The thing about rehab, the thing that no one told you, was that by the time you walk out, there isn't an emotion you haven't felt. Vince figured that out about five days into his stay at the center after a particularly long group session when he had walked in feeling happy and came out feeling like he had been through the ringer. It was tiring just talking about how they felt, why they did things, what choices they made and every other tiny detail that made up their lives. He was used to playing a range of different feelings but that was all just an act. This was the real deal and it was exhausting.

When he had first started acting, Vince used to spend hours in front of the mirror studying his face. He would try on different expressions, contorting his mouth and his eyes to fit all these feelings that his characters were supposed to feel. It was forced and it always came across that way. It was only when he started to relate to the characters, put himself in their shoes, that it became an organic process for him. That was the process he had adopted in rehab. Whenever he couldn't quite capture how he felt about something that happened weeks, months or even years ago, he would put himself back in that moment and it would just come to him. Dr. Jameson agreed to seem that it was working well for Vince, and for once, his chosen profession was good for something other than a big payday and a hot girl.

Vince was feeling about a billion different things that morning as he looked at himself in the mirror, wondering if everyone could see the confusion and fear dancing in his famously beautiful eyes. Today was the day that he had been looking forward to since getting to the hospital eight days ago; Eric was finally coming for a visit. Brett's parents had already arrived from San Francisco, leaving Vince alone in their shared room to get ready. E was supposed to be there in time for lunch, although Vince wasn't sure he would be able to eat with the butterflies that were currently fluttering in his stomach. He hadn't been this nervous in nearly a decade, and even then, it had been when he had auditioned for his first Vicks commercial. He had never been this nervous about seeing a girl and especially not about hanging out with his best friend. However, Vince figured this was pretty much the most important thing he had ever done because the only thing that mattered right now besides his sobriety was fixing things with Eric.

Shaking off the jitters, Vince sat on the edge of his bed and retrieved the t-shirt he had stashed under his pillow that very first day. He fingered the worn cotton gingerly before burying his nose in it. It still smelled the same as it did that day when he had first stolen it. No one knew that Vince carried it around with him like a security blanket, clinging to it whenever he felt lost and alone. Stolen from Eric just a few days before Vince came out to Los Angeles and a few days after their high school graduation, it was just an old Mets shirt that E had probably long forgot that he even owned. But for Vince, that shirt represented a kind of safety and security that kept him grounded. It had gotten him through that first homesick year, days in Mexico after his world had fallen apart and a long summer in New York when E had finally walked out on him.

Once he had hidden his shirt again, Vince went back to getting ready. E would be there any minute, and for some reason, he needed everything to be perfect. The room had already been straightened, and Vince was the usual kind of messy beautiful that worked for him. He was just about to start pacing the floor when he heard the familiar voice in his doorway. "Wow, you haven't slept in a twin bed since you were a kid."

Turning on his heel, he knew that his whole face lit up as he rushed forward to hug Eric in the most manly way he could manage. E squeezed him extra hard before he pulled away. Vince pulled him by the elbow into the room and shut the door after him. "Damn, it's really fucking good to see you," he grinned, not at all caring that he probably looked like a fool. Eric chuckled as he looked around the room. He sat on the edge of Vince's bed and took in the view. "It's not much, but it's home for now."

Eric leaned over and picked up the album from the nightstand. He smiled boyishly at a photograph of Vince and Eric sitting out by the pool at the Malibu house, one that Vince had pulled loose last night when he had been missing his best friend. "It's not so bad," E said, grinning up at his friend. "I'm glad you're doing well, Vin. I brought some cookies from Drama and Turtle sent a few magazines. That nurse, Lena, is going to test one of the cookies and then you should be able to have them. He told me to tell you that he didn't use milk so they should be fine."

Vince came over and sat down next to Eric, allowing his shoulder to rest against his. "Tell him I appreciate it and that I miss them both," he replied.

E nodded and nudged his shoulder against Vince's. "So tell me what you've been doing here."

"Talking...a lot."

"About?"

"About everything," he answered. "I talk about drugs and Sasha and my family. I talk about my career and the pressure from Ari and what it's like to be famous. I talk about growing up in Queens and what it's like for me out here and why I do the things that I've done. I talk about my vices and my bad habits and why I use them to avoid feeling anything real. I talk about Drama and Turtle and how important their friendship is. And I talk about you and how much you mean to me and how you were the one person who helped me after everything else fell apart."

