Don't Leave Me III
The car ride was mostly quiet, so Frankie took the time to observe her brothers. Miles sat in the driver's seat with his hands gripping the steering wheel perhaps a little more tightly than he should, lips pursed as he chewed at them like gum. She was worried about him, but knew he would pull through. He was stronger than he thought, and didn't realize that he was a pillar of strength for many, particularly Hunter.
She looked back to her twin who had his fingers entwined with Yael. They were cute. Never would she have guessed that her nerdy little brother would hold hands in the back seat while making what passed for googly eyes for him. Just yesterday he looked appalled at the thought of a date, but now he had shown himself as the smitten guy he was. Ugh, so weird thinking of Hunter as "smitten."
A part of her wonder what was so special about Yael for Hunter. She was cute enough, but hardly a model – though she suspected that was part of the allure. He wasn't one to care about looks or the surface of anything. He had always seen beneath, and whatever was inside Yael's soul had to be special for her brother to peel his eyes away from his video games in the first place, much less be second only to Miles with his devotion. She seemed like a girl who was very much herself, and Hunter was entranced.
A spark a jealousy kindled within her. Years ago, she and Hunter had been close, but when he was in the psych ward he had barely wanted to see her. It was always "Where's Miles?" or "Has Yael texted you recently? When is she coming?"
When had their relationship gone south? She had thought growing apart from her twin was a natural part of growing up, but maybe she had gone too far? Maybe she had cut their ties too harshly in order to achieve popularity and normality – the only part of their childhood she kept true to was their shared love of comic books.
She really was the self-centered bitch everyone thought she was. She closed her eyes and promised herself not to ever be like Zoë Rivas. Frankie knew she may be self-absorbed at times, but she would never hurt anyone… Where had her brother gone wrong in those regards? She threw another look back at Hunter to see a shaky smile on his enamored face, and hoped that whatever had possessed him would never come back. If he had to choose another girl over her to anchor himself, so be it.
"Whatcha thinking?" Miles beside her. "Your face looks… concerned."
"Nothing," Frankie muttered, forcing cheer into her voice.
"Not Jonah?" he queried.
"It wasn't," she said through a frown. "Though I was trying to think of anything but."
"Sorry," he muttered as he returned his eyes to the road.
She fought the urge to be mad as he was only trying to help, but she wouldn't let him hide from his struggles for her sake. The thought occurred to her to ask how he was doing, but she could see it written across his face. After years of hiding his pain, he had finally learned how to express himself around those that he loved. There was a hardness that she recognized his gaze – for now, at least, he did not want to talk.
Jonah, she thought. Please be safe… I need you. You've been there for me all year… it's been so long since I've felt like I matter.
Only then did she let herself cry. It was a quiet cry. No chest shuddering sobs, no sounds at all. Just the silence of salty fire dripping down her face.
It felt like she was under water. A lot of it. It felt like she was at the bottom of the ocean. No, a volcano. It was so very hot. She couldn't breathe, and she felt incredible pressure on her chest. She felt herself cough and heave, and felt fire shoot up through her at the motion. She opened her eyes expecting to feel the fire, but the only thing she saw was a bright white that burned all the same.
Voices. She heard voices speaking.
"... firbosis. This girl meets the description." A pause. "She's awake. Are you Grace Cardinal?"
She tried to nod, tried to fight her body's inability to move, but she couldn't. She couldn't breathe. She wanted to breathe so badly. She wanted to live. She didn't want die. She didn't leave when she was on the outs with one of her best friends... well two of her best friends. She didn't want to leave the world as the only one who knew about Zoe's new habit. She didn't want to leave Zig alone to fuck up his life. She wanted to live to help Maya see her dreams, to see Tiny go to college and study dolphins, even to see that cotton candy with lips find her place in the world.
She just wanted to live and see life for all that it was. She felt her eyes close and her heart pumped with fear as if it was the end. I'm not ready, she though, and she forced her eyes open with all her will power. She heard Zoë's voice in her mind. "You have something to live for!"
She felt her eyes open and close. A blink if she could call that. It was something. Some form of communication.
