Not really sure how long this story's gonna be. Even if I guess it'll definitely be way wrong, I know myself. Thank you for the reviews and shit!
TRIGGER WARNING: No one actually does anything, but it is narrated. If that bothers you, I'm so sorry.
Beca awoke in the middle of the night, wrapped in a single blanket on her sheet-less bed. The window allowed the wind to furiously bring in the single digits from outdoors. Her teeth chattering and fingers legitamately numb she unwraveled herself, forfeiting her only source of warmth to cover the window. The wind stopped, but it was still freezing. Guessing it was maybe two or three in the morning, according to the moon, she sleepily hobbled over to the door. The rush of warmth of the hallway flooded in, reminding her of warm cookies. Sitting at her door, she let her thoughts control her mind for a bit.
"Hey, Beca!" her AP Writing teacher call out before the small sophmore could sqirm her way out of the classroom. "Could we chat a second? I know this is your lunch... you could just eat here today? Please?"
"Hm," she never said much in class, there were too many upperclassmen to know anyone. Nevertheless, she took out her banana and sat in the closest desk to Ms. York's. "What's that?"
"Just checking in," she smiled. Not getting any sort of reaction out of her student, she continued. "Well, I have you here because... I was wondering... oh gosh."
Beca raised her eyebrows in amusement. "English teacher having trouble finding the right words?" she gave only the smallest twitch of the mouth into a smile. But it was gone as quick as it had come. "What is it Ms. York? Be blunt with me."
Her voice was alarmingly serious. "You just seem so depressed all the time. Is there- mhm," the teacher cleared her throat. "Possibly something going on at home?"
"You're my teacher, not my therapist," she immediately got up and pushed in her chair. Despite her rush of anger, she stopped at the door. "I don't mean that I have a therapist, but still. Nothing's wrong at home. Nothing's wrong at school. And nothing's wrong with me. I'm fine." She rushed out of sight before the young teacher could say anymore.
Beca had ended up dropping out of that class and taking AP Chem instead, which was completely on the other side of the building.
Not really remembering that it would be odd if someone came out and saw her sleeping, she let her head rest on her shoulder. And it was odd when Chloe was crouched down next to the drowsy brunette with half of a pan of lasagna, a few paper plates, and plastic silverware. It almost scared Beca back to sleep when she saw the early-bird redhead. "And... goodmorning. Wow, I thought you were dying," her laugh was bubbly. "You didn't finish you food and Aubrey's at work."
"Uh. Hm. Tha-anks," her stomach grumbling she sat herself up.
Chloe let out a quiet laugh. "You kinda cute when you sleep," when she doesn't recieve any sort of reaction, not even the slightest blush, she shift unconfortably and continues. "Well, you still want this or...?"
"Oh my god, of course I want it!" the smaller girl said, coming to her senses on what was happening. She still wasn't fully awake yet, which resulted to her inviting Chloe, this almost random stranger into her deadly cold apartment. "You wanna come in? I got coffee."
"Already had some, but a second cup won't kill!" she says trying to ignore the uncomfortable look Beca was giving her. While opening her door, she sighed in her head, If this girl knew that me giving coffee is KIND OF A BIG DEAL, ESPECIALLY SINCE I BARELY HAVE A MEAL A DAY... she wouldn't waster my coffee... Why did I offer in the first place? God, I'm so dumb!
"Don'tcha think it's a little cold in here?" the ginger snapped the other girl out of her one-person conversation in her head.
"That's what Aubrey said too," Chloe noticed that the tone she said it in was almost playful, but when she looked over she saw Beca's eyebrows furrowed together, seeming to be in deep thought. Oh my god, Chloe thought. This girl is too cute! She's so awkward, but she doesn't seem to like me. Why?
"You want some help?" the girl still at the entrance asked when she heard "shit."
"Yeah, um, I kind suck at lighting matches. Do you mind?"
"Here, I'll show you," Chloe laughed as she walked in and saw about ten wasted matches. She leaned behind Beca putting both arms around her to move the smaller arms. She felt the girl tense, but she didn't say anything about it, so she continued.
