Author's note: Thanks for your patience, guys! I know I suck at updates lately :P I wish I knew what exactly is keeping me that busy *ahem* Anyway, feel free to dig in! Hope you'll like it!

Chapter 3

Was Santa real, too? Batman? Seven dwarves?

These were the questions that popped up in Jenna's mind because… because she was simply not capable of thinking straight. Of thinking, period. Everything that they were saying, she couldn't process it. She just couldn't because, really, of all the things she half-feared, half-expected to hear, the whole Dracula story was the last one.

Oh, okay, scratch that. The whole Dracula story wasn't on the list. She couldn't imagine hearing something like that. Never. Not for one goddamned moment could she see it coming, and definitely not with the expressions that both Elena and Alaric were wearing – solemn and somewhat defeated. At first, Jenna expected them to start laughing every moment, expected them to say it was all a joke, and she was a fool to buy it because… because how was it even possible for someone to talk about vampires looking like that?

The hope faded after a while though, as horrible truth started to sink in. No, they were not high, or drunk, or joking, and the things – terrifying things that were way beyond Jenna's imagination and comprehension – that they were talking about were real. Except that… except that they couldn't be, could they? It was just wrong, Jenna thought somewhat distractedly, her mind going blank from the information overload. It was wrong for someone to speak about such stuff and actually mean it. And expect her to believe in it, too.

Vaguely, she wondered if she'd be less surprised to find out that Alaric was an alien or that their lives were some Inception-type joke. Hardly, but… but how was she supposed to believe that there were things in the dark that she always thought could only existed in horror movies and folklore? How on earth could she accept unacceptable?

It lasted for quite a while already but Jenna had lost track of time at some point. All the questions she needed answers to – well, she didn't know how to ask them, how to start, how to make them slightly more rational. It was just too huge, too impossible to wrap her mind around.

It was rather eerie, however – and she could not possibly miss it – that with all this new information she'd acquired, some things did start making more sense to her. Like a puzzle that finally looked complete after the last pieces clicked together. Things that Jenna always thought were nothing but mysteries a small town of Mystic Falls needed to make life a little more exciting before they all lost their minds from boredom. Not that she liked what she was seeing, though.

Cold trickled down her spine as the realization settled in – she had known this stuff all along but preferred to dismiss it, while all this time… all this time—

Jenna snapped her head up when it downed on her that none of them had been speaking for a while, and found Elena – who was still standing by the window – looking expectedly at her, her brows drawn together with concern. Alaric remained by his desk, and she could feel his eyes on her although she was also quite certain he would most likely avoid direct eye contact if she turned. Or maybe not. It was hard to tell since she was the one avoiding direct eye contact in the first place, choosing to stare at the wall before her while she absorbed the information. Yeah, if only it did the trick, Jenna thought ruefully.

"Jenna…" Elena started cautiously, making Jenna feel like she was a patient in some mental institution because it was exactly the voice she imagined being used a lot in places like that.

Not that she gave it much thought, what with her mind practically exploding and her heart racing so fast that she was feeling dizzy and sick. All the facts, everything, started to finally kick in and settle, making her wonder absently how soon would denial come and how long she'd be able to hold onto it for her own mental good. And whether forever was even an option. Obviously, they expected some reaction from her, but she had no idea what to offer.

"You okay?" Elena asked after a little while.

Okay? Seriously? God, she was anything but okay! And how came it wasn't some World of the Worlds style prank, again? Tell me it's not true, tell me it's not true, she begged in her mind, knowing it was not going to happen.

Jenna drew in a sharp breath and then exhaled slowly, forcing herself to unclasp her hands that she held together in deadly white-knuckled grip. Yeah, sure, fine. She was totally fine, how could it be otherwise, right? Just like any other resident of the room with padded walls.

"I—it's just…" Jenna started and faltered, raking her brain for the most expressive word.

Crazy? Insane? Impossible? All of the above combined and multiplied by thousand? Nope, even that wasn't quite covering it, not even a little. And that was the problem. And the fact that her head was probably going to explode any moment like a balloon with too much air wasn't exactly helping the matters. Yes, she desperately wanted to wake up. As in – now!