"She's coughing up blood," a voice said to another as she nearly phased out of consciousness. "Count yourself lucky that your friend informed us of your condition. She may have very well saved you."
She felt her eyes close. Thank you, Maya.
Yael sat in the backseat quietly, hand loosely gripped around Hunter's as her best friend's older brother drove them to the hospital. It was surreal, really. She may not know very many of the people on the bus and, truthfully, only cared because they were fellow humans, but it was so weird. Bizarre even. She couldn't get the thought out of her head though. People she knew were on their way to the hospital. Dead or dying, or facing a lifetime of pain, or off racing frantically to see their loved ones.
It was all unimaginable. She couldn't get the thought out of her head that it could have been her. If it weren't for Hunter asking her to "hang out," she would very likely have been on that bus. But she was no self-absorbed fool. She wouldn't let the fear of the unknown and the unoccured weigh on her heart. It was time to see what she could do to help - it was the least she could do to make up for what she did last semester.
She tightened her grip ever so slightly in Hunter's hand, and looked to him as they shared a tentative smile. It was weird, what they had. For so long they had been best friends - not for span of time, but for power of that relationship. One moment she was alone in the world, and the next she had Hunter. Less than a year now, and he felt like a part of herself. It was nice to have a friend, a best friend, and she wondered more than once if what they had was more. Soul mates perhaps? It wasn't something she believed in, but when she looked at Hunter she felt something greater than she could put into words. And it scared her for so many reasons.
Last semester had been a nightmare. She went on and on with awful things, and looking back on it she couldn't say why. She knew it was awful what they did to Maya, but it never clicked. It never clicked that it was wrong to hurt another. The closet thing she could think of was that Hunter willed it, and she had followed him to the ends of the Earth. Now even he was afraid of himself.
She closed her eyes and she was back in the gym. Hunter had told her to leave, to run away and never look back, if he ever scared her again. But she was afraid now. Afraid that she would lose him, so she pulled him close and quieted him with a kiss. It was a nice kiss. Weird in a way. Her first. She wasn't sure what to think of it, but it all felt so right as his warm lip met hers, and she stroked her hand over his jaw to pull him closer.
Maybe she did know what it was like to lose someone she loved. It was that feeling when she was looking up to Hunter after he pushed her to the floor. The feeling when he looked at her with hate in his eyes at the dance. The feeling when Miles told her that it would really help Hunter if she came to see him; the feeling when she scoured the letter Hunter had written her as she fought against logic to go and see him. It was the feeling when he looked in her eyes and told her to run and never look back... the gut-wrenching fear she had now when she knew she never would.
She looked over to Hunter again as he plastered a smile on his face for her benefit. She knew Hunter wasn't happy nor sad. He likely felt nothing for those who were hurt short of the human decency that demanded you feel bad for loss of life. She knew he wasn't afraid as he was only afraid of himself.
No, that wasn't true. He was afraid for his siblings. It was a shock seeing Hunter with them. There, he showed a compassion that she had never seen. To her, it was hope. A hope she could latch on to. She could see it in his eyes. He wanted to help people. He wanted to change. And maybe she could too.
Maybe she could make up for the past. Her punishment for her misdeeds had been community service; helping others may just be the way to make up for what they did.
A/N: Other plans for this chapter that were dropped was a scene of Goldi at the gym trying to get everything under control, feeling the need has fallen to her with Tristan out of commission, and not being able to get in contact with the school due to everyone calling. But, alas, I cut it. The scene wasn't happening in words, and really, didn't entirely fit the story.
I also was going to include a scene of Winston/Zoë in the car, but I cut it as well. I'm saving Zoë emotional stuff until she encounters Grace and Tristan - whether they'll be alive when she encounters them is up in the air as far as you know \o/
With the next chapter, we (should) be at the hospital! Eventually this story will change structure as characters break off and do their own thing (I have an in-depth Fronah subplot in plan... yes, I hate myself too, but 2x07 made me ship them), and one where Hunter goes off on an escapade. (What, I'm partial to the Hollingsworths). Can expects at least a dab of Zaya as well, and a Tiny/Shay/Lola subplot... I will tell you Tiny is alive, but what is wrong with him exactly? Dun dun dun.