"Why, I thought we were..." He stopped himself, thinking that the apology should be enough. Instead he focused on something else, the thing that must have been torturing the other shinobi since before he had even arrived in Suna. "You are scared of thunderstorms, right?"
The idea of the great Sabaku no Gaara being scared of anything made him seem so much more human. He could suddenly relate with the frenzy that he was sure must have been pumping through the other like a smothering blanket. He had once been scared of the dark as a kid, so why was he blaming him for something he couldn't control? The disloyalty didn't feel so bad anymore. His gaze softened a little, and he looked sympathetic. "I am sorry."
He watched the other boy cross his arms and gaze towards the window with distain written all over his face, "It's my fault." He locked gazes with Lee, "I should know you'd never hurt me…" He glanced back at the chair that had fallen in their flurry of movement. "You could have killed me in my sleep anyways, but the fact that you didn't should prove your intentions, of anything…"
The room fell quiet again, Lee wanted to say something, but he wasn't sure if anything he said could bring back the comfortable atmosphere they had once shared.
"I thought you were mad at me…" He offered, "I thought I had said something to offend you in my last letter…"
I thought you were catching on to the fact that I am attracted to you.
"No it's not that…"
I didn't know why it affected me… I want to figure out why I felt so strange
"Then, why did you not reply?"
That caught him off guard, he had no response.
In their small exchange, Gaara had moved to lean against the desk with his right hip and cross his arms across his chest. Lee had taken a step forward towards him, and both were outlined by the light coming from the window, no lights were on since neither had thought to flick the switch. It was unbearably uncomfortable, and he wished he had a reason or something to tell the taijustu master.
"I need to leave…" He tried to excuse himself from the room, but a bandaged arm caught him and sent an electric spark down his spine. He slowly turned his head to look at Lee, watching as the determination set on his face.
"Not with that ankle." He gestured down with his other hand, and as if on cue a throb of pain raced up his leg and reminded him that it was there. He felt cornered, but he previous fears of helplessness were slowly fading into the background. Instead of reminding himself that Lee was wet, he began to wonder about hypothermia and catching a cold.
"I guess not." He sighed and leaned heavily on his desk, then simply jumped to sit on top of it with his ankle dangling off. He had nothing to put on his leg, and it was obvious that the other boy had something in mind, so he just watched him in silence. Lee sighed and let his bag slip off his shoulders, then began pulling out bandages and a tensor. Gaara watched with mild curiosity, wondering just how much stuff could fit in that backpack.
He watched him kneel down before him and grab his shin gently to ease off his shoe, he let out a hiss of pain but it was promptly ignored by the both of them. His pant leg was rolled up out of the way to reveal a very swelled ankle that was at least twice it's normal size. He made a grunt of displeasure when Lee started attacking his injury with his hands. He poked around, cupping the ankle and pressing on a point that made the redhead want to rip his foot away and whimper out his discomfort.
"Does that hurt?" Lee finally asked, looking up to find the other boy's eyes watering and biting his lip in obvious irritation. He grinned sheepishly, "I guess so…" He lightened his pressure and had to remind himself that Tenten was used to the pain that came with this check. "I'm sorry." He murmured as he continued his work.
The voice was soft as he responded, sounding almost like he had been screaming a lot as his voice was almost gone. "You have nothing to apologize for. I feel foolish for letting my emotions get the better of me like that." He sucked in a breath as those fingers brushed a part that throbbed in response. "You've done nothing but try to help me. This is my fault."
There was nothing he could say to that, so instead he continued his work. He could have said everything was fine and not to worry but he wasn't so sure anymore. He wondered why touching him like this felt almost intimate, even though he had done the same thing to Tenten a million times and Naruto a couple. Was it going to be like this all the time? He wouldn't be able to touch or see Gaara without these feelings going haywire? What had happened to his crush on Sakura?
He didn't have an answer, and it troubled him that the Springtime Of Youth really couldn't answer this for him. He wasn't even sure if he should embrace this as love or something else akin to respect.
His heart didn't speed up when he saw Naruto or Tsunade, though.
He could ask Gaara, but he had a sinking feeling that he probably had no idea what he was feeling. He wasn't known for his amazing emotional capacity. Whereas everyone thought Lee was always happy, the kazekage was always composed and calm. It wasn't like he could just open up and say 'so, I don't know about you, but I think I like you.' He was sure that would go over well.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw a flash of lightning and he froze instantly, waiting to see if the other boy jolted away, but nothing happened. He looked up and saw green eyes staring at him unfocused, and a calm look adorning those features. His head was tilted slightly, and his mouth was slightly parted.