"Look, I know it's a lot to take it—"

"A lot?" Jenna echoed. She let out a short shaky laugh that sounded wrong and horrible even to her own ears. Sagged against the back of the chair she'd been sitting on all this time and shook her head. "Parents telling you they are getting a divorce is a lot. Your boyfriend dumping you for your best friend is a lot." A pause. "There are vampires out there," she gestured towards the door, not quite sure if she meant just the school – oh god, did she really mean the school? – or the rest of the world in general. In her mind, she repeated the word again, which did nothing to make it sound less weird. Jenna didn't like the taste of it. "It's not a lot, Elena, it's—" Was there a word to describe it, anyway? "Why?" She fixed her eyes on her niece's. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Elena' shoulders sagged. There hardly was a quick and simple answer to that.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, her voice trembling slightly. "I am so sorry, Jenna."

Out of the corner of her eye, Jenna saw Alaric shift from foot to foot. And it was then that it truly hit her, like a wave that covered her and swept her off of her feet. All this hurt, and betrayal, and the whole unfairness of the situation. Like a sucker punch that left her totally breathless, and she was like a fish thrown out of the water and onto the rocky shore.

It was ironic, really, how only a few hours ago she thought that the worst thing Alaric could have told her was that his wife was in a rehab or something but he was telling everyone that she was dead because it was less embarrassing and more convenient. Or that she still was in the picture, maybe a couple of states away, but he preferred some lies and a little guilt trip for his flings, which was a really good bait and Jenna was a living, breathing proof of it. Or that he killed his wife with the frying pan because she failed to cook lasagna properly – she really should stop watching the I-know-what-you-did-last-summer type movies on Saturday nights perhaps, Jenna decided – and then buried her in the back yard, sold the house and decided to start a new life in Mystic Falls.

On some level she was happy he didn't confirm either of the above, and there was that fleeting moment of relief when she actually felt the weight lifted off of her shoulders, which lasted for, oh, half a second. Problem was, what he did tell her was much, much worse. And the thought made her chest tighten and her breath hitch as she looked away from Elena and focused on the tree right outside the window, fighting to stop… feeling, thinking.

"Elena, could you please wait for me in the car?" Jenna asked after what seemed like forever, her voice weirdly flat and even. Hey, maybe it was denial at last? God knew, she could use some.

Elena hesitated for a moment, unsure, before picking up her bag and retreating silently, not daring to argue or object. Jenna could almost feel the girl's uneasiness with her skin, but she didn't so much as move, only registered the sound of the closing door in the back of her mind when Elena had finally left.

"You know, we used to tell these stories to each other at the campfire when we were kids," she said in the same hollow voice that didn't seem to belong to her at all. "The backyard type with sleeping bags and marshmallows. Most of time they were leaving us laughing hysterically though. Who would have thought they could turn out being real after all?"

"Jenna—" Alaric started, and god help her but her heart leaped.

She didn't turn though, choosing to keep staring sightlessly outside. "How long did you know?" They covered the basics but she needed some details now, preferably before her shield had cracked.

He let out a weary sigh before answering. "I came here, to Mystic falls, searching for the vampire that had killed my wife—for the vampire that I thought had killed my wife," Alaric corrected himself, and Jenna swallowed, fighting to stay detached from raw emotions that were thick and heavy in his voice, his own attempts to keep them at bay obviously failing. "Which also was before I knew she dumped me without so much as goodbye to become one of them," Ric finished on a rueful chuckle, humorless and bitted.

Everything inside of Jenna twisted at the sound of pain he tried to mask with a very lame nonchalance. God, she couldn't… she just couldn't deal with it yet. Not now. Not at the same time with… everything else. She turned slowly, meeting his eyes at last, for the first time since the conversation began perhaps – consciously at least.

"Why didn't you tell me, Ric?" She asked, her voice trembling slightly, maybe because of that thick lump that formed in her throat, choking her.

"Jenna, I—" His arms that he kept folded on the chest fell to hang loosely along his sides.

She rose from behind the school desk but remained standing right there, her own arms going up to wrap around her shoulders – a defensive gesture she couldn't help. "Were you even planning on telling me?" She pressed on. "Or you found sharing something like that irrelevant?"

She might have as well slapped him in the face, Jenna thought, his expression was tortured now. She refused to think about it though. Not when everything inside of her hurt so much she wanted to scream. Not when she wanted to curl into a ball and stop breathing until it was all gone.