She could practically feel Chloe's heartbeat, feeling her own to be at the same beat. When she put her hand on hers to strike the match she pushed through the urge to scream and run away like a freak. I really am a freak, and I'm so dumb to offer coffee. What the hell was I thinking?! She often had voices like those in her head, telling her she was stupid and worthless. Sometimes she believed them, other times she would distract herself and read a book. When she was younger she would slit her wrists weekly, remembering everything she did wrong. She had started one fall, wearing long sleeves in the cold months of Maine, but once summer came around she forced it to a stop. Sometimes she still felt an itch to just amputate her arm so she could feel the rush again, but never had the guts to do it because she was smart enough to know that she wouldn't be able to stop if she started again. It was hard enough the first time.
They finally lit the stove under the pot, but Beca was so deep in thought that her face looked almost scary to Chloe. "Hey, are you alright? You kinda scaring me here," she snickered.
She turned her head to her right where Chloe still had herself semi-wrapped around her body. "I... I have to get to work, I'm sorry. I'll make this, but I gotta go right after," she saw the disappointment on the bubbly redhead's face, suddenly feeling like she was responsible to make her happy again. "Sorry, I've been a little... you know. Weird. We should hang out sometime though. When I'm not like this." She forced out a small laugh and a smirk.
"Of course! Here's my number," writing it down on a near by post-it. "Maybe we can hang out at a bar Bree and I love this Friday?"
Beca, knowing she had no use for the random series of numbers written down in perfect handwriting, took the post-it and smiled. "Depends on what time," she laughed to herself. I work a shit ton. "I work on Fridays. At a bar actually. Marty's?"
"Really? That's the one we go to! What time does your shift end?"
"Goes from five to nine. Just started, so I'm not really up in the 'heirarchy' yet."
"Hm... can you meet us there at ten?"
"Yep! See you guys then," she smile, glad to have made sort-of friends with another person.
"Yeah, text me!" Chloe called out as she exited the door. Kinda, sorta, maybe can't! Beca thought in her head, using the same tone her neighbor had. But she kinda, sorta, maybe doesn't know that I'm poor as fuck and have to work three jobs to keep me from suicidal thoughts, hahaha! Her mind said it in the fakest happy voice. Oh, the irony.
She didn't really have to go to work, she just needed some fucking breathing space before she passed out from holding her breath. It had become a subconcious habit, holding her breath when someone was too close. She was never really sure where the habit had come from, it was just there. When she was being almost hugged by Chloe, she could've sworn she heard her smelling her hair. Beca was thankful she had washed it the night before. But why did that matter to her? Why did she feel the need to prove to this stranger that she was a potential friend? In Beca's opinion, it was weird abd she needed to stop. She grew up never having any emotions toward anyone, and that's the way she wanted it to stay. "No feelings, no hurt" was always her motto, even if it wasn't always true. When her mom left her, she would repeat it until she was exhausted and fell asleep. Same thing with when her dad died, although it was a little harder. The only person she truely cared about, even if they were a drunk and abusive, had given up on her and himself. She had gone insane for a few weeks.
Now, with a whole day ahead of her and nothing to do, she picked up her guitar and began a song she had been working on.
Right before my eyes
I saw the whole world lose control
Starting at the chorus, where she was having a hard time with the right notes a few day ago was beginning to flow naturally.
The whole world lose control
Before my eyes, uh-huh
It was true, three years ago she watched her life be shredded apart in an instant.
I fell through the floor
I couldn't take it anymore
Remembering all those death attempts, water dared to form in her eyes, blurring her vision.
I can't take this anymore
It breaks my mind, uh-huh
The liquid took over her eyes and she messed up the next note. "Damnit, Beca! Do something right, will you?" she whispered to herself.
While Beca played, Chloe stood outside her door. Tears threatening to fall, wondering what was going on in her new friend's mind. She realized she had been standing there for a while and went downstairs. "I want to help you, Bec," she whispered to herself, wiping away the tears. "I really do."
Kind of a shorter chapter. I too read to distract myself from my problems, that's how I started reading these... so yeah. Much love for people reading, thanks bunches! :)