03

July 17, 2005

Thursday

8 days later

"You know we aren't allowed to do this?" Castiel noted, shoving away a branch as he followed Dean, struggling to not trip over the lumpy ground of the forest. They were walking slower than usual, Dean wanting to not put too much stress onto Castiel's leg, even though it was basically back to normal.

Dean didn't seem to have any difficulties moving his body past the trees and branches, despite his heavy backpack and the machete attached to his belt.

"Your sexual orientation isn't allowed, Cas. Do you stop staring at my ass 'cause of that? You don't, so shut your mouth." Dean grumbled, squinting his eyes at the darkening woods in a try to spot the shimmering of water.

"I'm just saying." he mumbled, shaking his head, eyes wandering around. "And I am not looking anywhere near your ass."

"Bet you are, but whatever. You get what I'm saying." Dean retorted, a delighted smile forming on his lips as he saw the river appear among the trees.

They'd been walking quite a while and some part of him had tried to convince him he'd screwed up, lost track of the path, made them go astray.

Dean had only been here three times, not enough to be perfectly sure he was right about the way, and certainly not when the sun was already setting and the forest got dark and unrecognizable.

"Told you I'd find it." he grinned, pointing in front of him at the water of the river they'd wanted to reach, made them walk for more than an hour.

"Great, can we go back now before they notice?" Castiel mumbled, biting his lip in uneasiness, mind going on about any possibility how this could turn out, good or bad.

Dean had insisted they'd go on a hunt together, maybe get something to eat just for the two of them, which wasn't allowed, also everyone was banned from going out without a group of at least five people, especially when they planned on staying out until after dusk. Which they did, and he wasn't exactly content with Dean bringing him in this situation.

"I'll tell you one last time, it's okay. I have it all figured out, Sam is helping." Dean sighed, looking back at him over his shoulder. "Also, I am still third in command no matter what. We'll be fine."

Castiel didn't reply and just frowned in disbelief, watching Dean as he made his way to the riverside and looked to both sides before he headed to the left, just a few steps, where he dropped his backpack to the ground.

"Not exactly where I was last time, but this will do." he said, pulling out some things, a blanket to sit on which he spread out onto the grass.

"You want to light a fire?" Castiel asked when he noticed the matches Dean had brought, eyeing the man unsettled. "Do you think it's safe?"

"You're way too concerned about everything, Cas, calm down and have a good time." Dean scolded with an amused look, patting the blanket. "Sit and shut up."

Castiel nodded his head absentmindedly as he sat down to watch the sun disappear behind the trees, bathing the world in red colors and light flickering in the waves of the river, shimmering.

He was aware Dean wouldn't give in, just as always when he was certain about anything, and he didn't dare to try to convince him, even if he wanted to.

It was Dean's optimistic and undaunted nature which kept surprising Castiel, worried him sometimes but also delighted him. He couldn't explain how someone could be this positive, not immediately assuming the worst, in a world like this.

He felt like it was part of what kept Dean going, what made him wake up everyday thinking he would beat the world just like on any other day, over and over again.

Something about it pleased Castiel, attracted him because it was just the exact opposite of who he was, made him interested in the man even more since he wanted to understand, figure out how it was possible.

Yet it often worried him because there was the constant fear Dean would overdo, tempt his luck a little too much in his undeterred manner, get himself into trouble he couldn't deal with.

Naturally, Castiel wanted to retain him from doing something utterly stupid, to protect him, but Dean was quite the unbridled libertine not letting someone tell him what to do.

Castiel calmed his conscience and worries by reasoning himself into thinking it would turn out well, Dean had apparently survived these past five years without major difficulties, maybe he'd continue to do so.

Maybe Castiel just had to trust Dean, like Gabriel had told him. Maybe these words weren't only meant to convince him Dean would offer his help, they might as well fit any situation and circumstance.

"You hungry?" Dean breathed as he dropped some dry branches in front of the blanket. Castiel shifted to look at him and leaned back, propping himself up on his elbows.

"Not yet." he muttered and held back a grin at Dean's little pout as he thought for a moment before sitting next to him, cross-legged. "Maybe later, I suppose we have time."