He could barely trust his voice to speak, he was sure if he didn't stop that look he may do something he regretted. "Gaara?" He noticed his voice came out slightly higher pitched.
That snapped the shorter boy out of it.
The eyes refocused and then they blinked a couple times. He leaned down a bit and furrowed his nonexistent eyebrows at something, before slowly reaching down and placing his hand over top of where Lee was tying the last bandage. Both of them felt their breath hitch, and their hearts beat a little faster. The experimental touch lasted only a second, but when he removed his hand the feeling lingered there. He looked down at his hand and it was obvious he was trying to piece something together.
"You… distracted me."
"What?" He was just as confused now.
He watched the same hand fall to the other's lap, and then waited for a response. He subconsciously finished the bandages and was now looking up in wonder. The scene itself probably looked strange, with Gaara sitting on the desk staring down at him intently, and he was on his knee, like he was proposing or-
Bad thoughts.
"You… I was watching the light hit your face-" He felt himself reddening at the intensity that must have come with that look. He felt self conscious now- and a little pleased, "-and then after you stopped working I realized I had just sat through both lightning and thunder. You were distracting me."
He sat there, taken aback, and all he could think of saying was, "…How?"
Gaara shook his head, he didn't know either. But he did know his train of thoughts and he had to look away in discomfort, unsure if he wanted the other boy to know that he was staring at the way his outfit clung to him. He wasn't used to this feeling, and even though he was getting angry at his own lack of knowledge on relationships he was beginning to think he was closer then he thought. Perhaps his thoughts during the past few weeks had led him to this conclusion.
Something about Rock Lee intrigued him, and attracted him to him.
He knew this question was blunt, he was sure someone else could have planned out his question better. He had to know if this was something only he felt, or maybe Lee could explain it to him. He knew that the taijutsu master was no one to judge, and he was genuine with his feelings. If he came out and asked he would give him a serious and honest response.
"Am I attracted to you?"
The answer was delayed for a long time, but he saw Lee swallow and watched the adam's apple bob up and down his throat, transfixed by it's movement. When the other boy finally did speak it was after he shifted to sit cross legged and stare up at him with a sober but apprehensive face.
"I do not know… How would you come to that conclusion?"
Did Gaara even know what he was saying? It was one thing to say you're attracted – or at least think you are- to someone, but for it to be a shinobi from a neighbouring country, and a male at that? This wasn't something that either of them should be thinking about. It was too strange and unheard of; no one had ever attempted it before.
Besides the legal issues; he could not figure out when the mutual attraction between them could have started. It was certainly not there during the chunin exams; Gaara had been someone who had immediately rubbed him the wrong way and he wanted to prove to him that he was someone to watch out for. It had also not been during the fight with Kimimaro- he held no grudges then, but most of the fight he just kind of sat there trembling in awe of how much the sand user had improved in a month. Perhaps during the mission in which they were sent to help Suna was when it began? He could remember feeling appreciative of the man before him then; and already decided he was going to call him Gaara-kun.
He tried to wrack his brains for the moment this started, or perhaps if this really had been instigated from the moment they met. Could there have been something there that hadn't emerged until later? He knew he had liked Sakura since the moment he met her, but did this still count?
He knew for certain that the affection ran deeper around the time that Naruto told him Gaara had been asking about him by name. He remembered the excitement and delight that it was the kazekage asking about him. He had seen Temari around, and always held his breath to see her brother; scolding himself for thinking he could just leave his country for random meetings.
"When I first met you..." He was snapped out of his thoughts abruptly, self-conscious that he had just been thinking about the same thing. "You intrigued me, I think now I can recognize the interest. You were the person I watched during many of the lesser battles. You were very..." He winced slightly, as if knowing the word was going to come out wrong before he said it, "loud, and unlike anyone I had ever seen before."
They both wondered, coincidentally, if that was what had first drawn them to each other. The two exact opposites fighting in a battle that had nearly been to the death- all to make it into the first round of the preliminaries. They had torn the stadium apart, going down in history as one of the greatest battles, even before the first round. People still talked about it.
