I have to thank parrilla-adkins and inlovewithlanaparrilla, there would be no chapter if not for them. I'm an INCREDIBLY uneasy about this chap but I am otherwise inclined to post this so we'll se how it goes :) After the last chapter, that mainly focused on David and his issues, I wanted to have a chapter that exposed Regina and her issues, flaws and all lol This is a different kind of angst, hope you enjoy :) P.S She's about 12 wks

-iiwasalwaysthequeen

Her bed was cold. She would get in their bed and slip under the sheets, feeling the warmth immediately slide against her skin. When night fell and she could always count on his arms to be wrapped around her, the worries went away, the stress was non-existent-any issues, any problems-they didn't matter. Every night when the moon made it's appearance and the stars shined outside their window, casting light shadows on their walls-everything was okay.

But now, the bed was cold and she was left to hold herself at night as darkness fell and the moon failed to shine the same, the stars sparkling just a little less. His words taunted her, the memory of his lips teasing her. She fell weak when he touched her, when he invaded her personal space and kissed her as if the world would stand still until she knew just how much he loved her. He kissed her and the regret rang true in his eyes, the tears he shed being the obvious conflict of his heart.

Part of her wanted to ignore his emotional turmoil but she still loved the man. On her wedding day, she made the unconscious decision to let herself love him, to cast the curse to hell and enjoy the happy ending that was bound to come to an end. She relished in the big white dress and the flowers and the church over flowing with guests-it was her chance to start over.

That was always her problem, never able to see things from hindsight. In the back of her mind, in the dusty corner that she never dared to go, she knew that what they had couldn't last, that it wouldn't last. She denied the inevitable because it helped her sleep at night, it kept her bed warm. She had to curse a thousand to get her one happy ending, do get the husband that she wanted, to have the family that she wanted-she had to curse thousands, she had to hurt and she had to kill-And now the collateral damage was nearing enough to cost her everything that she worked so hard to achieve.

But if she took a moment, to think about the lives at risk-it all seemed too much. Charlotte, her little Charlotte was probably wondering why she hadn't seen Mommy in two weeks, why instead of her pink butterfly filled room she was sleeping in a strange place with yellow flowers on the walls. She probably wondered why Daddy looked so sad, why she never saw Mommy and Daddy together. Charlotte would suffer-daughter of The Evil Queen and Prince Charming, born of a cursed marriage. Henry would suffer, he was already suffering coming to terms with his mother's transgressions, with the knowledge that the woman that raised him had the ability-the capacity to take another life.

And then there was David. She was no longer able to look him in his eyes, to face the pain and the hurt that she had caused. The way that he looked at her spoke volumes to the love he felt but his actions spoke even louder of his hate, of the anger he felt. It was evident that he was battling within himself with each step he took, with every move he made. Everything seemed calculated at that point and she couldn't help but take it personally.

She hadn't seen him in two days, well since he came to see her in his office. She hadn't seen Charlotte and Henry in two weeks and all three reminders were beginning to get to her. Some nights she didn't sleep in her room at all, unable to face the obstacle of laying her head on a pillow next to the ghost of her fairytale-next to what she could have had.

She was being quiet at that point, not doing anything. She was taking the stares from townspeople that heard she had 'run off the Sheriff' and now he was staying in a hotel with their daughter. She was dealing with not seeing her kids, missing the milestones that her three year old was accomplishing-She was taking it because she thought she deserved it, that a punishment had to be warranted for the pain caused, someone had to suffer. She just hadn't expected it to be this bad, she didn't expect a pang in her heart every time she passed their bedrooms. She didn't expect her breath to catch when she woke up each morning and found that there was no one to make breakfast for.

Getting out of bed in the morning was a task in itself, willing herself to place two feet on the ground when she felt like the ground was on top of her instead.

Living like that from day to day was beginning to get unbearable, the agony of knowing that she brought it all on herself being nothing more than icing on the cake. Giving up the fight would be synonymous with giving up her children and that wasn't something she was up to-But she could give up with David. He didn't want her anyway-that's what she told herself. He may think that he loves her now but as soon as his precious Snow realizes who she is, all will be aligned in his mind and she's sure than any thoughts of their reconciliation will be abandoned.

