A/N: This was in the back of my mind for some time now. Although I'm a die hard Auggie fan, someone had to show us what had happened those four months before any got back from the cold. Most of the dialogue from this chapter is from Season 5 "Silence Kit". But the rest is all mine. Not a one shot anymore. ;)
He watched her as she slept. She was wearing his favorite shirt as a camisole, her hair was all mused, and her eyes were swollen because of all the crying. She couldn't have looked more beautiful. Still, he watched her sleep with a heavy heart, for making her cry the way she did. But deep down, he knew that this was good for her soul. It was the only way he knew of making her start to feel again, to start healing. She was spent, he noticed, and couldn't hide the smirk, full of male satisfaction, of knowing he was the one who wore her out. He knew he should feel bad for using her, for sleeping with her, when it was clear that she was still in love with someone else. He's been known to be selfish, but not with her, never with her. He loved her too much to be selfish with her. But he was a man, and he had wanted her for a long time. And, in the end, he was the one who was going to have his heart broken when she left. Because she would leave, eventually.
He looked at the clock on this nightstand, and sighed. He didn't want to wake her up, because she needed to rebuilt her strength, and sleep was one way to do that. And he was not talking about physical strength here. Aside from what he was fairly certain was a heart condition, she was in top shape. However, the strain of what she had done, of what she had lost, had taken a toll on her, and had worn her down to the point of exhaustion. She had not been sleeping well for a long time, and after the sex marathon from last night, he wanted to let her sleep in.
Well, five more minutes. He would let her sleep for a bit more. She asked him to fix her, and last night was just the beginning. Making her start to feel again was just the beginning. The second step was finding out what was wrong with her, why she collapsed on him that first night. He looked at the clock again, and when he decided to wake her up, she started to stir.
"Hey, how are you feeling, Neshamá"? He asked, playing with a strand of her hair. "There's coffee in the kitchen, but after breakfast, I'd like to talk to you."
"Hum? About what?" She asked, trying to get her bearings. Her body felt like rubber, and her mind was still foggy. She felt… good, and it was such a foreign feeling nowadays that it scared her a little. The sex, the sex had been amazing. Aside from that night in Hong Kong, her last night with Auggie, she had never felt so much, such raw emotion. She struggled to reign her thought, and pay attention to Eyal.
"I'd like to run some tests." He said, tucking that strand of hair behind her ear, and giving her his hand to help her up. He walked her to the kitchen, and sat her on a stool. She took the cup of coffee he offered her, and drank it quietly. She had come for his help, partially because she trusted him, and knew he would never turn her back on her. And partially because he was a doctor. Well, almost a doctor. He still had his medical degree, even if he didn't practice. When she finished her coffee, she nodded, and told him she was ready.
It took him a while to find his medical kit, so she was left alone for a while in the kitchen. It gave her enough time to think about last night. She had a feeling it was not going to be a 'once in a life time' kind of thing. And she didn't know how she felt about it. She always knew that there was this possibility to them. They were well matched after all. She was getting flustered just thinking about it. She heard him coming back to the kitchen, and did her best to compose herself.
"Can you believe my mother wanted to throw out my old med-school kit? Said I'd never put my medical skills to use." He said, making small talk. He could see Annie was nervous, but he had a feeling it was not about her eminent check-up. "If she could see me now."
"You cannot tell your mother about this." Annie smiled, a real smile for a change."
"Of course not, neshama." He smiled back. There it was, that smile. She was already healing, "So that scar on your chest- is that from that Russian double?" He asked, lightly touching it with his fingertips. Just the thought of him and Auggie getting her out of that Russian nightmare was enough to make him shudder.
"Yeah…" She said, not really in the mood to talk about that. What happened in Russia happened a long time ago. She didn't want to think about that, it was over and done, dealt with and buried deep. She had lost a piece of herself after that, and many more pieces since then. "So, what do you think it is?"
He sighed, not liking what he was about to say. "I don't know exactly, but I know enough to know it's serious." He paused. "I'd like to bring in a cardiologist."
