A/N: On this edition of Author's Note, we will be discussing the Teen Titans' poor battle strategy! With our special guest, Raven!

RAVEN: Yeah. Hi.

A/N: Thanks for coming on. So here's the first question, Raven. You guys have been fighting crime for at least a few years, in canon. So for the love of all that's Warner, why do you lose the first battle in so many episodes? And why do you always go at enemies one by one and get picked off? Just attack at the same time for crying out loud!

RAVEN: Um…

A/N: And after being threatened with the end of the world, why are you still running off half-cocked into every fight with no strategy and getting blindsided? Gees! So that's the question…for such a potentially great fighting force, why are you guys getting your asses beat to this day?

RAVEN: GRRRRRR…*blows up Sacred Dust.* …It's a new day.

Teen

Chapter 3: Rendezvous

Titans

Ahh, breakfast. The most irritating meal of the day.

"Gees, man, not more of that tofu junk! I've had enough of that for a lifetime."

"For your information, these are real eggs."

Cyborg turned to Beast Boy and blinked, as did Starfire. "Really? I mean, for real they're real? You never make those."

The vegan shrugged self-consciously and turned down the stove. "Yeah, well. I can hear those poor chickens clucking deep in my soul already, but…you know. First time for embryo—I mean, everything." He coughed and not tried not to look directly in the pan. "Besides…Raven, you know?"

"Oh, right," Cyborg nodded slowly. "Give her a quiet breakfast and all. I'm cool with that."

"Still gonna whip your butt at Bloodbucket 3: Operation Deathkill, though."

"Ha! Yes, someday, in an alternate dimension when I'm missing an arm and not feeling well, you may beat me in Operation Deathkill."

Robin sat back tiredly, only half-listening. He was glad they were making an effort. Now if only he could talk to Raven alone for a second, maybe…Okay, here she comes. Don't say the wrong thing. Whatever that might be today. His fingers drummed on the glass coffee table they were using in place of the real one.

As usual Raven sat down without a word. She'd slept all right for once…but why? Maybe the stunt show from a a certain narcissistic thief had drained her energy.

One of her emotions chimed in. Maybe you wanted to dream about… Raven grit her teeth and interrupted. No. Do not even go there with me.

She found herself drawing an audience as she picked at her eggs. Eyes. Staring superpowered eyes. A staring mask in her glorious leader's case.

"Okay, I confess. I was the one on the grassy knoll. And I'm sorry about the table. Now can you guys not stare at me?"

Starfire beamed with relief. "No apology is needed, friend Raven. We were only concerned with your being well."

Cyborg also began to breathe easier. "Well, then…if you don't mind, Raven, I want to ask grass stain here why my eggs are crunchy."

"I'm not used to the shells! At least I put some effort into 'em. You don't even use milk."

"You mean soy milk," Cy did a double take and looked at his plate. "And tell me you did not put that fake milk in these!"

Things proceeded tolerably from there. Robin continued to study her as they finished. She expected to be cornered into a talk and they stood up and the others did the dishes. He did not disappoint; he saved that for the actual "talking" part.

"Raven." Her eyebrow moved. It was a raise and not a twitch, but he seemed thrown off already. "Can we…talk about last night?"

Raven shrugged. "I was in a bad mood. That's all." She doubted if this was a good time to mention X.

"I noticed. Look, it's not about what you said. It's what I said. I mean, what I did. When I…" His tone sharpened to disguise his uncertainty. Too late. "I mean, before we went to bed—"

Raven wanted to read his mind just to get it over with, but they'd agreed not to use that link without mutual permission. She held up a gray hand to stop him. "Robin. This is the part where we say 'sorry' and go on pretending to understand each other."

"I know, it's just—" He was mercifully interrupted by the villain alarm. For once, Raven was the first one out of the Tower.

Titans

Downtown Jump City had become the venue for a giant magic show. Not the kind anyone would pay to see...but that looked unavoidable as The Amazing Mumbo took off with a sack full of money fresh from the bank. The cops tried to stop him, but were foiled with giant playing cards and devastating seltzer blasts to the face.

As Mumbo rounded a corner to make his getaway, the heroes watched atop a theater with a rusting marquis advertising such quality films as The Final Spank. Robin tensed and leaned forward, a bundle of nervous energy. "Right. Ready, guys? Titans, g—"

"Whoa, whoa. Wait. I've gotta say something here." Beast Boy snapped.

They stared goggle-eyed at him, Raven included. Robin's mouth actually fell open.

Cyborg scratched his head nervously. "Look, BB, if those chickens are still bugging you and all…"

"No. You're gonna yell 'Titans go' and give our position away right there. Then we're gonna go after this guy one at a time with no idea what we're doing and get stomped for ten minutes! Please, Robin, just hear me out."

The leader stood by like a colorful statue while Beast Boy pulled the rest of them into a huddle. "All we need to do here is…"

Oblivious to the jarring shift in team dynamics taking place above him, Mumbo giggled like a schoolgirl skipping home. This was the easiest heist ever. He didn't even need the gag arm or the white rabbit with mange. As he looked for the nearest alleyway to disappear in, a dark energy field ripped the money bag from his hand.

"Huh?" the moment he looked up, a green tiger pounced on him and forced him to the ground. Mumbo whipped out a handkerchief to make him vanish in, but one of Starfire's bolts burned it away. Cyborg's cannon fried his gag arm just as it burst out of his top hat, and a birdarang shattered his magic wand even as he whipped it out.

Mumbo reverted to a helpless old man, trying to recall the number of the Titan-colored bus that ran him over. Robin reverted to a statue, only standing on the sidewalk this time.

Beast Boy changed back and approached him with caution. "So…was I out of line back there?"

After a long and ominous silence, Robin turned to face him. "No. You were right."

"…But?"

He shook his head sadly. "It's my fault. I'm supposed to think of that stuff. I'm supposed to think about…" His eye caught Raven as she stepped in front of him. "About the consequences of my actions. And right now…I just can't."

He walked away as if in a trance.

"Wait! Robin, hold on to it!" Starfire called, concern etched in her delicate features.

"You mean 'hold on,' Star." Cy chuckled.

"Hold on, Robin!" she flew off to cheer up her boyfriend.

Good luck, Raven thought with a sigh. She bent down to pick up his stray birdarang; no sense leaving it in the street for some kid to hurt himself with. When she did, something rustled against her cloak.

She blinked and felt around inside of it, finally extracting a piece of paper that had been attached with…red glue.

No way. There's no way he could have done that.

She looked all around for signs of him. She even soul-searched the whole block for his obnoxious aura. Nothing. Just Robin and Star down the street, Cy and Beast Boy talking to the cops, the defeated Mumbo being arrested and some innocent onlookers with bad breath.

Curiosity begged her to read the note, and she gave in.

You were amazing last night, sunshine. I think I'm still falling for you. But maybe I'll drop in tonight. Insert pickup line here,

X

Irritation burned the note to cinders while it was still in her hand. The nerve of that guy. She could have 15 other Titans waiting to step on his neck when he showed up.

But she wouldn't. And unless he was a total idiot, he knew it.

"Hey, Raven!" Cy ran up to her wearing Mumbo's hat. "Wanna catch the first act of The Amazing Cyborg?"

"Can we skip it? I already saw you in Vegas."

He removed the hat with a flourish, reached in and lifted out Beast Boy in rabbit form. Both of them dissolved in laughter.

Scratch that, she thought. All guys are total idiots.

Her leader was mental, her friends were bugging her, and a wanted criminal was hitting on her. Why was she smiling?