Author's Note: Edward grabbed Alec around the waist and held him close, icy fingers digging into his skin.

"Oh my, Edward," Alec cooed, bringing one hand to his forehead. "You've swept me off my feet."

"Hang on, little spider-monkey," Edward growled, hugging him closely and accidentally crushing three of his ribs and puncturing his left lung with a fourth rib.

"Grkkkcckkk," Alec groaned and then promptly died.

"DAMN IT!" Edward howled, tossing the rag doll that was Alec's demolished remains, and leaping onto a table. "I RUIN EVERYTHING!"

And it was true. Twilight ruined everything, and forever after, little girls were taught to be misogynistic, and that it was acceptable to have old men flirting with teenagers, and that it is not weird when you cannot maintain a proper conversation with someone, substituting "20 Questions" for a meaningful dialogue. And society pretty much took a shit on itself.

NO I AM NOT BITTER ABOUT BAD WRITING. NOT AT ALL, WHY DO YOU ASK.

P.S.

Smut.

Also, in advance: I apologize.

*************************

Alec showed up at the hotel room exactly on time. He stood at the door marked 213 for a moment, unable to shake the last bits of hesitation. It wasn't that he was unused to one night stands. It was really more that he knew the only reason he was going into that room was to get even with Magnus.

Only Magnus wouldn't care. Even if Alec told him about it, he wouldn't bat an eye. He wouldn't start crying, or tell him to come home, or start loving him again. A lump appeared Alec's throat. It was a stupid way of getting revenge, but knowing that didn't make him want to do it any less.

Quickly, Alec raised his hand and knocked. At least he wouldn't be stewing alone with his thoughts if he spent the night with Leander. Or even just a few hours.

The door opened, and Leander's head poked out. He smiled when he saw Alec.

"Hey."

"Hey." Alec nearly blushed, and managed to smile back.

"Come in."

Leander held the door open, and let Alec squeeze past him, their bodies brushing together. Alec felt a rush of adrenaline pass through him and when Leander grabbed his wrist, stopped moving forward. He turned to look at Leander – were they going to do it right here in the hallway? His pulse quickened.

"So, look, there's something I wanna run by you," Leander said slowly, running his hand down to Alec's and twining their fingers together. "I met this other guy on the way over here who seems like he's up for a good time. I was thinking all three of us could have some fun? If you're not into that, it's no big, I can get rid of him. I just thought it'd be fun and you seemed cool…"

Alec paused. He'd never had a threesome, guys or girls, and the prospect was a little intimidating. "Uh… yeah." Suddenly he felt very, very drunk and vulnerable. Like maybe this wasn't something he really wanted to do, but this very persuasive, very pretty boy would get him to do it anyway.

But then Leander smiled, and a wave of warm feelings and happiness and excitement swept over Alec. He grinned goofily and Leander squeezed his hand before letting him go.

"Great! Hold on, lemme go talk to him." He motioned for Alec to wait, then left the front hallway and walked around the corner to where the beds were. Alec moved closer.

"Who's that?" A voice asked around the corner.

"A friend. Look, you seem pretty chill. Do you mind if my friend joins us?" Leander's voice was softer, gentler now, like he was talking to a pet.

"A friend?" The voice sounded curious.

"Yeah. I mean, he's here already, but I'm so into it…"

"He?" The voice was now suspicious and Alec could have sworn he heard a frown in it. The wave of warm pleasure washed over Alec again and he smiled. He knew this feeling meant something important that he usually didn't have any trouble identifying…

"It'll be so hot," Leander was saying. Alec edged closer to the room and peeked around the wall.

"Yeah, alright, I guess I'd be okay with another guy."

Alec's jaw dropped and he made a surprised noise in the back of his throat.

Jace was sitting on the bed, wearing only a pair of boxers. They stared at each other. Leander whipped around to face Alec, except that from the neck down he didn't look like Leander anymore. It suddenly became very obvious why Leander's voice had gone soft and gentle as Alec took in the skirt, heels, and breasts.

"That's not another guy," Jace said, looking up at Leander. "That's Alec."

Alec's eyes moved back to Jace. His blonde hair was messy, his face flushed, lips swollen, and there was lipstick all over his naked chest. Further down… Alec tried not to stare at his boxers, which were hanging open just enough that he caught a glimpse of Jace's erection.

His face turned red and he looked desperately at Leander, whose tits were hanging out of his shirt. Her shirt. Its shirt. Whatever.

"What's going on?" he asked, staring resolutely at Leander so that he would not look back down at Jace. His hand started to go for his stele.

"Relax, Shadowhunter," Leander said, raising his (her???) hands. "I'm just looking for a good time. No harm intended."

"Love spells are pretty strictly prohibited," Alec told him sharply.

