"She's a fucking bitch!" He kicked the dashboard in front of him, rage in his eyes, along with sadness. He put his arms over his face again,

"Who?" I asked, puzzled and worried from the stress pouring out from him. He was getting aggressive, and raged, "Just calm down and let it out," I calmly coached him, as I looked at the road. This is a different Chad from what I'm used to. It's though it is a completely different person.

"She's g-gone, and I hope s-she never comes back!" Chad said, his words tumbling out of his mouth in a slow distinguishable voice. He mumbled insults about this mystery person, and I tried to add it up but couldn't shape it. He reached in the glove compartment, pulling out pack of Marlboros. He ripped the pack open impatiently and pulled out a smoke. Chad wrapped his lips around the white filter, and looked forward in sorrow at the stick. The street lights reflected off him continuously. His bare chest gripped my attention as his buttoned were loosened and his shirt was wrinkled. My attention was drawn to him, looking at him slightly shifting my eyes to the corner. His rugged good looks got the best of me, along with his messy hair, and the smoke that hung from his lips as he searched for a lighter,

I attempted my focus back at the paid road as we drove. He lit his smoke, and inhaled the cancer stick slowly and steadily. He looked out the window, and rested his elbow upon the door, where he had been supporting his head with the palm of his hand.

"What happened?" I asked softly, looking at him ever so often as I kept my eyes forward.

Chad stared at the road, inhaling the cigarette once again. He exhaled slightly, beginning to speak, "It's m-my mom," He stuttered to speak. I raised an eyebrow. His mother? I looked off in confusion, and looked back at him, signalling I was still attended into listening, he sighed weakly, wiping the corners of his mouth with his thumb and finger.

Chad

After Sonny had left, so did her cheery and positive up beat vibe. I found myself back into a dark mind filled state, and I was saddened again. I picked up my wallet quickly and made my way out the building. My tired eyes looked up at the sun before entering my car. The sun used to cheer me up when I was a kid. I would just look out the window, and feel better. I seated myself in the drivers seat, and put the key in the car. I made my way out of the parking lot, as a air of melancholy surrounded me, and I found myself go into a deep thought through my drive home.

I could feel something was coming up, because everyday something does. Thing's at home have gotten worse, and worse. My eyes travelled the road as they paced from my rear-view mirror, to my side mirrors. My phone shot out an orchestra of tunes. I grabbed my phone from my pocket, and observed the message flashing on my screen. Scarlett?

Scar: Chad, mom is a mess and I can't be home right now. Go check on her.

I sighed, pressing my phone off. Of course. You'd think having a sister who's seen as much as you have would understand these things with you, but of course she's 15 and full of selfish hormones. She'd rather be out than keep our mother clean. Of course I have to take care of things on my own when I have a huge career ahead of me, and they both free load from me. I began to grind my teeth, dwelling more on my situation. I turned on the radio, rotating the volume to it's highest.

I was close to home, and I gripped the steering wheel, as I turned down the long stretch of the road I lived on. I observed the long road, cozied with a big forest, and big trees. I like my neighbourhood, I like how peaceful it is. But home is not where I want to be at this time. I'd rather spend my nights intoxicated with something. I pulled it into my driveway, lighting up a smoke as I pulled in. I looked forward,seeing the door opened a quarter of the way. I raised my eyebrow, in confusion. My mind began to wander. I quickly parked my car, pulling the keys out the ignition and putting them in my pocket. I stepped out the car, inhaling deeply on the cigarette as I observed my home, feeling my keys in my pocket as I had them placed in there. I began walking toward the house.

I held the railing of the wooden steps to my door, and pushed it open. It creaked as it did so. I could already tell the house was empty of her presence, and I felt a drop in my stomach. An ash tray was broken across the floor, along with cigarette butts spread through the living room. A fight I presume? I inhaled the last of my cigarette, dropping it on the ground and stepping over it as I could see more evidence. I could tell this day was coming. A weekends worth of liquored emptied at the table, along with a broken bottle of cognac on the floor. I observed the white powder on the granite counters that I had purchased for her for being 3 years sober. The counters, not the coke. A weakened laugh trickled out of my mouth. I dabbed my finger on it, and put it on my tongue. I don't even want to go through the rest of this because I know being gone it was most likely used as for her friends.