"Yeah, Cas, I know you'd rather be back at the settlement." Dean huffed, glancing at him with a frown. "But please, don't point it out or remark it. I want to have some quality time here."

Castiel's eyes wandered to the ground, affected a little, closing for a second before he nodded and looked at Dean apologizing. It wasn't fair to act like this, Dean didn't want to bother him by bringing him here.

"You know what this place is?" he said, gaze fixated on the water, the colorful reflections in the waves, before he grinned and faced Castiel who frowned. "It's a place where no one ever passes through, no one from our settlement, I mean."

"Knew there was some kind of ulterior motive." Castiel just remarked, blankly staring at the man, trying not to chuckle or shake his head in disbelief.

"Cas, don't give me that." Dean exhaled, shifting, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder. "Let's at least try, no one is here except us and no one will come. It's a way, Cas, not perfect I have to admit, but we don't have to continue staying away from each other."

"We can't keep disappearing from the settlement to come here, someone will notice." he retorted, sitting straight again to look him in the eye, serious expression on his face.

"We'll figure out a way." Dean argued and restrained himself from moving closer. "And even if we don't, no one will notice if we just go every few days. Maybe once a week. Or, a month. It's little, yes, but worth it, Cas."

Castiel opened his mouth, wanting to reason why he thought this would never work out, but he exhaled deeply, dragging a hand across his face. This conversation was useless.

"Cas, look, give it a try. You'll like it, and we can still decide later." he requested, firmly staring at him, head tilted and bent forward a little.

"You never give up, do you?" Castiel sighed and cleared his throat, watching the other man shake his head, then he nodded towards the pile of branches. "Would you light a fire, it's getting cold."

Dean knew he was just trying to find an excuse to quit this conversation and leave that matter at rest for now, it wasn't getting that cold, not enough for them to have to rely on a fire, but he didn't refuse.

Knowing the fire would take him maybe a few minutes to light, he stayed silent, thinking, as he put stones around the spot he'd determined to be the fireplace. "Gimme the matches."

He carefully stacked the branches and some dry grass, lighted it and waited until the flames got bigger before he put more wood on top. The past few days had been hot, so lighting a fire was a matter of a few seconds. He could probably set the whole forest on fire if he just threw a match on the ground.

Considering this, he grabbed a bottle and got up to get some water, pouring it around the fireplace to keep the dry grass safe from catching alight.

"Done, now could we please talk this out." Dean sighed, blinking as he turned around to see Castiel taking off his jacket, revealing the plain sleeveless shirt he wore underneath, just about to get up, shoes put next to the blanket. "Whoa, I said talk this out, not fuck it out."

Castiel just frowned in disbelief, continuing to roll up the legs of his trousers, despite Dean watching every movement, not even trying to hide his gaze. He didn't really bother.

Carelessly throwing his socks onto the ground, he walked towards the river without paying any more attention to Dean who narrowed his eyes in confusion.

"Dean, if you still want to get your kiss, I advise you better join me." Castiel mentioned, making Dean draw up his brows, lips parted.

The water wasn't that cold, he'd expected it to be the temperature of the river back at his old settlement, but this one wasn't as deep, so the sun must've warmed it a bit more. Actually, it was quite refreshing.

It didn't take him long to adjust to the cool river, so he turned around to look out for Dean when he was deep enough for the water to reach his knees, finding Dean already standing near the water, barefoot and trousers rolled up above his knees.

"That was fast." Castiel noted, giving an amused glance while Dean watched his step to not hurt himself on a stone.

"Would've been faster if you'd told me earlier." he grinned, ignoring the cold surrounding his legs as he closed up to Castiel. "You know I'm impatient."

"You have waited a month, now you can't wait another ten seconds?" Castiel took the hand Dean had lifted, reaching out for him, intertwining their fingers. "How do you intend to bear coming here only once a month?"

"I can, but I don't want to." he said, putting his free hand on Castiel's neck, thumb stroking his jawline, feeling the stubble, excited to finally be able to touch him like that. "You still in for a kiss?"

"There's no one around, right?" Castiel frowned slightly, hiding all the doubts he still had no matter what, the shadow of a smile on his face, gazing up at Dean, blue eyes wide and provoking.

