** Hi all, thanks so much for reading! It really means a lot to me. Also, this is my first fanfic so any and all reviews are definitely welcome. I really want to know what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong. Sorry it's taken so long for me to post chapters in between, it's been a hectic week. Thanks again and enjoy! **

Stars and Stripes

Chapter 3 – Blindsided

"It seems to me that we all need to have a little Q&A, you know, without the knife throwing," Miles said while cocking his head to the side and throwing an accusing look Jena's way.

She simply shrugged her shoulders and responded, "You lied to me."

"No, actually I didn't, that's the funny part. Rachel, would you like to take the stage and catch Ms. Know-it-all up on the past year?" Miles asked.

"Oh uhh, yes, of course." Rachel said as she took the chair next to Jena's bed.

Jena rolled her eyes and awaited to hear what she expected to be a string of lies but was nowhere near prepared for what Rachel was about to say to her.

Rachel scratched the side of her face and looked around the room nervously, "I mean, I guess I don't really know where to begin. I should probably start by asking what do you know? About the blackout, me, Miles, Monroe, the bombs, any of it."

Jena narrowed her eyes and drew her eyebrows in, what did her mother have to do with the blackout? Why would she know anything about that? "What does the black out have anything to do with the three of you?" She asked hesitantly, frightened by what the answer may be.

There was a collective sigh in the room but it wasn't one of relief, it was one of sadness. It looked as though the life had been punched out of each of them with that statement and they all looked worriedly at Rachel like she might crack in half at any moment.

Finally Bass spoke up, "let's give them some space to talk this out. We have to start preparing for our trip to New Vegas anyways" he said to Charlie and Connor. They nodded and followed him out along with Gene but Miles stayed. Probably to protect Rachel incase Jena went nuts and started throwing knives again.

Rachel sighed again before starting her story about how the blackout happened and that her nanotech were the cause. She told Jena about Ben and Aaron Pittman, about Randal Flynn and her involvement with the DOD. She told her how she had to leave her family to protect them even though she now realizes that was a terrible idea, how Ben had been shot and Danny captured, and eventually how Charlie found Miles and took on the Monroe republic. She went on to tell Jena how she traveled to the tower to turn the power back on and the horrible things that happened there.

Tears streamed down Rachel's cheeks and it felt as if her chest were on fire as she recalled watching Flynn press the button to nuke Philly and Atlanta, "I didn't know that was his plan all along, I had no idea. I was so wrapped up in the idea of getting the power back on that I never thought of the consequences. I killed so many, it was all my fault...but the last thing Flynn said before he killed himself was "I'm a patriot". I didn't know then what that meant but I had a feeling the whole thing was planned and we all fell right into it. Six months later the Patriots came barging down our doors and I knew it was them who did this. I'm sorry Jena, I'm so sorry because I know how much you don't want this to be true but it is."

Rachel reached over and brushed something wet from Jena's cheeks, she hadn't even realized she had been crying. Normally Jena would have jerked back and scowled at the intrusion but she felt frozen in place. She couldn't comprehend everything she had just heard and suddenly it felt as if the room was closing in on her. Her breathing quickened and she knew this was the beginning of one of her famous panic attacks. She had to get out of that room and away from Rachel now before it got any worse.

Jena gasped for air, which caused Miles and Rachel to close in unsure of what do but it just made things worse, "I...need...air" she got out between strained breaths before shoving Rachel aside and darting out of the barn at her unusually fast running speed.

"Shit." Miles muttered while getting ready to go after her but Rachel grabbed his arm.

"Don't, she's not going anywhere. She has nowhere to go." Rachel said her voice laced thick with sadness at her poor daughters predicament.

Miles simply nodded and took a sobbing Rachel into his arms.

Once Jena was a good fifty feet from the house she felt her breaths returning to normal. She sank down to her knees in the grassy field and looked down at her hands unsure of everything she had been told the past two years. It was all lies. She fought for one big stupid lie that the Patriots were going to save everyone. All they were doing was murdering people and culling the herd to make for the shiny perfect Americans they desired. What scared her more was how much did Andrew know? He was sent here a whole year before the Patriots came back to recruit, surely they must have told him to steer his armies clear of Atlanta and Philly before the nukes went off...

The little bit of food she had that morning made its way up her throat and were expelled in the grass next to her. She held back her short hair as her body continued retching but nothing would come out, as she was just as physically empty as she was emotionally.

The things she had done for them...the people she had killed...

Images of countless people sprang to life in her mind and more tears flowed down her face, "god, what the hell have I done?" She whispered to herself.

