The Fowls and Professor Mcgonagall sat in a half circle in the sitting room for a half hour while the professor explained the rudimentary principles of Hogwarts and answered many, many questions.

"Hogwarts was founded in the mid-sixteenth century, designed specifically to help young wizards like Artemis learn to channel their magic and utilize it in a productive manner," she explained. Artemis Sr. was leaning forward with interest, hanging on her every word, but Angeline still looked hesitant about the whole affair. Mr. Fowl had been quizzing the teacher since the moment she'd finished her initial presentation of Hogwarts, and Artemis Jr. got the impression that she wasn't accustomed to the parents of her prospective students asking quite so many technical questions about magic. But nor did she seem to find their interrogation tiresome. On the contrary, her stern demeanor became more animated with every question they asked. Artemis' main concern was that his parents would accidentally reveal something to Professor McGonagall about the true nature of his magic. He wondered if Butler had had the forethought to remind them not to mention the People. Currently, Professor McGonagall was attempting to explain the way wands assisted wizards with their spell-casting.

"You see, with a physical object through which they focus their magic, young wizards learn to focus on the means, rather than the ends of the spells they attempt. The wand's magical core acts as a conductor through which the energy flows. The process is not unlike that of metal in the way that it conducts your...elec-tricity? Did I pronounce that correctly? Eventually, as students progress to more advanced levels, they begin to practice wandless magic, but few ever perfect it. It requires far more concentration, so of course, most wizards prefer the comfort of using their wands and continue to do so their entire lives."

"So, if Artemis is to attend Hogwarts, he'll need a wand of his own? Is that correct?" asked Angeline uncertainly.

"Indeed. It should be on his supply list." Artemis took the list out of his pocket and handed it to his father, whose eyebrows shot up as he scanned the sheet.

"And, where exactly does one go to find a wand, cauldron, dragon hide gloves..."

"You can find everything he needs in Diagon Alley. It's a wizarding shopping district in London, we recommend that students from non-magic families go there for all their school supplies, since everything is conveniently in one place. I can even ask someone to accompany you on your first visit, if you wish.

"Now, about Artemis' age setback... I believe that if he begins intensive training immediately, and works hard for the remainder of the summer, he might be suitably caught up to join the other fourth year students for classes by September. I would like to have him work with a tutor, or perhaps several, to see how he does with some beginner's coursework..."

Artemis and his parents agreed to the tentative plan, and Professor McGonagall told them to expect her again on Wednesday at noon. Then she bid them farewell and departed. Artemis' parents left to go discuss his future, and Artemis remained on the couch, chewing the inside of his lip and deep in contemplation. Butler returned from escorting Professor McGonagall to the front door in a state of mild shock. She had given him a courteous goodbye, taken five steps down the front drive, and vanished with a noise like a muffled gunshot.

"Can you do that?" he asked Artemis, unusually enthusiastic, after explaining the incident. "Just..." he snapped his fingers. "Bam! Gone." He shook his head appreciatively.

Artemis frowned. "I don't know. I've never tried. But so far as I know, none of the People can do it, so I expect I can't either."

"Ah, well, maybe that's a good thing. My job would be a lot harder if you could just vanish to God-knows-where whenever you wanted."

Artemis sighed, and Butler sat down next to him. It wasn't very like Artemis to be unhappy when he had a mysterious new puzzle to think about. It wasn't every day you discovered a whole secret society existing just beyond your doorstep, after all, though of course for Artemis it seemed to happen more often than for most people.

"Something bothering you, Master Artemis?" Butler ventured. "You don't seem very pleased about the situation."

"I'm not," he said shortly. Butler had just resigned himself to the fact that Artemis wasn't going to tell him any more when the boy took a deep breath. "I'm rather concerned, to be honest," Artemis admitted after a while, massaging his temples. "The thing is, I don't know how different fairy magic is from that of wizards...No human has ever stolen magic from the fairies before. What should happen if I go off to this school and someone realizes my abilities aren't the same as everyone else's? I can't go. Not if there's a chance that I might blow the fairies' cover in the process. If only I had some sort of precedent to follow..." Artemis trailed off. Performing even the slightest bit of magic, accidental or not, always gave him splitting headaches and left him fatigued afterward. Once Professor McGonagall had convinced him of wizards' existence, he had been hopeful that someone at Hogwarts might be able to teach him to deal with these side effects. Now he realized that this hope was a foolish one. Everyone at Hogwarts had been born with the ability to do magic; they likely didn't suffer from it the way he did.