"Not a love spell." Leander shrugged. "Just a happy spell. I'm not compelling you to stay. Just encouraging you to feel good. Don't you feel good?" Alec lowered his hand and hesitated. He felt incredible, not just good, but he didn't particularly want to tell either of them that.

When he didn't reply, Leander went on, "You can stay if you want and we can have a really good time, no strings attached, and then forget all about it if you want. All the while we'd be fulfilling one of my greatest dreams."

"You sure aim high, don't you?" Jace asked from the couch. They both ignored him.

Alec shifted uncomfortably, nervously. "Why didn't I notice your spells?"

"You're shit-faced, and I'm really fucking talented."

There was a long pause as Alec deliberated, not wanting to say yes but OH SO HARD not wanting to say no.

Leann looked down at Jace. "Your friend seems to be having some trouble deciding. What do you think?"

"I…" Jace looked up at Alec's petrified face, and then back at Leann. "I mean, you're a woman, right?"

"Yup. Leann to you."

Jace paused. "And you'd be in the middle?"

"That's the idea."

Jace looked at Alec again. They stared at each other in silence. Alec waited for him to say no, relieved to have an easy way out of this situation.

"Yeah, I'm okay with it." Jace shrugged calmly.

Alec wanted to scream at him for a half a second, and then swallowed as Leann looked at him. For the life of him, he could not think of a single reason to forgo the whole thing and go home.

"Okay," he mumbled. Leann smiled at him and turned back to Jace.

"Hop on the couch, okay?" she asked. Jace got off the bed and started for the tiny couch. Following him, Leann reached for his waist to tug at his boxers before he could sit down.

A look of panic crossed Jace's face for less than a moment and he grabbed at the shorts, quickly covering up his fear. "Woah, hey."

"We're having sex, Jace," Leann purred at him, moving closer. "Not bible study."

"Well…You're… uh…" Jace seemed to be trying to think of an excuse, and Alec nearly laughed. "You're both fully dressed!" His face was lax, but his body was poised like a cornered animal, knees bent and ready to spring.

Leann looked ready to protest when Alec pulled his sweater off. Tossing it on the floor, he unbuttoned his dress shirt and threw it on the floor as well. He was making a point of not looking at them, as if he were removing his shirts because he felt like it. He would have taken them off regardless of where they were, what they were doing, it had nothing to do with the fact that he wanted to fuck Leander.

And maybe Jace.

Maybe.

Leann watched him undress, then turned back to Jace. "C'mon, cutie. I'm last." J

Jace shrugged nonchalantly. There was a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes, but the lack of confidence did not echo anywhere else on his body.

In one fluid movement, he swiftly pulled his boxers down and sat down on the couch. Kicking the shorts to one side, he looked up at Leann expectantly. Her hands moved to her waist and pulled her shirt off, revealing small perky breasts and a pale lean stomach.

Alec shifted on his feet uncomfortably as Leann met his eyes.

"I'm not really into girls," he said slowly, looking at the door. "I –"

"I don't have to be a girl all the time," Leann said, taking a step toward him. Her body shifted, and she looked like Leander again as she drew closer to Alec, making the dark haired man go tense with anxiety. Leander smoothed his hands across Alec's shoulders as he moved their faces within a few inches of each other.

"Come on, Alec," he murmured. "Don't you want to kiss me?"

Alec swallowed, using every ounce of his strength to not look at Jace. He dipped his head and met Leander's lips with his own. It was an awkward kiss, dry and quick; Alec was too nervous to do it properly, and he knew it.

For a moment, the terror in Alec became so huge that he wasn't sure if he would attack both Leander and Jace, or shit his pants and run. But when he looked at the boy in front of him, he was met with a contagiously calm expression. Leander smiled, and Alec found himself smiling in response.

As if the smile were Alec granting permission, Leander's hand moved to Alec's bare stomach and ran down the front of his pants. It made Alec flinch slightly, but he did not pull away, and Leander cupped his stiffening cock. Their mouths met again, but this time the kiss was heated and intense, their tongues stroking at each other encouragingly.

As they kissed, Alec closed his eyes and placed his palms on Leander's shoulders. Meanwhile, the explorative hand on his pants was unzipping his fly and fingering inside, trying to find its way through his boxer-briefs. When it did, and warm fingers caressed his cock, Alec shuddered and broke their kiss to tilt his chin up toward the ceiling.

He wasn't sure if he was imagining the pressure of Jace's gaze on them or if Jace was actually staring at them. Either way, Jace's mere presence in the room was nearly enough to make Alec go limp with embarrassment.

