"A Distant Land"
-By Gypsy ( mailto:darksidhe@carolina.rr.com ) and Jaya -
Chapter Three -- Understandings
Legolas stood at the prow of the large ship as it rocked gently on the waves, but his blue eyes did not see the sea. The salty wind whipped his long, blond hair about him, mussing his braids. Absently, a slender hand came up to brush them behind his delicately tapered ear. His mind resided elsewhere, far from the journey at hand and his friends aboard the ship, far from any home he had ever known. His brow knitted, deep in thought-a pain etched there that was unmistakable, even in the pale moonlight that lit his flawless, elven features. It always pained Aragorn to see such grief in his friend's face, though the interest wasn't strictly that of a friend. He wondered what haunted Legolas, drew his attention from the sea that had captured his heart from the moment he set eyes on it. The King of Gondor was fairly certain he knew the cause of the distress though, even as he wished to not admit it to himself.
The pang of jealousy that went through Aragorn was rather irrational and he chided himself for it. There was Arwen, waiting at home for him; even if she had in her own way given her consent. It seemed there had always been Arwen and yet... He was fairly certain Legolas shared the feelings he felt, but could they act upon those feelings? The Elven Prince deserved happiness with one free to love him as should be done, with intensity and presence. Aragorn knew that, rationally-but hearts of men (and elves) do not always follow the path of logic. While he knew it caused Legolas pain, Aragorn hadn't been able to surpress the joy when Legolas had responded to his summons, saying he would join the Ranger, the King on his journey with Gimli and the two hobbits, Merry and Pippin. Perhaps Legolas hadn't given his heart as completely as Aragorn feared; was there a chance? After all, the Prince had left his lover behind. In the most final of ways.
***
Legolas smiled up at his lover, a smile full of life and starlight. A smile that could bend the will of the strongest elf, or man. His moon-kissed hair fell about him like a halo on the feathered pillow. His blue eyes danced with passion and laughter. Lord Elrond caressed the Prince's smooth face, the adoration and love apparent in his gaze, but there was no smile there. The seriousness of the Lord of Rivendell made Legolas frown.
"What is it?" he inquired, voice soft and seductive-whether by intent or natural state, Elrond still could not discern. "What troubles you?"
"I intend to pass into the Grey Havens, Legolas," Elrond began, voice hesitant-a state that was most unbefitting and did not sit well in Legolas' heart. He looked away, knowing where this conversation would turn to. "And I wish you to accompany me…"
There it lay between them, nearly a visible thread that could be unraveled with only a few words. Legolas looked away and the strands came undone.
"I cannot." Two simple words. Amazing what damage can be done with words. There was a long silence. Shadows from the fire played over Legolas' fair skin, shadowed Elrond's darker features. Few had seen this side of Elrond and part of him now regretted showing it to the Prince of Mirkwood, though that was not quite the truth either.
"You will not," Elrond said at length. "For it is a choice you make."
"I do love you my lord, but I cannot pass into the West. My time here is not finished. We both knew this the day you took me to your bed all those years ago."
Elrond said nothing, there was nothing to say to Legolas' words. He spoke the truth and despite the Elven Lord's feelings, he would not beg. Tenderly, he kissed Legolas' forehead, determined their final time together would not be spent melancholy and at odds. Elrond had known this day would come. Together they relived memories of flesh and magic.
Less than a fortnight had passed when the messenger arrived. Part of Legolas was glad Aragorn had not come himself-despite their long friendship, he had not told the Ranger of his involvement with Elrond. Despite the feelings they both shared, but never spoke of, or perhaps because of those feelings. Legolas knew Aragorn suspected, though he had never spoken of it, for which the Mirkwood Prince would always be resentful of and grateful for in the same breath. There was Arwen though, always Arwen. Ironic how Legolas found solace in the bed of her father. Though their relationship had proceeded that of Arwen and Aragorn by a good many years, in the manner that Men count years that is.
Legolas had read the letter delivered by the messenger with trembling hands. Aragorn was summoning him, summoning him to join him upon the sea-to a distant land on business not disclosed. Nothing in Middle Earth could have kept Legolas from answering that summons. Not Elrond. Not his father.
Legolas stood on the balcony of Elrond's private chambers, still clutching the letter. His back was to his lover, straight-like the arrows he let fly with deadly precision. Elrond knew that posture well, and he knew nothing he could say would swerve the Elven Prince from the path he had chosen.
"You still love him." It wasn't a question. It had never been a question. Elrond had known it the moment he saw them together, even as perhaps they had not.