Dean felt his mouth open ever so slightly, he couldn't help but stare, admire Castiel's features against the red of the sunset, let alone look away, lose hold of those deep blue eyes.

Castiel put a hand on his shoulder blade, spreading his fingers as he stroked over his back, slowly and teasingly, giving him goosebumps and sending a shiver through his body.

"How long has it been for you?" Dean breathed, blew a kiss to the mans forehead and parted their hands, grabbing the hem of his shirt to pull him closer against himself, dragging his fingertips across Castiel's side before he pressed his palm to his hip. "Kissing, I mean."

"Five years." he answered and squinted his eyes. "No, no that's not true. I kissed a girl a few months ago, just to see if it works, but I'm definitely gay."

Dean laughed and gave a lopsided grin, winking at Castiel and shifting his hand to rest on his ass. "Bad for the chick, good for me."

Castiel chuckled and shut his eyes as Dean closed the distance between them, pressing his lips to the corner of Castiel's mouth, fingers wandering from his neck to the back of his head, feeling the soft hair.

"Didn't expect you to be shy." Castiel taunted, just a whisper, impatiently waiting for the man to stop drawing out this moment any longer.

"I'm just savoring this." Dean breathed, air hot against Castiel's cheek, eyes opening ever so slightly to glance down at him.

"You're not, you're teasing me." he retorted, palming Dean's cheek to shift his head, lips brushing against his, he could feel him smirk a little. Castiel felt impatience well up within him, pressuring him, wanting him to give in to Dean's teasing.

"Right I am." Dean drew away a little, licking his lip as Castiel gazed at him, eagerly and unsettled, visibly bothered. "I think I deserve being a bit salty because it took you so long."

Castiel huffed in disbelief at Dean's behavior, he had been so impatient this whole month and just a few minutes earlier. The way he looked at him made pretty clear how much he wanted him, how excited he was, it didn't slip Castiel's attention how his eyes examined him, yet he still found the strength to take revenge, to restrain himself.

"What do you want, Dean?" Castiel sighed, running his fingers up Dean's side. "Want me to beg? To submit myself to you?"

The other drew his brows up in amusement, contemplating as he gave a small nod, laughing. "Sure thing, but you're not going to. And you don't have to."

Dean chuckled and leaned in, gently pressing his lips onto Castiel's, lazily kissing for a few seconds, just enjoying the sensation of it, the warm feeling spreading in his stomach, until he pulled him closer to his body.

Castiel wrapped his arms around his neck, one hand on Dean's head, slowly dragging his fingers through the short hair as Dean took his lip between his teeth, carefully biting down on it.

When Dean felt Castiel's mouth open, inviting him, he smiled into the kiss and licked his lips, sliding his tongue in, making the other groan slightly at his rash actions.

He slipped his hands beneath Castiel's shirt, tracked his fingertips up and down his back, leaving hot trails on his skin, everything in his body tingling, pleasant, a moan escaping him.

They continued kissing slowly, savoring every second, tasting and feeling each other, Dean's fingers trailing the outlines of the muscles on Castiel's back, pronounced and firm from working out, keeping in shape, twitching under his every touch.

Castiel leaned in more to press his lips into Dean's harder, more passionate, trying to gain control, to lead him into a state of trance, overwhelmed by fervor and pleasure until he couldn't distinguish between reality and semi-consciousness anymore.

He felt Dean push him, palms firmly placed on his lower back, preventing him from gaining the upper hand. Dean grinned against his lips, biting him softly as he fumbled with his shirt, searching for the hem to pull it up, get rid of that interfering, distracting and annoying fabric, shifting to nip the soft skin on his neck.

"Dean-" he groaned, shivers shooting through his body, inhaling as the man sucked at the spot that made his mind go blank, leaning his head back ever so slightly, eyes fluttering shut.

The sensation of Dean's stubble scraping his skin where it was sensitive, the little bite marks he left on his neck, small red spots, it all drove him crazy, made his jaw work, struggling to keep his composure.

