Thank you guys soooo much for supporting this fanfiction. Y'all can't believe how fucking amazed I am at every note, comment or kudo I get!
So, for this chapter, I'd like to point out a warning for bullying and self-destructive thoughts.
Have fun reading! :3
Eren sits on his tiny bed in Armin's house, green eyes staring at the phone in his hands.
It's been about two days since he found out that Mikasa Ackerman - a girl whom he had just met yet already feels so much love for - lives in his old house. His family's house. The house where he spent all his childhood in. And he wonders, oh, he wonders how she must feel about it. Does it make her sad? Angry? Happy? He doesn't know.
His phone is almost frozen on the messages she sent him. The messages he ignored, yet also doesn't want to ignore. He just doesn't know what to do. What to say.
His phone rings with Armin calling.
Eren picks up. „Hey Armin."
„Hey, just so you know: Mikasa is not a whore!"
He laughs. „Man, Armin, took you some time to pick up on that bullshit media report. Trust me, I might be dumb… But I'm sure as hell not that dumb to believe this TMZ shit."
„I can't really believe you, considering how just yesterday, you asked grandpa how much weed it would take to revive Michael Jackson."
Eren arches an eyebrow. „Well, I was high as fuck so how could you possibly believe I would say something rational?!"
He hears Armin sigh at the other end. „Anyways… What's going with Mikasa?"
„Nothing…" Eren shakes his head. „Nothing's going with Mikasa, no."
„What? Why?!"
„She's living in my old house, man! I was so angry at you for not telling me beforehand, remember?"
„Yeah, and then I remember how you raved about her for what felt like an eternity, so why aren't you just talking to her?"
Now it's Eren who sighs. „I just… I don't know, I sure as hell want to text her, but everytime I see her name, it reminds me of my mom and it's just…"
He feels a tear running down his face. „It hurts, Armin. It fucking hurts."
„Sorry, man. I understand."
The silence that follows makes Eren feel as if a truck has just overrun him. It's so quiet, yet so loud he could feel his ears explode.
He's about to hang up when Armin finally speaks.
„How about you come over to her?"
„Oh yeah, what a great idea to have me constantly reminded of my mom's death and my fucking asshole of a dad."
„Eren, I'm serious-"
„No, Armin. Never in hell would I go to that house again."
„God damnit, Eren, do you want to get to know Mikasa or do you not?"
„I do, but why should I already go to her fucking house-"
„It might be a first step to stop you from becoming a train wreck."
„Jesus, Armin…" Eren falls back on his bed. He would rather die than going back to this house. But on the other hand… It would probably break Mikasa's heart if he keeps trying to ignore her.
He sighs. „Okay, man. I'll do it. But fuck you if it turns out bad."
People tend to think that high school years are the best years of your life. That people would admire you and you'd graduate having many, many friends.
Sure, that is the case for some students. But Mikasa Ackerman is definitely not one of them.
Instead, people in her class push her violently, calling her horrible and sometimes even racist names. Sometimes, they just write those same things on her desk or say „ew" when they walk past her.
In her new school, she often finds herself at the nurse's office, saying Hitch Dreyse and her terrible cheerleader clique beat her up again. And the same cheerleader clique often finds it funny to shove Mikasa's face into the toilet as they keep telling her she's not worth anything. She's an ordinary, ugly piece of shit whom nobody loves.
And after all those years of being pushed and called names, Mikasa believed them.
Mikasa almost races into the bathroom after coming home from yet another day of constant torture. She bends over the bathroom sink, trying to wash away the I'M A FUCKING WHORE standing on her arm. It doesn't work. She washes and washes and washes, but after an eternity of trying, the letters are still clear enough to read.
And just like all the countless times she tried to wash away other people's marks, she gives up. It doesn't matter. Everybody thinks like that now anyway, thanks to that media article.
She looks up into the mirror in front of her, eyes gazing at the freshly-made scar above her right cheek.
Mikasa lets out a tiny cry as her finger touches the scar. It hurts, and it hurts like hell.
