AN: Hey, it's Primordial Soul with the third chapter of Lazarus!

Thanks for the support for this story! This is my first attempt at writing something that dealt with the deeper portions of a person's emotions and mental state in response to a traumatic event. I'm glad I'm doing this well.

Just had a final today so my brain was dead tired when I wrote this. Please tell me if this chapter matches up to the quality of the previous chapters. BTW, sorry for the long Review Replies. Just like doing them. :)

Quick notice: As of right now, I have no plans to continue this story past Shepard and Co leaving Omega for the first time. Basically, what lies ahead is the Mordin and Archangel missions, some of the Omega assignments and a original plot tying the previous missions together. I may decide to write connected one-shots about the events after Lazarus, but that is a ways from now. Of course, I could also be persuaded to change my mind and write a sequel... :D.

That being said, Shepard will be arriving on Omega soon and we all know who's on the station. Among other people, one female turian ex-cabal badass. Can't wait for their meeting! I have a lot in store for them... After all, the genre's Romance. :)

Review Responses:

Mandalore the freedom: That's the point. Shepard's logic is impaired from the mental stress and trauma his resurrection brought upon him and his fragile emotions are driving his decisions. And Shepard knows subconsciously that Tali had a good reason for not joining him. But to his fragile mind, Tali's refusal simply drove the point home that Shepard was alone and no one trusted him. Can't expect such a individual like my Shepard in this story to react rationally to something that reinforces everything he currently believes.

Rhagar: I felt the same. Even though ME2 was a great game, the beginning definitely dragged me out of my SoD. The loyalty mission... honestly, I hadn't really planned to write it. It was simply a nebulous idea that was floating around in the back of my head after playing the Citadel DLC. Hm... maybe a short story after Lazarus? I'll think about it. Yep, you are correct. Subconsciously, Shepard knows he's a paranoid, irrational, emotional and mental mess. But, when do very emotional people act rationally?

SSj Masta: I'm honored to have your compliments! Shepard has always been the Commander, the go to guy, the one that solved everyone's problems. I wanted to make it so that Shepard was the one in need of help and nobody can give him it. That humanizes even the greatest of heroes, revealing the person underneath their strong exterior. And that is the heart of the matter. Shepard isn't a machine, a demi-god, a superhuman unlike so many other franchises. Shepard is a person, a human being, with tremendous burdens unfairly thrust on his shoulders and he's cracking under the pressure in this AU. He needs help, confirmation that he isn't alone, that his allies, his friends, his compatriots, his future love, will stand behind him against all threats. Nyreen, with the strength of her character, will be something that fits this broken Shepard and reaches out for something inside Shepard that he always wanted, but never experienced. A partner, someone who will always stand beside him, someone who will love him unconditionally.

Aeternix: Thanks! I tried my best to dive deep into Shepard's emotions, tried to show the realities and the tragedies washed away under a hero's exterior in most stories. For in our hearts, no matter who we are, we are all human. All vulnerable. All fragile. All seeking comfort from the challenges of life. Trust me, it was hard to write Shepard this way, hard to purposely write a character set on the path to self destruction, hard to simply write these emotions. It's a fine line to tread and I fear that I will lose this quality as the story progresses. The Chakwas encounter really sets in Shepard's irrationality, his pain, his fear, his emotions. It is an open chance for companionship and Shepard throws it away. It's something anyone would do in such a state. Thank you for your suggestions; I will do my best.

Inkess: Yep. As I said above, Archangel/Garrus will be in this story. Love his character and can't leave him behind. Whoops, I always miss a couple things.

That's all folks! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

I don't own anything!

Normandy SR2

Pause. Jab with the right fist. Punch with left fist. Uppercut with right fist. Reset. Pause. Repeat.

I had continued this routine for what seemed like hours, pounding my frustrations into the hanging punching bag. My eyes were narrowed, my vision was blurred by sweat, the monster in my chest refusing to leave. Physically pushing myself was the only way I could bear the burden of everything that was fucking wrong in my life.

As I continued to punch, the bag shifted from an unassuming brown to a familiar shape. One that I had met on Eden Prime, one who fought alongside me, one who I left to die on Virmire. Ashley Williams.

"You left me to die, Skipper." I heard her whisper, her voice tearing at my fractured soul. Tears mixed with my salty sweat as I remembered her last heroic moments. She was a better soldier than I was. A better woman.

"I couldn't help it. More lives would be saved if I rescued Kaiden and the STG team. I'm sorry Ashley. Please forgive me" I whisper, my voice hoarse.

"Life piled on life; Were all too little, and of one to me; Little remains" she replies

"Ulysses; by Alfred Lord Tennyson. Lines 24-26. An apt comparison." I reminisce, the words spilling out beyond my control. The pain was too great.

Other shapes appeared in the corners of my vision, the symbols of my guilt. Mom, Dad, Jane, Tabitha, Old Man Leroy, Amy, Trent, Ernest, Rose, Matthew, Jenkins, Nihlus, Shiala, Benezia, even Saren and the Council, just stood off in the distance, silently staring at me. Condemning me for their deaths. All my failures, silently accusing me of my sins.

My fists sped up, trying to alleviate the pain and the stress. I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't smart enough. I couldn't save them!

"How dull it is to pause, to make an end, To rust unburnish'd, not to shine in use!" Ashley's voice continued, her body returning to its previous shape as a punching bag.

