As I hear the knocking on the door I immediately know it is you. I can sense it. I slowly make my way to the door wondering why it is you are here and how much more you will have changed. My hand grasps the handle and I take a deep breath, realising that I am more scared of this meeting than I dare admit. I open the door and see you, standing there with snow in your hair and a bag that I know will contain a hand knit jumper from Molly. Your eyes are locked with mine and your gaze is intense. It is as though this is the first time you have looked at someone so closely in a long time and I think to myself that maybe it is.
"Molly mentioned that you might be spending Christmas alone..." your voice is quiet and hoarse and it sounds as though you have a cold. I cannot help the worry that forms in my chest at this thought and I fight to push the tears that are fighting their way to the surface back down. As I search for something to say I find that for now my words are lost, so instead I step aside and signal for you to come in. As you slowly move past me I cannot help but watch you and I am pained to see that you hunch over slightly as you walk. I notice too that you have a slight limp and I find myself wondering just how you got it and what other wounds you bear.
Once in my messy living room you turn to face me and your gaze locks with mine. I find myself lost in the depths of your amber eyes. They seem colder than before somehow and this pains me. To me your eyes used to be the doorway through which I saw how you truly felt. You always had strong barriers surrounding you and your eyes were the window to your heart for me. It was through them that I could see exactly how you felt no matter how much you tried to hide it, but now...now I see nothing but darkness.
"I didn't want to see you" The words leave my mouth before I even realise I have said them. You raise your head slightly as though shocked at my being so open. Silence surrounds us and we do nothing but stare at one another, neither knowing what to say. After what seems like hours, but really could not be more than minutes, you take a step towards me and I instinctively move towards you. As I feel your arms enclose around me I feel my body shudder at the contact it has so long desired. You pull me in to your body and I rest my head on your shoulder. It feels far more bony than it used to and as I wrap my arms around you I notice that I can feel your ribs jutting out too. This is too much for me and I feel my tears start to fall, landing softly on your shoulder. You pull me closer to you and encase me further within your arms and I realise that in this moment I feel safer than I have since you left all those months ago.
Gently you manoeuvre us to the sofa where I curl up against you, breathing in your warm, musky scent that I have missed so much. You begin to softly stroke my hair and the movement is so surprisingly gentle and so reminiscent of the old Remus Lupin who I fell in love with that I feel a glimmer of hope ignite deep within me.
"I've missed you" I murmur into your chest, my eyelids getting heavier and heavier. I hadn't realised how very tired I was until this moment and as my eyes slowly close I hear you reply ever so quietly, in hardly more than a whisper, "I've missed you too".
When I wake in the morning I find you are gone and for a moment I fear it may all have been a dream. I sit up and notice the bag containing a jumper from Molly on the floor which confirms that you really were here last night holding me and tendely stroking my hair as I fell asleep in your arms. Once again I feel a hope stir deep within me and as I remember the words you spoke to me I feel the tiny spark break into a huge flame.