I cannot believe it. I have Asperger's Syndrome. You wanna know what it was like being told that? It was like my dad just grabbed an oversized stamp and gave me a good smack in the face. Like someone had put an invisible label on me. I had been labeled. Now the newly labeled me is sitting on the piano bench, listlessly clicking away at the keys. "Hey Ally" a certain someone decided to bust in. I hate how he's always ignoring the signs.
"Oh, Austin,…." I stuttered awkwardly. My fingers automatically started tapping on the piano bench.
"Where were you? Sonic Boom was closed all day" he then asked me.
"Oh, ya noticed" I said awkwardly. Damn, I gotta find an excuse and fast. "Dad and I had to run a few errands today, so we closed up shop" I then told him. Okay, that wasn't completely a lie. Austin then asked about why the shop's still closed if the errands are done and over with. He know my Dad just a bit too well. "I dunno. Don't ask me what goes on in his head" I simply ended the convo in my awkwardly lying voice.
The truth is, after being diagnosed Dad decided to give me a day or two to myself. He's surprisingly nice like that. "So, thanks for checking up on me. But I assure you everything is fine" I added.
"Hey Alls, I got those books" Dad then barged in at the wrong place at the worst time possible. "That's great Dad! Why don't you just drop them off in my room, kay!" I pushed him back out the door, my speech so quick it was almost all one word. Before my Dad could say another word, I slammed the door on him.
"What was that about?" Austin then questioned my behavior.
"Nothing!" I automatically turned around quickly, guarding the door.
"Ally, I can tell your lying" the super star approached me. I have now been cornered. Still, I stubbornly looked away from him.
"pfft, no I'm not" I lied with pure failure.
"Ally, can you please at least look at me" he then asked. Hesitantly, I did as he asked. Making eye contact was the most awkward thing ever. It actually pained me. Knowing that the other person was staring back at you, studying you through eye contact, it was the weirdest thing ever. And I hated it. Instead of looking at Austin's brown eyes, my own just kept darting around, avoiding the contact. I didn't want him staring at my eyes while I stare back. I didn't want to make eye contact with anyone. It was just too weird and I hated it.
"Austin, could you please give me a little space?" I politely asked him. He did as I asked thank god. Now I just gotta get myself out of this situation. "You know, I'm not exactly in the mood to talk about it. Maybe, we can hang out instead. You can name the place" I offered. Austin, finally buying the fact that I don't want to talk about it, chose the arcade. And you know what, I had quite a bit of fun. Maybe just a bit too much.
"Sorry I ruined it for you" I told Austin as we walked home.
"Pfft, no you didn't ruin anything. It was great" he said otherwise.
"I used up all the money on one game, had a meltdown and got us kicked out" I decided to remind him with an embarrassed blush. He then failed to suppress another fit of laughter.
"I think that was worth it. I got a good video of you clinging to the machine, plus a cat" he showed off the stuffed animal I won. "You sure you don't want it?" he then asked for what was like, the bazillionth time.
"You can have it. It's all yours" I reassured him. Sure it's a very cute cat, why else would it be the target of my awesome claw crane skills? The problem: I hated the fabric. It was a similar material used on the frog Austin had once won a while back. It was just so scratchy and weird. I hated it.
"Thanks" he finally accepted the toy. "Ally, you know if there is something bothering you, you can always trust me" he then decided to bring that up again.
"I know. I'm just not ready to tell you just yet" I explained myself. I really wish keeping secrets from him was easier than this.
"Well I'm sorry for pressuring you like that earlier. But when you're ready, I'll be here for you"
"Thanks Austin. See ya tomorrow" I said my farewells, going into my own home.
For the Aspergirl, everything seems to be about purpose and reason, which we don't always find in the trappings of this noisy, chaotic, confusing world. So we create our own world in which to do our own thing, and so live isolated lives, never engaging as fully with others as perhaps we could or we want to. These were just a few words of one of the books Dad bought me. That was what I was trying to hide from Austin earlier. Dad decided to get me a few books so I could learn a few things about Aspergers Syndrome. Out of all the books I found on my bed, I chose to read Aspergirls by Rudy Simone first. I think I'm gonna keep this my own little secret for now. I'm not going to just tell anyone I have AS when even I don't know what it is yet. Don't get me wrong, I'll tell Austin and the others when I'm ready; that's just not now.
Just then my phone buzzed to life. It's Dallas. I was honestly getting pretty excited. Is he gonna ask me out? Say that he's into me? Or is it simply a friendly hello? Maybe he just wants to chat. Or is it something terrible? Maybe he hates me? I gotta stop worrying myself with my excited questions. I finally convince myself to look at the text. got 2 tickets to that new Twilight movie tomorrow. wanna come? Were the words that triggered nonstop squealing. I immediately texted back a yes. A date with Dallas to the newest installment to one of my favorite series? Yes please! XD