"Vin..."

"E, I need to apologize," Vince said suddenly. "I've been thinking about this a lot. Not just for the obvious stuff like fucking up my career and lying to you and putting you through all of that. I need to apologize to you for the toll that it took on everything with Sloan. It's not fair, you know? You should get to have a life that I don't fuck up for you."

Eric rested his hand on Vince's forearm and shook his head. "You're not the reason that Sloan and I aren't together. Well, it's not your fault at least," he tried to explain. "Sloan wasn't there when I needed her to support me. There is nothing that I won't do for you, Vince, and she knew that going in. I needed her to be there for me and be there for you last summer and she couldn't do that. She told me that I had to choose, and I warned her that she wouldn't like the choice that I made. I wasn't walking away from you, Vince, not when you needed me the most. That's not how this – how we – work. She knew that about me and she still made the ultimatum. It was over right then."

"You shouldn't have to pick."

"I shouldn't," E agreed, "but you didn't do that. You didn't stay that it was you or Sloan. Yeah, I know that the engagement kind of messed with things a little bit, but you never told me that I had to pick. You supported me and were happy for me when I needed that. I should have paid more attention. That's what I'm sorry for. I didn't want to see what was going on right in front of me. You think you did a good job of hiding it, but I should have seen it. No one knows you better than me, just like you know me better than anyone else. I'm sorry that I wasn't there when you needed me."

"You're here now, that's all that matters," Vince reassured him. "From the moment that you knew I needed you, you have been there for me. You never missed a step since then, E, and you need to know that none of this is your fault. It's mine. I get that now. I'm responsible for me, even if I want to let you make my decisions."

"Wow, you're really growing up," Eric laughed wryly, both of them trying to act as if there weren't tears pricking in their eyes. "I guess all that talking has been good for you, huh?"

Vince nodded and smiled a little. "I've had a lot of time to think."

"Oh, yeah? Any good thoughts?"

"A few," he retorted with a slight chuckle. "You know one of the things we've talked about is how we're not supposed to be in a relationship after we got out for at least a year. I kept thinking to myself, how do I do that? I thought it was impossible. And then this woman started asking questions, tips and ways of coping if you are already in a relationship. The counselor had her go through defining what a relationship was and then it hit me."

"What did?"

"What a relationship is to me," Vince explained. This is what he had talked to Dr. Jameson about yesterday. This was the thing that he was supposed to tell Eric. "I've had a lot of people come in and out of my life, E, a lot. Very few people have ever stuck it out with me, through the good and the bad, no matter what. When this went down, I got to see who was really there for me. You know what I saw?" Eric shook his head, his eyes as wide as saucers. "I saw that you were the one person who was there. You were my definition of stability. You're the longest fucking relationship I'm ever going to have."

"Vin..." Eric's voice trailed off. He looked scared. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying what you already know, E," he answered. "How did I miss it? After Kristen and after Mandy, after Sasha and Sloan...all those weeks in the house, that was what it could have been like if I had seen it earlier. You got me through that by loving me. It sucked but you saw me through."

It had been a long time since Eric had thought about this, not since the fall after he had ended things with Kristen for good. She had always accused him of being codependent with Vince, and during those cool autumn months, he finally saw what she meant. They worked in tandem in meetings, with the guys, when they were out with girls. Taking care of Vince's career was what had gotten him through that breakup, just like taking care of Vince's life had gotten him through ending things with Sloan. He had known then that it wasn't exactly healthy and that he wasn't even ready to begin to think about what it meant. He had never looked at any guy the way he was starting to look at Vince, and there was no way that could end good for either of them.

"Vince, I don't think we should be talking about this now."

"No, I just needed to say that so you would know. I've talked to Dr. Jameson about it more in abstract, and he encouraged me to talk to you. I'm not asking you to give me an answer or to even feel the same. I just needed you to know so that you could think if maybe that's something you would want. I don't know what it would mean, but I know that it would be messy for both of us. And they may tell me that I'm not ready, but they'd be wrong. How can I not be ready for a relationship that I've been in pretty much my whole life? With you, E, that's where I belong."