaty covered face, coupled with his ragged yellow long sleeve and dusty black slacks, cause many to feel concern towards him. However his inability to speak the language is causing him serious problems. Why didn't I take that language course again? Oh yeah I got lost through Hokkaido on my way to class.

A Panda crashing into him, knocking him into the floor, immediately interrupted his reverie. "Is that a Panda?" At first, the young man dismissed this as a hallucination due to extreme thirst and hunger. However upon being hit by the several, armed, men, he quickly changed his mind. "Why is it getting chased by those men … who are speaking Chinese … HOW DID I GET TO CHINA? CURSE YOU RAAAANNMAAAAAAAAAA!"

Back to Ranma

"Back up a second there Ranma! Wife?"

"Yes wife." Ranma replied sipping a cup of tea. How he got it was anybody's guess. However all had to admit he presented a regal look, slowly sipping tea, his little finger pointing outwards, and wearing a set of slacks with a midnight blue Chinese shirt adorned with a dragon. "Wait when did you get that cup of tea?" Kasumi asked, debating whether to be disappointed with Ranma for having drinks in his room, a little upset at being unable to serve her houseguests, or start cooing over the previous scene which Nabiki had somehow recorded and started playing over.

"Forget about the tea Kasumi. Have you figured out how he managed to get ready in so little time? Honestly if I can get the secret to this, I could sell it to every girl in Tokyo. Do you know how much we could make?"

"Nabiki! How can I forget the cup of tea? It is the job of the hostess to ensure that their guest is comfortable. How can I call myself a good hostess if my guests had to go and get tea on their own?"

"Well …"

As this was happening, Akane's body slowly started to vibrate in her fury, fear and arousal, thoughts of two timing perverts flashing in her mind at phenomenal speeds.

#Akane's Mind# (The next scene is slightly adult in nature but not explicitly described. For those below a certain age, please skip the next scene.)

Ranma enters a dark room wearing nothing but latex, holes and zippers placed in strategic locations so as to make the article of clothing even more revealing. Akane turns her head around noticing that she is tied up and unable to move. As he crosses the threshold; Akane immediately panics, wondering what the man plans to do. He slowly puts two fingers up to his lips before whistling in a way she idly notes is seen in those horrible dubbed Hollywood films she watches. (Have any of you guys ever watched a dubbed episode? They never have the language right and worst of all the speaker can't even sync the words to the frame properly so there are always delays in the scene.) Slowly Xianghua and Ranma's female form crawl forward like nothing more than pets. "Today I'll have Xianghua play with your lower body and little red playing with your upper". Finishing this, Ranma starts to chuckle darkly before erupting into a maniacal laughter.

#End Akane's Mind snippet#

Shaking her head to get rid of the arousing image, Akane quickly composes herself to hide the small blush unknowing of the fact that both Soun and Xianghua have noticed, and only one is pleased with the reaction. Taking a deep breath, she yells using the loudest voice she can muster. "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS. CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK TO THE FACT THAT OUR FIANCE HAS A WIFE!". As if rehearsed, both older sisters slowly turn their heads sinisterly, an ungodly aura being released from their persons. Two identical hanya masks form behind them, smirking cruelly at Akane, who by this point is cowering in the corner. As the hanya masks started to laugh, they were suddenly forced to disappear, followed by a loud cry of "ITAI!". Akane snaps out of her fearful whimpering to the scene of both her sisters clutching their heads in pain and crying as Xianghua reams into them as if she was their mother. Whilst this was happening; Ranma was sitting down with a bowl of popcorn in his hand, Soun sitting at his side sipping from a saucer of sake. As the two were making themselves comfortable at this surprising turn of events, Xianghua was just finishing up. Once finished, she walks towards Ranma, somehow having changed from overbearing mother to a sweet princess who couldn't hurt a fly. Is she bipolar?

