(Mayu's P.O.V.)
It's dark, but I can see. I can't "see" like everyone else, but I am aware of my surroundings. Like right now. Someone is coming. I throw the knife I'm holding at the one who entered.
"HOLY SHI-" The owner of the voice grabs the knife, pulls it out of the wooden beam, and throws it on the floor. "Dang it, Mayu! Are you trying to kill me?!"
"I never miss," I simply say.
"That's not what I meant," she says.
"Relax, CUL," I say as I get close to the ground and feel for the knife she threw down. "I'll never hit you."
"That's what I doubt, not your aim," she says before she storms over to her mirror.
"Waxing your horns?" I ask.
"Yep," is her answer.
CUL was mutated to have bull horns. I remember when she first came here, watching her get used to walking around with them. I would always laugh so hard when she got her horns caught in a door frame or something. It was a sight to see. When I still could see.
My father sold me to the circus when I was little. He was such an alcoholic that he cared more for his drink than his own daughter. I was, as Ringmaster has said, a good deal. I have this sixth sense; I can use the vibrations on the ground and the changes in the air pressure to tell where I am and where everything is. I could shoot an arrow while blindfolded and it would still go where I wanted.
But that wasn't enough.
Saying that the circus goers would like it better if I was actually blind, Ringmaster poured acid into my eyes until they had burned up and fell out of their sockets. As replacements, I was given glass eyes so it would look like I was born blind and not blinded. The glass eyes look natural, or so I was told.
"Found it!" I purr when I find my knife. I'm called "Queen of the Blades" for a reason. I've always had a strong fascination with sharp objects. Especially axes and knives.
"Why does everyone trust you with sharp objects?" CUL asks.
"I don't think it concerns you," I smile. I feel a change in the air. "Someone's coming." When that person enters the tent I turn around a fling my knife. I hear a girl's scream. "I'm sorry, Len, I didn't know it was you."
"It's okay," he gasps.
I walk over and pluck the knife out of the wooden beam. I turn over to where they're standing and hold out my hand as I say, "Rin." Rin touches my hand as a form of greeting. I know Rin prefers to not talk so I don't bother to make her. "So what brings you here?" I ask as I walk back to my desk where I keep all my "possessions" and gently lay the knife down.
"Miku wants to ask a favor from you," Len says.
"Did she say what she wanted me for?" I ask, but I already know the answer.
"She didn't say anything to me," Len says, "all she said is that she wants to talk to you."
I bite my lip, knowing exactly what Miku wants. Sometimes, when she has a really bad day, she'll ask me a favor. I don't know why I never refuse her. Perhaps I don't want to argue with her. Or perhaps I know that once her mind is made up, she will finds ways to get what she wants. The first time she asked me, I was so surprised by her request that I nearly shouted. She talked me into it, and I haven't been able to refuse her since.
"Where does she want to meet me?" I ask, even though the meeting place has never once changed.
"Near the Blue Beast's cage," Len answers. "I don't know why she wants to meet over there. Isn't it dangerous?"
That's why Miku wants to meet there. Because it's so dangerous nobody will be there. "Tell her that I'll meet her in an hour."
"Okay," Len says. "Goodnight, Mayu."
"Goodnight, Len. Goodnight, Rin," I say to the twins.
"He didn't say anything to me," CUL complains after the two had left.
"Maybe if you were a bit friendlier then nobody would have a problem talking to you," I say to the red head.
"Who needs friends?" CUL snorts. "This is a dog-eat-dog world. You can't trust anyone but yourself."
"So you don't trust me?" I ask as I sit down.
"Not one bit!" CUL answers. "Trust is a waste of time, anyway. You think someone's always gonna be there for you, and - next thing you know - they stab you in the back. People either straight up lie to your face, or smile at you and do the stabbing when you're not looking."
"Who hurt you?" I ask the girl.
"I don't have to be hurt to know," CUL answers. "People are all the same, so you're better off living alone."
"Wouldn't living alone be sad?" I ask her. If I were alone, I don't think that I'd be able to bear it. How CUL can say being alone is better while having never been hurt before surprises me.
"Maybe," CUL says in a tone that leads me to believe that she's shrugging, "but it's better than giving someone the power to destroy you."
We sit in silence for twenty minutes before I speak again. "I would never hurt you, CUL."
"That's what they all say," she snorts.
I say nothing else to her. When the time to meet Miku arrives, I walk to the Blue Beast's cage. He's the worst of us all. He's a cannibal, and being so close to his cage gives me the chills.
"You're early," I hear Miku say as she approaches me.
"You too," I respond. "I still don't know why I do this."
"Like I have an idea," Miku says but doesn't explain. "Knife."
"I didn't bring one," I say.
"Liar," Miku calls, aware of my fib. "You always, ALWAYS carry a knife with you. Now hand it here."
