Alone

by Misterida

The boys are alone in the house and Jeff is about to find out the price of his absence. Sequel to Heartbeats. WeeTracys. Rated for slightly darker themes.

3. Chapter 3

Sorry for the super long wait! Thank you so much for your patience. Here is the final part of Alone. Thank you all so much for your reviews and those that have favourited or followed this story!

Disclaimer: Enough said.

Medical stuff should be taken with a pinch of salt and all mistakes are mine!

---

"You have seven new messages. New messages:"

"Dad? Dad, it's John. Scott's sick, Dad. We've called an ambulance and they are taking him to Henderson Memorial Hospital. Please get here as soon as you can, Dad."

"Dad, it's Virgil. We are all at the hospital now. We are gonna have to turn our phones off now so you won't be able to call us back, but we need you to get here now."

"Mr Tracy, this is Jenny Millar, I am a doctor at Henderson Memorial. We have your son here and we need your permission to run tests and admit him. Please can you call me back as soon as you get this message on 867-5309."

"Jefferson, this is your Mother. We are going to be having words, young man! What on earth were your children doing unattended? I thought I had raised you better than this, but clearly I was mistaken. I mean, for goodness sake, Jefferson, do you want your children to be taken away from you? What were you thinking? We're you even thinking anything? I have had a call from Henderson Memorial, I have authorised the hospital with regards to Scott's care. He has meningitis, by the way. Did you even know he was sick? How far up your ass is your head? Oh, hold on a minute Jefferson. Yes? Excuse me, sir, what do you mean, I can't use my phone in this carriage? What on earth is the matter with you? Can't you see I am in the middle of a thorough dressing down here? Oh for goodness sake, very well. Jefferson, I am on the train, and a very rude young guard, who will be getting what is coming to him, has informed me that you have been given a reprieve. I will call you again later, if you haven't bothered to turn up at the hospital by the time I get there!"

"Mr Tracy, this is Dr Millar again. We have made contact with your mother who had approved the treatment of your son. She is currently en route to the hospital but her eta is still over three hours. In the meantime your other sons are waiting here without adult supervision. Perhaps if you could call me? Thank you."

"Dad, it's Virgil again. Where the hell are you? We need you here! They aren't telling anything! Scott is so sick that the police had to close the roads so that the ambulance could get here quicker. Do you even care? Where are you, Dad?"

"Mr Tracy, this is Mrs Michaela Spring, I am with the CPS. I am calling with regard to your sons and their care. I hear that you are a difficult man to track down, but if you could give me a call I would appreciate it. My number is 867-5418."

Jeff listened to each new message with increasing panic. He was still listening to the messages as he sprinted past his surprised receptionist and out of the office. He was still listening to the messages as he threw his car into gear and sped out of the car park on to the street.

Scott has meningitis and now the CPS? Oh god. Jeff thought. He knew that he had been absent a lot lately but he thought that he had made arrangements to ensure that the boys were being taken care of. He was shocked and horrified with the realisation that he had not spoken to any of his sons in at least a week and that even then the last time he had spoken with the eldest three had been over the phone. God knows when he had last spoken with his youngest two. They were so often in bed when he got in from work in the evenings. If Scott was seriously sick Jeff didn't know what he would do. He knew that he was avoiding his sons because of their resemblance to his late wife but the thought that he would lose them, whether to sickness or to the government was more than he could bear.

Jeff shot into the reception area of the hospital like a man possessed. The nurse frowned when he gave his name and gave him directions to Scott's room. As he sprinted towards the room of his eldest son he could hear raised voices that sounded incredibly familiar. Jeff somehow was able to increase the speed of his pumping legs as he burst through the double doors into the next corridor.

The scene that met him was one that he would never forget.

---

"Waked up, 'cotty. Pease."

Scott was floating in a world of hot, stuffy, uncomfortability. His head hurt and he felt sick. He didn't know where he was and he didn't know how he had got there. He found that he didn't really care. And then there was this little hand running through his hair and a voice begging him to wake up. The voice was not a familiar one but it reminded him of his brothers when they had been younger. And suddenly everything had started to fall into place. His brothers. As much as it hurt, Scott began a long hard fight towards the surface. His efforts increased as the weight on his bed was suddenly gone and there was screaming which left his head ringing.

---

Alan sat there once more in silence as he continued to run his hand through Scott's hair. He couldn't hear the conversation being carried out in the corridor but as long as he could be with Scott he didn't care.

Suddenly the door was thrown open and the woman from the CPS strode back in and practically stormed up to the bed.

John had sprinted in behind her and was still shouting.

"You can't do this! You have no right!" He practically screamed.

"I have every right. And I am not taking him away, all I am doing is taking him to see a doctor upstairs. No final decisions have been made yet and nothing is going to be rushed in terms of your long term care."

As she spoke she picked Alan up from the bed.

The response was simultaneous and terrifying.

John's arm was grabbed by Grandma Tracy as he leapt forward screaming blue murder. Virgil whilst yelling was struggling to hold back Gordon who had also attempted to throw himself at the CPS woman. Alan on his part scrabbled at Scott as he was pulled from the bed and he too began to scream.

The woman had a cold look on her face as she carried Alan to the door.

"I will return the child to you down here once the doctors have finished their examinations." She said tartly to Grandma Tracy and swept from the room into the corridor.

The Tracy's followed, Grandma's lip quivered as she tried not to let the children see her distress. John was now helping Virgil in holding Gordon back who was getting increasingly upset as Alan continued to scream and struggle against the woman carrying him.

Then two things happened at once. The door at the end of the corridor was thrown wide and Jeff burst through and stumbled suddenly to a stop at the scene that he was facing. At the same time the door to Scott's room flew open and Scott lurched out into the corridor.

If the phrase "pandemonium" had been used to describe the scene until that point then it was nothing on the anarchy that broke out next. Both Jeff and Scott saw the handling of the youngest by a stranger and with the reactions of a mother bear moved forward. Gordon who had taken the sudden arrivals in stride used the distraction to try and make another move against the CPS worker. Three nurses and a doctor slammed through the doors at the opposite end of the corridor to Jeff with a crash cart.

It was impossible to work out quite what happened next but all action stopped when one voice rose over the din.

"STOP!" The word was lisped but still distinct.

The cacophony stopped almost immediately.

Alan was now on the floor but still being held by the CPS lady, and he was breathing hard. He gave her a look of utter distain and slapped at her hand. The blow couldn't have hurt but she let him go as though burnt.

"Allie?" Said John slowly, uncertain that he had heard what he thought he had heard.

Alan ignored John and walked to Scott. He pointed at Scott and then pointed back into the room, presumably at the bed.

Scott stood flabbergasted at his youngest brother. He was swaying heavily and was being supported by the nurse, Emma.

"Was that you Allie?" Scott asked amazed

Alan nodded. He looked back at the CPS worker and frowned. He pointed at her with confusion on his face and then looked back at Scott.

Jeff pushed forward until he was between his family and the CPS worker.

"What on earth is going on?" He demanded. "Where are you taking my son, without legal adult supervision?"

The three nurses and doctor took this break to enter the fray.

"Good evening, are you Mr Tracy?" Said the Doctor offering his hand.

"Yes, I've only just arrived; I misplaced my phone and have only just got your messages." Jeff said breathlessly.

"Well, we need to talk Mr Tracy, but first," the doctor's attention turned to Scott who was now surrounded by his anxious siblings, Virgil and Gordon talking loudly over each other whilst John and Alan stood silent but looking more worried. "Scott, we need to get you back into bed."

"No!" Scott almost yelled and everyone instinctively took a step backwards, startled and alarmed by his outburst.

"Scott," John interjected quietly. "You're still unwell. You need to sleep to get better."

"I don't understand what is going on!" Scott said in anguish.

Before anyone could say anything Scott swayed and his eyes rolled back into his head.

"Again?" was all John had time to say as he once more collapsed under the weight of his only older brother.

Once Scott was safely back in bed, with the monitors reattached and his brothers sat on chairs or on the floor around the bed under the watchful eye of Grandma Tracy and Nurse Emma, the Doctor took Jeff to his office to explain the situation. The CPS worker, by no means appeased, was sat outside Scott's room, making copious notes.

---

Jeff never discussed with anyone else what was said firstly between himself and the doctor and secondly between himself and the CPS worker. Jeff looked as though he had aged twenty years when he returned to Scott's room. As much as Josie wanted to tan her son's backside her heart broke at the look on his face.

Scott was once more sleeping peacefully. Virgil was sat on Scott's right with Alan on his lap. John and Gordon were sat on the floor playing snap. Josie was working on a blanket for Mrs Deeks, from her church, who was expecting and she was sat on Scott's left.

Jeff fell into the spare chair next to his mother and immediately buried his head in his hands.

"I didn't know…. I didn't think…." Jeff said.

Before any more could be said their attention was drawn to the quiet one sided conversation that Virgil was having with Alan.

