Malcolm Reynolds was not drunk. Relaxed certainly, maybe even ever so slightly elevated, but not drunk. Having settled that point to his satisfaction Mal jumped off the rail fence enclosing a dozen or so fine blood horses beamed a smile at the outraged handlers, and sauntered on his way.
Jayne and Simon both met him in the cargo hold. "Good, you're back," said the former. "I'm going to get sexed." he glanced at the Doctor. "Maybe you should tag along, take your mind off lil' crazy."
Simon glared. "No thank you!"
"Mmm." Jayne frowned in mock concern. "You know, Doc, you've been aboard nigh on a year now and ain't had any in all that time. I figure you must be right ready to explode by now - what'd you think, Mal?"
"I think you'd best be on your way," the Captain answered, eyeing his medic's crimson face.
"You're no better," Jayne told him. "A good bout of sexin' would do both of you a world of good. And I know a couple of gals who'd be happy to oblige not so far distant."
Now Mal was as red as Simon. "Get out of here!"
"Just trying to help." Jayne sauntered down the ramp.
"Captain, I'm worried about River."
Mal turned from glaring after his merc. "What she done?"
"She's missing."
"Missing!" a jolt of alarm dissipated the last of Mal's pleasant alcoholic buzz.
"According to Jayne she went groundside with Kaylee, Inara and Margot," Simon worried on. "They've been gone hours now -"
"'Course they have!" Mal snapped, relieved and mad at Simon for scaring him. "They got shops here full of pretties, tearooms, fancy resturants and the like. No doubt our girls are having themselves a real good time. Nice of them to include lil' sister."
"But -"
Mal gathered patience. "Look here, Doc. I know how devoted you are to River, and think it right touching, but you cluck over that girl like a setting hen. Inara and Kaylee won't let any harm come to her. Just ease back and let her have some fun for a change."
...
A pair of huge brown eyes peered cautiously over the top of the bar. The melee was general by now. The bystanders had fled and the ladies from Serenity, ably assisted by four waiters, were doing well for all they were outnumbered.
Inara'd found herself a length of metal pole somewhere and wielded it expertly; twirling, striking and punching with the ends. Margot had both her sai reversed now, using the butt ends as knuckle dusters and her feet too. They were so graceful, almost like dancing. River drank in the sight of them. Memories tried to stir but she stomped them down automatically before they could surface.
Kaylee wasn't graceful, hadn't been trained in any martial arts, but she was effective; down and dirty specializing in low blows and knee jabs. She knew just where to hit a man to do the most damage. But as River watched a reuben seized Kaylee from behind, lifting her off her feet and squeezing her ribcage. Her feet kicked and she gasped for breath.
River reached for a bottle on the lower counter and threw. It hit the man square on the forehead, shattering. He dropped, Kaylee fell with him but quickly wriggled free. She threw River a grin before going after another reuben.
River picked up a heavy green bottle with bulbous bottom and a long thin neck, selected a pair of targets and threw. It hit the first man square in the back of the head then rebounded to smack another in the side of the face, just as intended. River grinned delightedly and scrabbled for more bottles with both hands, not scared any more - in fact beginning to enjoy herself.
...
"You've got to learn to let go, son," Shepard Book said gently.
"So everybody keeps telling me," Simon answered, next to him on the passenger sofa, head in hands, "Even Jayne!"
"Jayne's got sisters of his own. A young girl needs space, Simon."
"But -"
"I know River's got special problems but you can trust Kaylee and Inara to take care of her."
"She's wanted!" Simon reminded Shepard desperately. "What if they run into a lawman?"
"I trust Margot to take care of that eventuality," Shepard said dryly.
A clatter of boots sounded on the companionway and Mal appeared in the doorway, grimfaced. "We got trouble."
...
The Oda presented a scene of devastation; collapsed booths, floor littered with shattered glass, drifts of torn cloth and dark stains that might have been blood. Those reubens who hadn't been evacuated to hospital had been herded into a corner under the eye of unsympathetic lawmen. The waiters were being interviewed by still more minions of the law and Serenity's missing ladies sat in a row on some barstools, hands folded demurely in laps, looking like butter wouldn't melt in their mouths.
Simon made a beeline for his sister. "Are you all right? Are you hurt anywhere?" he demanded examining her with his eyes.
River gave him a withering glance before snapping back to sweet innocence. "I'm fine, Simon." she piped cheerfully.
Shepard hung back at the door, seemingly having trouble holding his face solemn as Mal made straight for a grizzled lawman with officer's bars. "What happened here?"
"Captain Reynolds?" Mal nodded impatiently and the man continued with a disgusted nod towards the men in the corner. "Seems this bunch of reubens mistook your ladies for joygirls and wouldn't take no for an answer. A rhubarb ensued but fortunately the ladies weren't injured." he beamed them a smile.
They smiled back. Mal could swear he saw batting eyes. "So, there's no charges against my passengers here?"