Butler listened with sympathy. "You know what you really should do, Artemis," he said gently, as his principle wasn't always appreciative of suggestions. But Artemis already knew what Butler was going to tell him. "You should tell Holly and Foaly that you still have your magic... It would be in the best interest of everyone involved, and you know if anyone can tell you more about your... well... condition, it's probably Foaly."

Artemis nodded silently. What Butler said was true, and anyways, it wouldn't be right if he went off to Hogwarts without consulting the People first. Artemis couldn't help feeling that, although it was his body the magic currently occupied, it still didn't truly belong to him. It would be selfish to recklessly jeopardize the fairies' secrecy by flaunting their own magic to people who might recognize it as something foreign, and thus arouse their curiosity. That would be just as irresponsible as when he'd boasted the C Cube to Jon Spiro without a thought for the possible consequences, and Artemis was not about to make the exact same mistake a second time.

Butler rose and patted him on the shoulder. "You think it through. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll make the right decision. I'm going to go start dinner, it's Mauricio's day off..." And he left the young genius to his thoughts.

Artemis sighed and climbed the stairs to his bedroom to make the call to Holly. He activated his communicator and felt bad for pestering her when she finally answered. "Hello, Artemis," she said wearily. "What do you want?" Artemis could see that she was still at the office, despite the fact that it must be well past quitting time. He wondered if she was there by herself.

"Hello, Holly. I apologize for interrupting you again, you look terribly busy, but this is rather important. Is Foaly there?"

Holly snorted, rubbing her bloodshot eyes. "Foaly? Foaly used to practically live in the Ops Room. You had to drag him home. But he's a married man now, you won't catch him around here after hours..." She grimaced. "I don't mean to sound bitter. I'm really happy for him. I'm just stressed is all, and it's just me here..." Then Holly perked up a little. "Hey, I don't think anyone's told you the big news... Caballine's pregnant! Foaly's gonna be a daddy! Can you believe it?" She grinned.

"Wow, really? That's really exciting!" said Artemis, a little bit surprised to find that he was genuinely excited for them.

"Yeah! She's already twelve months along!"

"Twelve months? Exactly how long is a fairy's gestational period?" he asked, completely distracted from the point of his call.

"A year, for any fairy that's not a centaur. But centaurs take longer, more like 18 months, I think. Something about having four legs... Anyway, she's huge."

"Yes, that makes sense..." Artemis mused. "Their physiological structure must be infinitely more complex... Tell him I said congratulations..."

"I will, I will. But sorry, I didn't mean to get so off topic. Didn't you say this was important?"

"What?" said Artemis. He was still entertaining mental images of baby Foalies, frolicking around and hacking into secure systems. "Ah, right. Yes, it certainly is. My letter. Hogwarts. Professor McGonagall-"

"Okay," said Holly, amused. "Let's try that again, using complete sentences this time."

Artemis glared at her and took a breath. "The woman who sent me the strange letter this morning - Professor McGonagall - came to visit me today, claiming to be a representative from a school of magic called Hogwarts."

Holly stared at him. "And... she was a human?"

"From what I could tell, yes. Though she calls herself a witch, and informed me that I am a wizard."

Holly stared some more, looking increasingly skeptical. "Artemis, are you having me on?"

"Yes," he snapped. "Because I have nothing better to do than call you repeatedly to make up some nonsensical tale about owls and witchcraft. You've known me a while, does that seem like my sort of humor? Because if you think so, then perhaps-"

Holly held up her hands in surrender. "Alright, alright, you wouldn't joke about that, got it! No need to bite my head off. Sheesh, you'd think I accused you of bank robbery or something..." she smirked.

