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Bellevue ICU

Saturday 3:21 AM

Olivia could feel that her morphine was wearing off. She was starting to feel the agonizing pain again and she wasn't able to stay asleep. She moved around trying to get comfortable but quickly regretting it when she remembered the condition she was in. She winced in pain and Cragen was quickly at her side.

"Liv," he said gently, "It's me. It's Cragen."

Olivia thought she was dreaming. She thought that if she opened her eyes she would realize that Cragen wasn't really there and she was all alone. She blinked her eyes open and there was Cragen, proving to her that her dream was actual reality.

"I am so sorry," he said getting a good look at her face for the first time, "I shouldn't have sent you home."

"Stop," she said in a hoarse voice, "It's not.. your fault."

Cragen didn't say anything. He was choking back the tears that were threatening to fall. Never in a million years did he think he would see Olivia like this.

"What are you doing here?" she asked closing her eyes again. She couldn't find a way to leave her eyes that didn't make her headache a thousand times worse. She just decided to leave them closed.

"I was worried," he answered taking her hand in his and rubbing across it with his thumb. "I went to your apartment to look for you and you weren't there. I checked every bar in town. Finally I had Fin and Nick call all the hospitals. We found you here."

"Olivia..." he said, "Everybody is waiting just outside in the hallway. If you aren't up to it I can tell them to go home but, they all want to see that you're okay."

Olivia swallowed heavily. She didn't think anyone would come. Amaro and her weren't really best friends and her and Amanda were only just getting close. Sure she understood why Cragen came and Fin and Munch too but, knowing they were there made her feel a little less alone in the world.

"In a bit," she said, "I need to give you my statement."

"You want to give it right now?"

"Yes," she said quietly, "I need to."

"Okay," he nodded, "Okay. Go ahead."

Olivia took a deep breath and she could feel the pain her ribs gave off. She took a moment and then began.

"I was pissed that you put a detail on me," she started almost laughing at the thought now. It had been irony. "They were parked at my place before I got home," she continued, "So I didn't even go inside. I was going to go to the bar."

"Take your time," Cragen said seeing that she was tensing up.

She nodded, "I was only a block away when this man came up behind me and grabbed me. He pulled me into the alley and pushed me down on the ground. I kicked him and then I got up to run... He tripped me when I was running and I fell. He took my handcuffs and cuffed me to the dumpster."

The thoughts were haunting her mind. She didn't want to remember. She couldn't stop them from forcing their way in.

She felt the cold metal against her wrist as she realized what just happened. She had let him get to her cuffs and use that against her. What could she do now? As the man stood in front of her she was plotting of how to get away. She yanked her wrist down trying to break the cuffs but they weren't budging. The man walked closer to her and she reached her leg out to kick him again. He grabbed a broken pipe and hit her with hit.

"You son of a bitch," she yelled, "The cops will be here any minute. You aren't going to get away with this."

He chuckled, "I think I am."

"He ripped my shirt off," she said to Cragen, "That's when I knew..."

"What did he do Olivia?"

"He told me I was going to pay," she said, "Then he kicked me in the stomach. Over and over and over again. He... I... I was trying to fight back but after the sixth time I couldn't. I couldn't even breathe at that point." She stopped for a moment, gathering her thoughts and trying to keep the memories out. Just talk, she kept telling herself, don't remember.

"I'm tired," she said changing the subject.

Cragen sighed. He knew she probably was tired, both physically and emotionally. "We can do this another time," he told her, "Get some rest. I'll have the others come back tomorrow."

"You'll come back too?" Her eyes were closed now and her head was rested on her pillow because she didn't have the strength to hold it up anymore.

"I'm not leaving," he said and then he made his way out of the room, closing the door behind him.

ICU Waiting Room

3:50 AM

Fin was the first one to see Cragen walking toward them down the hall and he stood, hoping for good news.

"Is she alright?"

Cragen stopped in front of them and just shook his head, "You can't even tell it's her," he said sadly, "Not by looking at her. He really did a number on her."

"Was she...-?" the question came from the timid Rollins who knew about Olivia's previous sexual assault. They had talked about it one night and Rollins remembered how Olivia had to go through therapy.

Cragen nodded slowly, "She was."

Nobody knew what to say. What do you say to someone after that? I'm sorry and I hope you get better? No, that was wrong. The amount of terror and pain and recovering that rape victims went through wasn't fair. Not to anybody.

"I'm gonna kill the son of a bitch," Fin said suddenly overcome with anger, "Who was it? Was it that bastard Harrison? I swear I'll kill him!"

"She hasn't said yet," Cragen answered, "My bet's on him though."

ICU Room

4:01 AM

"Olivia," Lana said gently, "I need you to wake up for me okay? I need you to wake up! You're in the hospital. You're safe now."

She felt the rocks digging into her back as she lay on the ground. Her vision was blurred and every time he thrusted into her she cried out in pain. "I like it this way," he said into her ear, "Don't plan on me stopping anytime soon."

The heart monitor was beeping louder now and Olivia was soaked in perspiration. Lana could see her chest was struggling to rise and fall. "Olivia!"

"Oh Olivia," the man said, "This is the best I've ever had!"

She begged and pleaded for him to stop. The pain she was feeling now was unbearable. He pushed himself inside of her again, using more force. She cried out with every ounce of energy she had left and suddenly her world went black.

Olivia woke up in shear panic. Her heart was going a thousand miles a minute and her tears were unstoppable. "I can't... breathe."

"Look at me.," Lana instructed using a certain forcefulness, "Breathe." She imitated the breaths she took hoping to get Olivia to do the same thing. "That's it. Just breathe. You're okay."

When her breathing was finally under control she tempted to wipe her eyes. Just touching her face made it burn and she decided she'd rather just let the tears fall.

"What happened?" Lana asked with concern written all over her face.

"I think I had a flashback... I need to see a psychiatrist. That's what people do when this happens right? They see a psychiatrist?"

Lana shrugged, "I'm not sure," she answered honestly, "I can contact one for you if you'd like."

Olivia nodded, "George Huang. Call him. Tell him it's Olivia Benson."

Lana nodded, "I'll be right back."

Lana had been a nurse for fifteen years now and she had yet to see a woman as strong as Olivia. She knew this case was going to be the case of her life. The one that changed everything. The one that would give her a different perspective and that she would never forget.

Olivia on the other hand didn't feel strong. She was trying, that was for sure. She wasn't going to let this define her. She was going to get through it so she could get back to her job. She was going to heal and put all of this behind her. She knew she couldn't do it alone and that's why she wanted to talk to Huang. He would know what to do and right now she needed to see familiar faces.