"Exactly what you thought you had to in order to survive" Monroe spoke from behind her but she didn't even jump at his sudden intrusion of her self-loathing. She didn't feel the usual hatred toward him either; actually she really didn't feel anything at all aside from shame. She just kept staring at the ground and hoping she would wake up from this nightmare of truth. Unfortunately, that didn't happen and she just sat sobbing in a field with her once pronounced greatest enemy standing three feet behind her.

She blew out a puff of air, leaned back on her hands, and stared up at the sky. Maybe the answer to all this bullshit would be up there. She knew it wouldn't but it didn't hurt to hope. Monroe sat down next to her and did the same but she paid him no mind so they just sat there together for a while. Eventually he fully laid back and rested his head in his hands but Jena hardly even noticed.

Finally she was the one to break the comfortable silence they had, "do you ever feel bad for all the awful things you've done?" She asked while keeping her gaze upward but shifting into the same position as him.

He chanced a glance over at her admiring her natural beauty and small slope of her tiny nose as he tried to think of an acceptable response that wouldn't make him sound like a complete asshole. Eventually, he simply settled on the truth, "no, I don't. I don't allow myself to feel that kind of remorse because I think it would consume me. I had a reason for everything I did and all of that eventually led me to finding my son. So, no I don't, I can't think about that, I guess I just don't have the time to" he said and returned his attention to the clouds above.

His answer both comforted and disgusted Jena and she couldn't figure out which feeling she disliked more. Her comfort came from the idea that maybe she wasn't all wrong and maybe she had done those things for the right reasons. On the other hand, she was disgusted that she could so simply justify her wrongs because in the end she was still alive and well. She found herself identifying with her former enemy far to closely and it once again turned her stomach, "well not all of us can be so unaccountable" she said in an angry, cold voice. She needed to cast the blame and anger somewhere.

"You asked, sunshine. Don't hate the devil because whether you like it or not he'll always be there just hate the choices that led you to him" he said as he started to get up and walk away.

"That completely contradicts everything you just said!" She shouted back at him.

"Only if you allow yourself to hate the person you turned in to" he called out over his shoulder and disappeared into the direction of the barn.

She turned around and scoffed, that damn idiot made no sense. He really bought into his own bullshit didn't he? Ugh, she shook her head in disgust and felt the sting of disappointment radiate throughout herself. Disappointment in herself, Andrew, and the whole damn Patriot army.

Jena allowed herself ten more minutes of self-pity but then trudged back to the stupid barn where her stupid confusing half family waited. She walked into the barn to the cautious glances of Charlie, Rachel, Miles, and Connor but Monroe looked as relaxed as could be with a smug grin on his face. She wanted to smack it off of him.

"Relax, I'm not going to start chucking knives any second. We all need to talk so let's get on with it." Jena said with her hands in the air.

"So you believe us now?" Miles said and relaxed into a chair at the far end of the room, it seemed that he was constantly trying to get as far away from her as possible as though she were some kind of feral animal.

Jena disliked admitting defeat and especially disliked apologizing but in this situation with Miles she was dead wrong, "it makes sense...sorry for throwing a pair of scissors at you" she shrugged and looked down at her feet.

"I'm pretty sure everyone here has either wanted or tried to stab me with scissors or really anything with a sharp point so you're forgiven. Now, what are you planning on doing?" He asked curious given how in the middle she was in all of this.

"I have to go back-" Jena started but was interrupted by Charlie.

"Absolutely not" she stated as if it were a fact.

Jena shot her an icy glare before continuing, "will you shut your damn mouth and let me finish?"

Charlie scoffed while Miles, Connor, and Bass raised their eyebrows. Rachel simply stood there unaffected, she had assumed the two wouldn't get along.

"Thank you," she continued, "I need to go back to clear some things up. When I said someone would come looking for me I wasn't bluffing and I need to set a couple of things straight with that person before I just take off." Jena tried to keep what she had to do as vague as possible, not wanting them to know she was going to see her general-of-a-small-Patriot-army boyfriend but she quickly saw she wouldn't get away with it.

"Little more detail would be nice" Charlie snapped.

Jena frowned at her, "I guess it's really none of your business" she snapped back and the two stared each other down, waiting for who would make the next move.

"Alright, alright look I love a cat fight just as much as the next guy but you two seriously need to relax" Monroe said and gave them each a hard look before continuing, "who you going to see Jena?"

Shit. She looked around the room, to the floor, the ceiling, everywhere except the expectant faces in front of her before conceding, "well he's kinda my boyfriend but he's also the general of the BR Patriot army..."

Everyone's eyes went wide except for Monroe who pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes at her, "and you didn't think this was important to bring up before because?" He demanded in a probably the harshest tone she's heard him use since being here.

She suddenly became incredibly uncomfortable but all it did was fuel her anger towards him, "because it's none of your damn business!"