Thing was, however, that it was even harder to look at him standing right before her, so close yet totally out of reach, knowing that he wasn't Alaric she thought she knew, and not think of all the time they had spent together. Of what it felt like when he was playing absently with her hair, of the heat of his body against hers and the taste of him when he was kissing her. And of how much she wanted him to cross the distance between them right now, close his arms around her body and hold her tight until this endless nightmare was over. Of how much she needed it.

But all these images, and memories, and every single thought spinning in her head – they were dying and fading like a piece of paper swallowed by the flames until there was nothing left but ashes.

"I wanted to tell you, Jenna," he said at last. "God, you have no idea how many times I wanted to come clean about all of that."

She let out another bark of a laugh that cut them both like a knife. "And you didn't do it why, exactly?" Sarcasm was think and rather poisonous, but Jenna couldn't help it, and didn't really want to for that matter. "And don't tell me you were waiting for the right moment because, see, finding out that Elena's biological mother – aka your not so dead wife – was a vampire was just the one, for starters."

Alaric sucked in the air as if bracing himself. But then again, maybe he was.

"I hoped I wouldn't have to," he said.

Jenna blinked. "You hoped someone else would do the dirty job?"

"What?" He gaped, caught by surprise. "No!" Oh boy, this was bad, and getting worse by the second. He raked his hair with his hand. "I—I hoped there would be no need to." Impulsively, he took a small step forward but stilled when Jenna stiffened visibly, her eyes wary and confused, reminding him of what she looked like that night a few days ago. "Knowing these things… it's not a blessing, Jenna." His voice dropped a little, sounding almost pleading. "Being in this mix… it ruins your life, it destroys everything you ever knew or believed in. It is always there and you can't switch it off, or undo it, or change it back." Ric paused. "How could I want this for someone I—I care about?"

She swallowed past the lump in her throat trying oh so hard not to hear raw emotion in his words, and for a long moment they simply stood there staring at each other.

"It wasn't your call, Ric," she said after a while. "Not when Jeremy and Elena were concerned. I had to know about it. It's me who is supposed to be taking care of them," she added bitterly. "All this time they… they were constantly in danger, and I—" pretty much blew my job. "You had no right to make this decision for me."

"I know,' Alaric said quietly, actually wishing she'd beat him up with the baseball bat or something. Anything was better than that accusation and hurt in her eyes. "I'm—I'm sorry, Jenna. I—" he choked. "I wish I would."

She shook her head, disbelieving. "How do you even keep things like that?" Her own voice was ringing with suppressed pain and anger now. "How do you keep things like that from someone you care about?" She finished with venomous irony, hating herself for wanting to hurt him back after he had hurt her so much. It was wrong, and she knew it, but it was tearing her on the inside too much to hold it back.

Leave.

She had to get out of there, away from him, before she started to suffocate. Or—or worse.

Alaric stepped in her way when she moved, though. "Jenna, I—I was wrong and I have no words to make it better now, and I know that you're mad, and you're right about it." He held her gaze, his voice low but steady. They were standing close now, closer than they'd been in days, and his gaze was searching her face. "But you can't blame me for wanting to keep you out of it. I should have told you from the start, but—but I would still hate it like I hate it now. I don't want this for you. Never did, never will."

"Well, you should have stayed away from me altogether then," she retorted coolly, not quite sure if she had actually meant it but unable to stop herself from speaking.

He froze. And it didn't go past her that he wasn't really surprised by her words. Moreover, Jenna suspected he'd been waiting for them to come, what with this I-know-that-too look, which made her feel so much worse.

"Don't say that."

"I trusted you, Ric." No, she was not going to cry. She as not going to—Crap! It just hurt too damn much. "I trusted you to be honest with me. You don't keep things like that, no matter what the reason is. You just… you don't!"

She blinked a few times trying to keep the tears that were burning her eyes from falling, which was basically an inhuman task.

"Jenna, please—"

"And you know what the worst thing is?" She didn't let him finish, all the feeling bubbling inside of her finally finding their way out. "I am not even disappointed in you. Not really. Guess I should have felt that something was off from the start because that thing between you and me? It was just too good, too perfect to be real. I should have known better than that, shouldn't I? So now I am just disappointed in myself for being so stupid." Her fingers flexed on her upper arms as if to check that she was still in one piece. "I want you to stay away from me, Ric." There was more firmness in her words than Jenna actually felt. "And from Jeremy and Elena, too. I don't want you anywhere near either of us from now on."