She was snapped out of her thoughts when Xianghua plops down on Ranma's lap, dressed in a kimono of all things. Where she got it was a mystery but as she processed the image in front of her, her anger once again rose from the depths. Facing Ranma, she prepares her rant before being abruptly stopped by Ranma's next words. "I'm sorry for the confusion but from my understanding, I can't marry any of your daughters due to the laws of both our homes.". This both confused and relieved Akane as she realised that Ranma wouldn't force her to do despicable acts. This changed as she then took in his next words. "On top of that I don't want to marry any of them.". At this, she collapsed onto the floor, an anime raincloud pouring over her head, as she felt emotions of anger, self-loathing, depression and, surprisingly, jealousy. Before, she was the one constantly being pursued but now, she was ignored and this was the third blow to her womanly pride, the first being her failure to attract Dr Tofu and the second being the beauty of her oldest sister and most recently Xianghua.

Like always, her mind stopped running and her anger took over her body. She immediately rushed forward throwing a badly telegraphed punch towards Ranma, who blocked it almost negligently before flipping her into the floor face down ass up, the hole in the floor smoking due to the combination of heat from the speed of the throw and Akane's now dissipating anger. As this was happening, the other Tendos had finally caught up, thus culminating in three separate actions. Nabiki was fuming over the loss of her possible ticket to fame and fortune, Kasumi rushed to the royal couple, eyes glittering in excitement as she furiously peppered the duo with questions about the wedding. Soun was alternating between crying tears over being unable to join the schools and begrudgingly congratulating Genma for raising such a respectable young man. At this point, Soun was even contemplating potentially offering an arranged marriage between Ranma's child and his own grandchild as a way of joining the schools. After all if Genma could raise Ranma to be this good without Nodoka; then just how amazing a child could Ranma and Xianghua, a highly respectable and skilled couple who clearly loved each other if their actions were anything to go on, raised?

Just then the odd men from the Musk arrived, carrying a trussed up panda bear covered in lumps. Their task completed, they bowed simply before disappearing into the shadows, ready to protect their prince from anything. Seeing his son making his way forward; Genma starts to sweat, watching nervously as Ranma made his way forward with an almost reptilian smirk. He twisted with vigour, craning his neck around to look for any sort of tool he could use to escape. Of course the only tools were in Ranma's pack. He always carried a few weapons with him to use in a combat situation. Not knowing that he was currently Tendo enemy number one, he decided to try and use the Saotome Anything Goes Playing Possum technique.

"Stop doing that pops it ain't gonna work. You're just looking pathetic like that.". While he was saying this; Ranma was slowly unsheathing a black jian from an ornate lacquered sheath engraved with two golden dragons. The sight of this caused as much fear in Genma's pandafied body as it did arousal and greed in Nabiki's. (Say what you will but I think Nabiki is someone who would get aroused with wealth and power. After all, whilst she does need to collect money for the family, she still uses morally ambiguous methods and often manipulates others even when the situation doesn't call it just for a quick buck.)Ranma quickly blurred forward launching a snake head strike with unerring accuracy, cutting through the tightly wound ropes around one arm without harming the black and white fur. The others looked at him with confusion, before Genma somehow pulled out a sign from nowhere. "Ranma how dare you do this to your poor father? Oh the shame my ungrateful son" . While Genma kept complaining about his useless, unworthy and unmanly son, the others were trying to figure out how he could be using signs with more than two faces. (After all, such a thing should be impossible right?)

#Two minutes of rambling later#

WOOOSH

SCHING

A sudden, silver blur immediately causes the sign Genma is holding, to fall apart into multiple pieces. With this done, Genma realises just what a predicament he is in. Turning around to the others, he sees blank, impassive stares. But the worst is Xianghua. Whilst he never truly cared about the many, many lessons the Musk tried to impart on him, he did end up learning one thing in the Musk. NEVER MESS WITH XIANGHUA EVER! Whilst he hadn't known her for more than two years, Xianghua was still one of the most dangerous people he met. Not because of the art, oh Kami no. At best she was only a blue or brown belt, nowhere near the black belt needed to become even a mid level apprentice in the Saotome Ryu. Instead it was the sheer size of her vicious streak. Genma had made this mistake when he told her, quite stupidly, that the fact that a girl held her level of skill and natural talent, was a waste since it would have been better used by a strong man. Thinking that she couldn't do anything to him, he simply ignored the absolutely evil look she was throwing him. The next day, he found himself being punished with the ceremonial Jade Dragon Whip of Xin Wu, for insulting the princess. Worst was that the Chinese #¢∞•# had gotten a girl to do the whipping. This had destroyed any reputation he had in the lower levels of the Musk. It had also jeopardized his chances of getting moved into the middle ring of the Musk village, a ring where only martial artists and powerful warriors were allowed to live. For the master of the Saotome Ryu, this was a great dishonour.

