Disclaimer: I do not own Boku No Hero Academia.
CHAPTER III – SHIMURA TENKO IS DEAD
All Might and Gran Torino stepped out of Tartarus and into Tsukauchi police car. The officer then started the engine and drove back over to bridge that connected the high security prison to the main island. First destination was Yamanashi prefecture, Gran Torino's home. Then Tsukauchi would drive All Might back to Musutafu.
They should have been talking about today's visit, but Gran Torino had remained quiet from the moment they left the cell. All Might wasn't surprised by his teacher being annoyed and Tsukauchi was kind enough not to push the subject.
After some minutes of driving and angrily staring out the car windows, Gran Torino spoke his mind: "This is going too fast, Toshinori. You are pushing your boundaries."
"I knew you would say that.", All Might said and guilt hit him.
"Toshinori, you don't understand. This is not me speaking, this is what I can see in the guards eyes. What do you think the media will do once they find out about you visiting him? What will your students' parents do?"
"He's right, you know.", Tsukauchi added.
Another minute of silence followed before All Might spoke again: "I agree with you. There's no way I can morally justify what I'm doing."
Tsukauchi threw a glance into to the rear window, him and Gran Torino smirking, aware that All Might wasn't done. Yes, he couldn't justify it, but he would continue to do it, no matter the costs. It was their responsiblity as his friends to be angry and to talk sense into him, but it in the end, it was him doing the decision. They were all old enough to know that.
"I am torn between doing what's right and doing what my heart tells me too. For years, I have fought for law and order, to protect our society. I know that this will most likely be my hardest challenge, but it's what I want to do. If the world could give me anything in return, this is what I want to have: A chance to save a child who has lost his way and bring him back to the light."
"Oh Toshinori,", Gran Torino said accusatory, "you haven't changed at all."
I want to die.
Tomura was alone in his cell again.
And Tomura was shaking. He didn't know why.
Was it because he was angry? Was he feeling frustrated? Or helpless? Something completely different or just all of those emotions mashed together?
He couldn't even tell anymore, he just didn't want any of those feelings. He wanted back that void that had been part of him for as long as he could remember. A void he could feed with hate and death, a void threatening to consume him completely. A void only calmed by Sensei's affection.
Instead he was confused. Not really by All Might's actions: The pest was a hero after all. He was confused by his own!
"I want to call you by your first name.", All Might's third condition echoed in his mind for what felt like the fiftieth time. And what had his dumbass answer been?
"Whatever."
What the hell is wrong with me?, he thought, his hands finding their way up to his scalp and pulling at the fair hair. It was disgusting, oily and sweaty instead of fluffy and soft and it had gotten longer, almost resting on his shoulders now. He would have loved to tear up the dry skin of his own face and arms until he bled out and died, but since his nails had been cut way to short for his liking, he couldn't scratch himself at all. Those doctors had actually sedated him and cut his nails! Somehow he felt undignified by that the most: What was he, some kind of dog they could keep on a leash and cut his claws whenever they felt like it? At least he could still push them inside the soft skin of his healing arms. It didn't make him bleed, but it hurt nonetheless. Unfortunately, it didn't ease the turmoil inside his heart, not even one bit.
His stomach hurt and he hadn't bothered to clean up the dried blood on his chin. Instead, his forehead had been resting on his knees since All Might and that old guy had left the cell. What was his name again? He couldn't remember.
After All Might had named his third condition, he had started to address him with 'Tomura'.
His new name. The name his master had given him. The name only his master addressed him with. And that crazy girl Toga Himiko of course, but she didn't count.
All Might didn't know his real first name and Tomura preferred to keep it that way. That person didn't exist anymore, that person had died alongside his father. His father who had died at his own hands, nothing but a stain of blood on a wooden floor in his memories...
He shooks those thoughts away. They made him human and normal. He needed to fill himself with anger and hate.
The symbol of peace had then proceeded to talk about the drugs the doctors had given him during those past weeks and how they were going to kill him or some other shit, but Tomura had not been listening, his mind just fixed on the item in that basic brown cardboard box. Now, the disembodied hand was sitting on his face, but much to his annoyance, it didn't give him the comfort he was used to. It almost felt foreign, maybe because he had not been wearing it for such a long time, but he was not willing to ever remove it. The hand was where it belonged. He would get used to it again in no time.
"Father. I am sorry I let them take you.", he whispered while slowly caressing the cold grey flesh of his parent's hand and he was quickly reminded of those eyes filled with disgust people gave him whenever they saw that hand. They would never understand. Only Sensei under stood. Tomura could only imagine how the guards must have felt, seeing him show affection towards a dead limb and he couldn't help but lift his head and grin into the camera hanging from the ceiling. Of course the speakers remained quiet, but Tomura knew that they were watching and he wanted them to know that he knew.
But that little spark of satisfaction was immediately snuffed out by the memories of today's visit. The prisoner couldn't even remember what those damn heroes had said when they had left the cell. He was just glad to be alone again. Confused nonetheless. Why the hell was he confused?! Weren't all of his action supposed to be right, based solely on the fact that they were his actions?
