Could It Be I'm Haunted
Author's Note: Finally, a semi-normal chapter! (I promise!) Jiraiya does some bargaining with, um, people in his life. Wow, this chapter is really really short, too. Sorry! There are only two more chapters to go after this one. (I promise! Lol) I hope I can write more JiraiyaxSakumo fics in the future.
Thank yous to brokenwindow23 and Tahle for sticking with this. I promise this is pretty normal for once…yet short.
Tahle…get going (when you have the time) on a new fic! (One that would make your Eng. teacher scream…XD…)
"I know not all that may be coming, but be it
what it will, I'll go to it laughing."
—Stubb, in Moby Dick
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3. Bargaining
(Commandeering of Angels)
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"So what will you do now?" she asked.
He smiled, thinking. "N…stay low, stay strong—stay single," he winked.
She scoffed. "That's just like you," she muttered.
He grinned. "Well there's nothing wrong with that, is there?"
"No…" she mused over her saké. "Not if you're still Jiraiya."
"And are you still Tsunadé?"
"A—" she stopped herself. "Wait. Is that a trick question?"
Jiraiya laughed.
Even Tsunadé smiled for a moment. But cooperation, that was key. "Hey," she said more seriously. "You know they want us in Kumo 'next week."
"Oh? Do they?" He grinned. "Well what a wild weekend we'll have!"
Tsunadé glared resolutely, like he still didn't have a chance.
Which was fair enough.
The cloudy, cursed, colorful Kumogakuré brought back so many happy memories.
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"Let's call the Exorcist," he declared.
"…Aaand why would we do that?"
"Well think about it—besides him, he could try and save us!"
"You know, Jiraiya, I think you're beyond help…"
"N? What was that?"
"Nothing…nothing…"
"Well then, Sakumo, what would you recommend?"
"Let me try it," he said. So the Shiroi Kiba got down on his knees and suddenly grabbed the man by the wad of rope they tied across his chest. "Now tell us who you are, dammit, or the beans get it!!"
"NO!!" he shrieked. The man flailed his head violently and cried: "NOT THE BEANS!!"
Sakumo let him go and slowly stood, finally conceding. "You're right…he's delirious."
"Hold on a second…" Jiraiya was getting a sudden flash of inspiration. (Oh weren't those great.) "You mentioned the kidney beans—"
The man shrieked in the affirmative. "Oh please don't go…"
"—and then something about navy, red, and…'cotton'. What do you mean by this?"
"We have to go back…" the man murmured.
Jiraiya shook his head. "No, no, the beans—" Shriek. "—I'm talking about the beans."
"WE HAVE TO GO BAAAACK!!"
Again, Jiraiya shook his head, wondering if he could stop a migraine.
"We have to go back…" repeated Sakumo.
"N?" muttered Jiraiya, glancing at him.
"Kumogakuré."
The man shrieked.
Jiraiya stood aghast. He looked at Sakumo in wonder. "W-What? What the hell do you mean, 'Kumogakuré'?"
However, the Shiroi Kiba merely shrugged. "We're missing the ambush."
"…You're…" Jiraiya. Dumbfounded. "You're thinking about that at a time like this?"
Sakumo was as serious as he could get. (This was such a great thing.) He was looking intently at the man. "He is, apparently."
Jiraiya transferred his gaze, not seeing how that man could be making sense of anything. The great sage looked back to Sakumo. "So how the hell you figure that?"
"Well…think about it: This nonsensical talk of beans…clearly referring to Bean Country which is providing support in Konoha's efforts. Cotton could refer to clouds as Kumo is kinda like one big cloud, and, well, you know."
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"Or," declared Jiraiya, folding his arms. "Just a crazy thought—he could be talking about Kumogakuré. I mean…it would take a complete idiot not to see that."
Sakumo blinked. "Well…yeah—I would have never thought of it."
"Oh no," waved Jiraiya. "You're always too modest."
Bemused, "Am I."
Ticked. "Always."
…
"Well then," he declared. "My good sir, do you know anything we don't know?"
Sakumo interrupted. "You mean other than what I can deduce?"
"Shut up. I never asked you."
Sakumo shrugged.
"Well?" Jiraiya prompted the man.
"The beans…" murmured the man. "T-two hundred and twelve beans…"
"What?!" exclaimed Sakumo. "There's only three squads over there! You're two hundred too many!"
"AH-HAA!" exclaimed Jiraiya in an air of understanding.
"What?!" asked Sakumo.
"So his is crazy."
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"What the hell Jiraiya, " glared Sakumo. " You will do anything to prove me wrong."
"You're right, I would."
…
"NOT THE BEANS!!"
Jiraiya and Sakumo split their stares: "SHUT THE HELL UP!"
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Well, it seemed this time, the saanin had to go back. What an excellent diversion, it was. Cloud country was exactly what the name implied: full of clouds from biosphere to stratosphere. The city looked as if it were floating on the green hills below; the jails weren't too great that he recalled, but the women were nice. But as he walked on ahead, the arrogance was always far from hazy, "Cleaning up another mess, Jiraiya?"
He was about to retaliate when Tsunadé oddly did it for him: "Shut up, Orochimaru."
Funny, she was always this blunt.
"Let's go," she commanded.
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