I opened the fridge door, seeing a 40 of liquor untouched, and calling my name. I grabbed it, and twisted the cap open. I glanced my for a cup, before seeing a lined, folded piece of paper with "Chad," written across it. It looked like it had been carelessly put together, and it was a fast process. I grabbed it, and pulled a chair over to the dining room table, as I sipped the vodka from the bottle. I folded it open, and attempted to read it. The writing was sloppy, and page was dripped on with some sort of liquid,

'Chad,

Being sober isn't easy. It never was. I hit my breaking point and you know that, and I need to be away for a while. Take care of your sister. Sorry about the mess,' Tears fought through my eyes, as I read it, 'I love you, but I am no longer strong enough to stay clean. The passing of your father still gets to me, even though it was 12 years ago and I know if he was here, I would be a better mother to you. I see you look at me in disappointment everyday since I relapsed 4 weeks ago. Instead of supporting me you belittled me and left me for days, It's best if I leave for a while. Sometimes in life bad things need to happen before good comes along. Love Mom. Xo"

I knocked back a quarter of the bottle while reading this letter, feeling a torture of pain hit me. She never did think of her words before she said them, and that's why scar is so distant. I stood up from the chair, and crumpled the the letter in front of me. My teeth clenched as I did so, and I wanted to smash something. I grabbed an empty glass bottle of liquor off the table, throwing it against the wall. I did the same with another. And then another, until all the bottles were gone, and my house was covered in glass. I sighed at what I created. I found myself experiencing a manic outburst alone, and I couldn't stop. I just wanted someone to help me and tell me it was going to get better. Her words stabbed me, and it surely will leave me in torture.

I grabbed the 40, and took a long sip as I walked to the counter, I leaned over, exiting my lips from the bottle. I scrounged up the rest of the crushed up rock of coke that had been sitting there. I plugged my nostril, sniffing every last bit that had been on the table. I wiped my nose, sniffling a few times before it had adjusted in me. I pulled out my phone, calling up a friend of mine who deals coke. I sighed as I dial up the number, listening to the dial tone.

"James Conroy here, sup?" He asked, sounding busy. Yes James deals coke.

I rubbed my eyes, thinking before I spoke, I then sipped at the 40, "Hey dude. You got a gram I can get off you?"

He laughed on the other side of the phone, as I heard his lips grin, "Hm, so Chad Dylan Cooper gets angry at me for doing coke on his set of Mackenzie Falls but NOW, that he needs it, he expects me to just jump in my car and bring it to him, hmm-" I rolled my eyes,

"Dude this is L.A I can find other shit, 1. I don't need it, I want it, and 2nd. I don't expect you to jump in your car, you're the first person I thought of, so get the fuck off your high horse," I slurred these words out, attempting to sound confident in my choice of words,

"Just cause you make a point, I will come." He replied, I could hear annoyance in his voice.

I shook my head, "Nah dude, I'll come there. I don't want really want to be at my house right now anyways," I observed all the broken glass on the ground that I had just did. I walked around the house as my shoes crushed the glass. I grabbed the crumpled up letter, and put it in my back pocket. I wiped my nose

"Whatever man, you know where I live. 45th of Jefferson," He hung up. I shut my phone, keeping in the back of my head that I was still seeing Sonny tonight. A bit of tickles in my stomach trickled inside of me as the thought of her entered my brain. I'll buy some white, and just leave. I won't screw this up.

I slammed the door behind me, holding my 40 and keys in my hand. I locked the door, turning the knob for confirmation it was locked, and made my way to car. I sipped at the liquor every couple minutes, my feet dragging on the ground. I could feel it kicking in already because of how fast I had been drinking it. I turned the key in the ignition, and put myself in gear for backup. I didn't attempt to look at the rear view mirror, nor did I attempt to look at the side one either. Pulling out of my driveway, without any attempt to look for traffic. The tires screeched loudly along the road as I pulled out, and switched my gears. I exceeded driving down the road. I began to drive carelessly, without caution of the road. I know it's a bad idea, but the adrenaline definitely has taken a toll on me. I closed my eyes as I sipped the vodka. It burned through my throat. The burn is more of a pleasurable feeling when I am this upset.

I made my way out of the suburbs, and back into the city. By this time, I could see my 40 was just about empty. 'Wow' I slurred out, looking at the bottle in amazement. I don't recall drinking this so quickly, then again, I never do. That's definitely something I shouldn't brag about either. I looked at the road, as I then felt the spins come on. I didn't notice it until I looked at the bottle. I've got this. 45th of Jefferson. Jefferson is just past this road. I opened the window, as the breeze hit my face.