"I don't know what you are asking, Al." Virgil said patiently. "Go again."

Both John and Gordon stopped playing their game and watched as Alan repeated a series of gestures.

Jeff looked at Josie in confusion.

"Hmmm." Josie said quietly and mostly to herself. "So, you didn't know either. Interesting."

Before Jeff could make any further commentary or suggestion John sighed sadly. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He flipped his wallet open and handed it to Alan, who took it with both hands. Alan looked carefully at what he was holding before looking at Jeff before looking back at John. His little lip wobbled as he returned John's wallet to him. John scooped Alan off Virgil's lap and in one swift movement had Alan on his hip.

"It's okay, buddy." His shushed as he bounced Alan up and down.

Without another glance at anyone else John walked across the room and opened the door.

"Hey," Jeff said re-finding his voice "where do you think you are going?"

John gave his father a disgusted look and continued through the door shutting it firmly behind him.

Jeff leapt to his feet.

"Sit down." Virgil spoke coldly. "You can't pick and choose when to be our father."

He too stood to his feet and as Gordon took his hand, they exited the room.

"I don't know where I went wrong." Jeff said to his mother sitting back down.

"Oh, I can think of a few places but now is certainly not the time for it. There is still a chance to fix this, Jeff. Just make sure that you do." With this she set her knitting down and followed the boys.

They hadn't gone far. John was sat on the chairs immediately outside Scott's room. Alan was on his lap with Virgil and Gordon sat on either side. Josie sat gracefully down next to Gordon and ran her hand through his hair.

"I understand that you are angry, John, but I expect you to apologise to your father. You as well Virgil." Grandma Tracy said softly.

"You want me to apologise?" John said equally softly. "Did you understand what Alan was asking?"

He pulled out his wallet again, whilst keeping on arm tight around his youngest brother; he passed the open wallet to his grandmother. Inside was a picture of his parents from their wedding day.

"He wanted to know who that man was." John said his voice trembling with supressed emotion. "Doesn't that tell you something; when the youngest can't even identify his own father when he sees him… and you want us to apologise to him?"

"I think that there are some things we need to clear up." Jeff said softly from where he was stood in the doorway.

The three middle boys jumped but Alan seemed oblivious as he played with the seam on John's t-shirt.

"It will have to wait." Grandma Tracy broke in before anything else could be said. "These boys have been here for hours now and it is well past all of their bedtimes. I am taking them home. You stay here with Scott."

The answer was simultaneous. The three elder boys all broke out in protest and Alan started to cry again.

Despite their protests Grandma Tracy won. She always did. The boys were taken home and put to bed. Alan cried himself to sleep. The others weren't much better. Grandma Tracy wandered round the house taking note of everything. She had a lot of work to do.

---

Jeff sat with his eldest son and did something that he had not done in a long time. He thought about his family. He thought that he had made provisions for the family so that they would be looked after in his absence. There were a lot of things that he didn't understand. But for the first time in a very long time, he wanted to understand. The children he had seen today were not the children that he remembered from before Lucy's death. Certainly he had worked long hours back then too, but there was excitement when he came home and all of the boys had clamoured for his attention. Now he had three sons that couldn't stand to even be in the same room as him, one that hadn't known who he was… and then there was Scott. Scott was probably the worst affected out of this whole sordid affair. The responsibility had fallen to Scott and even from the short time he had been at the hospital it was clear that the four youngest still hero worshipped the eldest and turned to him. Scott hadn't acknowledged his father's presence but it was clear that the fever was messing with Scott's brain. Jeff wanted Scott to wake up so he could start getting answers but at the same time was so very worried about what Scott's reaction would be. It had been hard enough to take from the other four but Jeff didn't think that he could cope if Scott rejected him too. It wasn't that Scott was his favourite; he didn't have favourites. Each of his sons was very different so he both loved and treated them differently because of it. But still, Scott was his eldest, his first born and they had always been close in a way that he didn't always feel with his other sons; John could be awkward and struggled socially, Virgil was a gentle soul and he navigated more towards Lucy than himself, Gordon had always been fiercely independent and hadn't really required anyone to be there for him… and as for Alan. Well, Alan was still so young, his personality was still developing… but Jeff missed the sight of walking in from work and the littlest tottering towards him, arms outstretched and a hopeful 'hug me' expression on his face.

---

Grandma Tracy woke with a start. There was someone walking about in the house. She carefully got out of bed. She pulled her door open in time to see John carrying Alan in to Virgil's room. She pushed the door opened wide and crossed the hallway. Virgil was sat up in bed with his arms around Alan, who had his ear pressed against Virgil's chest.

"Boys?" Grandma Tracy said softly.

The two older boys jumped whilst Alan remained oblivious.

"Hi Grandma." John said. "Alan had a nightmare."

Alan sat back and popped his thumb in his mouth.

"So why are you in Virgil's room?" Asked Grandma Tracy totally confused what John clearly thought was an explanation.

"He likes to check on us after he has had a nightmare." John said. "He woke me up when he checked on me, so we are checking on Virge and then I am putting Al back to bed."

"What is he checking on?" Grandma Tracy asked.

"He listens to us breathe and then listens to our heartbeats." Virgil said.

"How long has this been going on for?" Grandma Tracy asked. "Does this happen every night?"

John and Virgil exchanged a glance and a smirk. Then seeing the look on Grandma Tracy's face, John answered quickly.

"Since the accident and it is at least once a night, but usually more often than that."

Before Grandma Tracy could say anything there was the sound of footsteps in the hallway.

"Al?" Gordon hissed.

"We're in here, Gordo." John called out.

Gordon dashed in, saw Grandma Tracy and stumbled to a halt.

"Uh oh." He said.

"Uh oh is right young man." Grandma Tracy said. "Boys, why didn't you tell me what has been going on? I want an answer and I want the truth."

The boys exchanged a long glance. Then they all looked at John.

"Man, am I glad I'm not the oldest." John said. He ran his hand through his hair. "Scotty should really be the one to tell you."

"No, sorry John. You don't get to pass the buck. Tell me now." Grandma Tracy said sternly.

"Remember the problem we had with that baby sitter?" John said cautiously.

Grandma Tracy nodded and frowned in recollection.

"Well," Virgil said, taking over the narrative when John hesitated. "Right after you got off the phone with Dad, he rang Scotty. I don't know what was said but then when we got a new babysitter they had a row about it; we don't know most of what was said."

"After that though, Scotty said that we couldn't tell you exactly what was going on, just the basics. Dad said something to Scotty about us telling tales to you. That is why we didn't tell you how bad things have been." John finished.

"When I get my hands on that boy… Ooooh." Grandma Tracy fumed.

"Scott?" Said Virgil and Gordon in alarm.

Grandma Tracy smiled humourlessly. "No, not Scott. Your father."

The four boys exchanged gobsmacked although slightly gleeful looks. That was gonna be fun but terrifying to watch.

"But that is something to be considered in the morning." Said Grandma Tracy firmly. "It is time to go back to bed, boys."

She reached for Alan but he shied back from her and instead looked at John.

"I'll take him." John said picking Alan up from Virgil's lap.

"Don't worry, Grandma," Gordon said seeing how upset and worried Grandma Tracy looked. "He's a fussy wotsit, but he'll come 'round."

Alan looked at Gordon then at Grandma Tracy, then frowned. He leant towards her and planted a gentle kiss on her cheek. He then put his two hands, palms together, against his cheek and followed this with a thumbs up gesture.

The three other boys laughed.

"Did he just tell me to sleep good?" She asked astounded.

"Yeah, he hasn't found a hand sign for 'well' yet." Virgil said, still giggling. "He makes do."

"Although," said John pseudo-crossly tickling Alan's tummy. "it's pointless now, because we know you can talk."

Alan attempted to huff around his giggling, rolled his eyes and attempted to fold his arms, but couldn't because John was holding him and still tickling his stomach. Eventually Alan batted John's hand away.

"Can. Don't. It not same fing." Alan said awkwardly and slowly, struggling to form and say the words.

John sat down suddenly on the bed. Knowing Alan could speak and actually seeing him do it, were two very different things. Alan suddenly found himself in the middle of a four way hug.

Once they had let go, Alan stared at his brothers and the tears in their eyes and cocked his head with a frown.

"We were worried, Sprout." John said fondly ruffling the hair of his younger carbon copy.

Alan shrugged.

"Because we didn't know why you weren't talking." Virgil said understanding that Alan was asking why.

Alan frowned, pointed at himself and then made an 'okay' gesture.

"Yeah, Allie, we know you're okay." John said fondly standing up once more. "Come on then, buddy. Time for bed."

Alan rolled his eyes again but consented to being carried back to bed. He did refuse to let go of John though once he had been tucked into bed.

"What's the matter, Sprout?" John asked running his hand through Alan's hair.

Alan shrugged and played the hem on his blanket; refusing to meet John's gaze.