Dean pulled him, lead him back to the riverside again, fingers buried in the fabric of the shirt, grip tight. He wanted Castiel to follow, to not have any chance to fight back, follow him to where they could lie down, where Dean could feel his body under his own.

Castiel bent forward to capture Dean's lips in his, reaching out, fingers spreading over his hip and gripping into the fabric of his trousers and shirt.

He felt himself being tugged, spun around and two firm hands on his shoulders pushed him to the ground, making him sit down where the blanket still waited for them to return.

Dean came to rest on him, forcing him to press his back to the ground, propped up on his underarms to tower over him, crushing his lips into Castiel's again, wild and fierce.

It seemed so natural to be together with Dean. Like he'd never done something different, they'd always been this way. His worries didn't matter anymore, the fact they took a risk wasn't appreciable, his very thoughts and mind just concentrating on one thing, Dean. It felt like his life had been designed for being with him, everything had been amounting to this one moment.

"I told you-" Dean muttered, kissing him, "you'll like it." He moved, dragging his lips across Castiel's cheek, stopping at his jawline, nibbling there. "I know what I'm doing."

"I've noticed." Castiel moaned, sucking in the air through his teeth as Dean bit down on his neck gently, tilting his head to grant him more access to his skin.

"Had sex these past five years?" he asked, brushing the soft skin with his nose as he turned to look at Castiel, panting a little.

"No." Castiel whispered, hands slipping beneath his shirt, dragging up Dean's back. "Didn't get the opportunity."

"Want me to fuck you?" Dean breathed, licking his lips as he stared at him, watching the glint in his blue eyes, shimmering from the light of the fire. "You'll love it."

"You're rude, it's our first date." Castiel noted, pushing him down into another kiss, starting to tug at Dean's shirt, impatient and hasty.

"That's a 'yes'." Dean mumbled as he drew away and sat up, pulling the shirt over his head, carelessly casting it away. "Can't hold myself back anyway." Castiel took a moment, appreciating, taking in the sight to never forget, abs and muscles, eyeing the little scars.

His lips parted as he stared, quickly biting down on his lower lip when Dean chuckled, having noticed him dreaming, checking out what he got.

"Your turn." Dean shifted in order to pull Castiel up, force him to sit so he could undress him, hasty, get rid of his shirt as well, fingers feeling the bare skin, as much as he could touch. "Man, I knew I'm queer, but damn-"

He didn't mind Dean's eyes raking over him, not even when he pushed him back to lie on the ground again, exposed him, wanting to get a better view. He enjoyed it, all the attention he gave him, expression full of lust, with relish.

"You're losing your dignity, Winchester." Castiel grinned and grabbed his shoulders, turning him to press his back onto the blanket instead, sitting on top of him.

"Never had any." Dean rasped, gasping as Castiel bent over him and nipped at his collarbone. "Not around you." Castiel smiled against his skin, amused, the hot breath causing Dean to shiver.

He leaned in to hover over Dean, sliding their mouths together, trying to get the most of him, Dean pushed his hips up, encouraging and challenging, nails biting into Castiel's back.

"You're so impatient." he drawled, separating their lips to move down, fumbling with his belt. Dean leaned his head back, eyes closing and lips parted as Castiel yanked his trousers down, getting his dick out.

He took it in his hand with a careful squeeze, watching Dean as he squirmed under his touch, moaning, mouth wide open while he jerked him.

"God-" he panted, fingers tangling into Castiel's hair, tugging as he licked at the tip playfully, long and teasing. "God, Cas."

"Don't worry, you still get to fuck me." Castiel murmured and closed his lips around his cock, sucking and tonguing slowly. Dean's breath hitched and he swallowed thickly, keeping his eyelids firmly shut. "Damn it, Cas."

He pulled away a few moments later and sat straight, glancing at Dean, panting and gripping into the blanket, the man who made him imprudent and stupid enough to blow him out in the open where anyone could see them, then moving up again to taste the delicate skin on his neck.

"Don't you just-" Dean growled, wrapping his arms around Castiel as he rolled over, forcing him under his body, "fucking stop like that."

He undid the buttons on his pants, helping him take them off before his lips were over Castiel's again, swollen and reckless. Dean rested on him, hands searching for the mans wrists in order to tuck them to each side of his head, his member outlined to Dean's leg, big and hot.