And then the first tear rolls down her face.
The second tear lets her scar burn like hot lava on her skin, and she couldn't take it anymore. After all these years of holding back her tears and telling herself she's strong, she can withstand all of this, she finally breaks down. She kneels on the hard ground, starts sobbing and finally lets all the tears she held back take her over.
What a fucking failure you are, she thinks to herself. How dare you for even thinking you're strong. How dare you for thinking Eren Jaeger might like you. You're just a fucking wimp that everyone hates.
She sobs even more, thinking how much she just hopes for cancer to take her over already. How everything would be so much better if she just dies.
No, she is not strong. Not at all.
Eren stands at the door to Mikasa's - his - house, unable to stand still. His hands are sweating as he wonders. Wonders how Mikasa would react to him. Or would she even react? Would she be happy that after all those hours of trying to ignore her, he finally shows up? Would she be angry at him for ignoring her? Would she just shut the door again and reject him? Or would her parents open up instead and tell him to go away?
Why did Armin even think this was a great idea again? Eren growls quietly.
He rings the doorbell, and it sounds exactly as he remembers. Exactly how it sounded in his childhood. How it sounded last time he was in this house…
He wonders if they kept anything. Wonders if they kept the black Steinway & sons piano. If they kept any accessories. Any of the flowers his mom loved so much.
Oh, his mom…
Eren remembers again. He remembers the way she laughed for the first time after Dad left. It was just a chuckle, but it still made him smile for it was her first laugh after weeks. And he remembers how she always scolded him and Armin for swimming too far away whenever they went to the beach. How he convinced her to buy him a Gibson and give him guitar lessons. How she always smiled and told him to „go on, your voice is absolutely stunning," whenever he sang or hummed something.
The door goes open, and for a brief moment, he thinks his mom opened up for him.
Yet it isn't her.
And it's also not the shy, pretty, adorable Mikasa he remembers.
What he sees instead is a flawed, sad version of her with pulled clothes and something written all over her arm with permanent marker. Her pale, usually flawless face is stained with mascara and her eyes are red from the tears she cried. The tears she cried because some nasty motherfucker harmed her.
She doesn't deserve this.
She doesn't fucking deserve this.
„Mikasa…." Eren doesn't hesitate any longer to hold her tight in his arms.
The first thing Mikasa notices is that all these fan reports from Eren's meet and greets are right. He does give the best and tightest hugs.
The second thing she notices is this is not just a normal hug between a celebrity and his fan. No, this one is a lot more personal. A lot more intimate.
Seems like Eren Jaeger doesn't hate her as much as she thought.
And just when she thought she cried herself out already, tears are streaming down her face once again. And Eren, oh, generous, lovable Eren tries to calm her down, rubbing her back as she sobs hard and telling her not to worry, he's here, he's her friend.
„I'm… s-such a failure, I-I thought I was strong, but…" she barely even brings out that last word before sobbing even harder into his safe chest.
She feels a tear rolling onto her shoulder as Eren clenches his jaw, holding her even tighter. „Shhh, no," he whispers, „you are strong, Mikasa. You are so, so strong and admirable."
„I thought… y-you hated me because-"
„Because I ignored your messages, right?"
He turns away just a little bit to face her sobbing, broken creature, and she could see tears in his eyes. Tears that assure her that he actually cares about her. „Truth is, I wanted to reply to you, but…"
Eren looks at her, and just those vibrant, emerald-green eyes of his are enough for her to finally calm down a bit. Her voice is barely steady when she speaks.
„So, you don't hate-"
„Nope," he says, shaking his head. „I don't hate you. I was just… a total jerk, and I'm so, so sorry, so uhm… Can I come in, please?"
He smiles, and it's the bright, generous, dimple-flashing smile she loves so, so much. It's one of those smiles that reassure you there's not only bad things in this world. No, there are also pure and precious things. Things like Eren's smile.
Mikasa nods, making him smile even brighter.
Her tears are almost forgotten as she closes the door.