"Allie," John said pulling Alan's chin up gently, forcing his youngest brother to look at him. "what's the matter?"

"'cotty 'kay?" Alan asked.

John's heart went out to his littlest brother. "Yeah, Allie, Scott's okay. The doctors just need to keep an eye on him for a little bit, but he'll be home before you know it."

Alan's little lip wobbled but he didn't say or gesture anything else. Gordon popped up next to John carrying his pillow.

"Budge up." Gordon said to Alan who complied.

Gordon laid his pillow next to his brother's and laid down next to him. Alan curled up with his head on Gordon's chest. About 30 seconds later he was fast asleep.

At John's surprised look Gordon said softly, so as not to wake Alan: "It's the only way to get him back to sleep sometimes. And I know he is exhausted."

"Thanks, Gordy. Sleep well, and if you need anything just yell." John said standing up.

Outside Grandma Tracy was stood waiting for John.

"When Scott is feeling better, I need the two of you to tell me everything." She said.

"When Scotty is better, we will all tell you everything." John replied firmly.

John didn't get cross often but when he did his anger was like a forest fire and all consuming. There were no words for the anger he felt towards his father.

"Very well." Grandma Tracy said. "Sleep well, John."

He hugged her tightly and both returned to their beds.

John woke just a few hours later to the sound of a closing door. He sat bolt upright at the sound of little footsteps. Alan.

He shot out of bed and into the hallway. Alan jumped about a foot into the air. He was already dressed; he was wearing his little rucksack and was carrying the only teddy bear that Scott still owned.

"What are you doing, Al?" John asked quietly, trying to avoid waking Grandma Tracy.

Alan looked at his shuffling feet but did not reply.

"Alan," John said warningly.

Alan huffed and pointed at his eye then Scott's closed door.

John understood immediately but hoped he had misunderstood.

"You're going to see Scotty?" He asked incredulously.

Alan nodded. John could see the storm clouds brewing on Alan's face. Alan was getting ready to throw an epic tantrum. John sighed in resignation.

"Can you wait two minutes?" He asked.

Alan frowned and cocked his head to one side.

"You can go and see Scotty, but I am not letting you go alone. You're three. Scott would kill me, if I let you go alone."

Alan smirked and nodded in agreement with the statement.

"I'm just gonna get dressed and we can go, okay?" John said.

Alan smiled happily and nodded. John turned back into his bedroom and rolled his eyes. Younger brothers. May god give him patience to make it to adulthood without killing one of them. They were gonna be the end of him anyway.

John carried Alan to the bus stop where they had a short wait. They got the bus straight to the hospital with no fuss. It was at the hospital where the problems arose. As John didn't know the visiting hours they tried to hide from the staff of the hospital as much as they could, and where they couldn't John lied and bluffed his way to Scott's room.

John opened the door quietly. Both Scott and Jeff were asleep. The nurse wasn't there at that moment and John could only be thankful. He walked in silently and gently deposited Alan on the edge of Scott's bed. Alan smiled in thanks, glanced at the beeping monitor, and turned to watch the rise and fall of Scott's chest. John sank in to the empty chair next to Scott's bed.

Scott looked better than he had the last time John had seen him. His colour had returned and he didn't look so tired. Like Alan, John was more content to sit and watch his only older brother. Being in charge had scared John, and he was finding new found respect for his older brother. He didn't realise how much pressure and responsibility Scott had been under since their mother had died. John understood how Scott had ended up so sick. Although, Scott did have the benefit that the youngest three behaved better from Scott than they did for John! John thought that he had been helping Scott out and only now realised how much more he could have done. Yet another notch in the guilt that was consuming John. He needed to be here for Scott just as much as Alan had, albeit for different reasons.

After a few minutes Alan took his rucksack off and then gently lent forward to place Scott's teddy bear on the pillow next to Scott's head.

"'cotty not be 'onely now." Alan said to John with difficulty.

John felt his heart swell with love from his youngest brother. Alan was only three but was so rarely concerned with his own self. Bless him for thinking that Scott's bear would make it all okay.

Scott suddenly stirred and cracked one eye.

"'llie?" Scott croaked. "Wha' ya doin'?"

Alan leant forward and ran his hand through Scott's hair gently.

Scott opened both eyes and gingerly sat up.

"John, what's going on?" Scott asked in a panic.

"You collapsed yesterday, Scott. You've got meningitis." John said seriously sitting up straighter. "Do you remember anything?"

Scott absent-mindedly scooped Alan on to his lap and sat back against his mountain of pillows.

"No, well, I remember having pancakes and I remember giving Allie a bath but everything after that is all fuzzy. Is everything okay at home? Where are the others?" Scott started to panic.

"Ssshhhh." John hissed. "You'll wake Dad."

Scott suddenly deflated as he glanced to the other chair. Jeff was leant back in the chair with his neck at an uncomfortable angle.

"Dad's here?" Scott asked in surprise. "When did he get here?"

"Jeez, Scott, calm down." John said. "Give me a chance and I will explain everything."

Before anything else could be said by either boy there was a little puffing noise. They both looked down at Alan. The little boy had fallen asleep with his thumb in his mouth and his head over Scott's heart.

"He got barely any sleep." John said softly so as not to wake him. "He was so upset at leaving you here."

"If Dad's here, then who is staying with you?" Scott asked.

"Grandma."

"Shit."

"She's so pissed."

"With us?"

"Nope, Dad."

"World War III?"

"Should be a good show. I am thinking about making it a ticketed event."

"So, tell me everything."

And John did. Well… almost all of it… which isn't quite the same thing. Scott sat quietly through most of it, occasionally interjecting with a question or comment. It was only when John told Scott that Alan had started talking now that Scott was surprised.

"Wow. So, he could talk all this time and just didn't want to?"

"Seems like. Don't know why though… yet. I was thinking that when he wakes up maybe you could-"

"What on earth do you two think you're doing?"

The thundering voice made them both jump.

Jeff Tracy was on his feet and looking madder than either of them had ever seen.

"John, what are you and Alan doing here? When did you get here? How did you get here?" Jeff shouted.

"Dad, keep it down." Scott moaned holding his head with one hand. The other was occupied holding a shaking Alan, who had woken and was now staring in fear at his father.

Jeff deflated a bit and sat back down.

"Sorry Scotty." He said quietly. "I was just really shocked to see the boys here."

"We've been here about 45 minutes." John said. "Al couldn't sleep and was really worried about Scotty. I caught him trying to sneak out and thought it best to deliver him myself."

"How did you get here, John?" Jeff asked, his voice shaking in anger.

"We caught the bus."

Jeff opened his mouth furiously but Scott beat him to it.

"Dad, can it." He said.

Both Jeff and John blinked in surprise.

"You alright, Allie?" Scott asked the still shaking boy.

Alan half-heartedly nodded turning to look at Scott.

"Do you understand that it was wrong trying to sneak out of the house?"

Alan frowned, looked down at the bedding and nodded again.

"Alan, I want you to promise me that you will never again try and sneak off, even if you think that it is really important. You must always tell someone if you want to go somewhere. Do you promise?"

Alan looked back up at Scott and nodded. He then reached into his rucksack and pulled out two items. Without looking at anyone else Alan turned on both of the baby monitors. He reached up and placed the microphone piece on top of the monitor that recorded Scott's heartbeat. He placed the other against his ear to check that it worked. He smiled and turned both off again but left the first where it was on the heart monitor.

Scott had raised his eyebrows in surprise and turned to look at John, who was equally surprised. They both turned to look at Alan who shrugged as if to say 'what?'

"Well, I'll be…" Breathed Scott.

"John-" started Jeff again in the following silence.

"No, Dad. I will handle this." Scott said.

"John, do you understand how dangerous this was?" Scott asked John softly.

"Yes, but Alan was going to throw a tantrum so we would have ended up here anyway but we would have woken everyone else, and they needed their sleep cause we were all up in the night with Allie and I was worried that if I didn't take him right away he would try and go on his own! You know what he is like! I know it was dangerous but the best out of all the other options."

"Johnny, Johnny, calm down bro. It's okay." Scott said gently. "Did you leave a note to say where you were going?" One look at John's face told Scott the answer. "Did you even take a cell phone with you?" Again the John's face said no. "I am not cross that you came here; you tried to make the best decision that you could. What worries me is that when the others and Grandma wake up they aren't going to have a clue where the two of you have gone. Do you get where I am coming from?"

John nodded and looked down at his hands.

"Sorry, Scott I didn't really think it through. I just thought about getting here. I'll try better next time."

Scott sighed. He hadn't seen John's defeated resignation in such a long time. He knew that there was something else bothering his immediate younger brother, beyond what was going on right now. Before Scott could say anything else a doctor walked in to the room.

"How are we feeling this morning, Mr Tracy." He asked.

"Psych ward much?" Scott snorted.

The doctor sighed. "Let's try again, Scott. How are you feeling today? Headache, nausea?"