Before he could continue with his mental rant; he stopped noticing Ranma appearing in front of his face. The proximity shocked Genma enough to cause him to jump back. In his coldest tone, Ranma began to speak. "Now pops, know that I'm really angry now. I was just informed yesterday that yet another engagement was found in my name. How many was that now? 12? 13? Now I'm sure I told you to make sure the other engagements were dropped when I got married. Is that true?". Genma was sweating and was about to retort before Ranma yelled "IS IT?". Terrified for his life, he quickly procured another sign displaying the words "It's true!" on it. "Then why, pray tell, was this brought up now? When I was told not two months ago that there were no more engagements left?"

"Now you listen to me boy …" Genma signed before a massive amount of chi enhanced killing intent fell on him. (Killing intent now abbreviated to KI. Not to be confused with ki or chi in this story.). "NO YOU LISTEN TO ME GENMA SAOTOME. IF THIS IS NOT SORTED OUT AT THE END OF THE MONTH I SWEAR I WILL THROW YOU DOWN PHEONIX MOUNTAIN AFTER SLICING YOUR HANDS OFF AND STICKING THEM IN YOUR #$# SO YOU CAN'T ESCAPE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?". Genma was shivering at this point due to the fear, so much so that he couldn't even reply until "DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?". Genma furiously nodded before rushing to the furoba to turn back. With him gone, along with Ranma's good mood, Ranma turned to Xianghua before holding his hand out to her. With grace befitting of her status as princess of the Musk, she took his hand before the married couple walked downstairs intending to eat something. With the commotion over and done with, the other Tendos shook of their shock and confusion for something more important to them at seven thirty in the morning, breakfast.

#Downstairs#

As the family of 4 and their two guests sat down, they broke their chopsticks before saying a quick prayer of Itadakimasu. With this, the entire family dug in with gusto. Surprisingly, Ranma had served himself five plates much to the shock of the Tendo sisters. What surprised them though was that he simply left after finishing one plate to wash his hands and face. Seeing this Kasumi started to tear up questioning whether the food caused Ranma's appetite to disappear. Before she could drown in self-depreciating thoughts though; the other warriors immediately dropped down, each collecting a plate and disappearing as if they were never there. Xianghua, upon seeing this, immediately moved to calm Kasumi down. "There-there Kasumi. He wasn't insulting your cooking. Ranma was just serving a portion of the meal for his troops.". At this, Kasumi calmed down before she broke down again, confusing the others for this outburst. "See I knew that pervert was no good. Look what he did to Kasumi-nee.". Xianghua merely glared at the bluenette but before she could make any rebuttal, Kasumi dissuaded those notions. With a quick wipe of the eye, she spoke up. "Stop that Akane!" she chided. "I was only upset since I didn't think about the others. How could I be a good host if I forget to feed someone?".

"But Kasumi-nee …" Akane began only for Xianghua to start laughing. "Kasumi-san, you don't need to worry about Ranma. He doesn't eat very much. Whilst he can do, he can also last for days without food. The fact that he ate is in itself a good thing. Whilst I don't know where he got it from, Ranma has become a very picky eater. I think it was just after the first time I cooked for him.". The other girls' sweatdrop Xianghua's confusion whilst Kasumi giggles. "Thank you!"

