IAN YOU SAID I WOULDN'T BUT HERE IT IS. SUCK IT.
I was in biology taking my final when this popped into my head (shows how much Glee rules my life), and just HAD to write it down. Me gusta~ so right now I'm in advisory (it's this thing my school has where you can do homework or get help from teachers/other students) so I am using this time to write. HUZZAH. Husband!Klaine.
Also a huuugggeee shoutout to Linneagb for being my first reviewer! You made me very happy and I really appreciate such positive feedback. You're awesome :)
Now without further ado, here's Fanfiction!
Disclaimer: Do not own Glee, only my own ideas. Ohwells.
Blaine hummed as he stirred the pot of spaghetti, lightly sprinkling in some seasoning. Kurt was sitting behind him at their mahogany dining table, typing up his latest article. From the light chuckles Blaine was hearing, Kurt was probably chatting with Mercedes. The two hadn't been able to see each other much after Kurt and Blaine had bought an apartment in New York and Mercedes went off touring the world after releasing her third album.
"Kurt, honey? Could you grab the plates? The spaghetti's almost done."
Kurt stood up, stretching his arms, then walked over to the cabinet where they kept all the dishes. He placed two plates next to the stovetop and wrapped some forks in a cloth napkin on the table.
Seeing Blaine still turned around cooking, Kurt stepped over and leaned gently into his back. He wrapped his arms around Blaine's waist, hugging him.
Blaine felt a flush of pride as Kurt's ring pressed into his torso, before tilting his head back into the taller man's shoulder. Kurt nuzzled Blaine's head, murmuring into his ear, "Thanks for cooking dinner today."
Blaine smiled slightly. "Anything for you." After a pause, he added with a smirk, "Plus, I wanted to prove to you that I can cook without blowing up the house."
His husband just shook his head with a small chuckle, before heading back down to his laptop. "While you're finishing that up, I'm gonna Skype Mercedes…" he trailed off. The Skype logo appeared on his laptop as he called his friend. Seeing she was answering the call, he perked up.
The screen turned black for a moment, then lit up with the picture of Sam and Mercedes lying side-by-side on the carpet, typing furiously on the computer.
"'Cedes?" Kurt said as he peered at the screen.
"OHMYGOD Kurt!" she screamed. Apparently she'd answered that call by accident. She turned around quickly to push Sam and his laptop out of the video.
...What on Earth? Kurt wondered. Before Mercedes had noticed him, he'd caught a glimpse of the computer screen.
"Wait, what did their computer say?" asked Blaine, who was suddenly next to him. "Was that… 'Klaine Fanfiction'?"
"That's what it looked like…" Kurt whispered, watching a flustered Mercedes shove Sam away again.
"H-hey Kurt! Is that Blaine? Hi white boys!" she smiled, collecting herself.
"Sorry 'Cedes, was it a bad time to call? Also, where did you get that top it looks amazing and why were you lying on the ground wearing it? That's a hate crime!" Kurt bounced back, gently kicking a silently laughing Blaine.
Mercedes blushed. "I got it yesterday when I was shopping in Paris. One of the clerks recognized Sam and totally fangirled over him-" here she rolled her eyes "-and gave us huge a discount. It was hilarious," she chuckled.
Kurt gasped in mock horror. "And she didn't recognize you? The pop star?"
"Oh, she did. When I saw her trying to flirt with my man, I stepped in with a hell to the no and she was so embarrassed she gave us a discount," she replied sassily.
Blaine interrupted, "That sounds way so much like Kurt it's not even funny."
"You make me proud." Kurt looked at Mercedes, ignoring his husband's comment.
"I know. Kurtie, I've got to go, my producer is checking up on me again. I'll talk to you later okay? Bye Hummel-Anderson's!" she called, before hanging up.
"Hummel-Anderson… Remind me why it isn't Anderson-Hummel? That fits alphabetical order."
Kurt smirked at him. "You know why. I'm always first."
"That you are," Blaine replied, with a slight bow. He skipped lightly around the table to serve the spaghetti onto their plates. "Besides, I got first when Finn and Rachel came up with 'AnderHummel'. So… are we going to try and find out what that 'Klaine Fanfiction' was all about?"
Kurt thought for a moment, "Probably should, yeah. Klaine sounds so familiar, I feel like I've heard it before… Is it like the kraken or something? Honestly, I don't know why they chose 'Klaine' as our ship name. What about Blurt, or Kurt CoBlaine? That's clever but I guess, too many syllables for them to handle."