"No," said Scott shrugging slightly. "I'm fine. When can I go home?"

The doctor sighed again in clear exasperation. "Scott. Please. Let's try again, third time lucky. How. Are. You. Feeling?"

This time it was Scott that sighed. "Fine. I may have a teensy weeny headache, but I am fine. I just want to go home."

The doctor smiled. "Ah sweet truth… near enough anyway." He said.

The doctor checked Scott's temperature and his other vitals and made some notes on Scott's chart. "Your temperature is a bit high. Once your temperature has gone down and you have finished your course of antibiotics then you can go home. Although it will be with a long list of restrictions. I am afraid that it will take a while to fully recover from this. You are improving quickly, but to continue to do so will require a lot of rest and quiet."

Scott snorted. He was the oldest of five. Quiet was a luxury he had yet to hear for himself… he loved the chaos of looking after his younger brothers… he was certain that he was going to hate the quiet.

"Mr Tracy, I understand that you need to make an appointment with paediatrics for your youngest. Perhaps you would like to do that now? They will probably be quiet at the moment. Scott, breakfast will be shortly. After that, I strongly suggest that you get some more sleep."

With that the doctor swept from the room.

"Why does Allie need to be checked out?" John asked. This was something that had been on his mind since the CPS worker had brought it up yesterday.

"They wanted to run some checks to see if there was a physical reason why Alan couldn't talk, and also they wanted to do some x-rays to make sure that he was fully recovered from… from…" Scott glanced at his father and allowed the sentence to trail off.

"Which raises an interesting point, Scott." Jeff interjected. "Why hasn't he seen a doctor before now?"

"Two reasons." Scott spat back. Both Jeff and John lent back in surprise at the sudden change in Scott's attitude. "One, I am underage so the doctors wouldn't look at Al without a legal guardian present. Second, we had an appointment two months ago, and you failed to turn up. When I called you to find out where you were, you told me you were too busy to talk right now, and when I tried to push it you asked what could possibly be so important. That is why Allie hasn't seen a doctor."

Alan burst into noisy tears at all the shouting.

"Oh well done." Scott and John sighed together.

It took nearly 15 minutes to calm down the distraught and tired child. Jeff was trying to coerce Alan to part with Scott and John when Scott's breakfast arrived. Alan wasn't having any of it.

"You've got to go and quickly see the doctors Allie." Scott said softly. "It won't take long and you'll be back before you know it."

Alan shook his head as a few more tears escaped. He clutched on to Scott's sleeve.

"Come on, buddy." John said.

Jeff got fed up of the petting and comforting that Alan seemed to require. With a huff he pulled Alan off of his brothers.

"Eat your breakfast, Scott. John, keep an eye on him. We won't be too long." Jeff snapped.

Alan had once more started to cry in earnest.

Scott opened his mouth to argue but Jeff cut over him.

"You have clearly been giving him too much attention." Jeff said. "He'll get bored eventually. He only carries on because you give him so much focus."

Scott and John shared an amused glance at the suggestion that Alan 'would get bored eventually'. Did Jeff genuinely believe that they hadn't tried that technique? Both boys attempted to look calm as Scott gestured to Jeff to continue as he pulled his breakfast tray towards him.

"You know best." Scott said in disgust. "After all, you are his father. Good luck with your little theory."

Jeff growled in frustration at all three of his children and swept out of the room with the still crying Alan in his arms.

There was a short silence.

"I bet you ten dollars that Al is still crying when Dad brings him back." John said.

"No deal." Scott said. "The bet is whether we can get him to stop crying today."

John nodded in a sad agreement. Scott picked half-heartedly at his breakfast. Man, he'd kill for some of John's pancakes right now. Eventually though Scott couldn't stand the silence anymore.

"What's bugging you, Johnny?" Scott said. "And don't tell me it's nothing, or you can eat this breakfast!"

John snorted and shrugged. "Lots of stuff really." He said.

"Come on, Johnny. This is me. You can talk to me. I'm worried about you bro."

"That's just it Scott!" John cried leaping to his feet. "You shouldn't be worrying about me; you should be worrying about you! You worried about us until you ended up in hospital! And I didn't help you as much as I could have done, and I know that now and I am sorry and we didn't realise you were ill and how long would it have taken for us to notice if you hadn't been sick and collapsed? And you were really sick, the ambulance had a police escort you were that sick. And then Dad is sticking his nose in now that the CPS wanna get involved and the others were so upset and worried and they don't listen to me like they do to you and when you were ill they wanted me to sort everything and I panicked and I couldn't and Virge had to do it. It was my job. I was meant to look after all of them and I didn't know what to do and I'm sorry!"

John wasn't sure at which point during his hyperventilating monologue he had started crying but crying he was and he wasn't sure he was ever going to be able to stop.

"And you fainted and I was so scared, Scott. I don't wanna be the eldest. Please don't leave, Scotty. Please, we can't lose anyone else! I'm s-s-sorry!"

At this point John couldn't continue any further as he was crying too hard. Suddenly there were two arms encircling him.

"C'mere kiddo." Scott said gently pulling John in close and holding him tightly until John eventually ran out of tears.

"Feel better?" Scott asked smiling.

John shrugged in embarrassment as he wiped his eyes.

"Now, then." Said Scott resettling in his bed and pulling John to lay down next to him. "Let's try again. When I said 'tell me everything' I meant everything, not what you thought you should leave out. Us Tracy boys gotta stick together, yeah?"

John nodded and began to talk. This time he did tell Scott everything. How he had panicked and Virgil had taken control and had done it well. How Alan had recounted Scott's head injury. How the CPS had gotten involved, how Jeff turned up and Alan had spoken, and how Scott had collapsed again and how Grandma Tracy was finding out what they hadn't told her and how Gordon had figured out the quickest way to get Alan to sleep.

It was almost cathartic to John to admit everything out loud to his eldest brother. He was the quietest out of his brothers, and a big thinker. It seemed alien to John to talk like this, he had always figured that he had two ears and one mouth, so clearly he was meant to listen twice as much as he talked but somehow talking had helped. He had forgotten what a good listener Scott could be too. John soon got off the topic of updating Scott, and starting sharing other things with his brother. Scott made no attempt to stop him. When John finally finished talking, having just shared his fears and nightmares born from the accident Scott took a deep breath. And returned the favour. Scott shared with John a great many things too. Scott told John how he had felt since the accident, that he didn't mind looking after them but had worried about the CPS for a long time now. That he worried about Alan so much. That he worried about John. He had his own fears and nightmares about the accident, how scared had he been when he had found Alan under the snow with glassy eyes open and empty. Like John once Scott had started to speak he couldn't stop. The two eldest had been very close up until the accident and had shared everything. In their numb grief over the death of their mother and the responsibility that followed they had forgotten that they were friends as well as brothers. It was odd, both had been there all along but they had both missed the other.

There was a long silence after Scott had finished talking. Neither felt the need to speak. Slowly both drifted off to sleep, totally exhausted.

---

It was three days later and Scott was bored and frustrated. He had been putting off the argument with his father for three long days. It couldn't be avoided any longer. Something had to be done.

John was in total disgrace with both Jeff and Grandma Tracy for his little bus jaunt with Alan at 5.30 in the morning. John and Virgil weren't talking to Jeff at all and Alan had totally retreated into himself again and had not spoken or acknowledged anyone (other than his baby monitors) since Jeff had taken him to make an appointment in the paediatrics ward. As for Gordon, he was so bored he had taken to trying to prank the nurses which was not appreciated at all and it was all Scott and John could do to keep him out of trouble.

"Johnny, do you fancy taking the others to the cafeteria and getting some ice cream or something?" Scott said. "I think Dad, Grandma and I need to have a talk."

John had nodded as he had picked up Alan, Virgil had taken Gordon's hand and the four younger boys had gone.

"I think that there are a few things that we all need to clear up." Scott began. "Dad, I know that you both mean well and that you are angry but you can't just come in here trying to take over. We've gotten use to you not being around. Things have been hard, but we have had to make do. You can't be angry at us for that. It was you that forced us into that. You might be our Dad but it doesn't mean that you know what is best for them anymore. The past five months had been hard, real hard, incredibly hard. And you haven't been there for us, and I get why, I really do, but it doesn't change that we didn't go from having two parents to having one parent; we went from having two parents to having no parents. That's not our fault. Don't take it out on them. If you don't like how I have been running things maybe you should have been there rather than asking me 'what could possibly be so important.'"

Scott was panting at the end of his speech. He still tired easily.

Jeff deflated like a puncture balloon. Scott was right as much as Jeff didn't want to admit it. But there were still a lot of unanswered questions as far as Jeff was concerned.

"I know that I haven't been around but I thought I had made arrangements for everything." Jeff sighed into his hands. "What happened?"

"Well we all know what happened with the first babysitter." Scott said darkly.

---

Flash back

"Stop it! Just stop it!" Sarah, the babysitter screamed.