The lawman looked shocked. "'Course not. Wouldn't have called you at all, Captain, but I thought the ladies could do with a little support and comfort."
"Yeah, right." That lot needed 'comfort' like he needed a five bore hole in his head! "So, I'm free to take them home?"
"Absolutely. The Oda's pressing charges and we got the waiters as witnesses. No need to involve your ladies at all."
"Good, good." Mal walked over to confront his strayed lambs, eyeing them so as to show he wasn't fooled, even if the law was. "Come along, little ladies and I'll make you some nice cocoa back on the boat."
Are you sure you're all right?" Simon pressed his sister as they began the walk back to Serenity.
River pulled impatiently free of his hold and pirouetted in the street. "I'm wonderful. Had a great time."
Margot smiled. "It was somewhat refreshing at that. Nothing like a good tussle for cleansing the mind and invigorating the body."
"Which is why you chose to have your drinks in a cat house?" Mal snapped.
The humor went out of Margot's face. "I've been rattling around this 'verse longer than you've been alive, Captain," she snapped back, "and I can tell you from personal experience there are few places better then a house of assignation for a lady to enjoy some quiet refreshment without fear of annoyance."
"She's right, Mal," Shepard put in. "Brawls in such places are the exception not the rule." he looked at Margot. "What happened."
She shrugged. "Reubens were all liquored up and looking for company. Would have passed it off easy enough if one hadn't drawn steel."
Simon squealed like a stuck pig. "You mean they had knives!"
River pirouetted again and gave her brother an unfriendly look. "Fuss, fuss, fuss." then happily: "I threw bottles!"
"Sure did! Kaylee chimed in from behind, walking arm and arm with Inara. "And never a miss either."
River shrugged, radiant with pleasure. "Vectors and trajectories are easy to figure."
"Only a few of them had knives," Margot reassured Simon. "And I took care of them." The sai appeared briefly from her sleeves, twirled and returned to hiding.
Mal, next to her, jumped a little at the sight. "You armed?"
"Of course." she answered with a pointed look at his own sidearm.
"And what happens if those reubens happen to mention the fact?" he demanded heatedly. "Or River's bottle throwing?"
"Or Inara's very fine staff work and the damage Kaylee inflicted on assorted men's private parts?" Margot finished blithely. "They won't. Men don't talk when they've been wupped by three slips of girls and a lady old enough to be their mother! Not that my boy would ever behave in any such fashion."
"You have a son?" Kaylee asked interested.
Margot nodded. "Little older than you and shockingly handsome though I say it as shouldn't. And sweet natured as his father.
"Thank God for that," said Shepard.
By then they'd reached Serenity, passing through the cargo hold to the living quarters. Zoe, Wash and Jayne were drinking coffee at the table.
"There you are!" Wash greeted them cheerily then dropped a very obvious wink at his wife. "Hope you all had as good a time as we did."
Zoe eyed Mal's face suspiciously. "What trouble did you get into - sir?"
He swelled up indignantly. "I just had me some drinks and came quietly home. It was our sweet, refined ladies here who started a brawl."
"We didn't start it," Inara said with an edge to her voice. "We defended ourselves is all. You'd rather we'd been raped and abused?"
"Say what?" Jayne growled, attention caught, his eyes going first to River then to Kaylee. "You gals okay?"
"Just fine," Kaylee assured him. "We can take care of ourselves we can!"
River elbowed her brother strongly in the ribs. He glanced down at her pained and she nodded violently towards Kaylee. He looked, and regained his little sister's respect by taking the hint.
"Uh, Kaylee, that's a very lovely dress you have on."
Kaylee looked startled, then very pleased. "You think so?" she tried to straighten the folds, brushing ineffectually at some spattered stains. "Wish you'd seen it when it was fresh."
Simon proceeded to stun Serenity's female contingent by saying exactly the right thing. "So do I. But you're beautiful no matter what you wear."
"Oh!" Kaylee went crimson, eyes shining.
Simon blushed almost as red but didn't look away.
Mal cleared his throat. "Excuse me! We got a situation here that needs clearing." he looked sternly at Margot and Inara. "I grant it wasn't your fault but the fact remains none of us can risk attracting official interest, especially our two fugitives here, and that being the case -"
Margot stood on her tip-toes and kissed the tip of his nose. "You're beautiful when you're angry!" Mal goggled, stricken speechless as she continued blithely; "I like a man of spirit, don't you. River?" she slipped her arm through the girl's and they exited together, honor intact.
The Shepard, face inscrutable, went after them.
Mal's mouth worked but nothing came out. Inara, clapped a hand over her own to stifle her laughter. Kaylee collapsed, wheezing and holding her sides, against the kitchen counter. Simon was grinning - unusually broadly for him - and so was Wash. Jayne snickered.
Zoe calmly picked up her coffee. "Warned you about her didn't I, sir?"