At this point, her safest bet is to move on and let the chips fall where they may even if she was heartbroken in the process. It was better than staring at her door with baited breath, in hopes than any minute-any second, he would come walking through.

She loved him, but she didn't want to wake up with a heavy heart anymore. Fighting with him was costing her her kids, costing her her sanity. She was going to end it before things went any further-Before their fighting consisted of more than throwing glass ornaments to the floor.

So that's why she left her bed at the tenth hour of the night in her silk pajamas and grabbed the first coat she saw before heading out of the house. She was uneasy on the drive over, her heart seeming to beat out of her chest when she came upon the familiar path that lead to the Bed & Breakfast. All it took was a quick bribe on her part to get his room number from Ruby and be standing on his doorstep.

She knocked quickly, pausing before her fist lifted again. The fairytale was over and the bliss was short lived. She was being forced to deal with the dusty corner of her mind that she never dared to go. It didn't feel good, it was blinding to stare her mistakes in the face, to realize that her kids would have to live with her mistakes, that she would have to live with them.

She was in love with a man that she knew could never love her like she wanted to be loved-like Daniel loved her, like he loved Snow. Just the thought, the fantasy of five years believing that he did, acting like there was no curse, there was no Snow and Daniel was just a lost love. It was overwhelming really, the tears beginning to rise as she realized that she would never experience true love again, that what Snow and David had was rare and her attempt to take that was futile at best. She had failed.

Again.

This man-this good man, that she had hurt, that she had lied to, answered the door with bedhead and a wrinkled tee-shirt, his pajama pants hanging from his hips as his eyes adjusted to the light. When the blurriness subsided, he laid eyes on the woman that the town knew to be his wife standing before him in her silk pajamas and an open black coat, the tears flowing freely down her cheeks. This was his wife, this was the woman that tucked their daughter in at night, the woman that he brought lunch to on slow days, the woman whose shoulder's he massaged on harder days. The woman that stood before him was not the Evil Queen, but simply Regina.

"I know you hate me," She inhaled suddenly, her heavy heart beginning to weigh on her. "I hate me." Her head fell at the admission, shaky breaths releasing from her chest. "It-it wasn't supposed to be like this, I-" She bent over, feeling her stomach constrict at the mention, as she fell prey to her emotions. "You hate me and I-I hate you." She lifted her eyes, and stared at blue conflicted eyes. "I-I hate you because you made me love you." Her words fell as whispers between them. "I-I wasn't supposed to love you."

There-There was the confirmation that he had been waiting for and that he had also been dreading. He wanted to know if the love that he felt was reciprocated, if he was skipping the flowery fields alone or was she right behind him. But now he knew and his choices were limited, he kissed Mary Margaret and the world spun awkwardly, without a spark or a flame. The choice was clear but the decision wasn't-To let go of the pain that he felt, the betrayal and face the ugly truth that he had fallen for the Queen.

Only he hadn't.

"I should have been honest with you." As she spoke he realized that he fell for a woman with a broken heart. "When I realized how I felt-I should have told you." He fell for a woman who had forgotten what love felt like. "I-I messed up and..." He fell for a woman that blurred the lines between right and wrong. "-And I'm so sorry." He fell for a woman that he didn't know he was waiting for until he got her.

"I just." She was emotionally spent, completely barred in front of a man that she knew hated her, a man that she knew she had hurt beyond repair. And all that she could do was show herself to him.

Without warning she stepped forward, her hands rising hesitantly before reaching the stubble that pricked her hands. She had to stand on her toes, reaching to meet her lips with his as her thumbs rubbed at his cheeks. She pulled away with a gasp, the sobs rising in her throat as the tears left her eyes.

"Regina what are you doing?" He asked softly, feeling her hands gently caress his face with an absent reason. She needed to feel his lips once more, she needed to feel the spark, to forget the curse if only for a second and kiss the man that she called her husband.