Alan had been crying for four hours and seemed unlikely to stop soon. Unbeknownst to her, when she had screamed the other four brothers had rushed into the room in time to see the hard slap across Alan's face. Scott rapidly showed her out before any of the middle brothers could arrange pay back. Whilst Scott was shaking in rage he had been taught that men don't hit women and he wasn't going to start now, no matter how much he was tempted.

He phoned Jeff.

"I'm busy, Scott. What is it?" Jeff had answered with.

"It's about the babysitter, Dad." Scott said.

"Oh for goodness sake, Scott! How many times do we have to go over this? I know that you don't like having a babysitter but that is tough luck and you are just going to have to deal with this! Am I clear?"

"But Dad-"

"No buts Scott. Deal with it."

And Jeff had hung up. Scott stared at the phone in shocked surprise.

John had walked in bouncing a still teary but exhausted Alan on his hip.

"Take it that didn't go well." John had said.

Scott shook his head still speechless.

"Phone Grandma." Virgil had suggested later over dinner when Scott had recovered enough to tell his brothers the gist of the discussion.

"She'll know what to do." Gordon had said as he helped himself to seconds.

After dinner Scott took over attempting to pacify the still crying Alan (god knows how but yeap he was still crying) whilst the other three cleared the table. He had sat down on the sofa and phoned his grandmother.

When Jeff phoned less than an hour later incandescent with rage Scott was surprised.

"How is Alan?" Jeff asked.

"Can't you hear?" Scott had replied shortly.

"Does he need to see a doctor?" Jeff asked.

"I don't think so." Scott replied. "I went over to Mrs Verde's earlier and she said everything seemed okay, Allie's just gonna have a bit of a bruise."

Mrs Verde was a retired nurse who lived just across the street. She had been more than happy to check the youngest Tracy over and insisted that Scott come straight back over if he had any concerns.

"I'm sorry I didn't give you the chance to explain, Scotty." Jeff had said sadly. "I jumped to conclusions, and that was wrong of me. Will you forgive me?"

Scott had been surprised but pleased. It wasn't really in Jeff's nature to apologise even if he was wrong. Scott had been happy to accept Jeff's apology.

"That having been said," Jeff continued. "I don't appreciate you telling tales to your grandmother, she has enough on her plate without having to deal with our petty dramas."

"I didn't mean to be telling tales." Scott had replied in frustration. "I rang her for some advice."

"I know, Scooter. Sorry." Jeff replied tiredly. "Listen, I've got to go, hopefully I'll be home soon, I just have to finish off one more thing and I'm on my way. I'll sort out a replacement sitter tomorrow."

"Okay, Dad." Scott had said. "I'll see you soon."

Scott had eventually got a truly exhausted Alan to go to sleep and tucked into bed. He had sat up for another three hours but Jeff still wasn't home. When Alan woke Scott up by climbing into his bed at 3.30am Jeff's car was still absent. The really sad thing was that Scott was neither worried nor surprised.

Over the past week Jeff would only come home to get showered, shaved and changed and would head straight back in to the office. Scott didn't know how his father did it; he must have been part machine. Up until that point Jeff had been a working robot but from home.

The house they lived in had three floors. After Lucy's death Jeff had rearranged things, his bedroom and office now took up the third floor whilst the boys had the entire run of the second floor. This solution had worked perfectly well to an extent. The boys had essentially had the house to themselves but an adult had been present at all times. It didn't mean though that Jeff had been at all useful around the house.

It irritated Scott no end that in the time since Lucy had died Jeff had not questioned how the fridge and cupboards remained stocked, how the washing was done, how the younger boys got to and from school and the list went on, whilst Jeff remained oblivious and lost in his grief. There was so much Scott wanted to say to his father but Jeff wasn't prepared to listen. Scott was just bidding his time until his father was prepared to listen.

End Flashback

---

"Well the second baby sitter was much better in that she never hit anyone, but she left after two days and never came back. I tried to tell you but when I told you that I was phoning about the babysitter can you remember what you said to me?" Scott continued.

Jeff thought for a long moment and shook his head.

"The gist was that if I still didn't like it was I gonna go complain to Grandma, and then you hung up." Scott said flatly.

Once Scott said Jeff did indeed remember speaking very shortly with his eldest when he had rung. Jeff had been having a bad day at work and hadn't had the patience to deal with his children.

"Oh, Scott I'm sorry-" Jeff started.

"No, Dad." Scott interrupted crossly. "You can't keep saying whatever you like and then apologising for it. It wouldn't work if the shoe was on the other foot. Like it or not, you are our father and these responsibilities are yours and have always been yours. I understand why the last few months have been hard for you, but can you understand that it hasn't been easy for us either? You don't know what has been going on!"

"I know it's been hard Scott, I do. But it hasn't been easy because you didn't talk to me. Despite the fact that you claim to be responsible for everything but you have been behaving very irresponsibly. All of this should never have fallen to you, and you should not have allowed it to. You should have talked to me. You claim that I should know about everything but with you keeping everything quiet how was I to know?"

"How were you to know?" Scott yelled back astounded. "You are meant to know because that is your job. Don't you dare come in here and judge me because you weren't up to the task."

"Scott, calm down." Said Grandma Tracy firmly as she stood up. "Your father has made a valid point to an extent. You are right that he should have been involved and it is up to him to know what is going on, and I will be speaking about that with him later, but you should have called me, Scott."

"The babysitters interfered." Scott insisted. "They don't try to get to know the boys; it's easier for me to handle it because I know everything about them. I can do it better than the babysitters can!"

"I know you can, Scott." Grandma Tracy said sitting on the edge of the bed and taking Scott's hand in hers. "Your ability to look after your brothers isn't being called into question. But, you are too young to legally look after your brothers no matter how good at it you are. And I know that you are. I have watched them and I have watched the way they change when they are here with you. You have done a wonderful job, but this can't go on."

"But we've adjusted to this. Things won't change back easily." Scott said softly.

"I know, I see that too. Even the youngest are very responsible and independent. They won't have to change back but they will have to come to terms with two adults being in the house and taking responsibility." She looked up at Jeff. "I am moving in with you, Jeff. And that is final. Don't even think about arguing this with me."

Jeff opened his mouth, seemed to reconsider it and shut his mouth again.

"I think that would be wise." He eventually said. "Scott is going to need help to look after the others whilst he recovers and I need to start getting involved again, but I think it is going to take time."

Grandma looked at Scott who also nodded in agreement.

"Very well." She said stiffly. "Jeff come with me." She strode from the room.

Scott watched his father gulp and despite his anger with the way Jeff was behaving Scott did feel a glimmer of pity for the man.

"Good luck, Dad." Scott said.

Jeff looked surprised and nodded sadly. "Thanks Scott. I think I am gonna need it."

---

Jeff followed his mother with great trepidation. Making Josie Tracy cross was something to be avoided at all costs and Jeff knew his mother was furious. He was surprised when Josie led him out of the hospital and to the car.

"Get in." She said frostily.

Jeff obeyed. She told him to head for home. When they had pulled on to the driveway he was surprised to the see the CPS worker waiting for them.

"Don't tell me you forgot?" Josie demanded incredulously. "Lord, help me." She said as she got out of the car.

The meeting with the CPS was something of a success. A house inspection was carried out as the initial part of the CPS investigation. They were happy with the house. What they were not happy with was Jeff.

Grandma over-spoke Jeff's attempt to defend himself.

"I am glad that we agree." She said firmly.

"Mom!" Jeff said shocked.

"Be quiet, Jefferson." She replied. "I am moving in to help provide the boys with some stability. Is this something that you feel would be suitable?"

"Yes, certainly." Michaela Spring replied. "The boys legally need to be supervised for any period greater than two hours. Another adult's presence in the house is deemed desirable. We don't want to have to take the boys in to care; especially as it is unlikely that they would be placed together."

"I imagine you have stipulations or regulations that you wish to see with regards to the boys care."

"Correct, Mrs Tracy." Said Michaela, glad that she was dealing with someone who was very direct.

"Very well, I would like those on paper by the end of the week. It will take until Monday for me to settle my affairs at my current address and move here. I imagine that you will want regular visitations."

"Uh, yes Mrs Tracy. For the first three months they will be weekly but unscheduled visits. After that we shall see, depending on our findings. Also, we will be talking with the schools."

"Quite so." Mrs Tracy replied. "Is there anything else you need at this time?"

"No, Mrs Tracy." Mrs Spring said. "You seem to have everything well in hand. Until next week."

She shook the hand of both Tracy's and showed herself out. Josie turned to Jeff.

"Sit down." She said.

Jeff suddenly had memories of being younger and getting caught doing something that he shouldn't have been. He sat down and stared at the floor.

"Jefferson Tracy. I have never been so disappointment in you in all my years. I am glad that your father is not here to see this. It would have broken his heart."

Jeff opened his mouth furiously.

