The Water is Warm and Children Swim

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"We never understand how little we need in this world until we know the loss of it."
- James Matthew Barrie

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Part Three

It may have been the dense grey clouds hanging in the sky above that pressed down on the brothers, slowing their steps as they made their way to the river. Or it could have been the unsaid words that hung to each of them, causing a footstep to feel like a major feat. Whatever the reason, each boy could feel the strain of the silence between them, and neither ventured to break it.

As the sound of rushing water grew closer, Dean could feel his heartbeat begin to quicken. He had no idea what to expect; if this water wraith was actually the thing that was causing him to hallucinate. He simply had nowhere else to go. There was no place he could turn to for answers as to why he had seen his deceased mother the night before or why water had flooded his motel room earlier that morning. All he knew was that everything had turned wrong after they had left this area. There had to be something – anything – here that could give him answers.

Their feet halted a few meters from the edge of the raging river, and as Dean gazed at it solemnly, he noted that it appeared fiercer than the last time he had seen it; the water hungrily lapping at the bank, greedily pulling at the strands of grass and the seeded rocks. He took a step toward it. "All right," he said as he shuffled the various items clutched in his hands. "We've got to find the son of a bitch first, and like before, we can-"

"Dean," Sam's voice was low, almost inaudible, but the older Winchester heard him nevertheless and glanced up. "I was kind of hoping you'd agree not to come back here, but…" The younger boy hesitated for a moment, looking slightly off to the left. "I guess it was the right thing to do."

Dean did not know how to reply. Not only had he been seeing things lately, but he had also noticed that Sam had been making little or no sense as well. The uneasiness he had felt before returned with full strength, forcing Dean to study his brother for a hint as to what was amiss. Now that Dean looked closely, he discovered things he had failed to notice before.

The bags usually darkening the area beneath his brother's eyes were now gone. Sam's face appeared brighter, his skin a healthier hue. Even the way he stood seemed more relaxed. His shoulders were less tense, as if a weight had been lifted. He stood to his full height, hands shoved in his pockets, and Dean couldn't help but wonder what had changed him.

His eyes held something different. They were not calm or serene. They were darker than he remembered, a brooding sadness filling them. Dean could see it clearly now as the brown orbs stared at him from behind long strands of dark hair. Something was horribly wrong.

"I've been thinking about dad," Sam announced, his voice thoughtful. "I've been thinking about where he ran off to. You've got to find him."

Dean was puzzled by his brother's sudden turn of conversation. "Sam, what are you talking about? We're going to find dad, I already told you-"

"I know you already told me but it's different now," interrupted the younger Winchester as his voice grew louder. "You've got to find him Dean. And when you do you have to tell him it wasn't your fault. Tell him it was an accident; that you tried."

Dean gazed at his brother with intense confusion, sorting his words in his head and trying desperately to form something he could understand. He attempted to speak but the sticky dryness slicking his throat was making it almost impossible.

"But you have to believe it too Dean. You can't beat yourself over it. You know it was an accident. There was nothing you could have done.

"Sammy, what the hell are you talking about? What was an accident?" Dean's concern began to mingle with alarm. He waited for a response but his brother's expression did not change.

"I'm serious Dean. I know you tried. Remember that."

"Sam! What are you talking about?" Dean could feel the slight frustration he felt bubble furiously to anger. "Remember what?"

"You don't belong here. You need to go back. You've been here too long already."

Dean threw down the items he held and took two angry steps toward his brother, grabbing him firmly by the shoulders and staring up at his face. "Sam! I'm not leaving! Back where? You're not making any sense!"

"Just remember you tried Dean." Tears glimmered in Sam's eyes as he took a step backward, the older Winchester's hands slipping from his shoulders.

Dean began to panic. He tried to grab his brother but the younger boy seemed to slip from his reach. "Sam!" he shouted.

A tear slid down his face and then another. No, they were not tears. Water was dripping from his head. Dean swiped his hand across his forehead and felt the cold water running in rivulets. It seemed to originate from nowhere, streaming down his face and soaking his clothes. A sharp pain erupted from the back of his head and he instinctively reached back, his hand returning with red blood.

He stared at his brother, realization suddenly dawning. The water began to increase and he was now completely soaked, the weight of his drenched clothes pulling him downward. The liquid rushed by his ears, clogging them, and began to fall before his eyes. Through the glistening curtain of water Dean could see Sam. He saw his brother's lips move, and although he could not hear the words, he knew what he had said.

His little brother was beginning to fade. He was only a dark shadow through the water's film and then he was gone and Dean was swept from his feet and the water was raging all around him. The cold returned and his head swarmed with confusion, but then it was as if everything became focused. He found himself breaking the surface of the river. Gasping for breath, the water in his lungs choking him at first, he gulped in the sweet air that met him.

The water had calmed and he could feel mud beneath his feet. His body completely exhausted, he let the gentle water slowly pull him to the shore where he clutched two tufts of damp grass, struggling to haul half of his drenched body out of the river. He laid there for a few moments, the side of his face pressed firmly into the embankment and his limbs numb as he gained his breath back.

The thought of Sammy suddenly pushed itself into his mind and his head shot up, a wince escaping his lips as the forgotten gash made itself known once more. He looked around frantically and his eyes suddenly spotted the still figure in the water. Dean remained frozen for a moment. Only for a moment…

With a yelp of alarm and terror, the older Winchester pushed himself upwards and sloshed clumsily through the shallow water. Plunging down beside his brother, the river now reached his waist as he took stock of his brother's condition. Sam was floating on his back, his long hair matted to his forehead and swaying softly around his head. His eyes were closed, his lips holding a tinge of blue.

Frantically, Dean slid him to the bank and pulled him onto land. He anxiously held his shaking fingers to his brother's neck but felt no pulse. Placing his ear to Sam's chest, not a single beat was heard. He tried to do CPR but stopped when he found himself pummeling Sam's chest to try to get him to breathe. Hot tears mixed with the water river coating his skin as he rested his forehead and fists on his brother's chest, the dead ache in his heart stopping all movement but the clenching of his hands and the shaking of his shoulders.

He didn't know how long he remained like that, his brother's limp form lying in the long grass. Shadows were darkening as Dean was finally able to shift. He straightened his back and looked down at his brother's face, pale and ghostly in the dimming daylight. His thoughts went back to the last time he had seen Sam alive. His skin had been brighter then, but the same peacefulness had been etched into his sullen appearance. The last time he had seen him - eyes full of sorrow. They were full of goodbye.

Sam had said goodbye.

Sam had forgiven him.

Sam had saved him.

The End

A bit about the story:

Inspired by the psychological thriller Stay, the song "Red" by Pieces, and the song "Colorblind" by The Counting Crows.

Winner of the Sensue Supernatural Fanfiction Award for "Worst Nightmare", Round 4.