"I could have stayed silent when you attacked my sister," He murmured softly, gazing out the window, lost in memory. "But I had the strange craving to speak to you, see if I could get a rise out of you. Till this day I didn't know why I did it. It was a precursor to one of the hardest battle's I have ever fought." He glanced at Lee out of the corner of his eye, praising him but also feeling a strange amount of comfort that he was the first person to ever hit him. He was glad he could share that one thing with him now; he would always be 'the first to get past the sand armour'. He didn't know why he was happy that someone had punched him in the face as a memento of their first meeting, but he couldn't think of any other way he'd rather have met him.
It made him strange, but since when was that new?
"You were the first person to inflict damage on me. It made you unforgettable. That must have been where the thoughts stemmed from."
"Wait!" Lee threw up his hand in a literal 'stop' movement, still trying to digest all of this. "You liked me since the CHUNIN EXAMS?!"
Much to his bewilderment; there wasn't even a pause.
"That would be the most logical answer." Gaara stole a glance out of the corner of his eye, gauging his reaction as he spoke. "I don't remember a time when I didn't feel this, although, it was only recently that I could identify it with certainty." He suddenly didn't like the look he was receiving, and for what seemed like the millionth time in his life he feared rejection, except this time he was certain it would be harder to swallow.
Numb, there was no way he was coming out of this with anything less than permanent brain damage. Since they were 13 no, he did the calculation in his head, Gaara would have been 12. And here he had thought he was just making fun of him like everyone else who was in the same profession as him.
A small part of his head, probably the dry humour hidden somewhere in there, wondered if Gaara tried to murder all the people he had crushes on. He mentally slapped himself for the dark thought and felt kind of guilty for thinking it; he wasn't like that at all anymore.
He guessed he wasn't used to people admitting they liked him. It was ninja-ing his brain, so to speak. His old self, the one who thought no one could love someone as strange as him, of wanted to prove the redhead wrong, say something like 'it must just be that you consider me a very good friend. There's no way you could like me with just one glance'. Even if he seemed like a hypocrite for it, it would make his inner turmoil feel better. Perhaps turmoil wasn't the real word, it was disbelief and scepticism that he had grown up with over the years, especially when the kids he grew up with always took advantage of his being earnest and slightly gullible.
'Ha, who'd like you? That was some silly rumour, no way to I like someone with such huge eyebrows!'
He wasn't so sure Gaara was capable of stringing him along like this, but he still felt a little bit of rage well up. He didn't know what to believe anymore, and one part of him told him he had always hoped this, and the other part of him was saying 'yeah, it's like if Sakura said yes to going out with me- I know it wouldn't happen, but I tried anyways.'
It came down to one thing.
He couldn't accept it.
Gaara was mistaken, it was understandable, he wasn't used to relationships- he had told him so himself- so there was no reason to be mad at him.
But how to respond and make him see the truth without making it sound like he was accusing him or downplaying his feelings? He was sure Gaara was being honest, and even if there was a small chance he wasn't he would back down after this and let it slip under the rug. Like when he tried to use the desert coffin on him in the hospital. No harm done, they would continue on with their lives.
"Well..." He felt the resolve waver when green eyes pierced through him, but he still felt the certainty of his conclusion weighing on him like a stone tablet. He couldn't let lead Gaara to think falsely about this, it was wrong, and not youthful. He would set him straight, even if it hurt him in the process, "It sounds to me like you were just intrigued by my outlook on life, and then when we were able to get to know each other it grew into friendship? Maybe you felt a connection because you knew I was a worthy opponent? After which it grew into an appreciation because I was able to get through the sand armour."
He looked, despite his normal calm expression, shell shocked by this, and was watching him with his skin wrinkling between his non-existent eyebrows like he was trying to decipher it's meaning. It must have been sinking in, he must have been realizing his mistake. He felt his chest begin to hurt with rejection, but he felt it was easier to breathe now that he knew he was getting somewhere.
"You cannot possibly be attracted to me." He felt a knife being stabbed into his chest and allowed himself a moment of self pity before he covered it with a bright smile. "I mean, I am definitely not the most renowned in the look department," he gestured to his current attire, "and I do not dress to please." He kept talking, but he didn't know where all this was coming from. He was unveiling his self hatred all in a few sentences, and wondering where all his self confidence had disappeared to.
It had probably gone by the wayside the moment Gaara had awoken that morning to see him and look absolutely horrified.
He hated this, but it continued.
"You are the Kazekage, I'm just a new jounin, and the difference in our skills is endless." It felt like he was breathing in needles, but the smile was still stuck in place, especially since now he was being stared without an ounce of emotion decipherable on that face. He must be thinking 'yeah, he's right, why did I say that?'.