On that, she grabbed her bag and headed out, choosing the longest route between the desks and around the class to avoid approaching Alaric any closer than necessary, and keeping her eyes pointedly straight ahead – as if letting the door out of her sight meant getting lost… or changing her mind, or something else entirely ridiculous.

"Jenna," he called after her when she had reached for the knob, and she stopped at the sound of helpless despair in his voice, against better judgment and all.

"Yeah, right." She turned, then fished something out of her pocket and threw it to him. He caught the set of keys effortlessly, and their eyes locked again. "Your car is at the student's parking lot. The one for the staff was packed."

And then she was gone, not giving him a chance to say what he was actually going to.

Alaric stood there completely motionless, listening to the fading sound of her heels on the corridor floor, barely breathing, and only let his shoulders sag and his frame lose almost painful tension when there was nothing left but silence. He dropped the keys to the desk then, and scrubbed his hands down his face. She might have as wall killed him, and it wouldn't have felt worse.

Outside, Elena was waiting for Jenna on the passenger's seat of her car. Jenna crossed the front school yard hurriedly, slid inside and started the engine, doing her best to ignore her shaking hands and her pretty much blurred vision. Her mind had gone completely blank by this moment – a defense mechanism to keep her sanity intact, otherwise… otherwise she'd just go mental, she figured.

They drove in silence, which Jenna was grateful for. Not that there was anything she wanted to hear now anyway. Well, maybe aside from – Ha, you really bought it? followed by contagious laughter. But somehow she didn't see it coming. Anything else could wait for a century or two.

Once inside the house, Jenna slung her bag over the staircase pole and lowered herself heavily onto the stairs, her knees weak and not entirely stable. She ran her fingers through her hair, fighting to maintain her breathing steady and only then allowed herself to look up at Elena, who was still hovering by the door.

"You should have told me, Elena." Her voice was shaking as the feeling of hurt and betrayal escalated to a whole new Too-much-to-bear level.

Elena opened her mouth and then closed it again, her lower lip trembling. "Jenna, I—" she swallowed. "I didn't want you to be involved with any of this. I'm sorry." There were tears glistening in her eyes now. "I'm so sorry."

"That's what Ric said, too." And had she been capable of it, she'd probably laugh. "So, you both wanted me to sit in the corner and not be an inconvenience or what? Is that what it means?"

"God, no," Elena pushed her hair out of her face, sounding desperate. "We—we only wanted to keep you safe."

"Safe?" Jenna echoed as though the concept was totally beyond her understanding. As though it lost the meaning somewhere along the way. Slowly, she rose up to her feet again. "But it's my job to keep you safe, Elena. To take care of you and Jeremy. I should be doing it, not you." She felt defeated. "I was compelled by the vampire to stab myself. How is that keeping me safe?"

She didn't mean to sound so bitter and accusing but the fear that crushed down upon her when she woke up at the hospital bed a few months ago with an extra hole in her body that she totally could live without – fear about Jeremy and Elena staying all alone with no one to be there for them if anything actually happened to her – was rushing back in, and she couldn't help it. The idea of making things better for someone by lying to them didn't make any sense to her.

Elena bit her lower lip. "I—we thought we could handle it, we thought—" she trailed off.

Jenna only shook her head in a universal Don't-bother way, then let out a long breath thinking that there was not enough tequila in the world to make this whole situation look any better. There was not enough anything to make it look better.

"So, all this trust talk was one-sided then? I thought we were friends, Elena." She sounded tired now, world-weary even. "I thought I could trust you to tell me the truth."

"You could—can." Elena let her bag drop to the floor by her feet, her fingers still clutching the strap. "But it was… I didn't—"

"Don't. I don't want to hear any more lies. You wanted to make a good thing, I get it," she said then, "And I appreciate the sentiment, almost. But you're so, so grounded." Paused and pointed her finger at Jeremy who emerged from the kitchen with a glass of juice in his hand and was walking their way. "Both of you. Until you're fifty."

Jeremy frowned instantly, confused, his eyes darting between his sister and aunt as he struggles to figure out what the whole drama was about. "What did I do?"

But Jenna was already stomping upstairs.