"Cas." he mouthed, parting their lips idly, reluctantly, watched Castiel open his eyes to meet his gaze before he knelt, one knee on each side. "Turn around, baby."

Castiel exhaled shakily as he obeyed, pressing his temple to the ground, gazing at Dean out of the corners of his eyes, half open, watching Dean bend over him again, stroking his lower lip with two fingers. "Suck them."

He did, taking them in and twirling his tongue around his fingers while Dean trailed some kisses along his jawline, nibbling at his ear until he pulled them back, wet and sticky. "Good boy, Cas." he breathed hot to the shell of his ear.

"Don't call me that." Castiel panted, digging his nails into the blanket as Dean circled his hips, his cock brushing hard against Castiel's legs.

"Baby." Dean corrected with a smirk, leading his fingers down to Castiel's ass, pushing into him recklessly, making him gasp shakily, mouth opening wider. "Breathe, baby, I got ya'. Don't worry."

He fucked him a few times before he added another finger, nibbling and kissing Castiel's cheek as he grimaced and panted, breath hitching even more with each second. Dean's erect cock pressing to the inside of his leg made him insane, made his mind go crazy for him, impatiently and wild.

He wanted him to fuck him, do things to him he'd never say out loud, grind into him until he saw stars, his world only concentrating around Dean and his dick.

"Dean-" he choked, his voice breaking at the need of air, at Dean scissoring and fucking his fingers into him, "stop teasing." He tried to manage a glare but it ended up being more of a needy, half open glance. "Just fuck me already."

Chuckling, Dean pulled out and positioned himself, brushing his neck with his lips, kissing, before he pushed into him, the head of his dick spreading Castiel wide and he inhaled deeply, eyes fluttering shut.

"Fuck-" he gasped, taking the pain as good as he could, waiting for Dean to move. "It's okay, just relax, baby." Dean murmured, his breath hot against Castiel's neck.

"I'm gonna fuck you for good." Dean said, slowly inhaling in pleasure as he pushed deeper, his dick entirely filling Castiel who opened his mouth wider, throwing his head back. "I'm gonna make it so nice for you."

Castiel jerked his hips back, meeting Dean's to encourage him, finally make him stop playing and teasing. Dean leaned his forehead to the back of Castiel's head, speeding up a little, carefully thrusting and rolling his hips into him, deeper and faster.

Another lustful moan escaped Castiel's lips and he felt his wrists being grabbed, Dean's hands firmly squeezing as he held them, soon intertwining their fingers, nails biting into each others skin.

"Dean-" Castiel whimpered, voice coarse and breaking, making Dean bury his nose in his hair, biting his lip as he thrust harder, obliging. He freed one hand from Castiel's grip, tracked down his torso to his cock and placed his fingers around it tightly, thumb stroking the sensitive tip, causing a throaty groan from Castiel.

"You're so hard." he whispered into his ear, starting to jerk him, meeting the pace of his thrusts. "And so hot. God, Cas, you're so hot."

Castiel moaned into the blanket as Dean hit that one spot, making him dizzy and tingly, sending a wave of pleasure through his body, meeting it over and over again with each thrust.

"Dean, fuck me." he murmured absentmindedly, inhaling and grimacing. "Right there-" He gritted his teeth and growled, not able to hold himself back, his cock twitching in Dean's hand.

"Come on, baby." Dean grumbled, lifting Castiel up to get on all fours, him now kneeling and still thrusting relentlessly, even faster, making Castiel reel a little at the different angle. He knew both of them weren't going to last.

Castiel dug his fingers into the blanket, knuckles standing out white from the pressure, holding his breath for a few seconds as he suppressed a shaky moan.

Dean's hand ran up and down his side, fingernails dragging over his skin, tormenting slowly, leaving white streaks where they'd irritated the soft skin.

Castiel dropped his head, meeting each of Dean's thrusts until he was on edge, panting and moaning, crying out into his hand to suppress it, Dean still fucking into him hard and deep for a few moments until he came, bending down and pressing his forehead to Castiel's back, moaning long and jerking forward.