"Klaine kind of sounds like some country in Europe that you'd rather not go to… Like you should skip over it," Blaine joked. In a funny Russian-sounding accent, he imitated, "'Aahhh but I am from Klaine! You must come to Klaine!"
Kurt let out a huge snort that made both crack up even harder. "Everyone's Klainish," (1) he answered seriously, before breaking into an impish grin, "anyways, who do we call to figure out what crazy fanfiction shenanigans are going on behind our backs?"
Blaine glanced at him, setting down the plates. "You know who."
Kurt reached over for the phone, dialing Wes and David's number.
"Hey Klaine!" Wes and David's united voices called over the speakerphone.
"Hi Wevid!" Blaine grinned across the table. The two friends had been practically joined at the hip back at Dalton, and had remained best friends all the way through college. They now lived next to each other with their fiancee's (who happened to be best friends as well), and pretty much lived at each other's houses. Mainly at Wes's, whose house didn't look like a college dorm room. Because of this, Blaine and Kurt had entered Wes and David's house number just as Wevid's, since there was no point making David's wife fish around David's room for a ringing phone.
Meanwhile, Wes had made a point to change the Hummel-Anderson information simply to Klaine to get back at the two husbands.
"So…. have you guys written any fanfiction before?" Kurt questioned, jumping straight to the point.
David sounded like he just fell over onto the ground, and Wes let out a high-pitched scream before dropping the phone like it was on fire. Kurt and Blaine listened, amused, as loud whispers drifted from the phone. The spaghetti sat on the table, waiting to be eaten, but was completely forgotten.
"Crap. Do you think they found out about it?"
"Does it matter now? They wouldn't get that mad at us right?"
"...I guess, I mean they can't hurt us when we're across the country. I still have my gavel next to my bed in case we need protection!"
"Wes, please. Your gavel doesn't stand a chance when it's Kurt. You know that!"
"They couldn't have found the fanfiction right? They don't ever go on , they're not even the fanfiction type of people!"
"Why would they even search up 'Klaine'? I get that people sometimes Google themselves, but their couple name? Who does that?!"
Blaine almost died at how close to hysterics David sounded.
"So what then? Should we just come clean now?"
"We don't even know what they know yet!"
"But they're not stupid. They're not even half idiots. They know what they don't know!"
"...What?"
"Sorry, Mr. Chan reference. AP Bio. Never mind, ignore that. But seriously, what do we do?"
"Okay okay just pretend like the phone line went dead and then act like you have no idea what they're talking about, okay?"
*loud hyperventilating* "Okay."
Hearing that their not-very-discreet conversation was coming to an end, Kurt spoke into the phone. "Hey, David? Wes? You guys still there?"
"Kuuurrrttt my boy! Sorry, Wes was just being an idiot and cut a cord with his shoe." David answered, trying-and failing-to keep his voice steady.
"Cutting a cord? With my shoe?! That makes no sense. You're the idiot!" Kurt heard Wes whisper angrily in the background.
I can't keep talking and neither can Wes or they'll know something's up, David thought quickly.
Nervously, he called out, "Sorry Kurt, Blaine! Gotta go, before Wes plugs the toilet again! Bye!"
Blaine rolled his eyes. He would never understand those two.
"So…" Kurt mused, "Blaine babe, can you go over to my laptop and Google 'Klaine Fanfiction'?"
"Gladly." Blaine grinned widely. As the search results popped up on screen, he gasped loudly.
"...Kurt? You might wanna come see this…"
Kurt's jaw dropped at the page Blaine had open. It was a 300 chapter fanfiction. Written by… "The Warblers AND the New Directions?!"
"When did they even have time to do this?!" Kurt shook his head, plopping down on a chair.
Blaine sat there, speechless. Finally, he muttered, "It was started when we met. In 2010."
"This will be interesting to read…"
(1) Yes. That was indeed a reference to Darren and Chris's interview on set called "Klaine Explained"... If you haven't watched it yet PLEASE DO.
HAH. What did you think? I feel like I always spend way too long in the lead up and all that stuff. I should work on getting to the point faster.
Reviews are like Klainebows on a cloudy day, and prompts are like getting free ice cream. Good free ice cream. Does everything taste better when it's free? That's what one of my friends says but meh. I guess. It depends on the quality of free stuff, because there's whole different levels of free stuff. ANYWAYS, weird author's note over. Thanks for reading!