Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Except Susan/Dani/Silver/Rose/Bella/Naughty Veronica.
Author's Notes: Quickest update ever. I'm getting a surprising amount of reviews on this. This story is a lot more popular than I thought it'd be. o.o So, thank you all very much! :D
It should be noted that I'm seeing a surge in Mary Sue parodies as of late. That being said, if anyone would like to use Susan in another parody, you can. . . as long as you give credit where it's due. Just put it in the disclaimer or something.
Chapter Three
Lunchroom Serenade
Rumors about Susan spread around the school like wildfire. Normally, rumors are completely wrong and should probably be ignored.
In this case, however, all of them were absolutely true. Maybe because they were more like warnings than rumors. Or maybe because Susan was single-handedly proving that she was a psycho. Either way, in the mind of every single student in Casper High, the new girl fell under the category of "Must Avoid." Even the jocks stayed away from her.
"Danny!" she screeched between math and lunch. She sprinted down the hallway. "Can I sit at your table?"
Honestly, I was surprised that she even asked. I was expecting her to just sit wherever she wanted to, and since that was definitely near me, I was planning on eating my lunch on the school roof today. "Um, I don't think that there's going to be any room. You can try sitting by Mikey or Nathan, though; there's always seats near them."
"Oh my God, I am so not sitting near those losers! A princess deserves better than that!" She kind of sounded like Paulina, but a lot bitchier.
"Um. . ."
"I'll meet you there!" she squealed, running toward the cafeteria.
I sighed. Regardless of whether or not I was going to eat on the roof today, I still had to go into the cafeteria to buy my lunch. Note to self, I thought. Bring lunch to school from now on.
As I was getting out of the lunch line, I felt a tap on my shoulder and jumped a bit, nearly dropping my lunch. Sure that it was Susan again, I went invisible in the blink of an eye.
"Oh, knock it off, Danny," Sam said. She was blatantly annoyed. "It's only me."
"S-sorry," I said, turning visible. "Susan's following me everywhere! She's driving me nuts. So, um, would it be okay if I, uh, ate somewhere else today?"
"Oh, no, you're not," Sam said.
"Why?"
"Because you're not leaving us with Little Miss Princess over there."
I glanced over at our usual table, only to see Susan sitting there. She waved enthusiastically.
I groaned. "Tomorrow, you, me, and Tuck are eating on the roof."
"Oh! Oh! Oh! Danny!" Susan shrieked the second she saw me. "I'm having soooo much fun at Casper High so far! Like, everyone loves me! All the guys stare at me in awe of my kawaii desu-ness and Paulina's jealous of me 'cause I'm, like, so much prettier and awesomer than her!"
"Jealous?" Sam asked, raising her eyebrow.
"Like, oh my God, yeah! She was, like, all, 'Stay away from Danny, you freak! He's, like, not into you. He likes me more than you.' And then she called me 'Susan,' and I was all, 'OMG. STFU, BITCH. HE'S MINE. SO, LIKE, GTFO.' She made me feel oppressed and angsty and emo!"
"Wait. What's 'oh-em-gee?' And 'ess-tee-eff-yew?' . . . And 'gee-tee-eff-oh?'"
"Oh, Danny! You're so silly!"
"Uh,I'm actually conf-"
"Oh!" she interrupted. "We need to, like, try out for the school musical! We'll be the lead parts and we'll sing show-tunes together and that will make us fall in love! SO ROMANTIC!"
Sam snorted. I couldn't tell if she was annoyed or if she was laughing or both, but in the end, she was glaring at the new girl.
"You can try out, but I'm not," I said. There was no way I was going to go try out for some dumb musical, and even if I was, it'd be a hot day in the Land of the Far Frozen before I'd fall in love with Susan, especially over show-tunes.
"B-but. . . But whyyyy?" Susan moaned. She looked like she was about to burst into tears. Again.
"I don't sing."
"But you need to! You. Need. To."
"Why?"
"Because you're the Phantom! So, like, that means that you should sing, 'cause then you can fall in love with a beautiful singer. . . ghost. . . princess. . . me. . . and she'll reject you at first 'cause you're a freak, but you're meant to be! We'll be so in love!"
"I don't remember the Phantom getting the girl in the end," Sam said.
"He does now!" Susan argued. "Danny is my, like, Angel of Music. And he sings songs in my head at night. I hear him. And he sounds hot."
"You know what? You're forgetting something else," Sam said. She looked like she was going to kill Susan. Actually, if she did, I wouldn't stop her. "Me. His girlfriend."
Susan stared at her vacantly. She didn't seem to hear what Sam was saying. Instead, she turned to me and said, "I think you'd make a great Sweeney Todd."
"Susan, I saw about a million flyers for auditions," Tucker said. "The school isn't doing Sweeney Todd. It's The Music Man."
"Oh my God, High School Musical? Like, no way!"
"What? I didn't say. . ."
"SOARIN'! FLYIN'!" she "sang," if it could be called "singing." It was more like screaming. Seriously, the girl rivaled Tucker for worst singing voice ever. "THERE'S NOT A BLAH, BLAH, SOMETHING, SOMETHING!" That's when Susan stood up on the table. As she sang and danced in front of the entire junior class, her foot smashed Tucker's Sloppy Joe.
"No!" Tucker shouted in horror. It was only a sandwich, but Tucker took his food, especially his meat, very seriously. "G-goodbye, little buddy! I. . I didn't even have a chance to eat you!" He inspected it, took a little piece of meat, and tasted it. "Hm. . . It's still good!"
"Guys?" I asked. "If I overshadowed Susan right now and made her. . . uh, I dunno. . . kill herself, would you turn me in?"
". . . Yes," Sam said, covering her ears. "Because I'd like to do it myself."
"BLAH, BLAH, NOW WE'RE BREAKIN' FREE!"
Author's Notes: In Sue fics, I've noticed that Sues have a tendency to burst out into random song. It's usually generic teeny-bopper bubblegum or show-tunes, too. Augh.
Speaking of show-tunes, I don't know how many fics use the plot line of a musical going on at Casper High. For some reason which I cannot fathom, Danny and his respective love interest/Sue try out, get the lead parts, and fall hopelessly in love over a duet. And a majority of those fics use Phantom of the Opera. I understand why it would be a popular thing in this fandom - what with the "Phantom" thing and the fact that, during Halloween one year, Nickelodeon used a picture of Danny dressed as the Phantom during commercial breaks.
Andrew Lloyd Webber never released the rights for performance off of Broadway. Sorry, Sues. No rights, no production. (I think I just heard the collective hissy-fits of every Suethor who has ever done that plotline, is doing that plotline, or plans on doing that plotline.) Sweeney Todd is another popular one, but Suethors know it as "That Tim Burton Musical With Johnny Depp Being Hawt." Since it's so angsty, they eat it up. Realistically, a high school wouldn't perform it. Too much adult content.
I still like both, though. Just not in a crazy fangirl way. Just thought I'd point some facts out. I'll get off of my soapbox now. :P