"Jefferson," I slurred out , and repeated a few times to myself. I crave the presence of Sonny right now, hate to admit it, but ever since she spoke to me, I haven't gotten her out of my head. OK I have to stop, my mind is wandering and I am going fall out of focus. Ah Jefferson, here it is. I turned down the road, and projected my focus on the houses. 1 - 13 - 20 - 30 - 40,

I slowed the car down, and found house 45. I pulled in the driveway, holding my hand on the horn. The horn was loud, and echoing through his neighbour hood, and I began to laugh. I pulled the keys out of the ignition, and I opened the doors of the Lambo, grabbing my 40. The front door of the house opened, and James came out of the house. I leaned on the back of my car slightly while proceeding make my way up to his steps. He eyebrow was raised, as he walked down the stairs observing me.

He stopped in front of me, but I continued to walk forward up the stairs, "Chad man, you look a mess. What's up bro?" He asked, following from behind me. I tripped walking up the stairs, but saved my fall with my hand. I laughed,

"Everyone keeps asking that, I'm fine dude." We walked into the house, I grabbed the wall for support. I walked toward the living room, plopping myself down onto the couch. I chugged my 40, as he shut the front door, and walked into the living room. I dropped the liquor onto the table, pulling out some cash I had inside the pocket of my jacket. He observed me, sitting on the couch before me, interlocking his hands together as he watched me, he shrugged as he watched, then reached in front of him in a shelf, pulling out a bag of white powder. I eyed the bag,

"Chad, this is a selfish drug," He looked at me, standing up with the bag, and beginning to lecture, "and I know you have your issues and I won't ask, but I know you've never been one to do it when your trying to run away from something." I know this is a selfish drug. I know that this is a mistake. I know that going down this path will kill my career, but I feel this emptiness in my stomach that I need to fill with void.

I rolled my eyes, "I'm a paying customer, James." I stated with an aggressive attitude along with regret in the back of my words.

He sighed, sitting back down on the couch in front of me. He pulled out the scale, and set up the equipment to weight it up. I sat back on the couch, grabbing ahold of my liquor. I held it in my hand, as he weighed it up,

"A gram, right?" He confirmed. I nodded, sipping the bottle as he finished up. He passed me the baggy, and I passed him $80. I flicked the bag, looking at all the white crystals spread inside. I leaned myself up from the couch, opening the dime bag. I poured a good amount out on the coffee table, grabbing a credit card that had been on it. I gathered it up with the card, and attempted to make a long line. As I did this I thought deeply about my Mom.. I feel her torturing me without her doing anything. I thought about how careless she is. I think about when she was sober, and little did she know, so was I.

I got off the couch, leaning on my knees as I snorted the line off the coffee table. I could see James watching me from the corner of my eye. I wiped my nose when I was done, shaking my head quickly, "Woo!" I yelled out, standing up rapidly and shaking myself off. I then felt a strike of lightning go through me and I felt very awake, but still drunk. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, seeing the time and how quickly it had gone by

"4:30," I said to myself, looking at the phone. All these events made time pass so quick, and it was almost time to meet Sonny. I've been looking forward to it all day, now if I can just bring my focus to doing so ..

"Yeah dude, you gotta be somewhere?" James asked, as he picked up his controller from the table, and turned on his game set up,

I nodded, sipping my drink, as I stood myself up, grabbing the dime bag of coke, and putting it in my inside pocket of my jacket, "Hey m-man, do you have a bathroom?" I asked, keeping myself at a stance as my legs gave out ever so often. I haven't looked at myself in the mirror in quite some time, and showering was a plan of mine before leaving home, but home didn't feel like home any longer.

He nodded, "Down the hall," He pointed to a the left of the hallway. I placed my bottle down, and stumbled myself to the bathroom. I leaned against the wall when I found it, and spread my hand across the wall to find the light switch. I turned on the light, as the bright line and fan turned on. I squinted my eyes, as I looked at myself in the mirror. I sighed, wiping the powder off the top of my lip. I turned on the tap to a warm setting, and leaned on my shoulder because I didn't have the strength to stand myself up. I splashed the water in my face. I turned off the tap, and dabbed a towel on my face. It didn't change the fact my skin was blotchy, my eyes were buggin' out, and my posture was off wildly.

I shut the light off in the bathroom, patting down my pockets and making sure everything I had was on me. I was in a deep focus, and I'm going to presume it's the coke. I made my way down his thin hallway, and waltzed myself back into the living room. He glanced at me, with confusion. I grabbed my liquor, and turned around,

"Wait, you're not actually thinking of driving are you!?" He asked, sitting up from playing one of his games. I shrugged, looking at him carelessly.