"Do NOT interrupt me, Jefferson!" Josie barked. "I have tried to do my best for you, Jefferson, but by goodness you make it hard. For everyone. What on earth were you thinking abandoning your sons like this? I understand that this has been very difficult for you, but you are not the only person to have lost your world. Look at me, your father passed three years ago, but here I am being a parent. When you were a child or a teenager who took care of you, and got you up for school, made your breakfast, lunch and dinner, who did the washing, the cleaning and the cooking, who did the shopping, who took you to hobbies and days out?"

She looked at Jeff expectantly.

"You did, mother." He replied.

"Who took care of the home, and the cars? Who taught you how to drive? Who answered the questions you had that you couldn't ask me or your friends?"

"Dad did." Jeff said.

"Who has been doing everything for them, Jefferson?"

"Well, they've had the babysitter and a housekeeper comes in!" Jeff said.

"Oh, for the love of the merciful Lord, Jefferson Tracy! I could smack you so hard right now. Think, Jefferson, you are brilliantly smart. Put two and two together and make something other than five! They haven't had a babysitter for a month! Scott told you that! And I have spoken with Scott separately from today. This housekeeper comes once a week on a Sunday. Yes, she does do some batch cooking but not enough to feed five boys for a week. Tell me, Jefferson what day is it?"

Jeff was ashamed that he had to check his phone to give an answer. It was a Wednesday.

"Exactly, Jeff! Now, when the housekeeper arrived on Sunday morning, I sent her away because when she arrived at 8.00am I was tearing up the house looking for John and Alan."

Jeff winced. He was in the dog house over that one too. Jeff had meant to tell his mother than John and Alan were at the hospital, when he went to make a doctor's appointment for Alan, but he had forgotten. Whoops.

"So, tell me Jeff, the last time the house keeper came was nearly two weeks ago. Does this house look like five boys, and yourself have been living here and not cleaning?"

"But you've been here Mother." Jeff protested.

"I wanted you to see this for yourself, Jeff. I have only touched the things we have used since then. Everything else is as I found it. I need you to understand what Scott has done for this family. You think about all the things your father and I have done for you over the years, and now think about the parenting your boys have had over the past year. We are all to blame for it, but first you need to see it."

So, Jeff looked around the house and saw.

There was a monopoly board on the dining room table that was clearly mid-game. On the board in the spaces in the middle Gordon's untidy handwriting had scrawled 'Johnny cheats', in response underneath that John had replied 'no one likes a sore loser!' underneath that Scott's tidy writing read 'Please stop writing on MY monopoly board.' Three hands then scribbled the same message 'It's mine!' underneath that was a very shaky 'mine'. Jeff noticed that there were only four pieces on the board.

Jeff stood and looked at the white board in the kitchen. It was an artful mess. There was a shopping list on one side and a list of chores on the other. Around that there were drawings that Jeff could only assume were Virgil's handiwork. There was a F-22 fighter, the constellation of Orion, and a fish as well as variety of musical notes dotted in and around the words. There was also what Alan's contribution was; at least it had been signed by the youngest Tracy, although Jeff could see where someone had written it first and then Alan's shaky hand had traced it. There was a group of five people along the bottom of the board, there were all odd sizes and shapes and not necessarily in a good way. Jeff assumed the drawing was of the Tracy sons, Scott (or at least the tallest figure) had a one arm and seemed to be wearing a skirt, the second tallest figure who had no hair and was probably John had a potbelly, Virgil's arms bent at obscure and painful angels and he seemed to be playing a banjo, Gordon, from the shock of red hair, had been drawn lying face down, Jeff hoped that this was a representation of swimming… the sneaky dorsal fin that had been added in by John seemed to confirm it. Finally, there was the youngest Tracy boy who had an afro of green hair and was only recognisable because he was the smallest of all the figures. The little Tracy had no face but seemed to be staring up at a star that had been drawn above him. Jeff shuddered slightly and moved on; seeing but not understanding.

Jeff wondered why all of Gordon's bedding was on Alan's bed.

Jeff wondered why all the family photos he had put away had ended up John's room covering the walls.

He wondered when Virgil had painted his previously white walls a violent shade of green.

He stood and examined the row of tins on the top of Scott's book shelf. Each tin had a label in Lucy's neat handwriting. 'Scott flying', 'John observatory', 'Virgil's lessons', 'Gordon's swimming', 'Alan's Tin'. Each tin contained money… Alan would soon need a new tin because his was so full. Jeff wondered what that was about; he made a mental note to ask Scott. It never crossed his mind that his boys (bar little Alan) had all had weekly hobbies. He didn't wonder if they still had those hobbies.

---

Jeff was finally forced to admit that Alan was unlikely to stop crying on his own accord and would not get bored of it. This was why when he took Alan to his Doctor's appointment the following afternoon; he also took his secret weapon. John and Gordon. Virgil was not best pleased to be left behind but Jeff didn't trust that Scott would stay put unless someone stayed with him. Virgil, a budding medic, would ensure that the doctor's orders were followed. Jeff had forgotten the joys of gentle manipulation when it came to parenting and was surprised to realise just how much he had missed it. He wished that his mother was still with them but she had returned to her own home that morning to settle her affairs and pack her belongings.

Alan was obviously frightened as they sat in the waiting room. John had tried to divert the little boy and Jeff was being ignored totally. It was Gordon who, with an Alan like huff, was able to pacify the young blond. Gordon reached into his pocket and pulled out the receiver baby monitor. He turned it on and passed it to Alan to who clutched it like a life line. Over the receiver was the sound of beeping and soft breaths that hopefully meant the oldest Tracy son was asleep. After a few seconds they could hear humming and tapping of feet and metal; apparently Virgil was bored. John and Gordon laughed. Alan put the receiver to his ear and curled up in John's lap happy to sit and listen to those beeps.

Eventually, they were called in. The doctor tried to separate Alan from John but eventually gave in and examined Alan as best he could from where he was on John's lap. Jeff had Gordon on his lap, but the eight year old hung over the arm of the chair holding the baby monitor so that Alan could still hear.

The doctor eventually sat back down behind his desk. He made a few notes in Alan's folder and then sat back with a sigh.

"I am concerned, Mr Tracy. Very concerned." He said. "I have several recommendations that I would like to make but the choice is ultimately up to you. I feel that Alan should see a child psychologist. He went through a very traumatic experience. It is highly unlikely that Alan remembers anything from the accident but he probably remembers feelings, he probably remembers the dark and being afraid. I spoke with your mother on the phone this morning, and I also spoke with your eldest, Scott, last night and I feel that Alan would benefit from having the opportunity to evaluated in that regard. Secondly, from what your mother said, although Alan has recently started speaking again he seems to be struggling saying the words. Whilst it is still early days and he may develop on his own, I have been informed that he could speak well for his age group prior to the accident. This regression worries me. Alan may benefit from seeing a speech therapist if he does not develop."

Jeff stared at the unhappy boy in John's arms. Alan had taken the monitor from Gordon which was now sat on his lap and he had his head against John's chest, thumb in his mouth and was playing with the hem of John's t-shirt.

"Okay," Jeff said eventually. "Are you able to recommend a psychologist?" He asked.

The doctor nodded, obviously relieved. "Certainly Mr Tracy, Dr Rackham is a very notable child psychologist on our staff."

"Can we wait and see how Alan does with the talking?" Jeff asked.

"Yes, but can we schedule a review date in now?" The doctor replied.

Jeff agreed and a date was chosen for a review in three months.

"Finally, Mr Tracy. His injuries. Everything seems as it should, but I would like to take a couple of x-rays to double check."

"Okay." Jeff said slowly.

"Allie isn't gonna like that." Gordon piped up.

"Why not?" Asked Jeff.

"Two reasons, one Al hates doctors and second, what he is going to see is us leaving him on a hospital bed and walking out. No way is he going to stay there." John said.

"Can you wait until he is asleep?" Jeff asked the doctor.

"Yes, my suggestion was actually going to be to lightly sedate him to avoid him waking up whilst the x-rays are being done."

It seemed drastic but Jeff was worried about the possibility of Alan totally freaking out. John was unhappy about it but Alan had other plans, Scott wouldn't have made the mistake of having the conversation within Alan's hearing. Alan may have not understood what sedation meant but he understood enough. He was off John's lap and out the door before any of them had a chance to stop him.

Virgil had been flicking through one of Scott's comic books when the door flew open and Alan dashed in. The distraught boy flew into the room and before Virgil could do anything Alan had skidded under the bed. Virgil could hear his little sniffles.

"Allie?" Said the ten year old as he dropped to the floor. "What's the matter?"

Virgil was able to wiggle enough of himself under Scott's bed to reach the sobbing child. Alan didn't respond.

Virgil awkwardly ran his hand through his youngest brother's hair.

"C'mon now, Al. It's gonna be okay." Virgil said. "Don't cry."