When did I ever start to question myself?
Was he starting to get insane? Was he really beginning to break? No, that couldn't be it. He already was insane, the very reason this world as it was now held no place for him or any of his followers, there was no way he could get any crazier than that.
Hours passed before the racing feelings inside him calmed themselves. The void he was so familiar with pushed them back into the farthest corner of his mind, tying and caging them up. Darkness returned and the usual thoughts dominated his mind again.
I want to kill All Might.
I want to die.
I want everyone else to die.
They didn't want me.
I don't need them anymore.
I will tear down their world and their moral codes and all of them with it.
Had it been a few days? To Tomura, it only felt like hours until All Might returned, this time without his ancient watchdog and holding some pillows under his arms. Tomura couldn't help but wonder if this guy had seriously made a request to bring some fucking pillows into the cell?
"I brought these for you. That mattress alone must feel like hell.", All Might said and Tomura cursed himself for staring so carelessly. He averted his eyes and combed the now clean and puffed up hair in front of his face. Yes, it had been washed although not by him. It wasn't as if he did have any choice in that matter. How many times had he been drugged since All Might's last visit? Who could even tell anymore, he just remembered waking up to clean hair and cut nails. Tomura hated being drugged and he'd actually rather obey than being at their mercy (there was nothing wrong with being obedient in this case), but everyone just made it so goddamn difficult for him!
"Where's the hand?", All Might asked, a hint of concern in his voice. He immediately bit his lip and it was obvious that he was thinking about how he could have worded that better.
Did Tomura want to answer? What exactly was the point of all of this? Was All Might really just here because he had made some stupid promise to someone related to him? Tomura couldn't remember ever having known his grandmother, so this promise must've been made even before he was born, a long fucking time ago! But this guy was here for the third time after all, so he must've been serious, right?
He ruined Sensei's face. He doesn't care about you. He only cares about your name.
But All Might did care, even if only for his name and that was the point: Maybe this way, Tomura would be able break out or at least kill him.
This is an RPG and I am the main character. If I manage to maintain my role and win this bastard's trust, I might be able to get out of here.
Once he was able to use his quirk, it would be easy to free his master and the others. However.. could he really do this? Fake "improvement"? Take the piss out of not only All Might but the guards, the doctors and psychiatrists, his lawyer and all those other fuckers visiting him?
What do you have to lose? The symbol of peace is blinded by a promise he made to someone you don't even know, there won't be another chance like this!
"They took him.", he answered. He was right, he had to try it. So this was Game Start.
"Him..?", All Might questioned and raised an eyebrow in confusion.
"Father."
His mimic changed from confusion to disgust and Tomura was reminded again of how he didn't belong in the world, at least not before he had rebuilt and reshaped it to his liking. All Might could act as if Tomura would have just been a UA student in any other scenario as long as wanted. Even if some damn heroes had decided to save him that one time when he had been so helpless, he would never have chosen the path of a student at any hero academy. His quirk was made for destruction. He could hurt, he could take away, he could kill – his quirk was only there to bring pain and suffering.
"I can bring it- him back, but you will have to do better than this last week."
A week. A whole week has passed since the last visit. I guess I really was out for good.
After a minute of silence, All Might apparently decided to change the subject. He pulled a white plastic bag out from between the pillows and handed it over to him. Tomura didn't take it, so All Might just placed it on the ground.
"I brought these for you as well. It's socks and shoes."
Tomura just stared at the plastic bag. He didn't feel anything by the "gifts" the hero had brought, not even hate. He was just empty.
"You can take your time, young Tomura. I'm sure you'll like them. The ground in here is so cold, you'll find them useful.", the hero said and his sunken cheeks blushed. There it was, that fucking smile. Oh, how Tomura longed to tear out his guts.
"You do know that I had a fully equipped room? Probably courtesy of yours, right All Might? I crashed all that shit because it came from you! I don't want your fucking help!", he yelled at the hero and averted his eyes again.
Way to earn his trust, you fucking idiot. That's not how you play an RPG!
He couldn't help it, he just hated this guy so very much. As long as All Might lived, as long as Midoriya Izuku or Bakugou Katsuki lived, Tomura could never be truly free of his chains. He had managed to shake society's trust in heroes after that day at Kamino, but who would fear him now that he was in Tartarus?
Eventually, All Might sat down, legs crossed and hands folded.
"Tomura, can't you see we all want to help you? Can't you see how All for One just brainwashed you, used you as his tool to get back at me?", All Might actually sounded desperate and Tomura fed on that and he wanted more: He wanted to feel all the pain he could inflict on the hero and inhale it, take it in like the sweet fresh air someone took after breaking the surface. For some reason, he imagined it smelling like a Japanese black pine after a rainy day. Why exactly had he thought of that specific tree?
"So what if he did?", it was true though, he didn't care if All for One only saw a weapon in him. Sensei had saved him, raised him, taught him and that was all that mattered.