"What's it to you?" I asked, failing to keep a straight position,

He shook his head, "I hope whatever you're dealing with, blows over soon. Be safe dude," He assured me,

I laughed loudly, attempting to click my tongue at him before leaving. That was the usual Chad thing to do. I opened the door to the outside, and pulled my phone out. I went to Sonny's contact number, and pressed on her name. I stumbled down the steps, with my phone in one hand and my bottle in the other. I reached in my pocket, and I pressed a button on my keys to open the door before I got there. I hopped inside the car, and started it. I shut the door, and looked back at my phone. I stared at it puzzled for a moment, then continued the task I was doing. I dialed' Sonny's number, and turned on the radio. It began to ring, so I put it on speaker, and backed out of the driveway,

A pause came to the phone, and her sweet symphony of a voice answered, "Hello?" She asked,

"Sonny, I- I need your help" I slurred out. My eyes were weakened, as I stared at the road, and I became a little worried.

"Chad?" She asked, confused. She sounded busy, and I regret calling her already.

"Sonn," My tongue held back the rest of my words, "Meet me in the parking lot," I demanded, as I drove recklessly down the highway. Thankfully James didn't live far from here, so it wasn't much of a drive, and less of a risk of a DUI.

"Chad, you better not be drinking and driving!" I heard her confusion on the other end. I could already hear a lecture coming my way, but I'll admit I'm excited for it.

I smiled, "I-I'll see you the-n," I hung the phone up, as it dropped out of my hand and under my seat. I cleared my throat obnoxiously and placed my finger on the knob of the volume, turning the music up louder. This gave me motivation to get there at a faster time. I took a small sip of the vodka, before entering the lot.

I bolted into the entrance, and saw in the distance a brunette standing at the doors, the wind was pushing her hair into her face. As I got closer, she looked more displeased. Her arms crossed, and her lips perched. I pulled closer to the scene, and slammed on my breaks in front of her. The car screeched as I stopped, and she stood in front of my car. She looked at me from the front window, but I knew I had to explain myself somehow. I opened the doors, stumbling forward as I made my way towards her, the last sip of my vodka was what I was going to enjoy,

"I made i-it!" I slurred out in a reassuring voice.

"Drinking and driving though? Really Chad?!" She grabbed the bottle, and tossed it in the trash can located behind her. I looked at in sorrow, then back at her.

Oh no. I've upset her. The one person I trust with everything I'm about to pour out is upset with me, and It's of course my fault, "I-I I can explain." I said sympathetically. She grabbed my hand, pulling my unsteady self toward the other side of the car. She opened the door, and placed me inside. I sat in the seat, covering my head with my arms, and speaking in tongues.

"You're lucky you're drunk right now, or I'd honestly be giving you the biggest lecture right now Chad," Her hand slid across my waist, and it aroused me a little. I peaked at her, as she was putting on my seat belt. She shut the door, and walked across the car, making her way to the drivers side. She plopped herself in, and observed the settings of the car. She fixed the gears, and the seat, along with the mirrors as well.

"Care to explain?" She asked,

I found myself build up with anger as she asked me, and I kicked the dashboard in front of me as she began to drive. I clenched my teeth, and tightened my eyes as I thought about it, and my stomach turned thinking about what she's done to me, "She's a fucking bitch!" I yelled out.

She flinched as I did so, looking at me with confusion, "Who?" I could sense she wanted to help me.

I looked toward the road, "S-She's gone, a-and I hope she never comes back," I said in a weakened voice. I thought about the situation and it saddened me all over again. I just wish my life was different. I sat up from my chair, and reached into the glove compartment. I opened a new pack of Marlboros, opening the pack anxiously. I pulled a cigarette out, and placed it in my mouth. It hung from my lip as I searched the car for a light. I could see Sonny's eyes pacing back at me and the road. I could tell she feels the same tension I do.

I found myself a light, and I lit up my smoke, resting my head on the window beside me. I placed my elbow on it, and put my chin in the palm of my hands.

She attempted to ask once more, "What happened, Chad?"

I inhaled my cigarette, looking out into the distance of the road, I sighed, exhaling my smoke, "It's m-my mom, Munroe ..." Sonny's eye brow raised, as she brought her full focus to me. I wiped the corners of my mouth with my fingers, and I inhaled my cigarette before speaking some more,