"Alec, your skin is so soft," Leander murmured, trailing his lips down Alec's throat. His fingers tickled playfully over Alec's growing erection, coaxing it longer and harder. Alec let out a long breath, lowering his face and opening his eyes to look at Leander.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Jace watching them. Quickly he closed his eyes again and pressed his lips to Leander's hurriedly. The reality of Jace's gaze, as opposed to the theory of it, made his cock ache and a shiver run up his spin. Leander's thumbs hooked into Alec's pants and underwear, pulling them down to his knees so that Alec could shake his legs and step out of them.

Alec had to remind himself that this wasn't the first time he and Jace had seen each other naked. Although, perhaps it was the first time they'd seen each other naked, erect, and making out with a gender-switching nymph. He wondered if his ears were turning pink.

Leander reached behind Alec's ear and when he pulled his hand back, he was holding a wrapped condom. Normally, Alec would have rewarded the move with a grin or a laugh, but his head was too full of arousal and awkwardness and alcohol to properly react. Instead, he watched with warm, blurry eyes as Leander opened the packet and expertly rolled the condom over Alec's cock.

"Now just hold that thought," Leander told him, straightening to kiss his lips briefly. Alec made a small noise in the back of his throat and nodded. Suddenly the hard angular planes of Leander shifted, and were replaced by the soft sloping curves of Leann.

Leann turned and moved toward Jace, kneeling between his legs. When she knelt, the men found their view of each other was no longer obscured.

Jace met Alec's eyes. Alec saw the swirling gold underneath the too-dark eyelashes, and wondered just exactly WHAT THE FUCK his parabatai was thinking. It wasn't an uncommon thought (Jace constantly challenged logic as well as physics), but the current context made it just as frustrating as every other time he'd thought it.

Swallowing, Alec nearly moved his hands to cover his erection, but his desire to seem cool and unconcerned maintained dominance over his other emotions. All he could do was look away from Jace's flushed face and the head bowed over his crotch.

Getting to her feet, Leann straddled Jace's lap and knelt on the couch. Arching her back, she turned her head to Alec.

"Come here," she instructed, and he moved closer. He was so fucking unsure. Unsure this was a good idea, unsure of Leann/Leander, unsure whether he should stand between Jace's legs or outside them.

Pressing his chest to Leann's back, he kissed the side of her throat. He'd straddle Jace's legs, making it easier to reach down to them while still standing. As he positioned himself, his feet brushed against Jace's.

Did this count as sex with Jace? Alec's stomach did a somersault, a backflip, a headstand, and then got on a Tilt-A-Whirl with a bag full of cotton candy. His eyes tried to pull toward the blurry blonde figure at the corner of his vision.

He would not look at Jace. He would not look at Jace.

Leann dipped her head and began kissing Alec again. Despite her gender change, her lips were the same as Leander's: soft and warm, alternately pliant and firm, tugging at him to give more, be more, and want more. Obeying, he thrust his tongue against hers, and she moaned into his mouth.

He opened his eyes and looked down to see Jace's face at one of her breasts, flicking his tongue at the nipple before sucking it into his mouth. Alec watched him for a moment, until Jace's eyes glanced up at him.

Uncomfortably, Alec broke the kiss. But Leann didn't seem to notice as she turned to look at Jace, putting her hands on his face and pulling him to kiss her. Alec lowered his head to kiss down her spine, his hands sliding down her ribcage to her waist, hips, and settling on her ass.

As he listened to Jace kiss Leann, Alec realized what a phenomenal mistake this was. There was pretty much no way he'd be able to get out of this without looking like a jerk. Or worse, without Jace looking at him and seeing… Alec didn't really know what Jace might see, because he didn't know what he was feeling. If it was the loneliness that filled the void where Magnus had been, or if it was the pathetic desperation of someone who didn't know how to heal his own heart, or the welling up of feelings and emotions that he hadn't felt in so long… whatever Jace might see, it was almost certainly something Alec didn't want his best friend to know.

"Okay." Leann's voice was breathless. "Now you two kiss."

Alec pulled away and looked them. Jace and Leann were both watching him. He was torn in half for a moment; the attention made his dick want to go soft, the suggestion made it want to jump excitedly, and the idea of Jace's disgust made him want to hide under the bed.

"No, no, I–" He took a half step back.

"He's chicken-shit," Jace interrupted, coolly scratching the back of his neck. "It's a waste of time asking, Leann. He won't do it."

Clamping his mouth shut, Alec averted his head and stared at the wall. He didn't want to get hard, or soft, or hide under the bed. He wanted to punch Jace square in the face.

"Whatever." She waved a hand with an air of boredom. The tension was not dissolved by Leann's blithe dismissal, and whatever was motivating Alec's urge to smack Jace (anger, embarrassment, lust, what-the-fuck-ever) was not abating.

At least, until one of Leann's long-fingered hands closed on his erection.