Not all of that time was good.
He remembered bits here and there when Sensei had been disappointed and angry, mainly when Tomura hadn't managed to meet his expectations. Those memories sent shivers down his spine to this day, so he naturally buried them deep within his heart, among so many other painful things.
All Might sighed heavily.
"I want you be healthy. We had an agreement, part of it was you listening to the doctors. Please do so and I will arrange for him to be given back to you. What do you think about this?"
Tomura still didn't look at him, but he nodded.
"That's good. You may not believe me yet, but I want you safe, Tomura. It is not me who only cares about your name, it's All for One."
"So fucking what.", Tomura answered annoyed and pulled his slender legs to his body. He wasn't even angry at that accusation, he just really didn't give a shit.. or did he?
"Why don't you tell me something about your life, Tomura? I really want to get to know you better."
"Another change of topic? There's really nothing interesting to say, not that I would want to share any of it with you in the first place.", he said emotionless. He still didn't get the point of all of this. Nothing in the past could be changed. Tomura was and always would be a villain, it was the path he had chosen. There was nothing to gain for All Might by them getting to know each other.
All Might stood up, but when Tomura looked at him, he was surprised to find another one of these stupid trademark smiles instead of disappointment or regret. Sure, All Might may not have looked as strong or 'heroic' as when Tomura first saw him, but the smile was still recognizable. And it gave people all around the world hope.
"Nana used to say that heroes do not only save other people's lives, but their spirits too. And that the people in this world who can smile are always the strongest. I want to see you smile too, Tomura. Not that villainous grin you gave me last time, a sincere innocent smile a young man like you should have. And no matter how much you're fighting it, no matter how much you hate me, I will save you from the darkness."
Anger rose up inside Tomura, but he couldn't say anything. At this point, he would have just attacked but he was weak. Weak and pathetic.
"Stand up, Shimura Tenko. You're pathetic.", Sensei's harsh words found their way into his conscious, but he pushed them away.
"I will see you soon. Until then, try to behave.", All Might dismissed him, left the cell and for the next minutes after that, Tomura tried to dig his nails into the skin of his scarred neck. It had hardly been fifteen minutes, yet All Might had already left him! Wasn't it him who had arranged for these visits in the first place? And now he didn't even use the full hour he was given? What was the point of-
Then, it suddenly struck him and he felt stupid for not realizing it earlier. All Might literally wanted him to crave these visits. He wanted him to be addicted to them, opening up more and more to make him return. He probably didn't even care if Tomura got angry or if they got in a fight, as long as he could make Tomura wanting All Might to come back.
That wasn't going to work. Stupid, stupid All Might.
His eyes went back to the white plastic bag placed in between the four black square pillows had left as well. He reached forward and grabbed it, pulling it with him as he leaned back to the wall. When he looked inside, a pair of white socks came into vision. The villain took them and immediately threw them across the room. Shigaraki Tomura didn't wear fucking socks. On the bottom of the bag was something else, wrapped in thin recycled card board paper. He took it out and realized how slowly and careful his movements were. Because hunger plagued him and his vision was starting to get blurry, he decided to get some sleep after this but he really wanted to see what was inside. All Might had mentioned shoes. It did make sense, with the socks and all.
When he removed the cardboard paper, he was holding a pair of new red chucks in his hands. All Might had bought him brand new chucks, in his favourite colour no less. Like those he had usually worn for the past years. All Might had actually noticed his shoes. He had made a request for this item to be brought in.
Tomura felt his heart beating faster and he began to shake again.
Now that the turmoil was back, he wanted nothing more than pull at his hair, to bite his lip and scratch when there was nothing to scratch with. He took the cardboard paper and ripped it, cutting his purlicues with the sharp side of it, biting his lip so hard it immediately started to bleed and trying to shred his arms on the pillows. It didn't work and the soft healed skin on his arms stayed intact. But the emotions he had caged earlier on were lose, torturing him and he wanted nothing more than to calm them. Desperate for the emptiness that was his life to come back, he bit into his arms and it hurt. It hurt! It worked! But there they were, the guards holding his limbs and drugging him again.
Was this it? Was he supposed to live this way for the rest of his life?
Remember, Tenko, they can't break you. There's nothing to break.
He was tired, so tired. The ceiling was beautiful. A warm feeling radiating from his belly embraced him.
It was warm. Comfortable, yet he wanted nothing more than to cry.
Did you just call yourself 'Tenko'?
Your name is not Shimura Tenko.
But I want to be Shimura Tenko, because they can't hurt him anymore.
The following was the last thing he could remember before falling asleep.
They can't break him. There's nothing to break, because Shimura Tenko is dead.
But I am Tomura and Tomura is still alive.
End note: I could edit this forever, but then you'd never receive a chapter. Also, I know that Shigaraki wears (I think) Vans in the anime. In the manga it's clearly chucks, that's why I decided to take those: )
Answer to Xander (Guest): So happy you like it! : )))) I can't express how much I adored the review you left!