Moving

I lost count of how many hours passed by and how many miles I've wandered around. I've looked from place to place, trying to find a spot to rest or something. The suburbs have nothing for me anymore, so I left and kept on wandering away.

As I was walking, I look up at the sky. I realized that it's getting dark soon. My phone already died and I still can't find an outlet to charge it. I can't find out the time or call my Dad. It's also getting colder. I pull my hood up over my head and huddle myself in this hoodie. It's not going to be warm enough, but it'll have to do for now. I hope.

I already ate my snacks that I bought from the store. It's barely enough for me. I don't have that much on me now. I just remember something; before I left the house and during our physical fight, Lauren must've found out that I stole from her and she probably took some of her money back from my pockets and left me only a 20 and singles. I was wondering why it feels less. I spent most of it all on small foods and nothing else. Now, I'm left with a 10 and very few singles. There's no way I can survive with this amount of cash.

Feeling lost in my trail of thoughts and thinking about what I should do with the limited cash I have, I notice a train station up ahead. What if I take a public train ride somewhere far away? Should I use some of my cash to pay for the fare?

One side is telling me I should while the other is telling me I shouldn't. I could save money and sneak a free ride by crawling underneath the turnstile. I can do that since I'm small for my age. The only problem is that I can get caught easily. If they catch me sneaking into the station without paying, they may arrest me. This thinking about breaking the law is sending me an adrenaline rush. Simultaneously, it will ruin me forever if I performed such a delinquent act. I don't want to be under handcuffs and be seen in a police car. It'll haunt me.

I enter the train station anyway. The fare costs 2 dollars and 75 cents for one ride—25 cents more than the last time. Are they fucking kidding me? There's no way I'm wasting that amount of money for a train ride. Then again, I need to get away from this area; I want to make sure I'm over 100 miles away so it'll be impossible for Dad and Lauren to find me. Looks like I'm going to have to make a sacrifice on my money.

I walk to the booth where public train passes are sold. The guy—some kind of rodent species—behind the glass sees me and speaks through the speaker. He asks, "Can I help you?"

I answer, "I just need one ride." I pull out my cash. I handed him my 10 dollar bill through that little silver tunnel underneath the glass where the money and passes go. He looks at me, like he's seeing a runaway child.

He seems concerned, "And just where are you going? Aren't you a little young to be taking the train all by yourself?"

I'm a little offended that he called me a child. I'm sixteen years old and stuck in a body of a twelve-year-old—I mean that metaphorically, of course.

I tell him, "Don't worry, I'm really sixteen. I'm just going anywhere where the train takes me." Before he hands me the pass, I ask him, "Do you know where the trains stop?"

He informs me that both trains stop at two different locations that I'd rather not specify their names since it's not important to me. I don't even care if I'm going to a desert or a different country. All it matters to me is the faraway distance.

Then, I say, "I guess I'm heading there."

He gives me the pass and my change. I take them from the little tunnel. He tells me, "Just be careful."

I thank him and then left the booth. I walk to the turnstiles, swipe my pass over it, and push myself through it.

The train ride feels like forever. I'm sitting on one of the seats next to the window, leaning my head against it and cuddling my backpack on my lap, closer to my front body. I depressingly gaze through the view; the sun turns orange as it goes down and the skies are getting darker. All I can hear are voices from Lauren and my ex-friends. I keep thinking about those angry words they have said to me. It's giving me a hard time muffling myself from their voices; the more I hear them, the more disheartened I become.

I shed a single teardrop as I continue to stare through the train's window and thinking about them. Suddenly, I can feel the fatigue coming in. I close my eyes to rest them even though I couldn't sleep in the train when it's still moving and when there are others around having incoherent conversations and making noises. I'll just sit in my seat and keep my eyes shut until we get to the very last stop.

Later, I can feel the train coming to a full end. The doors are wide open for a long time and the train is just sitting idly on the tracks. I woke up from my very short doze—not sure how long I've been asleep though—and then lazily glance around to see that the train car is completely empty. I'm the only one here now. I guess this is the final stop.

Before the doors close, I grab my things, get up from the seat and then hurry out of the train. I made it through.

I exit the train station and make my way to an unfamiliar neighborhood. It's already dark out and the streetlights shine bright throughout the streets. I can barely see what the buildings look like, but underneath the lights, I can see that this place is completely empty of people.

"Where the hell am I?" I say to myself as I glance around in the dark.

I can hear sirens, dogs barking and cars passing by. By the sounds of the sirens, something tells me that this place isn't as good as I hoped to be. I can't take the train ride back to where I was before. Looks like I'm spending the night here for a while.

I stroll through the unfamiliar streets. My stomach grumbles in hunger and I rub it to ease it down. I can't afford restaurants, especially cheap fast foods, and many stores are closed at this time. The only food I have left is this last piece of mini vanilla cake I've been saving and a bottle of water I bought way before I came to the train station. I remove the wrapper and devour my cake. Once it's done, I take my water and gulp it down, saving the rest for future needs. I drop the wrapper on the ground as the night breeze takes it away and I move on.

Hunger keeps interfering with me during my long walk. Every few yards or so whenever I see them, I go through the garbage cans, open up the bags and then rummage through for some discarded food to eat from. I know it's really gross; however, it's the only way for me to survive with very little money and to ease the hunger. I found a half eaten hot dog and a half eaten sub sandwich that I'm too reckless to know what's inside. I stuff them into my mouth, eating them whole.

So this is what eating like a homeless youth feels like. It's disgusting. They could have fallen on the ground before they get thrown away, though I didn't have a choice.

Both foods are gone and I take another sip of my water to wash it all down before putting the bottle back into my backpack. I'm not full enough but not starving anymore. With a bit of luck, it'll probably pull me through until the next morning. With my "dinner" done, I continue to walk through the dark streets.

I've walked for hours already. It's getting colder and I huddle myself tighter into my hoodie to keep warmth. I still don't know what time is it now. I'm feeling really tired; I need to get some sleep. All the streets and alleys are way too dirty and disgusting for me to sleep on. And besides, the autumn coldness will worsen if I sleep on a contaminated ground.

I stop for a while. I look down at the line of cars sitting parallel parked against the curb. It makes me think that I can find temporary shelter in one of these. It may be crazy and illegal to break into somebody else's car. I have another thought of adrenaline rush and this time, I decide to follow my instincts.

I run to the first car I see and then I pull on its door handle on the driver's side. It's locked. I go to the next one. It's locked as well. I go to the third, then fourth and now the fifth. They're all locked. I make my way to the sixth car. I pull on its handle—and it's unlocked!

I opened the unlocked car door, climb in to the driver's seat and closed the door before locking it. I climb to the back seat, setting my backpack on one end as I sit down on the other end. I curled myself into a fetal position whilst simultaneously lying down and hiding myself in the dark to make sure no one sees me as I sleep here for the night.

I close my eyes and try to go to sleep. My hoodie is my only blanket and my pillow is just the car seat. It's hard for me to sleep because of the cold air and the car seat's uncomfortable cushions.

Mostly—it's because of that recurring horror and hellish nightmare I'm now having of Lauren's abuse and my ex-friends' rejection.