Author's note: I am sorry that this chapter is undeniably shorter than all of the others. I would like to credit the wonderful (super super super) genious Morphox for coming up with a few more pranks for me because I got stuck and nearly gave up altogether so it is really thanks to her that you have got this chapter at all. So everyone say 'Thanks o wonderful Morphox!'
Dori and Charlie,
Happy new year to you too! Unfortunately thanks to your son my year does not look happy at all in fact it doesn't look anything but bleak. Every single evening I have to spend in your sons presence and though he does make me smile sometimes it is still incredibly boring watching him write lines. I was looking forward to March 24th because that was when they finally ended but your son has managed to obtain himself yet another weeks worth and so now I have to wait until the 31st. (Fighting again) It may not seem longer but trust me when you think that each one lasts about five hours. It adds an extra 35 hours. 35 hours of sheer boredom. Do you think I am too young to retire?
Minerva
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Dori and Charlie,
You retirement statistic figures did not cheer me up. Without giving away my age lets say I have to wait at least a decade before I am free. James has been involved in another jaunt to Hogsmede and so I have been forced to give him yet another detention. Any ideas of an alternative punishment that doesn't eat away at all my free time?
Minerva
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Dori and Charlie,
Locking him in the dungeons does sound appealing but sadly I think it is against the rules Charlie, and judging by Dori's words she would physically murder me. Banning him from Quidditch Dori would be torturing him and I think this is crueller than locking him in the dungeon. Charlie seems outraged at the suggestion and says that you just don't understand Quidditch. I would never do that anyway because he is my only chance of getting that Quidditch cup in my office this year and I must because I bet Slughorn 50 Galleons that we would win and I can't afford to lose (I can't afford the humiliation come to think of it). Anyway he has received detention for greeting me with the words 'what's new pussy cat?' which not only is incredibly disrespectful but is also incredibly rude. The fact that my animagus form is a cat is irrelevant.
Minerva
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Dori and Charlie,
I am glad you have sent him an angry letter (I agree that a howler was to over the top) but his reply doesn't exactly comfort me. The fact that it is the name of his favourite song is more patronizing than anything else. The fact that he spent all Transfiguration lesson singing it was even more patronising. So patronising that I gave him a detention. The fact that I now have to spend more time with him has not improved my mood. It was dampened further by the fact that I have realised that I am going to have to have him in a detention on my birthday.
Minerva
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Dori and Charlie,
I regret to inform you that your son has accidentally shoved fellow student Lily Evans into the lake. I believe he was trying to show off to her at the time. I think he might have a bit of a crush on her…
Thanks for the birthday present I won't open it until the 20th!
Minerva
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Dori and Charlie,
I am writing (for the one millionth time) about your son James. This time he has been pelting our caretaker Argus Filch with dung bombs. Not only was Filch understandably upset (and angry, am I glad that man is a squib!) but he was also so incredibly smelly that he was unable to perform his usual tasks and so I forced James to clean up after everyone instead. Hopefully it will teach him the true values of work and all the effort that Filch has to put in so that he wont make so much mess. (it's hard to write with all your fingers crossed) however I am not holding my breath. At least that punishment meant I didn't have to have him in detention.
Minerva
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Dori and Charlie,
I love the comfort quill, thank you! I am writing with it right now. It is indeed a lot less painful to write with and so writing so many detention letters is now a lot easier. James will be pleased, not. I have had a lovely birthday. James proved to be a sweet boy by giving me some chocolate frogs during his detention. He and the other Marauders also sang happy birthday to me over breakfast. It was slightly embarrassing being serenaded by a group of over-enthusiastic, tone deaf teenagers but their hearts are in the right place. The large birthday card proclaiming my 100thbirthday was certainly unnecessary though! I hope they don't really think that that is my age! Unfortunately the said Marauders also found the need to steal the headmasters lemon drops which has shaken him considerably but I was in too good a mood to give them detention so I just made them pay for a few new bags.
Minerva
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Dori and Charlie,
If your James had had his way I would now be your daughter in law. His idea of amusement, it seems, is to propose to me. I graciously turned him down and gave him a clip round the ear for his cheek along with a few detentions. Now I think about it I should have accepted I can imagine the look on his face now. Now that would be funny! I hope you are all well.
Minerva
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