At some point in the middle of the night, Jenna gave up. After hours of twisting and turning and listening to all the sounds of the darkness that suddenly acquired an entirely new creepiness to them, she kicked away her covers and climbed out of the bed. It didn't look like sleep was an option in any case. She was drained and totally exhausted both mentally and physically, but her mind just wouldn't shut off and let her rest. Like after having too much coffee, only worse.

Jenna padded barefoot across the room, listening intensely but everyone seemed to be asleep. The house stayed completely quiet. She picked up a framed photo from the dresser and went back. Sunk down onto the floor by the bed, put the photo beside her, wrapped her arms around her knees and peered at the image. Grayson, Miranda, Jeremy and Elena were beaming happily into the camera, their smiles easy and open. Jenna studied their faces in pale moonlight streaming through the window, her chest tightening as the memories of family get-togethers and all the fun they used to have flooded her mind. This photo was taken a couple of months before the car crash, she recalled, and they looked so… good and happy.

She reached out to touch the glass. The picture seemed surreal now. How was it even possible that the life Jenna had always known, so normal and ordinary, even boring at times, was so easily interrupted by something she couldn't have even imagined? She swallowed. It appeared to be nothing but illusion, a bunch of lies everyone she loved was feeding her ever since she was born. Dealing with the vampires and stuff was one thing, even though she'd probably need some time to figure out the "how". Knowing that there probably wasn't a single person that wasn't lying to her face was something entirely different. How was she supposed to handle that?

"Why didn't you tell me, Miranda?" She mouthed soundlessly, locking her gaze on her sister's smiling face. "A little head start would be nice in that case."

She remembered the day a few years ago when Miranda called to her rented on-campus apartment to ask about the whole guardianship thing, saying that "everyone was doing it, just to be safe". Sure, of course – was Jenna's immediate reply, and she didn't even think twice about it, wiggling into her skinny jeans with her phone pressed to her ear with the shoulder, her mind pretty much on the class she was terribly late for.

Not that she'd ever answer otherwise. For one thing, she was well aware that Grayson and Miranda didn't have much of a choice, with their parents gone and no other close family in sight, or at least in close proximity. In her mind, Jenna instantly crossed John's name off the list. Their personal issues aside, she didn't peg him for a parental person.

Then again, she loved Jeremy and Elena like crazy, and knew that they loved her, too, and wasn't it what mattered the most? And of course, the main reason why she'd said yes was that she thought it was just a formality. None of them could have ever imagined that one day everything would go wrong and Jenna would actually have the parenthood thrown in her face, without manual to go with it.

"You are not planning on faking the airplane crash and running away to Tahiti now, are you?" She asked Miranda when they'd left the attorney's office a few days later.

"Careful, Jen," Miranda laughed. "You have just signed the papers," she pointed out. "I'd stop giving me the ideas if I were you."

Grayson started to cough, which was as good as he could do to mask his laughter, and Jenna mock-punched her sister in the shoulder…

Yeah, who would have thought?

And now – now she was feeling that everything was falling apart, and she was helpless to stop it. Yes, she was well aware that she wasn't the best of parental figures. In between dealing with Jeremy's issues without much success, trying not to be a bad guy for them because it obviously was the last thing they needed and attempting to somehow sort out her own life, she knew she sucked more times than she'd like to acknowledge. Yet, recently she started to believe that they were finally getting somewhere, that maybe she wasn't the worst possible choice after all – because, god help her, but it was exactly what she'd been thinking during the first four months when everything she'd been doing had just as much effect as banging her head on the wall – and maybe her sister was not going to haunt her ass for ruining her kids' lives.

So yeah, finding out that she did, in fact, fail Miranda in every possible way was like a sucker punch that left her lost, and defeated, and—

Jenna sucked in a sharp breath.

It was almost impossible to believe that only this morning her biggest concern was her miserable love life, her thesis deadlines and lack of time – and, well, proper self-organization. And it all seemed like the end of the world. And then she suddenly found out that her high-school buddy – her dead high-school buddy – was a werewolf, with fur, and fangs, and stuff. And her high-school jerk of a crush – dead, again, see the pattern – was a vampire, just as her niece's best friend and boyfriend, and – drum roll! – her biological mother, too! Although Jenna tried not to go there just yet, choosing to stack the whole Isobel concept into the darkest corner of her mind for now. And a girl her nephew was not so conspicuously crushing on was a witch. The thought was inevitable making brooms and cauldrons pop up before Jenna's mind eye, because – really?