"A cardiologist?" she asked. Now she was afraid. Deep down, she suspected this was a heart condition. She thought back to the first time it happened. She was running, on the beach, like she did a thousand time, when she felt something on her chest. She thought she was just out of breath; after all, there was not a lot of time for fitness when you're on the run. But something was not right. It hurt, and it went deeper with each breath. Every heartbeat was like a knife. She couldn't breathe. She just collapsed.
"Yes, my friend Avram. He did much better than I did at Haifa." He smiled again, trying to put her at ease. "Don't worry. He's trustworthy." He took her hands in his. "Your secret is safe, neshama."
"I know. It's just. All this, it makes me feel weak, and not showing weakness is…" she started, but he interrupter her.
"It's like second nature, I know. But you came after me, and you asked for my help, right?" He released her hands. He wanted to kiss her, but thought it was too soon after last night. They needed to talk about that before going down that road again.
"You once told me that it didn't matter if I could trust you or not, that the only thing that mattered was whether or not I could use you to complete my mission. Well, I thought I could use your help. I just didn't know how to go about it." She said. But they were past the trust issues. She trusted him completely. It was as simple as that. She trusted him with her safety, she trusted him with her body, and she trusted him with her heart. Both figuratively and metaphorically.
"Do you? Trust me to take care of you? To put you back together?" He asked her, point blank.
"I wouldn't still be here if I didn't." She smiled, but she felt bad almost instantly. She felt like she was using him, using his feelings for her, for her own advantage. She had no choice; she had nowhere else to go. She needed him, and well, she would have to deal with the consequences later.
"Ok, then. So, let's see if Avram can fit you in today." He said, and went searching for his phone.
As it turned out, he could. And they didn't even had to wait that long. Avram would see Annie at lunch. So, they enjoyed a bit of sun, strolling down the streets, just relaxing a bit. They walked side by side, holding hands, like they were a couple, but that was as far as it went between them.
At lunch time, he marched her to Avram's office, and left her alone to talk with the doctor and do the tests. He wanted to go with her, to be with her when she heard the news, when she did the tests, but he felt that she needed the privacy. She needed to do that on her on. So he waited for her at the waiting room, reading a magazine. He put the magazine down when he heard her come out of his office, a big folder on her hands.
"I had the full panel. He kept it discreet- no names, no forms, no questions." She told him, and gave him the results to read.
"Myocarditis?" He asked, looking at her. Damn it. He was hoping it would be something easier.
"It's an infection of the cardiac muscle tissue." She explained, not really noticing that it was a rhetorical question. After all, he had gone to medical school.
"No, I know what it is. So I was correct about the scar tissue." He said, putting the folder in the side table. He sat down again, and motioned for her to do the same. They were sitting very close together, and just the feel of his body, of his strength, was enough to give her strength to continue. She took a deep breath, and went on with her explantion.
"It's spread to my mitral valve, but Avram says it can be managed with nitrate injections." She said. He could hear the hope in her tone of voice, and had a feeling she didn't know the amount of trouble she was in.
"Well, what about surgery? We have all the best surgeons here in Israel." He said, the doctor in him was already thinking about all the options.
"Surgery comes with its own set of risks." Annie said, as if she had already made up her mind.
"You know what I think? I think this is a gift. I think this is your way out." Eyal said, even though he knew that this was the last thing she would want to hear. Yeah, he was right, the fire returned to her eyes instantly.
"How can you say that with a straight face?" She asked hotly. He could not be serious. He knew, he knew how much being in the field meant to her.
"Every spy always talks about getting out before it's too late. No one ever does." He answered, and she knew he was right. No one ever does.
"Where would I go?" She asked. All she had left was her life as an operative. That was exactly why she decided to come to him, to search for help away from the Agency. Because the job was all that was left. Her sister thinks she's dead, the Agency thinks she's a traitor. She's already lost Auggie, and was positive he was better without her. If she didn't have this, she would have lost everything.
"Anywhere you like- a mountaintop, the beach. You can use my boat if you want." He said, and his heart broke at the sight of her despair. Yeah, she had already started to heal, but she still had a long way to go. She still needed his help putting her back together. He pulled her to him, touched her cheek again, and let his hand travel to her neck, to keep her in place. "Stay here in my house." He said, and kissed her, gently. "Stay here with me. Let me help you."