"Uh, yeah, it kinda is" Miles interjected, "if a general of a whole damn army is coming to look for someone we have I'd like to know about it."

"What's a BR army?" Connor asked.

"It stands for 'before recruit'; I'm part of a unit in Texas that was recruited before the bombs were dropped. About a little over a year ago Andrew came around to all of the rebel groups and told us the wonderful US of A was coming back and that they needed soldiers to help restore the country. After seeing what some dumb shit generals were doing to their people," she paused and threw an accusing look to Monroe, to which he rolled his eyes, "there were people lining out the door to join up."

"So you just figured you'd sleep with the guy in charge to get a better spot in your squadron, huh? Smart move." Monroe had a distaste toward her forming in his mouth and couldn't figure out why this sudden bit of information made him so hostile.

"Screw you, actually I fell in love with the guy" she threw back at him.

He scoffed and a snide smile appeared on his lips, "right..." He muttered.

Charlie stared down her idiot older half-sister and wondered what the hell was going on in her mind, "as touching as your story is I still don't get why the hell you're going right back to him. What's your plan?"

A pained sigh escaped Jena's lips and a sadness that she felt could have crippled a giant overtook her, "I need to know what he knows, if he's been lying to me, and if not then will he help me make things right?"

Monroe laughed humorlessly, "so your plan is to waltz right up to your general of psycho American army boyfriend, question him on whether he knew a genocide had occurred under his bosses orders, and then cling to some hope that he was innocent the whole time and will just run off into the sunset with you? Fantastic Jena, really, just foolproof, you know, it really is a wonder you've lasted this long."

Jena's temper was quickly running out. She had no obligation to explain herself to this asshole and was really getting sick of his know-it-all attitude, "you done? Or is there more to this pointless, obnoxious rant?" She demanded.

He threw his hands in the air and backed out to the entrance, "whatever, this sounds like a whole bunch of not my problem. Charlie, Connor, let's go. We're heading out to New Vegas, you have fun getting yourself killed." He turned around, kicked the barn door open, and stalked out.

"He always this much of an asshole?" Jena asked Miles and Rachel.

"Yeah" they both answer simultaneously and looked at each other smiling.

"Jena, what if he isn't all he seems and is more dedicated to the cause than you? What if he turns you in?" Rachel asked the question that had been burning in Jena's mind since she found out about all this.

She didn't want them to doubt him so she shrugged her shoulders, "then it's my fault for going back but I believe that he's a good man. I think he'll do the right thing."

Rachel formed a sad smile, "I hope so."

Jena applied ointment to her face and looked at her reflection in their small mirror. She looked like hell; her hair was knotted, disheveled, and almost resembled some type of frizzy golden afro. Her face was a whole 'nother story, with one of her eyes only able to open halfway, stitches in her cheek and eyebrow, and her lip split. How was she going to explain this to Andrew? She shook her head and marveled at the fact that she was consistently able to screw up the good things she had going on in her life and for what? A mother who didn't want her, a sister who hated her, and the murder-everyone-in-sight boys? Her idiocy never ceased to amaze her.

"You know, I have to thank you" Rachel spoke from the doorway behind her.

Jena sighed and turned to face the woman she simultaneously loathed and found herself needing to protect, "don't, I haven't done anything."

Rachel produced a half smile and took a seat in the chair next to her, "well, that's kind of the point I guess. You could have turned us in the moment you saw us but instead you gave me a chance. That's better than I ever gave you and I have to thank you for that."

Jena gave her a tight nod and turned toward her bag, which she was finishing packing up, "no problem."

Rachel's hand shot out and grabbed her arm, to her surprise though Jena didn't yank it back. A surge of emotion and a need to protect Jena tore through her and she worried that she might never see her again. "Jena, I'm so sorry…"

"Don't" Jena cut her off but still didn't move out from under Rachel's grip, "Don't do that, okay? I'm coming back and we can have this conversation then because trust me, we do need to have this conversation. Understand?" She said in a sharp tone that could have cut through glass but instead it did what she intended.

Rachel sat up a little taller, removed her hand, and wiped the tears from her eyes, "Okay, just come back."

"I will" Jena reassured her. She turned around, put a hand on Rachel's shoulder, and squeezed. It was a small gesture but it was enough to instill some hope in her sad, lost mother.

With that she grabbed her pack and exited the room but not without bumping into Miles first.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her aside, "If you're not back in forty-eight hours then I'm coming for you and I think you know my reputation well enough to know that I will find you by any means necessary." It was meant as more of a threat than a reassurance that he cared about her because of course, he didn't even know her.

She stared him down but nodded her head in defeat, "Alright then, forty-eight hours."

"Alright then" he simply responded and let her go.