She desperately tried to see herself in the picture – and couldn't.

It wasn't what they kept all of that shocked her the most, Jenna realized if a little belatedly. It was the fact that none of them trusted her to handle it, none of them thought she was good enough to know it that totally threw her off. Finding out that her entire life was just a façade was one thing. Seeing that there was no one she could turn to now – now that was world-crashing.

And then there was Alaric.

She bit her lip so hard that she could feel the taste of blood in her mouth.

How could he do it to her? How could he betray her like that? She felt so foolish now, so ridiculous. Was there anything about them that was real at all? Or was it just a part of some scheme of his and he was, in fact, laughing at her behind her back? Not that she wanted to know it, Jenna added sourly in her mind. Just in case the answer wasn't reassuring. It definitely wasn't something she'd want to have to deal with.

Why would he do it?

She snickered humorlessly. Story of her life, wasn't it? The only decent guy she'd dated in recent years—hell, the only guy she'd ever fallen this hard for turned out being the biggest liar of them all.

She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying not to think about what it felt like to be with him, around him, how safe she was with the circle of his arms around her – and was swept away by the memories all the same. The memories of slow kisses, and lazy breakfasts at his place, and the way he was looking at her sometimes that was taking her breath away, and laughing so hard that her stomach hurt, and all these hours they had spent talking about everything and nothing.

She hated him so much for all of this. And she hated herself even more for wanting him to be there with her now, and hold her, and tell her that everything was going to be fine, and make all her fears go away. Because she was confused and scared, and she needed him. Because she was a fool and there was nothing she could actually do about it.

A soft buzz of her phone made Jenna jerk her head up. For a long moment, she just stared at it before reaching out and picking it up from the nightstand. A small blinking light indicated arrival of a new voice mail message.

Jenna hesitated for a moment, and then hit Open.

The sound of familiar voice made her breath catch up in her throat, and her fingers flexed on a small black device, clutching it so tight that her knuckles had gone white.

Alaric.

"Jenna… I, um… I just wanted to make sure you're okay," he paused. Her heart skipped a beat. "I know you probably hate me now, and you have every right to. I was an idiot. Still am. And I know that I screwed up majorly. I should have told you. I—I wish I did, and there is no excuse for not doing it, but I was a chicken and a jerk, and I didn't want—" A sharp intake of breath and a soft sigh. "I didn't want to lose you to all this craziness. I wanted you to have a normal life. I didn't want to shatter your world like that. And I—I thought I was doing the right thing… Apparently, I wasn't." His voice dropped, becoming somewhat thick and hoarse. "I'm sorry, for everything. I swear to God, Jenna, if I could turn back the time and undo it all, I'd make it right. Just—just please know that I never meant to hurt you." Another pause. "And that I love you," which came out in a whoosh of breath.

Okay, that was it. Now she hated him for real.

The phone slipped out of Jenna's hand and dropped to the soft carpet with dull thud. For a moment, she just stared ahead of herself, gasping painfully for air but unable to take a proper breath as if a giant hand squeezed her lungs and held them. Her heart plummeted down and was rolling somewhere in her stomach. And then she buried her face in her knees, her arms wrapped around them so tight she thought she might crash her own ribs, and finally let herself cry in earnest, for herself, for him, for everything that was gone. She was scared. She felt helpless. And she was all alone.

~ Daylight dies

Blackout the sky

Does anyone care?

Is anybody there?

Take this life,

Empty inside,

I'm already dead

I'll rise to fall again…

"Give Me A Sign" by Breaking Benjamin~

Alaric stayed at the Grill until the closure. And an extra hour after that while they were arranging tables and chairs and taking out the garbage, seeing as to how he was barely an inconvenience in his near-comatose state.

The ice in a glass of bourbon he had ordered hours ago had long melted and the drink itself was hardly touched at all. His initial plan to drink until the whole story was out of his mind, or at least until he could see it in a different light, totally failed. Every single sip he took was choking him, so he gave up eventually and chose to simply sit there and stare at the rows of bottles on the shelves on the other side of the counter. It wasn't making much sense per se but he didn't want to go home yet. He didn't want to be alone, one on one with his thoughts and memories, in a place where everything would remind him of Jenna.