I sigh before I pull a knife out of my boot. Miku's right, I always carry a knife with me. I hand her the blade and listen for the familiar noise.
"Ahh!" Miku gasps before dropping my knife.
"How deep did you cut?" I ask her. Normally she doesn't cry this loud.
"Deeper than last," Miku says, sucking in her sobs before they spill. "I know I shouldn't be doing this, but sometimes it's nice to have a distraction."
I feel for my knife, finding the blade covered in Miku's blood. "You must've cut really deep for there to be this much blood," I say. "Are you sure you won't bleed out?"
"I'll be fine," Miku says. "I was careful to avoid any arteries, so I should be okay."
I pick up my knife and use the bottom of my dress to wipe off the blood. "How can you do that to yourself?" I ask her.
"The pain in my arm is enough to take my mind off of everything else," Miku says. "What else can I do to feel better?"
"What does Len say about this?" I ask her, totally ignoring her question. I am fully aware that Len knows nothing of Miku's self-harm, but I don't understand how Miku can continue to cut herself while knowing that Len would be upset with her if he ever found out.
"He wouldn't like it," Miku sighs. "But I'm too pathetic and weak to not be so self-destructive. Mayu," she pauses, "I want to die. I really, really want to die."
"Then what's stopping you?" I ask. I know as well as she does that she could just slit her throat with my knives other than cutting her arms.
"I don't want to hurt them," Miku says, referring to the twins. "Before we came here we promised each other that we wouldn't let ourselves be separated that easily. Wouldn't it seem that I betrayed them if I took my own life?"
"Perhaps," I say. "But you still harm yourself without either of them knowing. Isn't that betrayal as well?"
Miku stayed silent. "I think you're right. But life here is so miserable. It's impossible for anyone to say and feel."
"But you have wonderful friends," I remind her. "I never had anyone, but you have friends that you knew for years before coming here."
"And yet I find myself taking them for granted," Miku sighs. "Want to know the truth? The real reason that I cut myself?" I say nothing, but my silence is enough of an answer for her to continue. "As time goes on, I find myself cutting deeper and deeper. I may say I'm careful, but deep down I want to accidentally cut too deep. I want to accidentally cause myself to bleed out. I want to accidentally die." Miku begins sobbing. "I want to kill myself so bad that I'm disguising it all as an accident. Yet you never refuse me from harming myself. Why?"
"I don't know why I let you cut yourself," I answer honestly, "but it's perhaps because I get to see you at such a low point. Everyone looks up to you, Miku. Everyone wants to be as strong as you. The you that you show me, the one cutting her arms in hopes of one day killing herself, is weak. Is pathetic. Is not someone to be looked up to. You hide behind a mask, and I have the satisfaction of knowing who's behind it. Call me sick, but I think I get joy from seeing you so." And that's when it hits me. I wasn't ever sure why I never refused her, but after those words left my mouth I knew them to be true.
"You're right," Miku says. "I am weak. I am pathetic. Everyone here thinks too highly of me. I still want to die, I want death more than anything, but first I'm going to tell everyone the truth. After I do, I'll let whatever happens next happen. I'm not changing who I am, I'm just going to burn the mask."
I listen to her plan. Her confidence. Perhaps she is thinking that if everyone knew who she really is, then death will come easier to her.
"Someone's coming," I say the moment I sense it.
"Who?" Miku whispers but doesn't expect an answer.
"What are you freaks doing here?!"
Oh great. It's "her." "We were just leaving," I say flatly.
"Well move your butts!" "she" orders. "Hurry it up or I'll feed you both to the Blue Beast!"
I hold out my hand for Miku to take. I don't need Miku's assistance, but it never hurts to play the helpless blind girl act. Miku, understanding my intentions, takes my hand and begins leading me away. "Your hand is bloody," I observe with my touch.
"So is the ground," Miku observes with her eyes. "Do you think 'she' notices?"
"If 'she' does then 'she' doesn't care," I respond.
We walk in silence until we get to my "room." "Goodnight, Miku. I hope that you'll still have the same form of thinking tomorrow."
"I probably won't," she predicts. "I'll try to stop harming myself. Maybe after I cross that bridge then maybe the rest shouldn't be too hard."
"It's never going to be easy," I tell her.
"I know," she says. "But can't I still hope?"
"Will hope be enough?"
"No. But God's strength in me should be. I may not have been too faithful lately, but I'll never abandon my beliefs."
"It's your faith that makes you so different," I say to her. "Do you know that?"
"I do now," she answers after a moment of silence.
Author's Note: Thanks so much to theunhappytwins for suggesting *cough*morelikeforcing*cough* I put Mayu in the story. I didn't know who she was beforehand, but when I saw her design I instantly fell in love with her. She's just so precious! And I love her ax. :) I took one look at Mayu with her ax and instantly knew what I wanted to do with her. She was just the perfect Vocaloid to use for this story.
-Ray