"I'm letting you go." Her eyes could not meet his as she spoke, openly weeping before him-showing him the side that he had wanted to see without even knowing that it was exactly what he was looking for. He was angry because she lied, he was angry because she betrayed him, he was angry because the minute he remembered, he didn't see his wife anymore.

The vulnerable, the beautiful, the protective, the complex, the woman to whom he said 'I do'. His arms ached to hold her, to tell her that it was going to be okay even if it wasn't. Part of him wanted to do something but most of him wasn't ready. And so he stood there with bed head and a wrinkled tee-shirt and let the woman he hated to love and loved to hate walk away believing that he didn't feel exactly the same. That the feelings weren't mutual-Because he was angry.

He was hurt.

He was in pain.

He was confused.

One moment he wanted her to suffer through what he was and and moments later he wanted to spare her from the pain-the hurt-the confusion.

"What the hell David-Go after her!" A screech penetrated the solemn atmosphere and he craned his neck down the hall to see Ruby standing at the end of the hall after eavesdropping. He was unmoving, still waking up, still relishing in the fact that she had kissed him, still coming to terms with the fact that he was too angry to care. He didn't have to break things to show her how he felt, his silence was enough.

"David!" She yelled at the dazed man, seemingly unfazed by what he was experiencing. His only response was a shut door, to which she scoffed and fished Granny's keys from her back pocket. Before she could even open the door, it flew open again to reveal that he had grabbed his coat and shoes. He passed her as if she didn't even stand there, throwing words over his shoulder-"Watch Charlotte" before making his way down the halls.

She was still parked on the sidewalk, sitting in her car until the anxiety passed, until the anguish subsided, until her heart didn't feel like it was attacking her from the inside out. But of course, she relived it all when he appeared in front of her car.

She jumped and he didn't care, opening her car door that was surprisingly unlocked. He slid in the passenger's seat and closed the door beside him, adjusting himself so that he had no choice to look at her, and she had to do the same, whether it be his reflection or the real thing.

"You pursued me, allowed me to marry you, had my child-hell you're carrying my child-for revenge, ALL to rub it in the face of someone who didn't even know who she was." He listed her deeds as if she were being tried for a crime, mentioning things that he wasn't even sure of, that confused him. Was it the real thing or was it another chess move in her game?

A sigh was let from her mouth as she tilted her head back against the seat. "Your point?" She was tired of her wrongdoings flying in her face, taunting her, blocking her.

"You lied to me-you made me think that you were someone that you weren't-"

"David I don't want to do this-"

"No-Regina, this is what you don't get. You don't get to opt out-" If she got to let him go then he was forced to deal with his feelings on his own. She was taking away his choices, even if it conflicted him to have them-she couldn't just take them away. "You don't get to surrender, not when you're the one that brought this all on yourself. I'm not going to be the bad one for keeping Charlotte away, for letting rumors spread around town, for not being there for you-I didn't do anything wrong and yet I'm still the bad guy."

Exasperated, the back of her head lolled against the rest. "David you're not the bad guy." It was her that people were painting as the monster, people that had watch them rise as a couple and now were watching them fall-She was the cold Mayor, the disconnected mother, the unattentive wife-the assumptions they made picked her apart, not him.

"I kissed Mary Margaret."

She turned her head in his direction, allowing him to see her eyes pinked with sadness. "Why are you telling me all of this?"

"Because I'm in love with you and I shouldn't be." He shook his head, wearing a spot on his forehead with his hands. "Because right now I want absolutely nothing more than to take you home-than to lie in our bed-than to wake up next to you tomorrow morning.." He closed his eyes for a moment, not being able to look at the tears that fell from her eyes. "But I can't."

"David."

"Did you curse me?" Honest eyes looking for an honest answer, something to offer rationality for his love for her-for the unconditional love that he felt but couldn't show her. When she shook her head, he sighed with the relief of knowing that she didn't do this to him and the reality that what he felt was completely and utterly real-whether it arose from fake circumstances or not.