Artemis sighed. "I'm sorry, I've been somewhat irascible all afternoon. I know it all seems fantastical. But I do need you to believe me on this one."

"Okay. So what you're saying is...there are humans with the ability to do magic? Like, a whole community of them? I find that kind of hard to believe..."

"Well, you know, Holly, there are plenty of people who would find the idea of a magical race of diminutive creatures living underground a bit implausible, but it just goes to show..."

"Yeah, I guess so... Well, did...Professor McGonagall, was it? Did she actually prove that she could do magic?"

Artemis frowned. "No. She said that it would be illegal and irresponsible of her to perform a spell unnecessarily in a Muggle dwelling...That's what wizards call non-Magical humans, by the way, 'Muggles'. She did show me her wand, though, and told me I'd need one to go to Hogwarts. And Butler said she disappeared after he walked her out... You really should have seen the way she was dressed! She had on a- Are fairies at all familiar with what a stereotypical human witch looks like?"

"Um. I've seen the wizard of Oz? Green skin, big nose, pointy hat... Unless she was a good witch, 'cause then of course she'd wear something sparkly..." Holly began to chuckle.

"Well, imagine a normal-looking older human woman in the Wicked Witch's clothing, hat and all. It was actually quite impressive," said Artemis. He could feel himself starting to smile.

"Well did you offer her a glass of water? Maybe she'd melt. Watch out for her flying monkeys!" At 'flying monkeys,' a severely punch-drunk Holly had doubled over in hysterics.

"Captain Short," Artemis groaned, even though he was grinning, too. "You are supposed to be taking this seriously. This is a matter of utmost importance, here."

"Okay, okay, I am," she gasped, wiping a tear from her eye. "Frond, everything's funny when you're running on four hours of sleep, give me a break... Okay, back to business. So, Professor-McGonagall-the-Stereotype sent you an owl, dropped by, invited you to wizard school, showed you her magic wand, and vanished. Correct?"

"Correct."

"Well, I find it highly suspicious...If there was a large population of humans hanging around doing magic, I feel like we'd already know about it..."

"Unless, of course, wizards are just as secretive as fairies and every bit as capable of hiding themselves," Artemis argued.

"I guess... But if Hogwarts was real, I don't really see why they'd be coming to recruit you. You don't have magic... Unless maybe... Wait. What if something alerted them in those few hours when you were helping with the time tunnel? Because otherwise I don't see how Hogwarts would be able to track down it's potential students. I mean, they knew which bedroom was yours and everything."

Artemis shifted guiltily. "Ahem. You may be on to a valid theory about the magical alert. Professor McGonagall was very surprised to see that I was fourteen. She claimed that most wizard children begin performing magic at around seven years of age, and begin classes at Hogwarts at age eleven. She wants to tutor me so I can catch up with the other fourteen year-olds..."

Holly frowned. "Well you're just going to have to tell her you don't have magic, aren't you? How are you going to go to magic school if...?"

"Right, well, you see..." He felt strangely nervous about confessing, like a naughty child about to be reprimanded for swiping a cookie before dinnertime. It had been more than two years since he'd met her and Artemis still marveled at the ease with which his elfin friend could manipulate his conscience. "I may not have lost all of the magic I obtained in the time tunnel."

There was a long, shocked silence. "But..." said Holly slowly, tapping her one blue eye. "There was the eye swap, and you couldn't fix the size of yours because you said-"

"I might have been...mistaken." Holly narrowed her eyes at him and Artemis gave in. "Alright, I lied... But in fairness, I was only trying to avoid the Council intervention I was sure would follow when they realized that I was a threat to the People's security-"

"And they would've been right to do so!" Holly interrupted angrily, quickly overcoming her shock. "I can't believe you, Artemis! D'arvit! Lying about something like that! And now you've got a bunch of weirdo human magicians turning up on your doorstep, and what are you planning to do when they realize- ?"

"I know, Holly. I know it's a risky situation, which is why I was willing to face your wrath and I called to tell you about it. I need your help with this, or at least some advice."