"O…Kay! Now that that's over, can someone please explain WHAT'S GOING ON?". The rest of the onlookers turned to the middle Tendo sister as she was heaving in exertion from her previous question; looks of disappointment (Kasumi), agreement (Akane and Soun) and surprise (Xianghua) visible on their faces. Unsure of the context; Xianghua responded with a confused pout, which caused Kasumi to nearly squeal "Kawaii". Having calmed down somewhat and seeing the need to elaborate, Nabiki turned her body to face Xianghua before asking the question that puzzled the Tendo family. "You guys are married? Why are you here then? Surely you could have sent us a letter or such?"

At this, the others turned to face Xianghua equally curious. Having anticipated this question, Xianghua had shifted her position so as to be comfortable and begun preparing her response. "Yes we are married. We have been so for slightly longer than a year and a half now. What you must understand about the Musk is that we are a very isolated people. It is very difficult to correspond by means such as telephones or by mail like most Japanese. In fact, a courier service from Jusenkyo would take longer to reach you than us merely arriving here. On top of that, you are attempting correspondence with the prince of the Musk. So you must forgive us for our reluctance to speak through mail.". At this, the Tendo's nodded. "As such, we felt it more prudent to discuss this in person. What's more is that this situation is not one that should be resolved through a letter. That would be disrespectful to both parties. Finally, we could simply resolve the situation much faster in person than through mail correspondence.". Somewhat mollified by her answer, Nabiki stood down opening the floor to the others.

It was then that Akane noticed a small detail that was yet to be elaborated on. "Excuse me but what did Ranma mean when he said 12 or 13 engagements?". Sighing in frustration at Genma's antics, Xianghua massaged her temples with her fingers in an attempt to reduce the burgeoning migraine. Realising she had yet to answer, she turned to face Akane and replied. "I wish I could tell you that what Ranma said was an exaggeration but the thing is that his words were more likely to be a conservative guess. Genma is a greedy, manipulative, lazy tub of lard that is quite honestly aptly cursed given his attitude. Of course, a sloth could also be a good choice if that were the case but I digress. Genma believes that as a father, he is entitled to get anything he wants from his son since Ranma wouldn't exist without Genma. In fact, Genma is of the opinion that Ranma is his to do with as he sees fit regardless of how damaging it can be to Ranma's person. Genma happens to be a rather infamous scam artist in Japan, who actually finds pleasure in cheating people out of house and home often using dubious methods to get his prize. His most preferred scam is to engage Ranma to a young girl for something he wants. After that, he would hand over Ranma to his "in-laws" and wait for a few days. Just before the legal work would be finalised, he would take Ranma back and disappear.". The others were speechless when they heard of Genma's depravity. Soun was questioning where it all went wrong in regards to his old friend whilst the Tendo sisters were questioning what kind of in-laws their father had nearly saddled them with.

This situation complicates things. Thought Nabiki. I might need to deal with all of these criminal cases and fiancées quickly, emphasis on the fiancées. I can't let this golden opportunity disappear. After all, he is a prince. So what if I'm not his wife, I could still be a concubine. That would be better for me anyways since that'll mean I wont have to waste my time with him for anything but sex. That and I'll get all the money I want. As her thoughts revolved around a swimming pool full of money and plans to remove potential fiancées; Akane and Kasumi started to question Xianghua about the situation the Saotome's were in. "Oh my! Has anything been done to help those poor girls Xianghua? Surely Genma must have been punished sufficiently for this. This could be a huge stain on our honour if it were to be found out that we were arranged to be married to what can only be classified as a man-#$^%#.". At this, Kasumi quickly covered her mouth, afraid to have accidently insulted one of her guests in front of their spouse. However, sensing her disquiet, Xianghua merely waved her off, showing that she was unaffected by the choice of wording.

"It's not much of a problem anymore. You see the Musk is a warrior culture and in such cultures, honour plays an integral role in everyday life. So much so that when they investigated Genma's dodgy dealings, they immediately threw him into the lower ring.".