"It is not about that," Legolas said softly. "And he is not why I will not pass into the West with you. Please believe that."
Elrond moved closer, laying his hands on Legolas' tense shoulders.
"I do." The admission was nearly a whisper, but sharp elven ears had no trouble hearing. Legolas turned to him, searching Elrond's face.
"Thank you," he said softly. "I did not wish to leave here at odds with you."
"Must you leave so quickly?" A hint of pleading, again unsettling to Legolas-such emotions in Elrond, proud Elrond.
"The summons said quickly. Yes, I think it must be this soon. I also think that is best," Legolas responded, voice gentle. How could Elrond ever so no? Ever feel anger towards one such as this? He gave one short nod.
"Stay with me one more night."
The man who had once been a Ranger, now King of Gondor felt the emotions wash over him ash studied Legolas's profile in the moonlight. The fact that it seemed as if the elf had yet to realize he was there was unsettling.
"Where are you tonight, my friend?" He took the few moments after speaking to watch his friend from closer quarters, noting the changes there.
Aragorn's quiet voice next to him startled Legolas out of his reverie. He was slipping if someone could steal upon him unnoticed, even if that someone was Strider, the Ranger. The elf looked to his friend, but did not meet his eyes, before turning his gaze back to the sea.
"I wonder if perhaps somewhere I should not be," Legolas answered at length, delicate-deceptively delicate-hands resting on the rail of the ship. Aragorn watched him for a moment, giving no response, warring with his own emotions at the elf's words. He knew what he wanted, but was unsure how to broach the subject or of what sort of reaction it might evoke.
"Do you wish to speak of what weighs so heavily upon your mind, my friend?" the King of Gondor finally offered, voice a whisper on the salted wind. Legolas looked at him fully, thinking to himself ~You do not wish to hear what troubles my mind any more than I would wish to hear your problems with Arwen, yet I would listen without question~ Aragorn had never hidden Arwen from him though, as he had hid Elrond.
"I am not certain you would wish to hear it," Legolas finally said, with great hesitation.
"The secret you think hangs between us is not a secret," Aragorn stated simply. "I think the time for riddles is quite passed Greenleaf." Legolas looked at him, and Aragorn noted with satisfaction that it wasn't a look of surprise.
"He wanted me to go into the West with him." A simple, soft statement. There was no need to ask who He was.
"Of course," Aragorn responded, as if it was all so simple. Though he could not have put into words the joy he felt, despite Legolas's own feelings on the matter. Could he really do as Arwen had told him and follow his heart as he longed to do, while his mind screamed at the impossibility of it? "Yet, while it is a boat you sail on, you head polar opposite from the direction of the Havens. Your heart does not belong to Elrond?"
"You know it does not," Legolas whispered, turning his gaze back to the sea, unable to look upon Aragorn as they spoke of such things any longer. "But is not the true reason I would not cross over and you know that as well Aragorn."
"Yes, yes I do. So where does your heart lie?" the Ranger had not been able to resist. He was not sure what motivated his boldness now, what need he had to speak of things they had both let lie for so long, things of which they had lied about to each other as well as too themselves at different points in time. Legolas tensed, but did not turn his gaze to Aragorn.
"Why do you ask things you know the answer to, Aragorn?" the elf inquired, voice betraying no emotion, even as his body language did.
"Because knowing things and hearing them are not the same, Legolas," Aragorn responded, voice quiet but intent, waiting.
"Does not matter?!" Aragorn repeated, raising his voice a bit. Legolas turned to him, bidding him to please be quiet. The Ranger lowered his voice accordingly, a skill acquired from long years of practice. "How can you say it does not matter?"
"We have gone all these years without speaking of things. Now you would ask me to help you betray Arwen. She is the one you chose, Aragorn. Speaking of such things, no good can come of it."
"And what good has come of denying these things, Legolas?"
"We are still friends, the closest of friends. Without speaking the words, no wedge has been forced between us. That is enough for me," the elf said, his voice still unemotional, but the look in his eyes said more than his voice ever could. Aragorn sighed, reaching to smooth a strand of stray hair from Legolas' face, tucking it behind the elf's delicately pointed ear. Legolas moved away slightly though, hands gripping the railing more tightly now. "Aragorn…"
"Yes?" the man responded softly, one hand still resting on Legolas' shoulder. His gray eyes intense as he watched, betraying little of the inner turmoil he felt.