"You are much more attractive, and any person in this village and Konoha would agree. I have been told I am obnoxiously loud, you probably were not used to it is all and-"
"You don't believe me."
His train of thought stopped with that sentence, and all he could think of saying was 'Huh?'
"It's clearer than ever." He gently lifted himself off the desk and planted his foot on the ground, favouring it and letting the other one rest gently against the desk leg. "I am attracted to you." His eyes held resolve that you normally didn't question.
He was starting to fear the anger building inside of him, this was far enough, without thinking he stood up to his full four inches taller than him.
"You are wron-"
"I may not know all the details, but I'm not stupid. I don't feel this way about Naruto, nor anyone else for that matter. I only feel this way around you, why else would I feel so warm by just seeing you?"
Defensively he pointed out, "You didn't seem too happy to see me when I woke you up."
He almost saw a ghost of a smile grace those lips, "astraphobia does strange things to people..." He stopped to watch him.
He then looked down and hesitantly added, "I don't agree with you." Before Lee could even ask what he meant, he carried on and explained himself; looking so insecure it was alien from what the taijutsu master was used to seeing from him, "I don't believe you aren't attractive, or that being jounin has anything to do with it... I think you're loud, but I guess I have a tendency to gravitate towards loud people. And if that was a roundabout way of saying you think I'm attractive too, then thank you, but I don't think you're right."
He was speechless.
Utterly and completely speechless.
Gaara was getting uncomfortable with the gawking, so he turned his head to the side, feeling the close proximity wearing down his self control. He took in a deep breath and focused on the floor, and not on the fact that he wished Lee would touch him again, except this time without the need to catch him as he fell. He wanted to feel the electricity again, it was growing addictive.
"I've never thought I was even remotely good-looking." He admitted, "I have bruises under my eyes, strange hair color, I'm short, and I'm pale. I look like a ghost." He looked back and saw Lee's eyes softening, he had to look away from the emotion there. It was too overpowering to look at directly. "So I guess we both hate ourselves. That, at least, is normal for any human being." He sighed and closed his eyes, "You would have more reason to hate me then I would you."
It was hesitant at first, but he felt a rough hand trail down his cheek bone to cup the side of his face. His eyes shot open wide and his head turned abruptly in shock, his eyes almost panicked and unsure as to what was happening. His breath fell short and the sand jumped and twisted in the gourd, feeling the change in the tempo of his heart.
The hand moved further and travelled through his hair along the side and then back of his scalp, he shivered with the weird sensations sparking up and down his spine. He could no longer think of anything, and simply watched as Lee moved in closer, feeling the other hand coming to touch his other cheek just as tentative as the first one. The calloused thumb brushed his lip, and he jolted, gasping out a small erratic breath. He was trying to tell himself this was okay, and trying to stop sand from jumping out of its confinements.
After a moment to get used to the touch he recognized the need to pull him closer.
So he did.
Lee had already angled his head so their noses wouldn't get in the way. Gaara grabbed onto the front of his jounin vest and yanked him closer, pushing his mouth against his, unsure of what he should do. He felt the initial shock but then Lee moved his mouth against his and his eyelids slid closed. The hand at the back of his head fisted in his hair, not enough for it to hurt, but enough for him to notice the intensity. His inexperience with this sort of thing didn't help, but he knew what a kiss was, and he also knew that kissing anyone else wouldn't feel like this.
His arms slipped up to his shoulders, wanting him closer still, just to feel more contact. It was like explosions going off in his mind, the thoughts were thrown into a disarray, with no effort in trying to piece them back together. He finally wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him so close that Lee's knee hit his with the unsteady step, and jolted his bad ankle.
With a hiss the kiss ended, and Gaara cursed his ankle to hell and back again. He closed his eyes tightly for a brief moment and waited for the pain to pass, his arms still wrapped securely round the black haired male.
"Are you okay?" It was a gentle whisper breathed against his cheek, and he felt Lee lean forward and press their forehead's together. "Sorry."
"My fault, it's okay." He mumbled as Lee's other arm trailed down his side and wrapped around the small of his back. Never before had he felt so small, especially while he was pressed against Lee. His shoulders were wider than his, and so was his chest. His hand almost spanned the whole width of Gaara's back.
He felt a little bit of awe for the body holding his, and his ankle faded into the back of his mind when Lee kissed him again. This time the kiss was slightly more aggressive, leaving him gasping for air at the end.
This was all the proof they needed.