Ten minutes later Virgil wasn't having much more success in stopping Alan or getting him to come back out. Patience fraying Virgil crossed his fingers, prayed it would work and pulled Alan by his ankle.

The blond was not a happy camper that's for sure. He tried to fight Virgil off to no success although by the time Virgil had extracted him Alan had stopped crying. He had started sulking instead. Virgil bundled the little boy into his arms and carefully stood. Virgil was still a bit young to be carrying Alan around and he wished that Scott was either awake or John was there. Still, Alan needed a big brother so Virgil was prepared to do the best he could.

Whilst Virgil could not understand the gestures that Alan made, he knew it was safe to assume that something had not gone well with the doctors upstairs and hoped that it was nothing serious. He knew that he should let someone know that Alan was here; they were probably going crazy looking for the little blond (and would avoid here because there was no chance Scott would sit by and let others look for his missing little brother) but Virgil knew Alan would see it as betrayal if Virgil gave him up.

Scott woke up about five minutes after Alan had drifted off. Virgil immediately put his finger to his lips. He pointed at the baby monitor. Scott frowned in confusion but silently reached up and lifted the box down. Virgil pointed at Alan and then at the baby monitor. Scott frowned and passed the box over.

"Gordo?" Virgil said. Knowing that he wasn't going to get a reply he said gently. "Alan is here, but be quiet. He's sleeping."

He passed the monitor back to Scott who returned it to where it had come from.

"What happened?" Scott asked.

Virgil gently shrugged. "I don't know." He said but told Scott what had happened.

About two minutes later Jeff, John and Gordon dashed in. All three were white with worry.

"Is he alright?" John gasped quietly as he dropped to his knees in front of where Virgil was sat.

Virgil nodded. "Once I got him out from under Scott's bed."

"He was hiding under Scott's bed?" Jeff asked.

Virgil's nod clashed with Scott's: "What happened, Dad?"

Jeff quietly recounted the conversation. While he did so the doctor quietly walked in with a small portable canister.

"It's Fluothane sleeping gas." He said.

As they all held their breaths he held the mask to Alan's small face. He didn't wake up and after ten seconds he pulled the mask away.

"He'll sleep through the general anaesthetic injection now." He said.

When Alan woke up still in Virgil's (by now very numb) arms he was quite lethargic. But not lethargic enough to miss the relief that he was awake on the faces of his family or the sore pin-prick mark on the back of his hand. He wasn't, however, given the opportunity to kick up a stink about it.

"Allie!" Said Scott flying out of bed and kneeling down next to Virgil. "Are you alright?"

Alan shrugged half-heartedly. He leant up and kissed Virgil's cheek before reaching out to Scott. Scott scooped Alan from Virgil (much to Virgil's relief – his arms felt like they were about to drop off) and settled back on his bed with Alan on his lap.

"Please don't run off like that Alan." Scott said gently rubbing Alan's back, in soothing soft circles. "You had us worried sick."

Alan shot Jeff, John and Gordon and wounded and angry look then hid his face in Scott's shirt.

"Hey, hey, buddy." Scott said.

Alan only clutched tighter on to Scott and his little shoulders starting shaking as he cried. All in all it left one very sulky teary Alan, an upset Gordon, a frustrated Virgil, a guilty John, a tired, worried, anxious Scott and a cross but silent Jeff.

The results came through; despite the horrific injuries the youngest Tracy had received he had recovered just fine. The entire Tracy family breathed a sigh of relief even as a dark cloud of worry continued to hang over them as they now worried what secrets were silently kept in the mind of the youngest Tracy son.

---

With Jeff still in denial of his ignorance as a parent Scott was determined that his father would understand what he had put the family through. Of course there had been decisions that Scott had not been happy with, but what else could he do? Jeff was still adamant that Scott had behaved irresponsibly and without consideration of his brother's safety by 'allowing' things to get in to this situation. Scott would never be able to explain to his father, even years later, just how much the suggestion had hurt. So, Scott asked his father to be a fly on the wall for one day. One day of watching and not interfering. Scott was adamant that Jeff needed to do this to understand what life was currently like in the Tracy household. Jeff, although not happy that he clearly didn't know half as much as he thought he did, eventually agreed. Therefore, it was with great trepidation and concern that Scott was released in to the care of Jefferson Tracy.

Jeff found as soon as they had left the hospital that Scott saw, observed and controlled everything. Jeff refused to admit to being impressed. Scott carried Alan in one arm and held Virgil's hand in the other whilst ensuring that John held on tightly to Gordon. Jeff himself was only allowed to carry the bag. After returning home Jeff tried to force Scott into having a nap but Scott adamantly refused. Jeff was slightly abashed that Scott felt that sleeping was not an allowable option even though he was still not 100%. Jeff could easily see how Scott had become ill in the first place. Although that having been said Jeff was deeply interested in observing his boys in what could be considered their "natural habitat". Of late he knew that their behaviour was more forced when he was around. Scott suggested that they watch a film in lieu of his missing the film the previous Saturday. Gordon immediately suggested Finding Nemo and was subjected to three pillows and a plastic cup being thrown at his head.

"Allie!" Said Scott in exasperation. "We've discussed this!"

Alan shook his head, fighting a smile and pointed at Virgil.

Scott frowned clearly not understanding. "We all know you can talk, Allie, so why don't you tell us what you mean?" He said.

Alan huffed, rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

"He means that we discussed throwing cups at Virgil." Gordon piped up still rummaging through the DVD pile. "You never said that he couldn't throw cups at me."

John laughed and ruffled Alan's hair. "You are gonna be a little terror."

Alan stopped pouting and smiled at John lifting his arms to be picked up. John obliged, scooping the little blond on to his lap. Alan threw his arms round John's neck and cuddled in close.

"Now, Allie, do you remember what we said about throwing cups?" John asked softly.

Alan sighed and nodded. Then to the total surprise of the four brothers he turned to face Gordon.

"Sozzy, Gordy. I not frow you 'gain." Alan said.

Gordon opened and closed his mouth a few times looking much like the fish he was teased to be.

"Say something, Gordo, before you start catching flies!" Virgil said laughing at his immediate younger brother.

Gordon closed his mouth with an audible snap. He blinked and turned back to Scott.

"What do you want to watch, Scott?" Gordon asked.

And with that the conversation moved on. One of the Star Wars films was selected and the five brothers settled down on the sofa with their limbs draping over each other. Jeff settled in on one of the arm chairs and watched his sons more than the film. His middle three sons watched the film avidly, despite Gordon's frequent comments about the lameness of the movie. Meanwhile his eldest and youngest both had their eyes shut. Alan was clearly asleep from the little snuffling noises he was making; Jeff assumed that Scott had drifted off to sleep too. He was wrong. The middle three paused the film in the middle for a bathroom break and to refill their drinks. Gordon's hand snaked out towards Alan's bare foot.

"Don't." Said Scott not opening his eyes.

Gordon froze and grinned. John huffed and rolled his eyes, looking like Alan, and then passed a ten dollar bill to a smirking Virgil.

"Pleasure doing business with you." Virgil said pocketing the money.

"Were you betting on Scott being asleep?" Jeff asked.

Virgil nodded still smiling at John.

"One of these days." John said.

"Not gonna happen, little brother." Scott said opening one eye and staring at the middle three. "Don't wake him." Scott closed his eye again and settled back down.

The three brothers smiled at the sight of the youngest curled up fast asleep on their eldest brother. They quietly left the room. Jeff watched them for a moment longer and followed.

"I can't believe that Alan fell asleep." John was saying as Jeff walked into the kitchen.

"I can't believe he is still asleep." Virgil replied darkly as he poured squash into the three glasses.

"Well, let's enjoy it while it lasts." Gordon said standing on a chair to reach the biscuits on the top shelf.

"What are you talking about?" Jeff asked.

His sons exchanged a glance and carried on with their tasks.

"Boys, I know that you are angry with me, and I do understand why but I can't try to make things right without knowing what has been going on."

"Wait and see." John said. "And we will explain it all later."

Jeff didn't have to wait long. About twenty minutes after the film had been resumed Alan whimpered and rolled his head slightly. Jeff wouldn't have paid any real attention to it but his sons suddenly went to Defcon Five.

"Go." Scott barked as he opened both eyes and sat up.

The middle three leapt to their feet, had the film paused, the coffee table pulled back and were out of the room before Jeff could form a sentence. Scott rolled off the sofa and laid Alan gently on the floor.

"Alan," Scott called running a hand through his brother's hair. "Wake up."

Gordon dashed back in carrying the designated house 'sick bowl' that Lucy used to use when the boys were ill. Virgil barely a step behind carrying a thermometer, a glass of water and a towel. Half a second later John was back with clean clothes.

"Alan." Scott said louder as Alan's head rolled back to the other side and he whimpered again.

Jeff was now totally confused at the goings on. Alan suddenly arched his back and screamed at the top of his voice. He began to flail. The four brothers each helped to gently hold him down so that Alan would not hurt himself.