"Do not do this, do not push," there was the slightest hint of pleading in the elf's voice; it unsettled Aragorn to hear it. ~For I do not know if I can resist you if you push~ The last he did not say aloud, could not admit. Aragorn's hand trailed from Legolas' shoulder, down to his lower back, where he massaged ever so slightly. It amazed Legolas how he responded to the gentlest of touches from the man, like some young, star-struck lover who could not control himself. That was why this could never be, if he let this in, it would cloud his judgment. He shook his head, turning to face Aragorn, displacing the hand on his back. "NO."
Aragorn looked at Legolas silently, expression open, feelings clear--no longer hiding. It was almost more than the elf could bear, but he could not look away. Then it happened, the urge they had both resisted for so long. Aragorn closed the distance, taking Legolas into his arms, lightly kissing his lips. Legolas' hands came up, to push Aragorn away--but he did not, could not. Instead he pulled him closer, and the kiss deepened. It was Legolas who broke it first though, pulling away to take an unsteady step back.
"No," he repeated turning, walking from the prow, away from Aragorn--possibly the only person he'd ever truly loved, with everything he had, in his whole immortal life. He could feel the eyes on him, and he willed Aragorn not to follow. The man did not, at least not right then. Legolas passed by the sleeping hobbits, who were a tangle of limbs and blankets, but not even that lifted his spirits at the moment. He sought a corner of the boat where no others currently were, though he may have had a better chance of avoiding further conversation by seeking out company. The elf did not want company though, he needed to think. He knew things could not be left as they were now, this journey had only just begun and could not be spent with he and Aragorn trying to avoid one another. Well, Legolas trying to avoid Aragorn anyway.
Argorn let Legolas go though his eyes followed the elf's lithe form as he walked away. When too many other things came in the way of his vision he turned out to the sea once again. Letting his eyes caress the silver tipped waves, bright with the moonlight. But he wasn't really seeing them. They were simply there, another factor of the environment around him.
~Did I do the right thing?~ He wondered, trying to shake it off. ~Doubts do not become you Aragorn.~ his mind chidded him softly. ~What's done is done, for better or for worse.~ Aragorn knew that it was true, after all he could not very well take back what had just happened.
"Perhaps it is possible, after all," he whispered to the winds, Legolas had responded even if he had pushed him away in the end. "Arwen forgive me, for if I do not follow my heart now..." Aragorn let his quiet voice trail off into silence, his thoughts not needing to be voiced aloud.
Legolas wasn't sure how much time had passed, but he felt Aragorn before he heard him speak.
"Arwen and I had a discussion before I left," the man began quietly. "And we have come to an understanding, perhaps it will make things easier between us…"
Legolas looked at Aragorn, expression unreadable. First he wanted to declare his feelings and now they were back to Arwen?
"Aragorn, I think your time upon Middle Earth has finally addled your brain," the elf commented. "First you come to me…."
"Let me speak, Legolas," Aragorn interrupted softly but sternly. It was more of a command than a request.
"Yes King Aragorn," the elf said, voice flat. Aragorn sighed, but chose to ignore the comment it would only cause more problems otherwise.
"She knows Legolas, just as Elrond knew."
That certainly got Legolas' attention, he quickly looked at Aragorn, opening his mouth to speak. The King raised a hand to silence the elf before he could interrupt him again. He needed to say what he had to say.
"I told her naught. I did not have to. She would see me happy, even at the cost of her own happiness. Yet, I do love her."
"That is good to know," Legolas said, and he meant it. "Considering what she has given up for you. If you intend to use Arwen's mixed blessing to us as an argument, it falls short my dear friend."
"Legolas, she knows my mind and my heart rest with you, even when you are not near. She knows. Things going on as they have been-it is noble, but it is misery for all." Aragorn watched Legolas for a moment, before turning his gaze out to the sea that spread away into the distance around them.
"Why should we do as we will, leaving her the only one in misery?"
"I know," the King responded. He looked to the elf again, gently turning the fair face to him. Legolas met his eyes, and Aragorn could see he wanted to give in. "Just follow your heart, and we can see how things progress while we are on this trip…"
Aragorn gently kissed Legolas again, this time the elf did not pull away. When they parted, his eyes were troubled though.
"Perhaps we will not have to." Aragorn's voice was so soft, it was nearly carried away by the wind, but the elf's sharp ears heard.
"Perhaps," Legolas whispered, touching Aragorn's face fondly.
The words stung, stung Legolas-mainly because he knew they were true.
Legolas nodded, bowing his head slightly.
"Yes, my lord."
"What you ask is unfair and does not matter."
"You are a stubborn elf," Aragorn chided softly.
"I do not consider it stubbornness, Aragorn," Legolas said softly.
"If we do that, I do not know if I can go back to how things were before…"