Dean's breath brushed over his back, tickling him, and he then slipped away from him, rolling to the ground, panting and exhausted. "Fuck."

"Yeah." Castiel whimpered, dropping onto the blanket next to him, trying to control his breath, calm down. "Right."

It took him a few moments to settle until he curled up beneath Dean, resting his head on his shoulder, Dean's arm around him, stroking his side, both staying silent, watching the stars become more clear as the sun had disappeared, listening to the sounds of the forest.

"Did I tell you I love you?" Dean said, leaning his head against Castiel's. "I mean, you know I do, but did I tell you today?"

"I think you didn't." Castiel shrugged his shoulders, eyes falling shut in exhaustion, snuggling closer to Dean, closer to his warmth. "I love you, Cas."

Castiel shifted to look at him, propping himself up and kissed him lazily. "I love you too."

"Cas, you know how you, Sammy and me never talk about our past?" he then asked as Castiel laid back down, sprawling his fingers on the man's chest.

"What about it?" he murmured, tiredly searching for the most comfortable position, head in the crook of Dean's neck.

"That's a fucking stupid rule." Dean complained and reached for his backpack, pulling out another blanket he'd brought. He hadn't known for sure if they'd sleep with each other tonight, but it was what he'd been hoping for, so he was prepared. "Let's give a shit about that rule. I wanna know more about you."

"Ask away." Castiel agreed, helping Dean spread the thin blanket, smiling faintly as he knew why it was there in the first place, why Dean had brought more than one. "What did you do before, Cas?"

"I was studying, psychology." he sighed and Dean made an inquiring sound. "I always sucked at understanding people, but I loved watching them, I wanted to know more. Also studying it made it easier for me to fit in with society."

"Makes sense. Way more impressive than me, I was a car mechanic. Specialized in old cars." Dean laughed, rubbing Castiel's arm up and down, distantly.

"Gabriel had this old car, was that how you two met?" he noted, frowning at the realization, wondering why he never asked about how they came to know each other. "Exactly. It was so worn out, he'd have to come every few weeks or months. But he didn't care, it was his car. I understood that."

"I suppose he was stubborn even when it came down to cars." Castiel chuckled, slightly shaking his head. "You talk like you also had a car you wouldn't give up no matter what."

"I did, a really old one my father gave me when I was old enough." he reminisced, odd sound to his voice. "A 1967 Chevy Impala. She was the one and only girl in my life."

"Should I be jealous?" he frowned, faint smirk on his lips as he breathed a kiss to Dean's jaw.

"Of a car?" Dean huffed and pulled him closer, kissing him back on his forehead. "Well, probably more than of anyone else."

"I can't imagine you never had a relationship as serious and intimate as with your car." Castiel sat up and leaned over Dean to get a hold of the backpack, pulling a bottle of water out, grinning at him. "Intimate? Cas, I did not fuck the car."

Castiel breathed out in amusement before he lead the bottle to his lips, taking a sip, suddenly being aware of how thirsty he'd been after sex, passing it on to Dean afterwards.

"Do you have family except your brothers?" Dean asked before he drank, curious gaze locked at Castiel, his lips twitching a bit at the question and he looked down. "I'm sorry, Cas. Stupid question."

"No, no it's okay." he sighed, shaking his head, staring at something in the distance. "My dad ran away when I was a kid. Never knew my mom."

Dean bobbed his head, stroking Castiel's knee and cleared his throat. "My mom died when I was four, the house burnt down and she couldn't escape in time. My dad's still out there I guess, might as well be dead but I don't really know. He just disappeared at one point, not that long ago."

Castiel frowned and shifted, uneasy, putting his head to rest on his palm, elbow based on the ground as he stared at Dean, unsure what to say, voice low. "I'm sorry."

"I still have Sammy." he shrugged a shoulder, exhaling before he reached out to tug Castiel down, sliding their lips together. "And now you."

"What if I leave you?" Castiel whispered, leaning into another kiss. "What if this all turns against us and I have to leave you?"

"You won't, Cas." Dean rumbled, forcing him to lie down, partly resting on his chest. "I won't let you leave, I won't let anything turn against us."