The Bond

It felt like I stayed there in the middle of the gym forever, but it was only ten minutes before Lissa, Mia, and Eddie burst through the door. I heard Lissa cry out as she ran over to my curled up body. I don't know how she knew I was here but I was grateful. I don't want to be alone anymore. I felt Lissa hug me and try to pull me up but I wasn't responding. I loosened up a bit and tried to bring myself up into a sitting position. The pain of losing my one and only true love was too much. I would rather he had beat the crap out of me.

All of the sudden I was in someone's arms and being carried out of the gym. I looked at the person's face and saw that Eddie was frantic. I'm not one to have a breakdown like this, not since Mason died.

The letter was still in my hand and I clutched it harder, holding it to my heart. I can't believe he left me, after everything that we've been through. I feel like he used me. In a way he did. We had sex, he took my virginity, and then he leaves. Just like what any royal Moroi man would have done.

I leaned my head against Eddie's muscular chest and just…existed. I couldn't cry, or talk, or even move my body. I could only exist. My body feels like it's just a shell, nothing inside.

Once we were in Lissa's dorm, I could sense that there were more people than just the three that helped me get out of the gym. I could only make out voices, Adrian, Mia, Eddie, Christian, and Lissa. Everyone around me was asking questions; asking if I was okay. An answer wouldn't come out of my mouth.

The letter was still in my hand and Lissa realized it for the first time. She reached out and gently tugged it out of my hands. My reflexes to pull it back to me, weren't working. All the others gathered around to get a look at it. Normally, I would have told them to mind their own business.

Lissa gasped when she finished reading. She looked back and forth between the letter and my blank face. Out of nowhere, she burst into tears and I felt mobile again. I jumped up and pulled her into a hug. I started crying along with her as we sat on the edge of her bed. Why she was crying, I have no idea. But it's nice to know that I'm not alone.

We must have sat there for an hour, but not a single person that was here when I came in, left the room. Instead they all found a spot in the room to sit, whether it was the floor or the spare bed, they sat and waited.

My eyes finally dried of all tears. It felt like I wouldn't be able to cry again for a long time. Lissa had stopped a while ago and continued to sit with as a cried. Now, I'm sure everyone wants some answers. And by the looks on their faces, 'nothing' wasn't going to cover. Besides, they had already read the letter. Mia looked like she was going to cry to, but she fought the urge.

"How long far did it go, Rose?" Eddie asked with a twinge of anger on his face. I looked at Adrian's pained face and knew instantly that he already had the answer.

"We had sex," I said with a sad shake of my head, "And he left. Just like a royal would have done."

"That asshole," Christian muttered, his hands clenched into fists. They all know my secret now.

"How long," Lissa said with a deep breath, "How long has this been going on?"

I could feel sadness, shock, a little anger but not towards me, and…guilt. How could she feel guilty? She had nothing to do with this. But she would find a way to blame herself.

I didn't want to tell her the answer, I afraid of her response to it. Afraid that she wouldn't be my best friend anymore. I should have told her everything since the beginning. Now, she's going to hate me.

"I could never hate you, Rose. You're my best friend, my sister, my only family left." Lissa said with a sad smile. I looked to her with shock written all over my face. How did she know what I was thinking? Did the bond expand? Was she in my head?

"Yes, it did and I am." She nodded.

When did this happen?I thought, testing to see if she would answer.

When you finished reading the letter, I guess. One minute I was putting up decorations and then I fell over in mental pain. I pushed it away and came to get you. My guess is that the pain you felt broke the wall that stopped me from going into your mind.Lissa thought.

I felt a twinge of happiness coming from the both of us, but it wasn't enough to make me jump for joy. It still gave me hope about our future.

"Hello?" Christian waved a hand between us, "The rest of us are still here, you know!"

"Aren't you mad at me though?" I asked her.

"A little," She admitted, "But now is not the time for that."

Everyone sat for a minute, not knowing what to say. I don't know if I should tell them everything, but I'll tell them the main facts.

"I don't know how long it's been, probably since the beginning. Both of us tried to ignore it, but we couldn't. The spell Victor put on the necklace wasn't an anger spell. It was a lust charm." I heard a collective gasp, but continued on, "We didn't go that far though because he figured it out in time. After getting you, Liss, back from Victor, he told me he didn't want me that way. I went to Victor and told him to get rid of the spell, but he said that the spell only made us give into our feelings, that the feelings were already there."

"That's when Natalie attacked. She almost killed me when Dimitri," I flinched, "showed up. He killed Natalie and rushed me to the infirmary. He told me he did have feelings for me, but we couldn't act on. He said if we left ourselves love each other then we would protect each other rather than Lissa." I could feel the guilt through the bond, but I needed to finish the story.

"After that, before the ski lodge, I kissed. I was angry, so I kissed him. He told me not to do it again and he walked away. When Tasha was here, she asked him to become her guardian. During the time at the ski lodge we were fighting. We wouldn't go out of our way to talk to each other and when we did, we were insulting each other. Then Spokane happened. I survived it, but I almost didn't survive the pain of Mason's death. I was upset even more because I thought Dimitri was going to leave." I was almost finished, but I didn't want to say the next part, but I had to.

I avoided looking at anyone as I finished, "He told me he didn't take Tasha's offer that he was staying. He said his heart belonged to someone else. It belonged to me. We kept our relationship under wraps until the night of the incident with Jesse. That night is when he took away my virginity."

With every word I just said, it sounded like I was trying to process everything that actually happened. It was like I was talking to myself. I could tell they were surprised and upset by what I said, but I didn't expect Eddie to put his fist through the wall.

Lissa and I jumped when we heard the dry wall break. I caught look of Eddie's face as he turned back to us, so much anger. I started to cry again. I could see his face soften as I cried.

They all wanted to comfort me but I got up and quickly left the room. I ran all the way to my room, but I knew they weren't following me. I collapsed on my bed, out of breath and tears streaming down my face.

I made myself one more promise before I passed out, I will never let myself love someone ever again.