"Oh, NOW the great Artemis Fowl wants some help, eh? But before, ohh no, he completely knew what he was doing-!" Holly was still ranting in this manner and referring to Artemis in the third person three minutes later when she dialed Foaly. He answered on the third ring, looking to be in high spirits.

"Hey there, Holly! Ah, and the Mud Boy too! Charming!" He beamed. "How's it going? I see you're still slogging through the disaster area that is your office," he said, taking in the spectacle behind Holly.

"Hey Foaly," said Holly tensely. "Listen, the Mud Boy here was just telling me about something idiotic he's done, and-"

"Oh, so we're back to 'the Mud Boy' now, are we?" said Artemis.

Just then a giggle in the background distracted them from their bickering. "Who's calling, dear?" said a female voice in Gnommish. Seconds later a female centaur trotted into view. She had long, strawberry blonde hair with a red roan body, a plump torso, and a very pregnant belly. Black, square-frame spectacles were sliding down her long nose. Artemis thought the fairy half of her rather pretty, and thought that Foaly had done well for himself.

"Oh, hi Holly," she chirped. "How are-" she broke off and gasped as she noticed Artemis' face on the wall screen next to Holly's, clapping a hand over her mouth. "Oh my goodness! That's Artemis Fowl, isn't it? Oh! I've never seen a live human before!" Artemis smirked, basking in the notoriety.

"Well, technically, you're not seeing me live now, either," he said in perfect Gnommish. She looked delighted that he could speak it. "Nevertheless, it's a pleasure to meet you, Caballine. A belated congratulations on your wedding. And a not-so-belated congratulations on your..." Artemis broke off, unsure whether to call it a baby or a foal, and not wanting to be insulting. "...fetus," he finished awkwardly. Caballine laughed a high, whinnying laugh. Over on her own screen, Holly rolled her eyes at him.

"Thank you!" she said, half-turning to fondly pat her bulging side. Foaly went over and put an arm around her, a sappy grin on his face as he gazed at her with adoration. It was sweet to the point where Artemis felt a little sick to his stomach watching.

"Right, well, I'm sorry to interrupt your evening," said Holly.

"Oh, right. You were saying how Artemis did something stupid. Again." Artemis scowled.

"Yeah. Remember how I was telling you about the time tunnel, and how he somehow swiped some magic on the way to Limbo and that's how we had enough juice to get back here? And then we accidentally switched eyes on the way back, and I was like, 'Hey, why don't you use your magic to fix it?' and he was like 'I can't, looks like all my magic's gone,' so I fixed it instead?"

Foaly nodded. "Yeah..."

"Yeah well, turns out Mud Boy was just telling yet another fib to get his way, and he's still got fairy magic. And now there are apparently a bunch of humans who can do magic that want to recruit him to this wizard school. What do you think of that?"

"You didn't tell that story very well at all," muttered Artemis, annoyed at being talked about like he wasn't present.

Foaly and Caballine both stared at the pair like they'd sprouted tentacles.

"A bunch of humans who can do magic..." Foaly repeated, no longer quite so jovial. "But wouldn't we know about this?"

Holly shrugged. "Apparently not. They call themselves witches and wizards, and do their magic with wands."

"Actually, the headmaster is considered a 'warlock'," Artemis suddenly remembered. "Albus Dumbledore, Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorcerer, Chief Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, of the International Confederation of Wizards," he recited. "It was on my acceptance letter."

"Which was delivered by an owl, by the way," Holly added.

Suddenly a piercing alarm shattered the thoughtful silence, making everyone jump. "Oh for Frond's sake, I forgot all about dinner!" said Caballine, sniffing for smoke. "You have to tell me about everything later, Hon!" She galloped off to the kitchen as fast as her belly would allow, and in a minute or two the alarm stopped trilling.

"And what did you say this place was called?" asked Foaly once their ears stopped ringing, pulling a seat over to his computer.

"Hogwarts," said Artemis. "Spelled just like it sounds." Foaly's fingers flew over the keyboard as he performed a search of his system.