"Ooh! Is that like some super special prison for martial artists? Or maybe some kind of gladiator contest to restore his honour? Or, or … Mmph"

"Ignore her! Continue!" voiced Nabiki, an excited Akane constantly blurting out rather unlikely, bordering on unrealistic, ideas of what the lower ring is. Just as Xianghua was about to continue, Ranma walked down the stairs, carrying a pair of leather satchels containing notebooks, pens and a bento from the kitchen. Seeing Ranma ready for school, Kasumi turns to the clock, before hurriedly shooing off her sisters to get ready as well, especially seeing as their guests would have to be registered. As the two youngest Tendos went to get ready; Xianghua turned to her husband, tapping her foot in irritation at hearing that she would have to attend school again. Seeing her annoyed face, Ranma walks forward before kissing her gently on the forehead, and handing her the bag. Seeing his gentle smile, she couldn't hope to stay mad at him. However this didn't mean she couldn't question him. "Well?" she questioned, eyebrow raised, a bemused face staring at her husband and waiting for a response. Realising the need for at least some clarification, he turns to face her. "I know we graduated more than a year ago but in this country, it is illegal to not attend school unless you have a high school diploma. Until our diplomas are ratified and a score conversion is applied, we will not be allowed to stay here.".

Sighing in displeasure at the situation, Xianghua turned around, rubbing her temples to stifle the headache threatening to break out. "Alright. However I expect to leave as soon as our qualifications arrive. I can't believe we have to attend grade school again. This is incredibly insulting. I went to the University of Beijing and you went to Fudan and did your MBA in Todai. Hey wait a minute." As she was mentioning their qualifications, she had just realised that Ranma had attended a Japanese university. So why was he taking a satchel with him? Voicing her question, she turned to see Ranma wearing an amused smile as he thought of his little prank. This would really serve to irritate as well as arouse her, especially since chicks dig the sexy teacher vibe he thought. Snapping out of it, he merely shrugged, irritating his significant other and causing her to lightly slap him on the chest. This was followed by a light kiss and a whispered #$%# before the pair took each other's hand and started walking towards the door. Just as they reached for the handle, a panting Akane and a slightly red Nabiki ran down to join the pair.

"Ready?" Nabiki asked, not particularly caring for their response especially since she was going to let Akane deal with the royal nuisances at school. Of course if Ranma was willing to offer me a lift …. Seeing a predatory smirk appearing on her face, Ranma scooted away from Nabiki before wrapping his arms around the waist of his beloved wife and jumping onto the railings, an action which startled both Nerimians tremendously. However before they could comment, a loud splash was heard. Turning to face a soaking wet and extremely angry, surprisingly male Ranma, the Tendo sisters couldn't help but burst out into laughter seeing the so far unflappable Musk prince pout like a school girl. This caused Ranma to grumble as he muttered a quick heating spell to dry off his clothes and simultaneously trigger his transformation.

Xianghua was impressed with Ranma's quick thinking in regards to the curse. Whilst he hadn't come up with a permanent solution to the curse, he had managed to create a spell which would cover himself in an illusion, thus preventing others from seeing his cursed form. However this was extremely taxing on his reserves so he couldn't keep it up indefinitely. Turning to face the sisters, his smug grin was knocked off his face when he was splashed again. Enraged, Ranma attempts to confront the one responsible, an older deaf woman, but receives another splash in the face, his rants completely forgotten as a dumbstruck expression appears on his face. Seeing this, the Tendo sisters and Xianghua all burst out into hysterics. At this, the illusioned boy turned girl walks forward muttering curses in between his spell casting before in a poof, an irritated but dry Ranma appears planning several inventive tortures for Genma when he gets home. Don't get him wrong, he understands that the woman is old. However since he couldn't punish the woman, he was instead going to punish the reason for his being here, an inconveniently absent panda.

For the next 10 minutes, the sound of snickers was the only thing disturbing the somewhat quiet morning. That was until the group of four started to see the gate of Furinkan High. As they drew closer, Akane would start muttering something about boys, getting progressively angrier as they reached closer, until she burst out into a sprint yelling "I HATE BOYS!". Worried for Akane, the married duo turned first to each other, and then to the gate, before rushing to get to the youngest Tendo. As they passed the gate, their eyes widened and their thoughts could be summed up with one convenient phrase.

"WHAT THE HELL!"