"I was about 6 years old when my dad passed away. He was my motivation to be who I am today. He passed from a liver, and kidney failure," I looked out the window, as my weakened eyes were feeling heavy, "When he passed, my mom took it very hard. Don't get me wrong, we all did. Me and my sister Scar, especially. She was 3 when it happened. My mom found herself going down a dark path of drug abuse. It was hard for me to work as an actor on tv shows without my mother embarrassing me off set, or showing up to my auditions stoned out of her tree. May I remind you this was all happening when I was 6 - 8. When this became a daily occurrence, my manager decided that it was best if we didn't include my mom into my successful situations in my life. But who doesn't want there mom to be there when good things happen?" I asked, putting my feet on the dashboard, and looking out the window. I inhaled, "Over the years it got harder. She became jealous of the money I was making, and she couldn't keep a steady job. I was featured in a lot of movies, but she was never involved," I sighed, "So because of this, one day something was triggered in my mom's head that I should be giving her 50 % of my income that I had been making for myself. There's been so many nights where she's told me I've done nothing for her, and I believe it. I don't think about what I have done, because she never thinks about it either. I got into a bad habit of drinking her alcohol so she wouldn't do it anymore, and that's when I found myself beginning to drink it almost every night." My eyes glanced over at Sonny, as her expression was easy to read. It was definitely heartache, "I joined Mackenzie Falls at 16 and things really turned out for me. I had a good income, and I was getting more famous. I liked that. So did my Mom. Things began to turn up, and her addictions were being dealt with in rehab because we agreed on checking her in. Scarlett and I and My mom were actually happy for once. I was my happiest for the past 3 - 4 years. Just 4 weeks ago, she relapsed after those strong 4 years. So did I. She never knew about my problem.. No one did. And I am still trying to keep it that way.. So when we found out she relapsed, it was Scar who found her in the bathroom, puncturing her skin with a needle. Scarlett had to see that, and she's only 15. She shouldn't have to see what I had to see. So after we found out and confronted her, she went on a rampage, and went back to her old ways. Long nights of no phone calls. She disappeared for days, men would be hitting her when she invited them over. I know that because I've had to kick there asses when there there trying to hurt my mom," I bit my bottom lip, reaching my hand down in my back pocket. I pulled out the crumpled up letter, unfolding it and fixing the creases. I sighed looking at it, "I found this letter today when I went home from being gone for a couple days," I inhaled breathe through my nose, and and exhaled through my mouth. I held back the anger I wanted to let out.

Sonny looked at me, pulling over onto a soft shoulder onto the highway. She put the car in park, and shifted her body towards me. She turned on the light of the car, and looked at me taken aback, as her elbow leaned upon the seat, and she looked at me as I spoke. She looked at the letter in my hands, and then looked back into my eyes, "Read the letter, Chad."

I looked at her with a wretched glare, looking back down at the letter, "I-" I looked at the letter, then shook my head, crumpling it back up, and squeezing it tightly, "Sonny I don't know where she is. I don't know if she's on a binge journey, I don't know if she's going to kill herself slowly, I don't know why she chose the drugs now when we were doing so well. I don't want to read the letter to anyone, least of all, you! I read this letter and I snorted a line because it made me feel so bad. And after I did that, I immediately wanted more. And I did get more, and I don't have a mother any more to look at me in disappointment because she's probably somewhere across the country by now anyways. FUCK!" I became belligerent. I kicked the dashboard again, clenching my teeth. I had anger I had to let out, but when I look at her, I want to let it out in a more connected, sensual way.

She observed me with fret, seeing my thoughts wander as I looked around the car, "Chad listen to me! I believe that you have a lot of built up anger from your past, and now this present time. And I know hurting yourself or screaming to the rooftops seems like it's going to help, but it's not. Neither is coke..." she put her hand on my leg for support. Fuck.. My sexual frustration is real right now, "I am willing to be your friend in this and be there anytime you need someone to scream at, cry too, anything in between," choose your words wisely Munroe, I'm a vulnerable 18 year old who is deeply attracted to your presence, "Can I just say, it's not as though you're torturing yourself reading this letter to me, but your inviting me into a very personal part of your life that I am now experiencing with you, so leaving these big things out is hard for me to connect with you, Chad." She smirked at me, with her big brown eyes. I can't ruin this friendship we've just created.. It might be good for me.

I looked at the letter, sliding my fingers through my hair, as I read it out to her. I was already in the middle, and my voice began to crack, as I hit that one line that triggered me, "instead of supporting me, you belittled me and left me for days," I swallowed my spit loudly, clearing my throat. I put the letter down, putting my hand upon my head. I covered my eyes as they filled up with a warm liquid. I heard the click of a seatbelt unbuckle, but I kept my head down. Warm legs wrapped around my lap, and Sonny's arms began to wrap around my cold, weak body. She hugged me tight. I was taken by such surprise, it put me in an even more emotional state. The loving touch of someone was something I haven't experienced in a very long time. And from Sonny, it made me feel safe. I hugged her back, and squeezed my eyes onto her shoulder. I slid my fingers through her long hair that connected down her back, and I felt a warm feeling come over my heart. I didn't want alcohol, or drugs If I had this.