His body shifted and he ended up in the same position that she was in, facing the sky that was all around them. "Why'd you do it?"'

She shook her head in response. "I don't know."

"Yes you do." He called her on her bull immediately, noting her lack of hesitation when she answered him without pause or thought. "Everything you do has a reason, whether it makes sense or not."

"Just like everything you do has a reason." Both were stilled, staring at the stars in the sky and the moon that watched them. "I haven't seen Charlotte in two weeks-You made Emma take Henry away and you left me with no one."

He considered not responding, letting her wonder why had done what he did."I wanted to hurt you."

"You still do." She turned her head ever so slightly, meeting his eye for a brief glance before looking back at the stars. "You may..love me, but you..you don't love me enough to forget."

She was right, or was she? The thought crossed his mind, that she didn't need him to forget-but to accept. Accept what she had done and be able to move passed it. Because the love between them only made him remember more, not forget.

"How do you feel?"

"We don't." Her eyes fell closed as the night began to wear on her and exhaustion hit. "We don't have to do this." They didn't have to play the happy couple and he didn't have to play the concerned husband. She knew how he felt about her, even if she continued to ignore his admissions of love for heer. They seemed so conditional-the opposite of how he truly felt but the only way that he showed her.

"Regina how do you feel?"

"Like my heart's going to explode." Her words shut down his thoughts, giving him pause. "I know I brought this on myself-I know I should have expected this but that doesn't mean that you're the only one that's hurting." When he could hear her breathe he knew that she was getting upset, that's how he always knew. Like when a train was coming, but you don't know until the horn is blown. "Please-please don't ask me how I feel because you don't want to know."

He had opened the floodgates.

"You don't want to know that I have barely slept in two days because you're not next to me-because I'm in a big empty house with no one to share it with and the only time there's noise is when I get up-sick to my stomach at the thought of you, of what I've done-" Her eyes fell closed at the mention." -of what I've lost." She turned to him, her voice returning to a whisper from a raised octave. "The last time that I was honest with you, you left and took my kids from me-You don't want to know how I feel."

She shrugged, feeling all emotions rise to the throne of her heart. "But you don't care, you love me but you don't care."

"Regina-"

"It's a boy." She interrupted him, closing her eyes once more. "I know you care about that." Letting out a shaky breath at the admission, she knew that sooner rather than later-it would be about the kids, not two people who couldn't make up their minds about hating to love each other or loving to hate each other.

"It's too early to tell-isn't it?" He was glad that her eyes were closed, allowing him to beam with fatherly pride, genuinely smiling for the first time in weeks.

She could tell that he was beaming but allowed him the moment. "I had an early amnio-"

"You what?! You couldn't call me- You couldn't ask my opinion?"

"I'm sorry, but you were too busy ignoring my phone calls and trashing my office-Next time you're throwing a tantrum, I'll be sure to fill you in on any news."

"I guess I deserved that."

"I guess you did."

Before him was his family, his wife, his children- a future that was no longer his. The chance to feel sorry for himself was tempting, easier to go along with than asking the questions that he really wanted to. "Can I drive you home?"

"Why?"

"Because you keep closing your eyes-You're either in a lot of pain or exhausted-or both."

She pinched the bridge of her nose, never a fan for arguing with him especially when it came to a pregnancy. "You should get back to Charlotte-It's almost 11, you know she wakes up like clockwork for a couple minutes." He met her eyes, not realizing that his hand lingered above hers on the console,

She slid her hand from beneath his and placed the car in gear, his cue that the conversation was over. He nodded, opening the car door before speaking again. "I'll be by tomorrow for the rest of my things." Her rejection of him was met with his acceptance of their split-of her letting him go. She failed to respond, the only sound being the clicking of her seatbelt and the engine of her car as she pulled away, driving home beneath a moon that shined a bit brighter and stars that sparkled a bit more.

Maybe time would allow them to heal.

Maybe.

A little mellowness before I pack on the angst-I figured they needed to have a civil conversation, atleast one before things got angsty...again.

-iiwasalwaysthequeen