"Gordon!" Scott said as Alan's eyes finally opened.

Gordon barely had time to get the bowl in front of Alan as the youngest sat bolt upright and threw up straight into the bowl. Alan was violently sick and it took a long time for the bout to pass. He was covered in a sheen of sweat and trembling as Gordon removed the bowl. Quick as lightening Scott had Alan's damp clothes off and wrapped the little blond in the towel. He picked Alan up so that the youngest could hear his heartbeat. Whilst Alan leant in to listen, Virgil checked his temperature.

"It's low." Virgil said looking at the screen.

"Once Allie's checked me, I'll sort the bowl and do a hot chocolate run." John said as he took Alan from Scott.

Jeff knew that this must be a regular occurrence with the way the boys so calmly and patiently handled the youngest. Jeff felt sick to his stomach that all this had been going on and for a year, and he had been oblivious. He was beginning to understand. Jeff sat there gobsmacked and shocked as Alan clung like a little limpet to each of his brothers checking their heartbeats. Once Alan had listened to Gordon's heartbeat for near to five minutes Jeff was surprised when Alan turned towards him with arms outstretched. Jeff took the offering for what it was and lifted the little boy on to his lap.

That night, Jeff for the first time since the accident, put Alan to bed. The little boy had been clingy all afternoon and had been found in the arms of one brother or another. Jeff read to Alan before gently tucking him in, and then running his hand through his hair until his youngest son finally fell asleep.

---

Jeff sat down that night with Scott and John. The two eldest Tracy sons watched their father. He sat there with his head in his hands.

"Boys, I am so sorry." He said eventually. "I didn't know and I guess I had chosen not to know. And then I blamed you for that. I can't tell you just how sorry I am. I need you to tell me anything. I need to know and I am ready to listen to you now."

Scott and John exchanged a long look. Jeff didn't know what was communicated in that look but the boys had clearly reached a decision. Between the two, and over the course of the following four hours, they told Jeff the whole sorry tale.

They told Jeff about Alan's refusal to speak since the accident and how to begin with he didn't acknowledge anyone or anything. It was only over time that he had started to communicate with gestures. Even now they were no clearer as to why Alan preferred not to speak. They told him about Alan's night time wanderings, that he would refuse to sleep, and not knowing why, they could only make assumptions. The older boys all assumed that it was Alan's nightmares that made the boy afraid to sleep, they assumed that it was related to the accident but had no idea what. They told him about Alan's phobia of water. They told him of his tantrums which were far more frequent than they had been pre-accident.

They told Jeff about Gordon's continuing passion for water. They told him about how gentle and caring he was towards Alan; how only Gordon seemed to be able to pull Alan back when he refused to be part of the world. They told him how the pranks had started to keep Alan entertained as he recovered from his life threatening injuries sustained in the accident. How those pranks had continued. How no matter Gordon tried he was a well-meaning trouble maker but despite that he always wanted to help the elder boys around the house and with Alan. How since the accident his tenuous hold on temper had decreased – they jokingly blamed the red-hair.

They told Jeff how Virgil had refused to paint or play music for the first month after the accident and had only started playing again because he had caught Alan sat on the piano stool crying, gently plinking the same key over and over and over. How Virgil had nightmares about the 'man in white'. That they felt that his nightmares were as a result of their finding Alan in the snow. How now Virgil painted and played with a near frantic obsession. Virgil had admitted that he felt that if he didn't consume himself in those hobbies then he would forget about his mother. He needed to hang on to those memories but he was scared that he didn't know how to.

John finally admitted to something that he had never told anyone, but constantly played on his mind since it had happened. As far as Scott was concerned, it explained a great deal. It explained why John was the slowest recovering from their mother's death. When Alan had been found Scott and Virgil had stayed with the little boy as the medics swamped him and fought to stabilise him enough to move him. The search party swarmed the area around them, Alan had been in Lucy's arms when they had been buried under the snow, and everyone was hoping Lucy would be nearby. What none of the other Tracys knew was that it had been John who had found her. He had seen her horrific injuries that had taken her life. He knew what Jeff had hoped that none of his sons would ever find out: Lucy Tracy had died from chocking on her own blood.

Scott admitted that he was scared to let any of his brothers out of his sight. He knew that he could not protect them from everything and that scared him. That was why he had not really tried to stop Jeff from drifting, had not tried harder to engage him. Scott wanted the responsibility because deep down he felt that no one would ever be able to look after his little brothers better than he could. He saw everything that bothered them and it killed him that he didn't know how to make it better. He was the oldest, it was his job to care for them but he just didn't know how to help them heal.

Jeff was astounded that even though he had been in the house most of the time just how blind he had been. Sure, his grief had been terrible, but he had made it so much worse for his sons with his insensitivity. Thank god the family had Scott who had taken over and kept things running and without any complaints.

Until that night Scott and John had not seen their father cry. They knew that he had shed many tears since their mother's death but this was the first time they had seen it for themselves. Jeff found the release cathartic somehow. He apologised again and promised two things. First that he would never abandon them like that again and that he would do whatever it would take to repair the bridges he had burned.

Neither Scott nor John were totally convinced but they saw the change in their father's eyes.

They spoke late into the night about several things. Jeff asked about the things he had seen in the house.

Alan didn't play monopoly with them as such. He was a bit too little to really understand. He sat on Scott's team and was the banker. Scott told Jeff it was helping Alan with his numbers and also reading. They all stood and looked at the white board. Scott told Jeff about the chore based colour scheme. They all looked at Alan's drawing for a long time. After a while John suggested that the shrink would probably want to see it. Scott looked startled but had softly agreed. John admitted that he had nicked the photos but because he needed to see his mother as she was, not the way he had last seen her. He needed the photos there. He begged Jeff to be allowed to keep them, and he would keep his door shut so that Jeff wouldn't have to see them. Scott admitted that he had bought the paint that Virgil had used, though Virgil had picked the colour. Virgil had a sudden aversion to the colour white. Scott said that Virgil would wake up and then start screaming because he would wake up and see the white. Scott apologised for the horrific colour but said that Virgil didn't scream in the night anymore, although he still had the nightmares. John told Jeff how when Alan didn't want to sleep Gordon would get into bed with the youngest Tracy to get him back to sleep.

"I can't believe Gordon knew that technique all that time and didn't say!" Scott said incredulous.

"Me too," John agreed. "so I asked him why he never mentioned it, and Gordy said that Alan wouldn't often allow it."

"That's odd." Scott replied. "He's a barnacle 98% of the time. Why wouldn't he allow it?"

"Obviously neither of you has ever shared a bed with Gordon." Jeff said. "He is the most fidgety person on the planet. I wouldn't want to share a bed with him more often than I had to."

Scott and John both look surprised at this and Jeff added: "I may have been missing for a year, but I am still your father, and some things will never change."

It was a late night for all three. But all slept better than they had in months.

Jeff Tracy finally understood. And with that understanding he was finally able to start letting go of his demons in order to help his sons tackle theirs.

---

Over the course of that week several changes were made. Alan wasn't getting up as much but that was mainly because his brothers were now checking on him. It was becoming more and more common to find all his sons conked out in and around the bed of the youngest Tracy. The three eldest boys knew how to get Alan to sleep now and used the technique ruthlessly. Grandma Tracy moved in and quickly arranged the organisation of the house. Jeff started to work from home again although he was now working a fraction of the hours he had been. With the exception of Scott and Alan, the brothers returned to school. Scott had another two weeks off to recuperate and Alan no longer needed to go to the day nursery as Grandma Tracy could keep an eye on him. Virgil's nightmares eventually began to taper off, although now all of the boys were having nightmares over being separated by the CPS. Michaela Spring did her weekly routine inspection of the house with her supervisor.

Slowly but surely Jeff returned to his sons. He wasn't quite the same man he had been before his wife's death but then no one expected him to be. The eldest three had always understood and the younger two couldn't remember that happy time so much. Jeff would always enjoy the work that he did but understood that a balance needed to be upheld. He began to work more from home under the stern and watchful eye of his mother, and the CPS.

Scott struggled to relinquish the responsibility he had held for so long, in the same way that the younger four struggled to go to their father or grandmother when they had a problem. Jeff resented it slightly but knew that it was deserved. The anger of the boys was slow to fade but fade it did and they all enjoyed the renewed relationship with their father. Well, Jeff always got the feeling that little Alan was uncomfortable with Jeff's presence and would always see Scott more as his father. It was a blow to Jeff, but again, he knew that he deserved it.

Exactly a year to the day of the death of Lucy Tracy another avalanche occurred on the exact same mountain. This time a family of seven died. It reminded Jeff what could have happened to his own family. He sat that night running his hand through the hair of his youngest son and he began to dream. No family should ever have to go through what he did… and he had the means, money and the motivation to pull it off. The only difficult bit would be keeping his sons from being involved…..

The End?

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