"Nothing," he said. "What was the guy's name? Albus Dumbledore?" Foaly was looking very serious, for once refraining from making his trademark smart-ass comments. "...Nothing on him either." The centaur chewed his tongue thoughtfully.

"I know," Artemis sighed. "There's nothing on any of the human networks either. It's like they don't even exist. Unless of course the name is an alias."

"Humans...naturally born with magic... This is going to worry the Council. I can't believe they've been hanging around for centuries and we've never encountered them before."

"But Foaly, how is it even possible that humans can perform magic? I thought it was supposed to be a physical impossibility..." said Holly, looking perplexed. "I took a course in cerebral magic at the academy, and the human brain has an underdeveloped Veneferum node..."

"It's true, they do. But of course it still exists, so I suppose in theory-" Foaly noticed Artemis' mystified expression.

"I believe an explanation might be in order?" said the genius, not following a word of their discussion. "I've studied numerous texts on human brain function, and I've never even heard of anything called the Veneferum node..."

"Of course not. Human scientists haven't discovered it yet, it's absolutely miniscule in humans."

"Well, what does it do?"

Foaly sighed melodramatically. Despite his concern, the centaur was clearly taking great pleasure in being the one to lecture Artemis on a subject about which he was totally ignorant. "You see, Mud Boy, in fairies, the Veneferum node contains the potential energy that our bodies process in order to do magic. It sits right under the hypothalamus and connects to the brain stem, because it's a part of the visceral nervous system. That's how the magic automatically knows to take over in healing the body, even if a fairy's unconscious. It's sort of like breathing, in the sense that it's also controllable by the conscious mind. You can hold your breath, just like you can control your magic. Make sense?" Artemis nodded. "Centuries upon centuries ago, before fairies moved underground, everyone knew that humans could do magic. The very fact that you even have a Veneferum node at all is proof of that. But they evolved to the point where they became a vestigial structure. Or so we thought... My theory would be that these wizards cut themselves off from the other humans even before Taillte, just like we eventually did, and the social isolation caused them to interbreed and evolve separately. Fairy history says only that the humans capable of magic lost the ability over time, so I guess it's not so farfetched to believe they'd have their own schools... What I just don't get is why we haven't encountered them sooner."

"I don't think they're nearly as dependent on electricity as other humans, or fairies, for that matter. That's why we can't track them, they use magic for everything. I mean, they use owls to deliver the post, for heaven's sake. They even have a separate government - in the UK, at any rate - the 'Ministry of Magic'. The woman who came to tell me all this, Minerva McGonagall, told me it was illegal for a wizard to perform magic in front of Muggles...That's the wizards' name for humans without magic, by the way."

"But the bottom line is, assuming this Hogwarts is a legit school of magic, and there really are witches and wizards interested in having Artemis go there... What are we going to do about it? He's not a real wizard!" said Holly.

He scratched his chin. "I need to talk to the Council about this before we do anything... I should set up a meeting immediately. We don't have any idea what we're dealing with here. Of course, the good thing is that they don't seem to know anything about us, either, so we definitely have an advantage..."

"Right," said Artemis. "Only, Professor McGonagall is coming to the Manor again on Wednesday at noon. I'm supposed to meet with the people who will be tutoring me in wizardry over the summer. They'll probably want me to start practicing. What do you want me to do?"

"Hm. I'll have to get back to you on that one after the Council meets. I'll set the conference for first thing tomorrow. In the meantime, don't do any magic." Foaly let out his breath through clenched teeth and leaned back in his chair. "Never fails, huh Fowl? We have three long years without incident, and then the second you pop back into our dimension, wham bam, a whole new set of problems! You're a trouble magnet is what you are," he accused.

Artemis had no comment. The centaur spoke the truth.

Foaly agreed to contact them both once the conference was over and then signed off to go fill Caballine in on the situation over dinner. Holly had decided that she was done with her paperwork for the day and was going to go crash. She stiffly told him goodnight, and Artemis could tell she was still irritated with him. He hoped she would over it by tomorrow. He felt like he was going to need all the support he could get.

A/N: Good? Bad? Ugly? Lemme know what you think