I stopped my punches and clung to the bag, Ashley's words burning deep into my soul. She was right! She was so right! I was all alone, a tool past his prime, a man out of his time! I couldn't trust anyone, couldn't find reprieve or solace.

"Why?" I say, my voice slowing gaining in volume. "Why, why, WHY!"

"Commander?"

My body jerks into action, adrenaline pumping through my veins. I could feel my eyes widen in panic, could feel my body react without my consent. I was cornered, trapped, alone!

I lower my body, reducing my profile and through out my hand to cover myself from any retaliation that may come. As my hand moves, it just happens to trigger my fucking biotics, sending a warp towards who ever disturbed me. Goddamn it! Why did the Illusive Man give me something I couldn't control?

"What's wrong with you Shepard?" A familiar Australian voice, dripping in annoyance and frustration. The voice dragged me out of my irrational state and brought me back to conscious thought. And I was pissed.

"What the hell, Miranda!" I snarl, lifting myself to my normal height, staring right into the stormy grey eyes of Miranda. "Don't you know how to ring a fucking doorbell?"

"I am the XO of this ship and I must be able to reach any mission critical areas." Miranda stated, causing my eyes to narrow yet again. "Besides, why did you attack me? We're on the same side."

"I beg to differ, Cerberus," I stated darkly, hating that I had to deal with this bull shit. "Besides, it's not my fault I have no fucking clue how to use my biotics. Something you forgot to plug into my brain?"

"We gave you the tools you needed to be a one man army," Miranda replied hauntingly. "We gave you what you needed to stop the Reapers. Are you so ungrateful of the opportunity we procured for you?"

"An opportunity? AN OPPORTUNITY!" I roar, furious over the condescending way she was treating my sentence. "You brought me back from the dead, brought be back from my peaceful slumber, put me in a galaxy where I'm all alone, where there is no one I can trust! I'm falling apart. And it's all your fault!"

"Most men would kill for this chance we gave you," Miranda replied, seemingly unaffected by my outburst.

My fist clenches as I look down at my feat, tempering my anger. "I'm not most men," I comment darkly.

"No you're not. You are the personification of humanity, a symbol, a bloody icon. You ..."

I raise a hand, stopping Miranda's words. "Don't. Just don't. I'm just a man, lost in time, falling apart. You are Cerberus, the evil in the night, the one who forced this curse on me. Just tell me what you wanted to and get out."

Miranda stood there silently, analyzing my stance, my eyes, everything about me. As we stared at each other, Miranda's mouth twitched in … was that satisfaction? Triumph maybe?

Of course it was. Fuck you Cerberus. This is all your fault.

"I have taken the initiative and have instructed Flight Lieutenant Moreau to head to Omega to acquire Doctor Mordin Souls. We will arrive within a couple hours."

Omega. The heart of scum and villainy in the galaxy, the de facto 'capital' of the Terminus Systems. I've never been there, although I've heard terrible stories of prostitution, scams, violence, theft, arson, treason; anything you can think of, Omega had it. The filthy streets, the piss hole bars, the terrible housing, the gang warfare … it was a chaotic, dark place, fractured and pressured by so many outside forces.

Just like my life, I grimly noted. Omega and I shared a lot in common now.

I sigh as my mind returns to the conversation. I am not happy that Miranda went above my head, but we haven't done anything in a week besides explore the ruins of my old ship. So, she was kinda in the right...

"I can't say I'm pleased over your interference, but we need to get started. Very well. Inform me when we are ten minutes out from Omega. I'll be in my quarters."

Miranda nodded and walked away to her office, probably ready to file her report to the Illusive Man over my mental state. When she was gone, my fist, surround by a biotic aura, found itself imbedded in a bulk head; my anger, pain, and stress boiling over beyond my control. I withdrew my fist, absently noting the damage I had done to the Normandy-SR2. I did not care over the damage; it just felt good to finally lash out and relieve my burden against Cerberus.

After all, the ship was theirs, even if they put me in command.

I took my leave of the gym and headed up to my quarters, too tired to continue beating my frustrations on the punching bag now floors below me. I walked over into my bathroom and stepped in the shower, cleaning off the sweat that I accumulated on me.

Minutes later, I stepped out of the shower, cleaning my face off with a towel. Once I did so, I put the towel down and stared at my reflection in the mirror.

Horrid red lines, a symbol of my curse, ran all along my cheeks. My eyes, usually chocolate brown, shone with a red shine. My brown hair was cut short, just like it was during my career with the Alliance. My eyes had dark bags under them from a lack of restful sleep.

I raised my hand and pressed it against my right cheek, wincing when it touched the sensitive cracks on my skin. I slowly brushed my hand along my cheek, noting the angles and hard surfaces that were the synthetics inside me keeping my body alive.

I was alone. I was a freak, a corpse raised from the dead, thrown into a galaxy that wasn't mine. I had nothing. Only a terrible, tragic death lay in front of me.

Death... end...

I chuckled softly as my mind realized something. Omega was the end, the last. End was death. And I was walking towards Omega. My end was near.

And I could do nothing about it.

As I continued to stare at my reflection, lamenting over my pointless fight, I whisper,

"And off we're marching to the end"

AN: I hope you enjoyed the third chapter of Lazarus!

We arrive on Omega next chapter, which means we're one step closer to Nyreen. I can't wait!

Don't have anything else to say. See you guys later!

Primordial Soul