Here's to losing the only thing in his damned life that was worth fighting for!

And didn't he know it was going to end like this? Didn't he know he was digging his own grave? Jenna was right about this – you don't keep things like that from someone you… love. And then, she was right again – he should have stayed away from her from the start. With the life baggage like his, it wasn't fair to get involved with her. He should have run away in the opposite direction the moment they met because he knew for sure right there and then that she was trouble. That once he was in, there was no way back.

But he was tired. Tired of running all the time – from everyone, from himself. He was tired of merely existing when he desperately wanted to live. And then there was Jenna, like a sunlight on a rainy day, and he just couldn't resist because for the first time in years he was feeling alive again, and it wasn't something he wanted to walk away from. She wasn't someone he could walk away from. Not when all of the darkness he'd been living in was finally going away when he'd already lost his hope. Was it really that much to ask for?

She was better off without him though, Alaric thought. What could he possibly offer her? Not that it mattered now, of course. Jenna would probably never want to talk to him again. Not after he had breached her trust like that – and there were no words to say how much he hated himself for putting her through it. The look she had on her face when they were talking in his class a few hours ago was something that he knew would haunt him forever.

And now—now he had no idea what to do. He felt lost and empty. What was the purpose of it all, anyway? His whole mission, the reason he came to Mystic Falls, fell apart a long time ago. And the only person that was making his life worthwhile – the only person he'd sworn he'd never hurt – was gone.

God, he didn't even know it was possible to love someone so much until Jenna danced into his life like she was meant to be there from the start. Knowing that she was no longer a part of it made him feel dead on the inside, and all the darkness he'd been running from was slowly creeping back now, and there was nothing Alaric could do about it, or wanted to for that matter. It was all his fault. And the best thing he could do to make it up to Jenna was stay away from her for her own good.

"Um… Mr. Saltzman?" The voice gave Alaric a start, jerking him out of his despair. Upon turning, he found Matt Donovan standing beside him, his blue apron gone and replaced by the leather jacket. Obviously, he was on the way out. "I'm sorry but we're closing the place now."

Yeah, that was the problem of the small town like Mystic Falls – there were hardly any places there that stayed open past midnight, especially on Thursday. Yet, there was nothing Ric could do about it.

"Oh, right." He threw a couple of bills onto the counter and then slid down from the tall bar stool, struggling to muster some sort of a smile – an instinct more than anything. "Thanks for letting me hang out here." He patted Matt on the shoulder.

"Yeah, no problem," Matt echoed, watching his retreat. "See you in a few."

Outside, Alaric let the door shut close behind his back as he was momentarily enveloped in thick silence. He tucked his hands into the pockets of his jacket to save them from the gusts of chilly wind and shivered a little. The spring was near and the air was getting warmer each day but the nights were still crispy as if using every chance to hold on to winter and cold.

On a sigh, he groped for the car keys and headed for the parking lot across the street. His car was one of only two left there, and the Ford parked next to his Chevy probably belonged to one of the Grill barmen or other staff members, Alaric figured. He hit the unlock button and the headlights blinked to greet him. The town was quiet and long asleep, and with the lack of options, he had no other choice but to go home and hope that maybe in ten years he would feel better and less disgusted with himself.

He pulled the door open and paused for a moment, puzzled, when he caught light flowery scent of Jenna's perfume before recalling if a little belatedly that she was the one to drive his car to school to return it to him in the first place.

Alaric shook his head. He was pathetic. And calling Jenna twenty times only to hear her "Hi, it's Jenna! I am probably busy right now but if you leave a message, I'll get back to you" was the first and foremost proof of it. Absently, he wondered how the whole leaving her alone plan was working with him leaving her a message in the end but then he decided to simply add it to his growing list of mistakes.

"Alaric Saltzman?" Someone called him from behind.

"Yes?"

Alaric started to turn, surprised. Must be someone from the Grill, he thought, maybe he'd forgotten something there, or—

He didn't get to finish his speculations, however, because the next thing he knew was that something hard and heavy hit him in the stomach, and he collapsed down to his knees, gasping for air.

To be continued…

As always, typos are all mine, and yeah, I'm blind when it comes to them sometimes. I apologize :P

And – reviews and comments are love, so please let me know what you think!