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Airi: I had no way to end this, to tell you the truth. So I ended it (unlike me at all) right after the kiss scene. Normally I talk about the aftermath, but I dunno, there was no way I could finish it without it dragging on.
If anyone wants to read the random 'after the ending' ending then look here. If you don't then review please....
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It was a couple hours after that when Tenten decided that a five minute walk would not take five hours. She grumbled as she muttered under her breath about being chosen as the 'representative'. Sai was too busy off in the corner of some building somewhere painting something. Of course, Sakura thought it best that she go find a place for them to stay for the next week, and she blabbered on about needing to go stock up on supplies. Basically she was looking for any way out of finding Lee.
God forbid he got the wrong idea.
The most logical place to start would be his initial destination. She looked up at the Kazekage's tower and squinted at the window. She was sure she saw two figures there, but she couldn't make out any distinguishing characteristics. With a sigh she began her trek through security and useless questions. On her way she was sure to ask if anyone had entered the office, but the only one who didn't answer her with a 'official business only' said 'He sure has been up there a while.'
Assuming this was Lee, she hastened her step a little. Once she reached the final desk that was in her way she was ready to throw shurikens at the next person who asked her to 'state her business.' She was obviously there to try and assassinate the Kazekage, why else would he put up with all the formalities?
She was amused, however, to see that there was no one seated that that last desk, and the sign on it said 'On vacation, go inside.' She wondered if anyone downstairs at reception knew about this. But either way she was sure Lee had been there since before anyone had even arrived that morning.
What time did he leave anyways, six thirty?
At first she had assumed that he was going for his usual run and would be back at seven thirty, but when he didn't come back she knew he was going to the kazekage's office like he said he would the day before. Still, how did a briefing meeting last from eight until one in the afternoon?
She considered knocking, she really did. Especially since she was in another village and needed to show the utmost amount of respect. It was Lee's voice speaking lowly that caused her to throw caution out the window.
And she did, she opened the door. She walked right in and raised her eyebrow at Lee- who was half sitting on Gaara's desk and sipping a cup of water. He looked far too comfortable with his back half turned to the door and his torso directed towards the kazekage. Said sand user was in his chair and had turned his own body to address Lee.
It looked rather endearing, to tell the honest truth. It was like walking in the kitchen and seeing your parents talking about how their days were with genuine concern for the topic.
Lee smiled at her, and stood up fully to rotate and face her.
"Good afternoon Tenten!"
She then noticed the take out containers that were in the garbage can.
Lee had ditched her to have lunch with Gaara.
Sonofabitch.
She placed her hands on her hips, "Here you are, when you should be resting from that assassination mission, having lunch and up on your feet after Haruno had to put two ribs back into place."
The look Gaara gave Lee's back was one of unamusement, apparently someone had failed to mention this tidbit of information.
She wondered if she could embarrass the shit out of Lee or if it was overstepping her boundaries as a guest to the village. She knew what she would say if they were in Konoha. It would probably be along the lines of 'y'know normally people locked up in a secluded office are hiding something, or doing something inappropriate.'
She had to admit, for all the trouble she took in walking up past three sets of security guards they at least could have been making out.
But she couldn't say that, because she could not let Lee know she had been reading his failed attempts at letters that he had left on his desk one evening. She had not been snooping around after Temari had said something to her about Gaara asking how Lee was. She also had not been keeping tabs on Lee just for a certain redhead's older sister to know how their relationship was progressing.
She searched for anything that could be off in either of their attires. But thus far she could see nothing. From the looks of it they could have done anything and had five hours to clean it up.
Ak, bad thoughts, bad thoughts.
"So, are you two going to emerge from this office any time soon or do we even need to book you a room at the hotel?"
Lee sent her a deer-in-headlights look, and she could have grinned from the way both of them took that. She loved the ability she had of making innocent things sound suggestive. And now since she knew they were both thinking about it she had to add.
"I don't know what took five hours, but if you guys wanted privacy, Temari has been out with me for the whole day. And I'm pretty sure she said Kankuro was out of town." She turned on her ankle to leave and then casually threw one last hit over her shoulder.
"And, Gaara-sama, we do need him back in a week."
But before she could leave, she heard something she was almost sure she had imagined.
"Then you can pick him up in a week."
She spun around to catch any evidence that she had heard him right, but before she could even open her mouth the sand pushed her backwards and the door slammed shut in her face.
"Gaara!" She heard from the other side of the door, and from the sound if it he was reprimanding him.
"She already knows, my sister has been sending her letters."